Beretta’s Plagiarism Saves the Day

I thought I was going to get to put a new chain on a chainsaw and get rid of some annoying trees. Instead, I ended up taking over two hours getting auto-pay set up for some monthly obligations. The people I deal with use Revopay, which is a company that takes payments online. The pay site does not work. When you call the help number, you get someone who says he can’t help with website issues. He transfers your call to a web person who doesn’t answer, so you have to leave a voicemail. Then they don’t return calls.

Thinking of using Revopay? Reconsider.

Since it’s too late to cut trees, I’ll write about the Cold Woodsman pistol.

This week I picked up a gorgeous Woodsman I found on Gunbroker. While I was shooting it, I noticed a couple of odd things about the magazine. First, it only held 9 rounds. It was supposed to hold 10, but there was absolutely no way to get a 10th round into it. Second, the spring was way too strong. After reloading it a few times, my hand started to get sore.

You don’t need a super-strong spring in a box magazine. Other guns have weaker springs that work just fine.

I started looking for new magazines, and I found out I had stepped into a trap!

1. Colt stopped making replacement magazines about 20 minutes before I bought this gun, so now you can’t get one anywhere. Another customer relations triumph for Colt.

2. Typically, a used Colt magazine will sell for $85 or more, if you can find one.

3. Aftermarket magazines aren’t very good. I don’t know if this is true of all brands. Numrich (the gun parts people) makes a magazine, but I haven’t been able to find out whether it works. It’s not cheap. They cost $55.

4. Beretta makes a .22 pistol called the Neos, and Beretta cloned the Colt Woodsman magazine down to the last detail, except they put a plastic (Can we stop saying “polymer”?) base on it. To make the magazine work, you have to cut some material off the base. In the past, Numrich sold used Colt bases which fit in Beretta magazines, but they stopped…about 20 minutes before I bought this gun.

5. Colt made a gun called the Cadet or the Colt Target Model, and its magazines are identical to Woodsman magazines. Unfortunately, you can’t find one to buy. Believe me.

What’s the answer? You have to buy Beretta magazines for a little over $20 each and shave down the PLASTIC or make new bases for them from sheet metal.

I get tired of hearing people say “polymer.” It means the exact same thing as “plastic,” but it sounds more expensive. “Composite” also means “plastic,” except it’s plastic with fibers in it to make it stronger. If you have a Glock or any other polymer or composite gun, you have a plastic gun. Get over it.

If you have a second-generation Woodsman, you can make a Ruger MkII magazine work, but it will be too long for a third-generation model. You may be able to make a Browning Buckmark magazine work with a Woodsman, but you’ll be breaking new ground.

There is a site about Colt Woodsmans that has a magazine compatibility chart. Look up “Bob Rayburn.”

My magazine has a feature that makes it compatible with a second-generation Woodsman, so it may not be the original magazine. I suspect the spring is new, too.

My magazine problems are solved. I ordered some Beretta magazines. I plan to see if it’s possible to make new bases from steel, so they’ll look and feel more like Colt magazines.

While I’m dealing with Woodsman-part logistics, I’m also thinking about other guns that were stolen from my grandparents’ estates. My grandfather had a Browning Hi-Power I liked. He also had an M1 Enforcer pistol, which is an M1 carbine with a short barrel and no buttstock. Terrible weapon, but very cool.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get an Enforcer, because I already have a good watermelon gun, but a Hi-Power would be nice. Guess when they stopped making them? About two years ago. They weren’t expensive then. Now? Different story. A good one will run you $1100 or more.

I found one online. I’m considering it. They may continue appreciating, and if so, buying now is the right move. On the other hand, Browning might start making them again. Who wants to pay $1100 for a used gun and then see new ones selling for $750? Browning won’t say the gun is gone for good. They’re leaving us to guess.

Here’s a tip for gun makers. You don’t say, “We just discontinued this model.” You say, “We are going to discontinue this model in two years.” Then everyone will flock to stores to buy anything you produce during that time. You make money, your customers get what they want…everyone’s happy. You don’t just pull the plug and force the public to play musical guns.

