Stuff You Think About When Someone Gets Shot

I am beat. I have to say it.

As mentioned earlier, my friend Travis got shot last night. I got word at 8 p.m., from the young man who shot him. He called from Travis’s phone. He hung up while I was talking to him, and I spent a lot of time after that scrambling to get information from other sources.

Needless to say, I got to bed very late. I probably slept about 4 hours. I don’t just have bags under my eyes. My whole face looks like a bag. It looks like a souffle that fell. My features look like slits in Jabba the Hutt’s belly.

It’s quite an experience, going 12 hours wondering whether one of your best friends is alive or dead.

I couldn’t help trying to make deductions. For a while, I thought I wasn’t able to call the friend back on Travis’s phone because the friend was in custody and the phone was being held for evidence. I also considered the possibility that the friend hung up because he thought Travis was about to die. I kept trying to come up with explanations for the limited facts that were available to work with.

For a time, I kept thinking how much better it would have been had I been the one who got shot. I’m older, and I’m single and childless. I enjoy life, but I’m ready to go. Travis is young, and he wants to have a family.

I also felt as though part of me would die if Travis died. He’s a big part of my life. I’ve put effort into him. Losing him at his age would be like growing an arm over a period of years and then having it sliced off in an accident. I knew my life wouldn’t lose all purpose, but emotionally, I felt as though I would. It was just an irrational feeling.

Of course, I prayed a lot. The oddest thing that happened to me took place after I prayed. For long periods, I felt complete supernatural peace. It made me feel as though something were wrong with me. How can you have a conscience and feel peace when someone you care about could be lying on a stainless steel drawer in a refrigerator?

I didn’t want to fight it. My belief is that when you feel good, you should let it happen. Don’t worry about not feeling bad. You’ll have plenty of chances to do it later if you really want to. And if the Holy Spirit is the one making you feel good, why would you reject it?

I tried prophesying, which is something I do every day. I have been taught that prophesy is a gift that can be operated at will. You can’t guess upcoming lottery numbers. It doesn’t make you a Magic 8 Ball. You can only say what the Lord wants to say. But you can do it at will. I heard myself saying Travis would be fine.

That seemed like a potential problem. He was shot in the chest with a large-bore pistol. There was no natural reason to think he would be fine. What if I got up the next day and received a text saying he was dead? Not only would he be dead, but I would have to rethink a very important teaching, and that could impact my relationship with God in a very damaging way. It would be a great setback.

I have a lot invested in certain people, and I also have a lot invested in the Holy Spirit. It would be hard to go back and learn a new, powerless kind of Christianity.

Paul told Christians to prophesy. He told them to covet the gift. Clearly, we’re supposed to be doing it. He also seemed to say prophecy was superior to speaking in tongues. Here is what he said:

I wish you all spoke with tongues, but even more that you prophesied; for he who prophesies is greater than he who speaks with tongues, unless indeed he interprets, that the church may receive edification.

He also said:

Therefore let him who speaks in a tongue pray that he may interpret. For if I pray in a tongue, my spirit prays, but my understanding is unfruitful.

It appears he believed prophecy was better than tongues even for personal use. That’s saying something. Regular prolonged prayer in tongues will change your life and put you on a new level. Anything that beats that is worth seeking.

When I heard that Travis was fundamentally all right, one of the first things I thought of was prophecy. If there were problems with it, they hadn’t been demonstrated. I was not in immediate danger of losing a friend and a big part of my relationship with God, simultaneously.

It’s funny how our spiritual infrastructure can seem to depend on how things turn out in the natural world. If Satan can “prove” faith is a lie, he can take away everything you stand on.

Speaking of prophecy, I’m very disappointed in T.B. Joshua, the African preacher who said the coronavirus epidemic was over in Wuhan. Some things have disappeared from his Youtube record. I’ve mentioned this before. If you issue a prophecy, and it seems to turn out to be wrong, you need to leave it in front of the public. They need to know what they’re buying when they believe you.

He said rain was washing away the epidemic in Wuhan, and he went on to say the epidemic was over everywhere. The China numbers froze in time (at least according to whoever provides them), which seemed to back up what he actually predicted, but as we all know, the rest of the world didn’t do as well. He should have confronted the issue. Was the whole prophecy false? Did he simply misunderstand it, which is completely possible? I can’t answer, but regardless, covering up was wrong. The cover-up is a huge problem. Prophesying and missing are much less significant.

He should have left all the videos up.

You can say overzealous underlings are probably to blame. I’ll bet that’s true, but he’s in charge, so it’s still on him.

You have to get to know God for yourself. You can’t breastfeed from churches and preachers for the rest of your life. Other people will lie or make mistakes. If you’re connected to the source, you’ll always be okay. You will never thirst.

I am not watching any Christian videos these days. I can’t find anything that makes me feel like I’m being improved. I feel like I’ve exhausted the available material, like a Trivial Pursuit player who has memorized all the cards.

I don’t see this as a bad thing, but I do miss watching good videos.

My big job today was driving to Rural King to pick up a Glock I ordered a couple of weeks back. Rural King is like Tractor Supply multiplied by 10. They had a new system. When you go in, they give you a freshly bleached cart, and you have to take it, because they count carts in order to count people. When the available carts are used up, people have to wait.

I would guess my background check took an hour. The FBI is still that backed up.

It was a pain, but I had nothing better to do, and I’ve been wanting a full-size Glock for open carry at home. I don’t know if it was a good idea or not. It may also be a good gun to keep in the car. I used to rely on rifles, but now I know I can hit people a long way off, and 10mm is nothing to sneeze at. A pistol is handier than a rifle, especially in a vehicle.

Rural King had paper towels. The world has not ended. I resisted buying them. I probably have 12 rolls in my house. Other people matter. Somewhat.

I’m going to try to be in bed at nine. I don’t care if I sleep till Monday.