Tractor Pipe Project Nears Completion

I need to go to a car parts store and return a borrowed tool, and it’s raining, so I’m stalling. Yesterday when I picked the tool up, it was raining much harder. I parked 30 feet from the door, and I used a golf umbrella. I still got soaked. I didn’t know it was possible for it to rain that hard, and I’ve been through hurricanes.

I went to a car parts store because I needed a tool to expand an elbow on an exhaust part I bought. I am replacing my John Deere 430’s $256 muffler with some Amazon stuff I cobbled together, and the elbow would not slip onto the tractor’s exhaust pipe. They are both 1.5″ pipe. In order to fit over the exhaust pipe, the elbow has to be expanded. Some online genius suggested using a tailpipe expansion tool.

This tool is made up of a bunch of long steel pieces surrounding a screw. You insert the whole rig into your pipe, and when you turn the screw, the long pieces push outward. I learned something interesting: the Chinese make these from pot metal, not steel. If you buy the Harbor Freight version, you will be lucky if it works even once, because pot metal snaps like graham crackers. You need an American tool, or at least a good Chinese one. Car parts stores will lend tools if you leave a deposit.

The tool did not work for me. It’s supposed to work for pipes as small as 1.5″, but apparently, that number refers to the inner diameter, not the outer diameter. That’s pretty stupid, since pipes are sold by outer diameter. At least mine were! There is no way to get the tool into my Amazon elbow.

I was pretty bummed out when I saw that the tool wouldn’t go in. I would like to visit Tennessee, and I can’t go while my yard is a mess. I guess I could mow the yard with no muffler, but I want to defeat the tractor and make it eat its liver.

People said I should go to a muffler shop, because they expand pipes all the time. I did that. The lady up front said, “of course,” when I asked her about it, but the guy who ran the shop basically said “no” and waited for me to leave. They didn’t have a machine that fit the pipe, and they didn’t know of any shops here that did fabrication. My guess is that he did know, but he was just mad that I came in with a weird job. Or maybe he always looks that unhappy.

You run a muffler shop in a small town for decades, and you don’t know any of the fabrication shops in the area. Yeah. I buy that.

I decided to pray for them when I left, as well as the Haitian lady who was in front of me in line with a bag from a loaf of white bread on her head. Rain, you understand. I could tell right away she was Haitian. A Jamaican would have a nice hat or just let the rain hit her. She wouldn’t put a bread bag on her head.

When I got home, I tried to come up with other answers. I considered heating the pipe and beating it onto a brass bar, but it didn’t sound like it would work.

I needed a short piece of bent pipe made to fit on another 1.5″ pipe, and it had to have an expanded end that would take a clamp. I pondered this as I stood in my shop, near my discarded muffler, which had a short intake pipe that was bent and had an expanded end that would take a clamp.

Eventually, I saw the obvious.

I took one of my 4…or is it 3…angle grinders and cut the intake pipe off John Deere’s $256 can. I ground the burrs off of it. I cleaned it with dishwashing liquid, and then I hit it with my new old buffer, which has an 8″ wire wheel. When I was done, I had what you see in the photo.

Bosch, Bosch, Hercules…I think it’s three.

I made sure I wore a face shield while I used the wire wheel, and after I was done, I realized I had it in the up position, so basically, all it did was mess up my hair. I did squint, however. A popular Youtube tool guy refers to this as “safety squints.”

I combined it with my other parts, and it worked great. Better than the Amazon part would have. Unfortunately, my new Amazon exhaust clamp wouldn’t fit on it.

Here is what the muffler stuff looked like when I tried to put the Amazon pipe on it.

When I first tried to put all this mess together, the clamp seemed way too big. It’s one of those clamps that has a lock nut and a T-bolt. I thought the end of the bolt hung out so far it would make the clamp hard to install, so I cut it off. Now the clamp won’t go around the expanded pipe.

It’s always something.

I felt sort of bad about borrowing the tool from a store where I had no intention of buying anything. I thought their $25 fee was a rental charge, but as I said above, it turned out to be a refundable deposit. Now that I need a clamp, I have a way to reward them. I’ll go in there today and spend, possibly, over three dollars. They will be repaid handsomely for their generosity.

I prayed for the lady at that store, too. I am trying to develop the habit of interceding for random people I meet.

Someone has to do it.

If my new muffler works, I’ll be as happy as a BLM protester watching someone else’s business burn down on Christmas Eve while high on medical marijuana I smoke for stress.

How can it not work? It’s a pipe. It has to be big enough. It’s the same diameter as the 20″ of exhaust pipe that connects to it.

Still can’t believe the price of the new muffler. I can’t believe they still sell it with that design, given that they fall off all the time. It’s like they want to charge me to punish me. I’m trying to think…is there some conceivable incentive to buy anything else, ever, from John Deere? They act like the thought of selling you something is offensive to them. “Okay, we charge four times what the part is worth, plus it will break and knock other parts, also overpriced, off your tractor, so you will have to buy another one later. Cash or credit card?”

If I get a new tractor, ever, I should get a Kubota or an RK tractor. “RK” stands for “Rural King.” They went into the tractor business not long ago, and they undercut everyone else pretty badly. Their tractors are Korean TYM tractors, and they’re no worse than anyone else’s. Supposedly, they lift more than comparably sized tractors from other makers, and that’s a big deal to me, because lifting and moving stuff is a huge part of a tractor’s job. A $20,000 tractor that lifts as much as a $40,000 tractor is a tempting item.

Kubota is about like John Deere, only they can’t charge quite as much for parts. It’s still a cult, but it’s a lesser cult.

I better get on the road. I have to get the tractor running so I can see what will break next.