The Best Tools Come From God

I watch a lot of Youtube stuff, as readers of this blog know. The two most important types of videos for me are religious and educational. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a good idea to watch a lot of the educational material, simply because the people who post it generally have a worldly mindset. God hasn’t told me to stop, however. You have to have a certain amount of exposure to the worldly if you’re going to live on this planet.

This week I started watching videos from a guy named Jocko Willink. I don’t know if Jocko is his real first name. He’s a former Navy SEAL. He’s a very impressive guy. Anyone who makes it through SEAL training and then does 20 years is impressive, even though the British SAS is supposedly the world’s best special operations organization. He is very muscular. He speaks with great confidence. He knows a lot about working with people. He has done a lot with his life. SEAL’s don’t make much money in exchange for giving us so much, but he has turned having been a SEAL into what looks like a good business. He sells Jocko shirts and even Jocko tea.

That being said, sometimes his videos get on my nerves.

Today I heard him talk about cursing. He said the SEAL’s use language so filthy it goes way beyond even normal Navy standards. He’s pushing 50, but he said that when he finds himself in that kind of crowd, he reverts to cursing. As far as I can tell, he doesn’t see much wrong with it, and he believes that sometimes it’s a valid means of enhancing communication.

That’s a bothersome thing to hear from a man that age. I used to be proud of my ability to use defiling speech, and over time, I’ve come to understand that there is no good excuse for it. Also, it meant I was proud of injuring and hindering myself.

We curse for a lot of bad reasons.

Many of us take up cursing because we want to sound grown up. The irony is obvious. It’s like smoking in order to look grown up. Refinement and sophistication are essential parts of maturity. When old people curse, it shows they haven’t developed properly. Somewhere in the process, they failed to receive an important message which is right up there with, “Don’t use your pants for a toilet.” Bad language is the province of the trashy, the unintelligent, the ignorant, the cruel, the insecure, and the undisciplined. When you give in to it, it’s as though you’re asking God to help you not to grow up.

We often curse to curry favor with others. We want to show we’re part of the club. We want them to know that no matter how old we are or how serious we are about God, we haven’t forgotten our ape-like roots. It’s a way of keeping one foot in the world and the other in heaven. It’s counterproductive. It holds you back.

Cursing defiles us and encourages spirits to come in and rule us. It reveals that our hearts haven’t been cleaned thoroughly and that we are still vulnerable to supernatural corruption. Jesus said that which comes out of a man defiles him. The filthy things you say can bring curses to you, including psychological problems, diseases, and failure in the things you do.

SEAL’s are interesting people. We tend to ascribe godlike status to them. We think every SEAL is, basically, a Steven Seagal character or a Jason Bourne clone. Movie characters are not real. There has never been a human being who compared, even remotely, to Steven Seagal’s imaginary alter egos or Jason Bourne. There has never been a real James Bond. With all their resources, governments can’t produce people like that. There has never been a Jack Reacher, and there never will be.

Every SEAL isn’t a sniper. Every SEAL can’t compete successfully in the UFC. SEAL’s don’t speak every language. They can’t fly. They can’t bend spoons with their minds. They’re just very good soldiers. They probably don’t like being called soldiers, but it sounds funny saying they’re very good sailors.

SEAL’s can be beaten up. They can be murdered. They can lose in combat. They can become drug addicts and alcoholics. They’re just people, like the rest of us. Chris Kyle, a celebrated SEAL, told ridiculous, shameful lies about Jesse Ventura and was successfully sued over it. We owe these people a great deal, and they should be honored, but they are not superheroes. The fact that a SEAL says something in a podcast doesn’t mean we should believe it.

I saw Willink talking about verbal abuse today. He was speaking to a conservative psychologist named Jordan Peterson. Willink said SEAL’s live in an atmosphere of constant abuse. He seemed to have no problem with that.

Peterson told the story of a person he worked with. This person’s coworkers called him “Lunch Bucket” because he had a funny-looking lunchbox. Lunch Bucket was subjected to unceasing abuse, and eventually, he quit. Peterson and Willink faulted him for this. They said he should have taken other tacks, such as joining in the insults that were directed at him.

It was disappointing to see two older men talking like this.

I am not a good person, nor am I accomplished, but I have managed to absorb a few lessons in life, and here is one of them: everyone sets a price for his company, and it’s all people will pay. If you set the price too low, you will always be a doormat and punching bag, and it will be largely your own choice. You’re not supposed to do this.

