Dishwasher

I just installed a dishwasher. I removed the old copper inlet line. I replaced it with two braided lines connected end-to-end. I used to have maybe seven feet of extremely fragile, leaky copper. Now I have ten feet of braided stainless. If the dishwasher goes bad, I can move it around all I want, without fear of sending water spraying all over the kitchen. My question: why couldn’t the people who installed the last dishwasher have done this? Answer: because they took no pride in their work, and all they wanted was to get a signature and get back on the truck.

No one does anything right any more. And it’s not a question of skill or knowledge. Yesterday I knew virtually nothing about installing a dishwasher. Today I have an installation which is infinitely superior to what I would have gotten had I paid the delivery guys to do it.

How did we end up like this? Time and time again, I find myself in a position where I would be thrilled to pay someone to do a job, but I end up doing it myself because I can’t find anyone to do it right.

On top of that, the money people charge for services is insane. I could get rich running a business where I only charged people fifty bucks for the fifteen minutes of work an appliance installation requires. That’s because appliance stores charge over a hundred. Lawyers don’t make that kind of money. Why would I pay it to a blue-collar guy who can barely be considered skilled labor?

In case you’re wondering, it looks like Kitchenaid makes the best dishwashers these days. Braun gets higher ratings, but they have an eco-weasel “feature”: no heating element. So your dishes never get dry.

I went to Consumer Reports and saw how they raved about Kenmore. Then I read the reviews from the unfortunate people who had actually bought the machines. Oh, man. You couldn’t give me one now. But the Kitchenaid owners all seemed ecstatic. I went to J.D. Power to check, and I saw four stars by Kitchenaid, and that was enough for me.

So I guess what this means is that Consumer Reports is right in there with all the other people who do their jobs badly.

I’m glad I’m learning to do all these things for myself. I am so sick of having people tear up my home and belongings; I am so tired of having to follow up and complain until they get it right. I just don’t need the aggravation. Better to suffer with the actual work than to spend time on the phone yelling at people who don’t care. I have the sort of feeling I would have if these people were deliberately conspiring to punish me with bad work until I got the message and quit hiring them.

Do I sound crabby? Maybe just a little? Go on. You can be honest.

In other news, I heard from a TV production company today. They expressed interest in the rights to Eat What You Want and Die Like a Man. How about that? I looked them up. It’s a real company. I don’t think they’re like the vultures who appeared when I put my press release up, offering to put me on THREE TOP LITERARY WEBSITES or let me buy an infomercial from a company whose name sounds almost sort of like a famous shopping network, but not quite enough like it to justify a lawsuit.

I don’t know if it will amount to anything, but it proves I’m not the only person on earth who likes this concept. Who knows? Maybe some day you’ll see me on cable at 2 a.m., putting together a turducken.

I don’t like the idea of having my face on camera, and I am sure America and I are on the same page in that regard. But PR is the key to riches, and regular TV appearances are hard to beat. The TV-chef pantheon is full of rich people who can’t cook. Investors even buy them restaurants. Where the food is bad. And people buy it and swear it’s ambrosia.

I’m not desperate to get rich, but I would like to generate a solid income with this stuff. Maybe there is a way.