I Did Not Understand the Way it Worked

You know, I have judged Hillary Clinton too harshly. Maybe this “redistribution of wealth” business isn’t such a bad idea.

Hillary and her husband are overweight White Anglo Saxon Protestants with millions in the bank, and they earn millions every year. And they’re nearly eligible to collect Social Security and get free medical care. But Hillary went way into debt, financing her failed Presidential campaign, and she wants shoeless, toothless Democrats on welfare to take the money they earn collecting cans and selling blood, and send it to her. Even though she will still be rich whether they send money or not.

I can’t see anything wrong with that! Poor people should do everything they can to make a rich old white lady and her even richer old white husband MORE RICH. As a conservative, I think it makes complete sense. Conservatives love redistribution of wealth, as long as it goes in the direction Hillary suggests. If I had realized I could be a Democrat and support robbing the poor to pay the rich, I would have signed up years ago.

Is there any law that says I can’t ask the poor to send me money, too? I mean, I’m not a politician or a TV evangelist, but I have needs, just like everybody else. Shouldn’t I have a mansion in Chappaqua, just like Bill and Hillsy? Of course I should. And if you’re poor, you’re never going to have anything anyway, so if you send twenty or thirty bucks to me, it won’t make your life any worse.

I’m more deserving than Hillary. She’s way richer than I am! Studies have shown that the gap between her net worth and my net worth gets bigger every year. Is that fair? Hell no. Redistribute a little of that wealth in my direction, to relieve this disgraceful inequity. In return, I promise to donate two percent of all net proceeds to Donald Trump.

That’s NET, now. Not gross. Whatever I have left over after I get done shopping.

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Moxie, the queen gun-totin’ capitalist of the world, has beat me to the idea. Go send her Paypal bucks just because she wants them.