Connection Lost

It’s a very beautiful day here at the farm. The air is cool, and the sun is shining.

My friend Travis died yesterday, after I prophesied that he would be healed and after a friend who is very honest and very smart said God told her the same thing.

Travis has no problems, and his family has a ton of money for his burial, assuming the Gofundme dollars go where they’re supposed to. For the first time in years, I know I won’t have to do anything for Travis. His problems are gone, but the rest of us have to sift through the repercussions of his passing.

Travis was a lot like a son to me. I won’t say “like a son.” I say “a lot like a son.” If he had been my son, I would have done more for him. Did I do enough? Should I have paid his rent every month? Should I have bought him a car so he wouldn’t have had to ride a terrible hand-me-down bicycle to class in the rain?

Whether my record is acceptable or not, he was much like a son, and he was also my prayer partner. When I wanted to talk to someone about real Christianity, without having them misunderstand or argue about doctrine, Travis was my only resource. All of the best prayer sessions I had were with Travis. He made more progress than anyone. He taught me things.

Everyone sins, and Travis was not perfect, but he was serious. He contacted me often, and when I sent him helpful material, he generally used it. Most of my friends don’t make great use of the things I tell them. He had a friend named Joe, and Joe wanted to improve, too. They used to send each other Whatsapp videos sharing things God had shown them.

Maybe I’ll bring criticism on myself for saying this, but how many young black people do things like that when they’re not at church? There is a lot of posing in black churches. Kids at Trinity Church in Miami Gardens wave their hands in the air for Jesus and then have sex in the stairwells. When I was there, active strip club employees worked there.

It’s very sad, but I was Travis’s best friend. He knew hundreds of people, and he had lots of relatives, but an old white man who lived 15 miles away and then 300 miles away was his best friend. I know several black people who say I’m their best friend. That shouldn’t have to happen. You should be able to connect with someone in your family or in your ordinary social circle. There should be someone in that collection of people you can rely on.

I was the first person he thought to contact after calling 911. Not his mother. Not his brother. Not his friends.

The black person who treated him best was the young lady I keep calling Martha. I think she would have made a magnificent wife for him. She had his back all the time, and she still does.

He knew some other people who did very generous things for him, but I still ended up with the title of best friend. The title was welcome in the sense that I was honored and glad to be held in that regard, but it was unwelcome in the sense that it should not have been necessary for it to fall to me.

When Travis died, I lost a friend, and that’s bad enough, but I lost the closest thing I had to a son, and I also lost the single biggest contributor to my Christian walk. On top of that, I lost what I thought was a connection to God.

I thought I was learning to prophesy. I was practicing all the time. It was somewhat difficult to do. It was hard to let go, and it was also scary because I was concerned that I would say something stupid and wrong. A few weeks back, I decided to quit restraining myself. I decided to go with it, do it as much as I could, and let God work it out.

I started prophesying in bed for long periods. I prophesied while I drove. I would walk through grocery stores, prophesying silently.

I heard beautiful things about God’s love for me. I heard that he would keep me safe and prevent things I worried about from happening.

Jesus definitely visited me back in the Eighties. I am not wrong about that. It was very obvious. When he visited me, I knew exactly where he was located, and I physically felt the heat of his love. I felt complete peace. I knew everything was going to be all right. I didn’t have to try to believe it. I knew it. You can’t feel any other way around him, unless he’s against you.

When I prophesied, it filled me with peace and reassurance, and I said things that were consistent with what I felt when Jesus came to me. I never heard anything inconsistent with his nature, which I knew from meeting him, or the Bible.

A few times, I said specific things about the future. I believe there were two occasions when I said Travis would be healed. I can’t think of any other things that were shown to be wrong. Some are still in the future, though.

I felt great about this new connection with God. I can’t tell you how pleasant it was to believe I was hearing him tell me things in English. As Paul said, there is a lot of profit in speaking God’s word in a language you can understand. I thought I had finally gotten to the point where I had that going for me.

Of course, I counted on the scriptures. Regarding the possibility that a person might ask God for a gift and receive something evil instead, he said this:

And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?

He said this right after he gave us the Lord’s Prayer, in which he said, “Give us this day our daily bread.” To me, “bread” means God’s word; his communication. Jesus said he was the bread of life, and he said he was the head of the church, which is the body of Christ. The head has to communicate to the body’s parts.

This is what I stood on, and then I said someone would be healed, and he died.

I can’t behave like a preacher who makes a wrong prediction on Youtube and then has his people take the video down. That does happen, and it’s very harmful.

I have to look over the things I believe, and I have to learn which ones are true.

Prayer in tongues is real. There is no question at all about that. It has never not worked for me. It changed my life. I can keep that.

I have received a lot of phrases and sentences during prayer. I have not had problems with them. I have relied on them, and they have held up.

Blessing and cursing work. They don’t get me the desired result every single time, but most of the time, they do. And it seems that how well they work depend on the power of the forces that are against you. It’s probably more difficult to get results when powerful spirits are against you, and obviously, you wouldn’t expect to succeed if you make a mistake and say something God is opposed to.

It seems that it’s often necessary to repeat the same blessing or curse, like a boxer who keeps punching the same opponent.

Casting out demons works. Healing works, although the results are inconsistent and some physical problems seem to have great authority and resistance.

Asking God yes or no questions seems to work the vast majority of the time, but it is not unusual to be wrong, so maybe I should let that go.

Reading the Bible and listening to an audio version work. These things will change you and revive you every day.

It looks like my big problems involve getting the word of God to flow through me at will, in forms my mind understands.

