Eeny, Meeny…

I had a sad experience today.

I’ve been looking around online, trying to figure out which Christian denomination suits me best. I really need to start going to church.

I want a church that believes in the Holy Spirit, and that God is as active today as He ever was. And I can’t buy into the saints. That rules out a number of otherwise acceptable older churches. On the other hand, the heavy-duty faith-filled churches tend to get into craziness and greed. I want a church that accepts charismatics, but which doesn’t insist that everyone pray in tongues. And I’d like a church that has a sense of duty; a church that tells members you actually have to try to do the things Jesus told us to do, even if you are saved by grace.

While I was searching online, I came across a church started by a couple my mother knew. Back around 1980, they were teachers. They felt they had the calling, so they took off and went to Bible school in another state. My mother stayed in their house while they were gone. This was a tough time for her, so it was a real blessing to have the house. I remember staying there over spring break when I was in college.

They were charismatics. They studied under a well-known evangelist who used to appear on Trinity Broadcasting from time to time.

When they came home, they started a warehouse church. And it survived for quite some time. A few years back, I drove by the site, and I didn’t see the church. I assumed it had failed.

Today I found that the church had moved to a new, bigger site. Things appeared to be going great. I was so happy to see it. My mother thought the world of these people, and they were good to her, and she would have been pleased.

I wondered if I should go to the church and introduce myself; I’ve never met them. I wondered if it might be a good place to attend services. It would sort of complete a circle.

I took a look at an archived sermon. And the husband was at the front of the church, holding a notebook with a cover that looked like a giant banknote. A twenty or a hundred, maybe. As I understood it, they had printed notebooks like this up for church members, and they were studying from them. And he was talking about money. For the few minutes I listened, that was all I heard. Money, seed, tithe, offering, sowing, reaping. It was like taking a time machine, back to the days when I got so discouraged with the church, I couldn’t make myself go any more.

Maybe they know something I don’t. Maybe they’re right and I’m wrong. But it broke my heart to see that man waving that notebook. My mother admired him and his wife so much, and spoke so highly of them. And they were so brave, leaving their secure teaching jobs to become preachers. And after all these years of work, this is what it amounted to. I can’t believe this is a good result.

Yes, I believe we’re supposed to have prosperity. No, I don’t think we should wear hair shirts and live in huts. But like another preacher said in an article, God is not a vending machine. You give out of duty, and because you feel in your heart that it’s a privilege to give. You give to know the pleasure of being allowed to help people God cares about. I just can’t believe it’s right to go to church and donate money with wealth as one of your main goals.

That church is out.

I like Corrie ten Boom and Brother Andrew. I tried to see if I could find something resembling the Dutch Reformed Church, to which they belonged. But it has split over and over, and they expelled Brother Andrew for evangelizing. I can’t find out what denomination he belongs to now. He says he has no use for denominations. That’s fine, but where does he go every Sunday? I know he’s not sitting around the house.

It appears that the Assemblies of God has changed a lot. The church I used to belong to was somehow affiliated with them. At that time, they were too caught up in TBN-style money-and-miracles theology. But now they openly condemn prosperity preaching. This is the church to which Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker used to belong. Is it possible that they’ve reformed enough to be considered viable?

The Seventh-Day Adventists seem to be less scary than you would think. Most of their theology seems very reasonable, and I think they may be right about hell. But they’re a bit on the cultish side, and they tell you what to eat and so on. They seem like fine people, even though I don’t agree with their more-unusual ideas.

I took a look at the Foursquare website. This is Jack Hayford’s church. Seems pretty much okay, although somewhat inclined in the TBN direction. The thing I don’t like is that their website proudly features the biography of Aimee Semple MacPherson, while omitting the part where she pretended she had been kidnapped and was nearly indicted. You shouldn’t hide a thing like that. Makes you wonder what else they hide.

Someone mentioned the Reformed Church in America, which is somehow related to Dutch Reformed. This is Robert Schuller’s organization. A church with that much pomp scares me. If you can’t preach in a normal voice, and if Larry King actually likes you, it makes me uncomfortable. I’ll give Catholicism credit; the Pope wears some fancy outfits, but he doesn’t seem affected, and he doesn’t seek approval from people who don’t believe.