It’s amazing that I didn’t get a single decent gun when my grandmother died. If she hadn’t given my dad a shotgun, my haul would have been limited to a flintlock and an aluminum .22 with the bluing flaking off.

My grandfather had at least 20 good guns, and I got…one. Whoopee.

As noted in an earlier post, my steel gong targets arrived. I may try to hang them tomorrow. I should have gone to get steel today to build a stand. But I have surplus lumber lying around, so I guess I can improvise. I have two round gongs, a squirrel, and a hog.

In other news, it looks like coronavirus is going to plague me in spite of failing utterly as a true plague. I have started getting coronavirus emails from everyone I do business with. “We here at Burger King feel real bad about the pandemic, and we are doing everything possible to assure that your burger arrives with no more germs than usual. Our team of surly high school students and confused illegals will continue to uphold the hygiene standards fast-food consumers have grown used to.”

I’ve received 8 emails this afternoon. Thanks, Northern Tool, but I’m not really worried about getting sick when I dash in to get a box of welding rod, and frankly, I don’t think there is anything you could do to prevent it. Thanks, Consumer Reports. Thanks, electric company. I was really worried that viruses would sneak in through the cables.

I will not catch coronavirus, but it will still make me suffer. It’s good to be sane when everyone around you is wetting their pants over nothing, but a panic is still a considerable annoyance.

I own a rental home. The condo association sent me an email saying they’re sealing their office. If you want to pay them, you have to slide an envelope under the door. It must be like working in Al Capone’s vault. Total hysteria.

Let’s go back over the facts, not that it will help.

1. Coronavirus is barely infecting anyone compared to the flu.

2. The death rate is projected to be under 1%.

3. The symptoms, for the vast majority of people, are very mild.

It’s like we’re flipping out over chickenpox.

Obviously, after writing that, I had to look up chickenpox statistics. It kills between 5,000 and 10,000 people per year, and if you’re around a person who has it and you’re not immune, the odds are 10 to 1 that you’ll get sick. Then if you get well, you may go on to get shingles, which is one of the most painful diseases there is. Between 5,000 and 10,000 Americans are hospitalized because of chickenpox every year.

We’re terrified of coronavirus, but we snicker at chickenpox. Crazy.

I can’t wait for this epidemic to blow over. I’ll bet it ends in April, just like other cold-weather diseases. Trump suggested that might happen, and of course, the press treated him as though he had recommended torturing kittens, but what he said sounds reasonable to people who aren’t completely unable to set aside their hatred. What other respiratory disease continues spreading in warm months?

If this is how we act when confronted with the lamest pandemic in history, what will happen if a really serious threat pops up? I shudder to think. Maybe buying survival crackers isn’t a bad idea after all. What if I can’t get bread? What if I can’t get vegetables? What if I can’t get Twinkies, Chocodiles, Little Debbies, and Moon Pies?

It’s disgraceful to get this worked up over a feeble disease. Older Americans lived through polio, and they didn’t snowflake out.

It’s a good lesson. Now I know how people will react if a real plague occurs. The world will be paralyzed.

I should just go ahead and buy a hundred pounds of rice. And some milk of magnesia, because rice has almost no fiber.

Can someone explain the toilet paper fixation to me? Why are people hoarding it? What possible connection is there between a flu-like illness and a global toilet paper shortage? Are toilet paper factory workers especially susceptible?

The global total for confirmed cases is 142,000. Bad, but totally insignificant compared to the flu. Remember, America has to come up with 300,000 cases per day, all by itself, in order to get flu numbers.

I just got another panic email from a bank I only work with online. So inappropriate. They are working tirelessly to make sure I don’t get sick from looking at their website.

Maybe steaks will get cheap because people are buying things like crackers and rice. There has to be a silver lining in here somewhere.

I don’t have that much toilet paper, potential zombies. Don’t get yourselves shot coming here to take what I don’t have. You are welcome to clean your backsides using the garden hose in the pasture. Please face the road when you do it. Think of the kids.