Here is a word for people who do it: “lickspittle.”

A long time ago, God told me this: it’s more important to exclude the wrong people from your life than to include the right people.

Scripture backs me up. Christians tend to think we should swallow filth from abusive people forever, in the hope that they will change. The Bible doesn’t say that. It says we should shun Christians who behave badly. We’re not even supposed to sit down to meals with them. The word says it’s better to live in the corner of a rooftop than with a contentious woman. Boy, is that true.

Look it up.

When I was in college, I had 5 friends I was very close to. All but one are gone. Two were abusive and racist, and they took advantage of me. One was insecure, dishonest, pompous, conceited, and treacherous. Two had a lot of good qualities, but we are on different paths now, and I can’t be the same person I used to be in their company. The last one I really keep in touch with is an Orthodox Jew. I hear from him from time to time. His outlook on life has a lot of similarities to mine, and perhaps this is why we still communicate.

One of my friends called me maybe 10 years ago and said he wanted to come to Miami and fish with my father and me. I sent him a polite email that said I had changed. I made it clear that while we had been good friends in the past (by admittedly poor standards), things were different now. This is someone who used to call me a brother. I just could not subject myself to that relationship any more, for more than one reason.

This guy had terrible problems with the truth. He would tell stories and embellish them beyond credulity. If a friend of his was insulted in a bar, and the friend said something nasty in return, a few years later, you might hear that the friend broke a bottle over the other person’s head, and then he beat up four cops. He also had a bad temper. Often, a few beers made him want to fight, and he would use racist language. He called black people “boofers,” which must be something he picked up in his hometown. On one occasion, he put his hand through a 1/4″-thick window.

I remember having to grab him, immobilize him, and drag him down the street because he was determined to break someone’s car window with a beer bottle.

He was with me and some other friends when we stole some expensive banners from Barnard College. These things were huge. Two of us took the banners down from inside the building and dropped them outside, and two took them and ran to our dormitories. We were supposed to share them, but my friend took one and nailed it to his wall and then defended what he had done. No honor among thieves, I guess. Anyway, it shows that he was a hard person to trust.

He also had a way of belittling the people around him, as though they were supporting cast members.

Of course, he had good qualities. He was smart. He was willing to take risks to get ahead in life. He was very generous. He could be extremely loyal. He loved kids.

The feeling of being belittled got to me eventually, and I also started thinking about the anger, racism, lying, and so on, and I just couldn’t face the prospect of putting up with it in the future. That’s how it works when I reduce my social circle. I don’t think about it for a long time, make plans, and then cut the cord. It happens very suddenly, over the course of one day. I realize the relationship is over, and I act accordingly, without hesitation.

Another friend loved cruel humor. He was worse about it than I was. He truly contemned his friends, and he said things he knew would cut. He didn’t seem to be equipped with compassion. To be around him was to feel that you were in the shade. He left school after some debilitating problems with drugs and alcohol, and after that, I never heard from him again.

Yet another friend tended to fawn over me at first, but later, after he fell into a job that made him a lot of money, he promoted himself to a position of moral arbiter. A member of our circle had come out as a homosexual, and I had sent that person a very polite letter saying I still loved him even if I could never agree with what he was doing. The friend who was making a good living called me one day to see what I was up to, and during the conversation, he told me the letter, which was not for him, was “evil and unnecessary.”

You can probably guess how many times I said similar things about his religious convictions. I also didn’t correct him when he bragged that a car he was selling actually had 142,000 miles on it, not the 42,000 the odometer indicated.

He changed a lot during the time when I knew him. A Jew, he was initially very hostile to Arabs. He didn’t like Jewish Israelis, whom he called “Dumb Israeli Bastards,” but he supported them against their enemies. Fast-forward a few years. He became an extreme leftist. He and his wife became ardent supporters of “Palestinian” rights. It was as if a spirit had taken him over, and it may well be that this is what happened.

He had some wonderful virtues. He was courageous, and sometimes he took the heat for bad things he had done, when I would have run. Nonetheless, I’m not his son, and I’m not going to be lectured by him. I’m glad he has done well financially, but he didn’t earn it. He was unemployed after college, having graduated with a liberal arts degree after proving unable to handle engineering courses, and he found a job as a bookkeeper for an oil firm. They let him start trading, which is a simple job anyone can do, and he earned tremendous commissions. That’s not the kind of thing that should make you proud. On the contrary; you should be thrilled things worked out so well for you in view of your very fungible capabilities. A high school kid could do what he was doing.

