Back to the Mire

The further along I get in Christianity, the more I find wrong with this world.

Human beings have a nearly endless capacity for getting used to things. I suppose this is why there is no part of the world, no matter how unpleasant, which we have not settled. People who live in deserts and in the frozen north adjust pretty well, even though the places where they live are, objectively, disagreeable. People in prison have good days. Because we can get used to nearly anything, we see the world as a beautiful place full of opportunity when, in reality, it’s a cursed planet packed with disease, cruelty, and disaster.

Here on earth, babies are born with AIDS and cancer, in addition to birth defects so horrifying just seeing them can give an adult nightmares. Everyone born here ages and dies. A big percentage of the species on earth survive by killing other creatures and eating their bodies. If you look at the earth with clear eyes, you can’t help but conclude that it’s a terrible place. You may be feeling okay right now, but all over the world, countless rapes and murders are taking place. Millions of people are screaming in agony. Innumerable creatures are being torn apart, alive, by other creatures. The fact that you’re used to it doesn’t make the earth a nice place.

Sin, which is the fundamental cause of all suffering, is one of the things we’re used to. We’re blind and deaf to it. Things we think are normal and acceptable are actually extremely evil and harmful.

Most Americans think sex outside of marriage is harmless. That’s amazing. Think of all the unwanted children it produces. Think of the diseases it spreads. Go look at photos of syphilis and AIDS patients and tell yourself fornication is okay. How many people are in prison right now for murder and battery because fornication made them jealous? Since Roe v. Wade, Americans have murdered so many babies, the number tops the American casualty count from the Vietnam War, and the vast majority of the murdered babies were conceived through fornication.

Many Americans think recreational drugs are harmless for most people. Astonishing. Every time you buy drugs, you subsidize murder. I had a friend who tried to tell me his dope was acceptable because he only smoked homegrown. Of course, he was a terrible liar. I personally overheard him trying to get weed through a dealer. He was also an alcoholic, he had terrible debt, and he had alienated many of the people who knew him because he was so self-centered and abusive. I’m one of those people. I removed him from my life because he was obnoxious to me, and I never heard from him unless he wanted something.

Drugs invite demons, and demons cause physical problems, mental illness, and increased sin. Furthermore, like fornication, drug use is explicitly condemned in the Bible, so it’s not really necessary to argue about the ill effects. If God says it’s wrong, we should not be doing it.

Lust is now something we don’t even try to fight. We see it as healthy. We’re even proud of it. We encourage and celebrate it. We enrich slutty entertainers and treat them as though they were Ashtaroth and Athena.

We love anger and cruelty. Look at the kind of humor we pay to be subjected to. Look at the gruesome, sick movies and shows we watch.

When I turned back to God, I didn’t understand how polluted my life was. I listened to jazz and the blues, and I thought it was fine with God. I watched violent movies with no moral qualms. I thought it was fine to stare at women and fantasize about them as long as I didn’t try to get them into bed. I thought self-confidence, which is pride, was desirable. I didn’t know the Bible said God fought the proud.

A decade or so ago, I became aware of the concept of sanctification, and I started asking God for it. I knew Christians had demons and iniquities–evil habits–and that we needed to be purged. My pastors had no interest in sanctification. They were sinners, and they were afraid they would lose money if the sinners who made up their congregation were confronted with the need to repent. I was shown that I was unwelcome at the last two churches I attended, and the reason wasn’t that I was an unrepentant sinner or that I didn’t try to be helpful. They ostracized me because I stood up for sanctification and told other people they needed it.

Sanctification has been a very slow process for me, probably because I had pastors opposing me instead of teaching and helping me. My pastors loved their sins and demons. They wanted to stay filthy, and they didn’t like it when anyone else tried to get clean. Nearly all the help I’ve received has come from God himself, through private revelation and deliverance. That’s sad.

Sometimes, when I questioned what I was doing, other Christians encouraged me to continue. Can you believe we’re that ignorant?

Last year, I gave up watching action movies and shows. I should just say “movies,” because TV shows are just short movies. I had enjoyed mindless movies like John Wick and the Tarantino films. God told me watching these things was no different from watching pornography. In fact, these films were pornography. Most pornography is sexual. I was watching violence and revenge porn.

We get very worked up about porn and porn addiction, but the other things we watch are just as bad or worse!

God also showed me I had to give up superhero movies and a lot of science fiction. Superheroes are really false gods. The things they do in movies are physically impossible, and many superheroes have occult roots. Thor is an ancient false god; how much more obvious can it be? Science fiction movies are full of occult ideas, and almost none of them acknowledge God. Star Wars and Avatar essentially promote new religions. There are probably millions of people in this world–some grown–who think the force is real and try to cultivate it.

