Why Can’t Instructions be Honest?

Here is a question I would like answered. Why is it that every job that involves tools takes 4 times as long as it’s supposed to and requires at least one unexpected weekend trip to a store?

Today I decided it was time to deal with my garbage disposal. It was leaking under my sink. I don’t like working in cramped spaces, so I had been putting it off.

I ran water through it to find out where the leaked water was coming from. It would have been very nice had it been a loose hose clamp or a problem with the joint where waste water leaves the machine. No, neither option was in the cards. There was a leak between the motor and the body of the machine.

Replace the gasket, right? Guess what InSinkErator (50 cents says that really means “Whirlpool”) did to me? They put Torx bolts on the motor. Tamper-proof bolts, to make sure people who pay good money for appliances don’t “tamper” with them by trying to fix them.

Unfortunately, it worked. I pictured myself waiting 10 days for a gasket and a set of female Torx wrenches (which I plan to get anyway) while water continued dripping into my cabinet. I couldn’t stand the thought. I bought a new machine.

My old disposal was apparently the cheapest type available. They sell for under $85. It had a 1/2-horsepower motor. It had a short warranty.

I think it was made for trophy wives who only cook when they want jewelry.

I Googled around, and I saw they made a tougher model with a 3/4-horsepower motor. Done deal. Before I went to get it, I made sure it would mate up with all the stuff the old one was attached to. “No problem!”, the anonymous online liars said.

My old one came with a cord, and the new one didn’t. I didn’t think that mattered, because I could use the old cord.

I bought plumber’s putty even though I probably already had it. I can never remember whether I have plumber’s putty, so I always buy a new can. It’s better than taking a chance and having to drive back to the store.

I got home and looked at the instructions. First, you use the little disposal crank to turn a ring that holds the disposal against the parts that mate to the sink. In the instructions, there is a cartoon of a lady’s hand, whisking the wrench to the left without breaking a nail.

“Child’s play,” I thought.

I put the wrench in the metal loop in the ring and yanked. Nothing happened, unless you count the ring bending. I put two wrenches in two loops. No joy. I beat the rings with a hammer to knock the rust loose. No movement whatsoever. I even tried a cold chisel.

That’s when I went and got the sawzall.

Using a demo blade, I cut the disposal in half below the sink. This took about 30 seconds. They should draw a cartoon about it for the manual.

Now I had full access to the ring. I could really pull on it. Guess what happened? It made the flange spin in the sink. They appeared to be mated for eternity. I saw a huge cake of rust uniting the ring and the thing it was screwed into.

Using the demo blade, I cut the ring in half. Then I yanked on it again, figuring there was no way it could resist. No; sorry. I had to cut it in three places.

I was sweating even though the air conditioning was set at 74. Why do I always sweat during these jobs? I can’t figure it out. I wasn’t exerting myself, and the air was cool. This always happens. I got up and picked a setting in the 60’s.

I would say I was now two hours into what was supposed to be a half-hour job. My guess is that in 95% of the cases, it is literally impossible to do what the directions say to do. I didn’t invent rust. Other people have the same problem. I guarantee it.

When I was done, I was supposed to use a flat-bladed screwdriver to pry out a snap ring that went around the sink flange and held some of the parts in place. First of all, there was absolutely no way to get at it, and second, a screwdriver wouldn’t have fit between the ends of the ring. The manufacturer has to know this.

Solution: use a Fein Multi-master oscillating tool with a metal saw to cut through the remaining rings including the snap ring. I tried the sawzall, but the blade couldn’t cope with the unnecessarily hard Chinese steel. Much later, the Fein tool made it through the ring, and the parts fell out.

I decided to install the cord. I cut it out of the old machine and got the wires ready. I found some butt connectors and wire nuts. Then I read the instructions. I was supposed to insert a 1/2″ wire clamp into a hole in the disposal for strain relief. A wire clamp…”not included.”

Okay, who makes a garbage disposal that requires you to add a cord and does NOT include strain relief? This is something that would cost the manufacturer maybe 20 cents. They include like 15 parts you need to install this thing, and then they leave out the cheapest one.

Back to the store.

Got the wiring done, installed the flange in the sink, installed the disposal but for the waste pipe, and found that because the disposal, which supposedly mated up to installations for other models, was too fat to work with the existing waste pipe and sink flange. The pipe was too long. It pushed the disposal off to the right, making it impossible to tighten the ring that mated it to the sink. I had to pull the pipe out, cut 3/8″ off with the Multi-master, and reinstall it.

Look, if you buy one of these things, I’ll give you the real instructions.

1. Get a long carbide demo blade or metal-cutting blade for your sawzall.

2. Ignore the nonsense about turning the ring that holds the disposal up. Cut the disposal in two with the sawzall, and then insert the sawzall blade into the hole and slice the ring that holds the remains of the disposal against the other hardware. Don’t cut it once. Cut it in at least two places. Then pry it off and fling it into a ditch.

3. Cut the remaining ring and spring with the sawzall. Don’t even bother trying to open the ring. You can’t. I recommend an oscillating tool with the hardest blade you can find as a backup.

4. Have something handy for shortening the waste pipe. Alternatively, have extra pipe in case the old pipe is too short.

5. Always buy plumber’s putty.

You should read the installation instructions online before you buy the disposal so you can find out which essential parts are not included.

There. I just turned a half-hour job which is really a 5-hour job into a 3-hour job.

The bigger disposal looks like a good choice. It’s quieter and smoother than the old one, it has a longer warranty, it should crunch harder garbage, and the construction looks a lot better. It looks like it will be a lot harder to cut in two with a sawzall, however, so I hope I’m not here when it fails, because I can’t even guess how I’ll get it out.

A smart person would go under the sink once a month and turn the ring that attaches the disposal to the flange. This would keep it from seizing. I considered putting anti-seize on it. Maybe I’ll still do that.

The evolution of the garbage disposal, clearly, is not finished. Supplying these things with rings that seize and which are not strong enough to stand up to your efforts to turn them is not a sign of brilliance.

I’m trying not to think about the oven and the awful faucet. The oven trips its thermal fuse when I use the cleaning cycle, and the faucet is just plain bad. I don’t want to buy an oven because they’re very expensive, and the faucet will require working in a cramped space.

Anyway, the garbage problem is licked. On to the next battle.