Make it Stop

Here’s a scary story about my efforts to be a better Christian.

I was tired of criticizing people all the time. I did it even in my mind. I did it automatically. I was so used to being rewarded for insulting people, it had become a habit. This is one of the things that drove me to be more religious. For example, maybe I would see some stranger taking a long time to cross the street, and a little voice inside me would start saying, “No wonder you’re so slow. Look at the size of your rear end.” Things like that. I horrified myself. I criticized people who didn’t begin to deserve it. I was impatient with old people! It’s a wonder I wasn’t struck by lightning.

I came up with what I thought was a good strategy. I’d say a little prayer for anyone I insulted in my head. Great, right? People would get the benefit of prayer, and I would be reminded of what I was doing wrong.

What a mistake. Can you imagine watching MSNBC with a rule like that? Chris Matthews? Keith Olbermann? Why did I do this during a convention week? I am so tired of praying for people, now when I look at a person, it almost scares me. That same little voice yells, “WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T THINK ANYTHING NASTY. I AM WORN OUT.”

Usually when I make a little rule for myself, I disregard it as soon as it becomes inconvenient. But how can I do that, when I know I deserve the inconvenience and aggravation it causes me?

Please don’t do anything I might find fault with.