Earlier this month, I went to a Last Reformation event in North Carolina, and I asked someone to cast spirits of worry, fear, and unbelief out of me. I had been having inexplicable anxiety, especially between midnight and dawn. It annoyed me, because unlike many people who worry, I do not like to worry. I see worry as a sin. I am not proud of it, the way many people are. I consider it disgraceful. It’s an insult to God. It’s faith in Satan.

After my trip, I felt much better. I wasn’t completely calm all the time, but I felt good. I stopped waking up and having problems falling asleep again. It was great.

Last night, I did something dumb. I was getting ready for bed, and I got hooked on videos from Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. I used to watch these shows. They’re about miserable, selfish people who descend into self-destruction as a result of their involvement in the methamphetamine business. These shows are full of violence, cruelty, and sick revenge. There are no godly characters. None of the characters care about other people. They never do anything kind.

After I watched the last video, I felt worry coming back to me. My heart throbbed. It was very unpleasant. I realized I had opened the door. I asked God if this was the case, and he confirmed it. I cast out the spirits behind the worry. I repented. I asked God to forgive me.

He allowed me to feel the worry for a while, to let the lesson soak in, and then it was gone. I understand that. Sometimes you need to suffer a little in order to learn. I was grateful for it.

Today I’m wondering what life is supposed to be like for modern Christians. How many things do I have to give up? I can’t have coffee or tea. I can’t watch most movies. I can’t listen to most music. There are many things I can’t let myself think about. There are many things I can’t let myself say. I can’t go into a bar. There are many places I shouldn’t even visit. What would my life be like if I were completely free of things God hates? I can’t imagine, because I’ve never lived that way. People who are born blind can’t imagine sight.

I’m not talking about rules or legalism. A legalist thinks God has given us a list of rules and that he grades us based on how many points we score. That’s wrong. In reality, God has simply shown us what is good and what is harmful. If you tell your 4-year-old son not to put his hand on the stove, you’re not a legalist. You’re just telling him to avoid something that causes serious problems.

Jews who are not Messianic think God has a scale and that he weighs our good deeds against our bad ones in order to decide who goes to heaven. Muslims believe the same thing. It’s wrong. Holiness isn’t a sport or a game show. It’s a way of being. We don’t get into heaven by doing good things. We get into heaven through the punishment of Jesus. He paid our bill. The point of being good isn’t to win admission to heaven; it’s to be like Jesus, increase God’s victory in our lives, help others to be saved, and avoid defeat and misery.

I don’t watch TV any more, except for Forged in Fire. I have no interest in movies. I watch Youtube for Christian material and videos which are relevant to my hobbies. Sometimes something counterproductive pops up on my feed, and I end up wandering off. That’s what happened last night.

I don’t want worry, disease, financial problems, loneliness, depression, subordination to obnoxious people, or any of the other ills that come from opening the wrong doors. I want to open the doors to heaven and close the doors of failure and oppression. Many of our problems persist because we give the enemy legal authority to afflict us. We wonder why we don’t get God’s promises, even while we’re inviting Satan to fulfill his. That’s amazing.

Sometimes when I sign into Youtube, before the system knows it’s me, the algorithm shows me a bunch of things other people are watching. It makes me want to throw up. Video games, the Kardashians, professional sports, vapid, unhappy celebrities, snotty late-night hosts, rappers with disgusting lives, martial arts events…it’s nauseating. How can people care about or even endure this garbage? It’s like looking at other people’s food in a grocery checkout line. When you see a mountain of Pop Tarts, chips, sugar cereals, light beer, Hot Pockets, sugar drinks for kids, and frozen entrees, you wonder how they can eat it and not die in a month.

We complain that God doesn’t do what the Bible says he will do, but we haven’t given him a chance. We swim neck-deep in the world, subjecting ourselves to its power. You have to wonder how good life can be for those who are willing to be set apart. It’s not like we can look around and see how they live. They are too few in number. I don’t know anyone like that.

Without God, life is utterly pointless. Everything we do that God doesn’t command will be destroyed in front of us. The things we do in obedience last forever. When you serve God, you walk in love, helping others in ways that are permanent. Compared to that, earthly accomplishments are like sandcastles made from infected manure. People love to think they’re creating legacies. We put our names on buildings. We try to accomplish as much as we can in our professions. We strive to become famous. It’s all filth. None of it will survive. Even the oldest ungodly public figures will be forgotten before long. The pharaohs will be forgotten, but a Burger King employee who serves God will do things that will be remembered in heaven forever.

I’m going to keep going forward. I know things will get better and better if I do. I don’t care what I have to give up. I’m going to be dead soon no matter what I do. A couple of decades of light self-denial won’t amount to diddly in the long run.