Vexing Tractor Finally Under my Boot Heel

In case the Internet is wondering, my garden tractor is fixed.

The other day, the alternator belt came off, and I discovered that in order to replace it with a continuous v-belt, I would have to remove the driveshaft from the engine. I bypassed that issue by putting a linked belt on it. While working on it, I dropped a part on the mower deck, and I had to remove the deck from the tractor to retrieve it.

The deck weighs over 300 pounds, and it would be hard to remove if it weighed 50. John Deere promoted it as something a woman could remove and reattach in a few minutes while holding a gin and tonic in her left hand, but in reality, detaching it takes 20 minutes at best, and reattaching it goes more like 45. And to do these things, you have to lie on the ground and shove your hand under the tractor and wrestle with the unbelievably filthy PTO shaft.

Took the deck out, and noticed that my muffler was resting on it. It had torn free from the tractor in a bid to escape. It had a big hole in it, so there was no saving it. A replacement would have cost $256, and it probably would have broken off, too, because John Deere designed it badly.

I cobbled a new exhaust together from several parts, and I put it on the tractor using two clamps. It ran fine for a minute or two, and then it fell off. Because of the shapes of the parts I had used, I needed to weld two of the parts together. A clamp was not going to work.

My generator was recovering from an ethanol problem, and my MIG welder needs a generator to power it. I still haven’t had 240 sockets installed here. No generator, no MIG. I had a TIG/stick welder that worked on 120, but I’m really bad at TIG and stick. For a long time, I had been wanting to try a Titanium Unlimited 200 MIG/TIG/stick welder from Harbor Freight, so I decided it was time.

I hooked the new welder up and used 308L stainless wire to weld the parts together. One part was a stainless decorative exhaust tip, and the other part was a mild steel pipe I had cut out of the John Deere muffler. People told me stainless wire was best.

I set the welder too hot, so the welds were not pretty, but I got it done. The welder seems very, very nice for the price. I would recommend it to any beginner. You can use it to learn all three major welding processes. You’re supposed to start with stick and then learn MIG. They say TIG is very hard to learn if you can’t stick weld. I have found that to be the case. I still can’t really stick weld.

I put the new exhaust on the tractor and started mowing. Wonderful! Then I felt a bump, and I saw a green object coming out from under the right front tire. I had run over the tractor’s probably-expensive grill. I was afraid it would go into the blades, so I put the tractor into reverse. And ran over it again

I set the pretzely-looking grill aside and tried to restart the tractor. No joy. I figured there was a safety switch that wouldn’t let me restart it because I had had the blades engaged when I stopped the engine. No, I was mistaken. The tractor’s battery had chosen that exact moment to die on me. Incredible.

Today I put a new battery in, and the tractor ran successfully for an hour with no explosions, fires, engine seizures, reactor core meltdowns, tornadoes, or unexpected teleportations into trans-galactic wormholes.

The web says a new grill runs $750. Cost to produce: probably around $30. I think I’ll see what I can do with the old one. It would literally cost less to have it professionally restored and painted than to get a new one. It amazes me that anyone buys anything made by John Deere.

Luckily, the grill is totally unnecessary. It just makes the mower harder to work on.

If you were to ask me what I did for the last 4 days, I would probably say, “I mowed my yard.” Now that I’ve listed all the things I had to do to get the yard mowed, that answer will make more sense.

I feel like buying some metal and welding something together, for no reason at all. Maybe I’ll weld myself a new John Deere grill.

If only it were that easy.

I should get some metal and see if I can figure out how to stick weld.

Anyway, it would be nice to have a little project that went quickly and didn’t try to suck my soul out of me.