So what’s the problem? Doesn’t God want me to prophesy? No, he wants it. Paul made that clear. The apostles were prophets, as was Jesus, and Paul said we should covet the gift of prophecy, which is specifically listed among the gifts of the Spirit. He said this as a general admonition. He didn’t say, “Only a few people will prophesy.” He told all of us to seek the gift. If it weren’t available to all of us, he would not have done that. I wouldn’t. It would be irresponsible.

God does want me to prophesy, and he will help me do it.

If God wants me to prophesy, is the problem that I’m trying to do it the wrong way? Are we not able to prophesy at will?

The Bible says the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets. You can speak in tongues whenever you want for as long as you want, so it is certainly possible to control your spirit in the exercise of at least one gift.

Here is what Paul said about prophesying:

Let the prophets speak two or three, and let the other judge. If any thing be revealed to another that sitteth by, let the first hold his peace. For ye may all prophesy one by one, that all may learn, and all may be comforted. And the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets.

That is very unambiguous except for the last sentence, and even though that sentence is not completely clear in English, it seems to indicate that a person can prophesy or stop at will. I will look at the Greek.

The word translated “are subject to” is hupotassó, and it means to be under the command of another. It’s the same word that was used to tell us demons had to obey Jesus. It’s the word that was used to tell us demons have to obey us, for that matter. The word translated “prophets” means “interpreters or forth-tellers of the divine will.” It doesn’t mean “encourager” or “exhorter” as some people claim. Some say Christian prophets aren’t supposed to reveal facts or tell the future, but that’s clearly wrong. The New Testament uses the same word Paul used to describe Old Testament prophets. If you’re a Christian prophet, you’re supposed to have the same gift Elijah and Isaiah had. You’re not just a motivational speaker.

There are plenty of prophecies about the future in the New Testament. Remember Agabus. Don’t forget Jude. Don’t forget the Revelation.

If Christian prophets don’t foretell the future, why did Agabus tell Paul he would be imprisoned if he went to Jerusalem? Why did Jesus, our model, foretell the future?

The idea that Christian prophesy doesn’t involve telling the future or revealing hidden facts is clearly nonsense.

Let’s add up the things we can’t question.

1. We are all supposed to be able to prophesy.

2. In prophecy, we are supposed to tell the future and reveal hidden facts.

3. God says he will give us real gifts, not demons, if we ask.

4. When we exercise the gifts of the Spirit, our spirits are forced to obey us, just as demons are forced to obey us.

These statements can’t be refuted without contradicting scripture, unless there is something I still don’t understand about our spirits being subject to us.

Regarding Travis, we did what Paul said to do. I thought I got a word, and the Tina, independently and before she was informed, believed she heard the same thing. The Bible says, “Let the prophets speak two or three, and let the other judge.” I didn’t find any fault with what Tina said, nor did she find any fault with what I said.

Well, maybe we didn’t do what Paul said to do. Neither of us found fault, but I don’t recall specifically asking God whether what she said was right, and she may not have asked him whether I was right.

Here is an interesting thing about Paul’s instructions: if he advised people to judge what prophets said, he must have expected errors. Christians are often taught that if a prophet errs, he is not a prophet, and I have even heard Christians say that in the Old Testament, a prophet who made a mistake had to be killed. I tried to look that law up, and I was not able to find it. I found a passage saying no one should be afraid of a prophet who made mistakes. Maybe the Jews were required to stone prophets who erred, but I haven’t found it, and we know from the Bible that they had plenty of false prophets who were proven wrong in their own time. Were they executed? The Bible doesn’t say they were.

The Jews only executed true prophets.

It really looks like a prophet should be able to prophesy at will. It’s hard to interpret Paul’s words any other way.

So what does this mean? Is it a matter of practicing until you’re sure you know the difference between God’s voice and your own?

I miss God intensely. I feel like I’m fasting from his company. I keep wanting to let his voice flow through me again in English, but I refuse to try. I thought we had gotten closer than ever. It seemed like a major breakthrough. Once I got things going smoothly, I wanted to hear from him all the time. I wanted his companionship and correction. Now I think I’ll just say stupid, damaging things my mind wants to hear.

False prophecy is harmful. God rewards people for listening to true prophets, and you will have problems if you hear one and don’t listen. There is symmetry in the supernatural, so it must be harmful to listen to a false prophet, including yourself. I don’t want that.

I’m in a very strange position. I lost a friend, a son figure, and my only real prayer partner, and I also feel as though I lost God’s company. That’s a lot to lose in one hour.

Part of me wants to stop eating and drinking until I get an answer. This situation is intolerable.

The idea of fasting AFTER someone dies is not normal.

I’ve considered other explanations. Will Travis be resurrected? I prayed for it, with a friend. Is it possible that Travis was about to be healed, but his relatives or someone else prevented it by taking him off life support at the wrong time? Would God say he was going to do something and then let a human being prevent it from happening?

I’m not the only one who wonders if Travis was terminated by human beings, because the circumstances of his death don’t make sense, and it is troubling a bunch of people who are baptized with the Holy Spirit. Independently, they are saying something is fishy. But would God tell you he was going to heal someone if a mere human being could stop it?

Was Travis “healed” by being removed from his body? Come on. That’s unworthy of consideration.

I will hold onto the things I know to be right, and I will try to find out what went wrong with prophecy. Sooner or later, I will do it correctly. The Bible clearly says it’s part of my inheritance. I can’t give up pursuing it, because God says we’re supposed to do it. It’s not up to me to pick and choose.

I rarely feel lonely for people, but feeling lonely for God is too much to take. It has to be fixed.