He got our homosexual friend a job doing the same thing, and he became rich, too, but he never got full of himself.

A high school friend of mine had to go. One day many years ago, he invited me to have pizza with him, and he started telling me black people were a cancer. This was a big surprise. He said they should be taken out into the ocean and drowned. He said his wife was an idiot savant and that he had only married her because he had gotten her pregnant in a one-night stand. He talked about his plans for leaving his family. I feel bad for him, because he is in very bad shape, but I let him go. What do I have in common with someone like that?

Of course, as longtime readers know, I let my own sister go. Being around her is like being sprayed with excrement or worse. I’m all done with it. It’s not just unpleasant; it’s intolerable.

I had a friend in Miami who came to me from the blogging world. We were close for a long time. I eventually got tired of the way he treated everyone. He told everyone in his circle what to do. He put us down, which didn’t make much sense, in view of his own very ordinary talents and accomplishments. He was extremely disrespectful. He was very selfish. He was drunk or stoned all the time. He wasn’t good to his friends. For example, he borrowed a new saw from his neighbor (who mowed his yard for him), left it in the rain, and then got mad when the neighbor complained. He would ask me to take him fishing, arrive late, drink all of my dad’s beer, sleep in the saloon because he had a hangover, and refuse to help with the cleaning up. It got to the point where I never heard from him unless he wanted something.

He wrote about American politics, as though he had great authority, and then one day he admitted to me that he wasn’t a citizen.

What?

Gone.

Do I miss the corrosive people I dismissed? In all honesty, not at all. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with them any more. The thought of taking up with them again is disturbing. It would be like being pardoned and then volunteering to go back to prison.

Christians are supposed to love and forgive. That being said, we’re not supposed to be other people’s diapers. A blessed person is the head and not the tail in his relationships. You can’t be the head when you live in an atmosphere of abuse. Everyone is mistreated from time to time, but if it’s your daily fare, something is wrong with your walk.

Why do we hold onto corrosive people? Love? Not really. It’s fear. We fear change. A woman will say, “My husband beats me, but if I leave him, I’ll be alone, and I won’t have any income.” You may say, “My friends humiliate me all the time, but if I drop them, I won’t have friends at all.”

We tell ourselves a lot of crazy things that aren’t true. There are seven billion people on the planet. You will make new friends. God can bring you a new spouse. I’ll tell you something awful I used to say about controlling women. Here is the cleaned-up version: some women act like they invented female genitals. That’s a bad way to put it, but it proves a point. There is always another woman out there, and there will always be new friends.

In short, no, I do not agree with Jocko Willink and Jordan Peterson. It’s not okay to torment others, and cutting off abusive people is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you know a curse when you see one.

Willink is a motivational speaker. He is doing something worldly people need, because they don’t have God’s help. If God isn’t beside you giving you favor and making you succeed, then yes, you need to be motivated by people like Willink and Anthony Robbins. It won’t help you in the long term, because God isn’t in it and it leads to pride, which makes God fight you. In the short term, however, it can get you through a tough year.

Christians should avoid motivational speakers. God doesn’t want you to tough it out or lift yourself by your own bootstraps. He does not want you to have self-confidence. He wants you to have confidence in him. The Bible says he helps the humble and fights the proud.

It’s always disturbing when a preacher is also a motivational speaker. It means he couldn’t find God’s help, so he stole from worldly sources. If the world knows more than we do, then God is worthless, and we should renounce him. If God is supreme, and he is willing to help us, then we shouldn’t insult him by pumping up our belief in ourselves.

If you can’t find God’s help, by all means, motivate yourself as well as you can until you succeed in obtaining favor. When you don’t have a rifle, fight with dirt clods or sticks or whatever you have. You need the rifle, though. Dirt and sticks won’t get you through the long haul.

Willink carries a pistol, and he is a black belt in jiu jitsu. That’s great. What good will these things do him when he’s 75, or he has a disability, and the Democrats have disarmed him? What good will they do him if he is simply attacked by an adversary who is better and stronger? No good at all. God, on the other hand, will always be as strong and invincible as he is right now. You need to get real protection instead of relying on imitations.

It’s interesting to hear Willink’s great insights into carnal success, and I wish I had some of his virtues, but I’m too old and experienced to think I should do things his way. I’m glad I’m not falling for the self-help lie, the way I did when I was young and spiritually fatherless.