Some churches substitute theater and human effort for the active power of God; that’s the thing that worries me. A church the world accepts and praises seems unnatural. I’ve always thought that a church that demonstrates God’s power will provoke the god of this world and spark resistance and persecution. Going to a big, bland church that accepts everyone…well, to me, it seems like going to one of those churches the government of China approves. If people on the other side of the aisle like what you’re doing, maybe you should stop. It’s just an impression, though. I know virtually nothing about the Reformed Church.

It occurs to me that this is like any other kind of Internet shopping. You get so many choices, in the end, you become paralyzed.

I came across a couple of interesting concepts. They’re not churches, but they’re worth commenting on. One is the International House of Prayer, or “IHOP.” This is an outfit that keeps prayer services going at all times. If you walk in at 3 a.m. on a Tuesday, there they are. I really like that. Isn’t that a fantastic idea? Off the top of my head, I think prayer and Bible study are the things we neglect the most, and they’re the most powerful parts of a Christian life. What could be more powerful than constant prayer? The IHOP folks seem a little “out there,” though.

I found another group called Healing Rooms. They have offices where you can go and receive prayer for your illnesses. I’m not sick, but you can bet I’d want to go, if I had a real problem. Free prayer from total strangers who don’t owe you a thing? How can you turn that down? When I saw it, I thought it would be a great place to volunteer to help. But they probably don’t take walk-ins, and I’d feel a little funny, showing up and offering.

It seems like we don’t DO much, when it comes to prayer. Do most Christians even pray every day? I know there have been many days in my life, in years past, when I didn’t. And what percentage of Christians fast when they have problems? It’s pretty neat, having establishments whose sole purpose is providing a place for prayer. Prayer is powerful, right? If so, we should be doing it every day, with goals and direction. If not, why do it at all?

I checked out the Promise Keepers. Not a church, obviously. They seem okay, but they have offended people by letting gays show up at their events. They have an unusual policy. They say homosexuality is wrong, but that they will still allow gays to participate. I guess that’s a good approach. It’s a tough decision. Do you want to run people out of the church, when you believe they truly need help? On the other hand, you don’t want them becoming such a big part of the group, they start agitating to change the rules. You don’t want to have to celebrate Promise Keeper Fantasy Fest.

I think it’s pretty obvious that Catholicism is not in my future, but I did check out some Catholic TV, just so I could claim to be open-minded. The thing that struck me was that nobody on EWTN seems happy. They seem kind of worn out. Like a party that just lost an election.

When I used to go to church, I had a wonderful time. I went twice a week. I enjoyed the teaching. The music wasn’t that great, but I got through it. I enjoyed seeing people I knew. I loved the atmosphere; that relaxed sensation that God was present. I don’t get much of that flavor from Catholicism. I’m trying not to be critical. Don’t get out the comfy chair and the stuffed cushions. Catholics say it, too. Where do you think guitar masses came from? Priests were trying to compete with the wacky Protestants.

There used to be a charismatic priest down here who was considerably more upbeat than the EWTN crowd.

There has to be some healthy middle ground, between Robert Tilton and Mel Gibson. One thing I will never believe is that you have to belong to a certain denomination to be saved. God has given me a number of supernatural experiences. Surely He wouldn’t go to all that trouble without warning me I was on the way to hell for going to the wrong church. Surely there would have been a clue by now, with all my searching.

It seems like an odd thing is happening. Bible-believing Christians have more denominations than ever, yet we seem less inclined to be divisive. We tolerate each other better than we used to, I think. I sometimes wonder if the charismatic movement has brought people together. It started with Protestants, but some Catholics proudly insist one of their Popes got the ball rolling with a prayer. And now it seems to have penetrated many denominations to one extent or another.

I’ll figure this out eventually. I want a church, and I would also like to be of some use to God.

I used to believe you could measure a person’s goodness by what he didn’t do. Lately I’ve learned I was wrong. The Bible says your deeds will be measured in the afterlife. And you can’t get points just by naming all the sins you didn’t commit. You have to make some effort to improve the world. I would like to feel that I accomplished something of value on earth. Luckily–if that’s the right word–the opportunities are endless. The world is a smorgasbord of remediable suffering.

I suppose I should see this as a hopeful time for me.