Testimony of Restoration

My dad the former atheist is now so enthusiastic about God, you could almost call him a Jesus freak.

I can’t get over the way God came through. For years he had been telling me my dad was going to be saved, but when I finally saw it, I was still amazed.

Every day, I go to the ALF with my Bluetooth speaker, and we spend an hour or so talking. Most of the time, we just go in circles. Occasionally, we stumble on a topic that leads to something resembling a conversation. He is aware that he repeats himself. I tell him not to worry about it. It’s a privilege to be in his company these days. I don’t care if our conversations aren’t structured.

I don’t know why it took him so long to realize he had dementia. I assume spirits blinded him to it. He used to say he was fine. Now he asks why he can’t remember certain things. For example, we’ll talk about someone, and he’ll say, “Why can’t I remember how she looks?”

He keeps telling me how wonderful I am. Yesterday he said he wanted to pour out everything he had for me. Because you don’t know him, you will never understand how strange it is for me to hear that. He was never a person who spoke that way. He was very selfish. He had a sense of complete entitlement. It was hard for him to say nice things to people, even when he felt like doing so.

I remind him that God is his real help and that I’m not that wonderful. Glory is a dangerous thing.

I believe God is blessing me through him. Parents are supposed to speak blessings over their children, in God’s name. Obviously, I never had that when I was young. Suddenly, my dad seems determined to make up for it. He probably blesses me 50 times during every session.

It’s a good thing I understand how blessings work, so I know what’s happening. I know it’s important, so I take it seriously and benefit from it.

Many, many people are cursed by their parents. I could sit here and make a list of friends whose parents have systematically poisoned them. Generally, people can’t fix this problem. We tolerate it and compensate for it as well as we can, and when our parents die, we feel relief, not just grief. I know that having my dad turn around and bless me before dying is a rare gift. Many people would give a great deal to have the same experience, but few will ever get it.

Last night while we talked, I thought about how good it was to have him bless me at last. I started to think about my age, though, and I thought about how much had been wasted. If I had to sum up my thoughts, I would write something like, “Sure, he’s blessing me now, but I’m so old I’m practically dead. What about all the decades of my life that have already been destroyed?”

I repented. God doesn’t change the past, and he doesn’t owe us anything anyway. Most of the problems I have had were self-inflicted, even if other people were against me. Anything good I receive is undeserved. What I am getting now is the best possible result given the way I lived my life.

My emotional state and my circumstances keep improving, and I believe my dad’s new personality is a big part of it.

I believe having a Christian home has changed my life a great deal. I get up early now and fire up the TV. I spend a long time praying in tongues in the living room, not upstairs in a remote family room. I sing hymns. I study the Bible. I watch people like Derek Prince. I believe that when your home is a church, as it should be, blessings follow, and that belief is consistent with my experience.

I also pray in the evenings. That’s very important. The second prayer session of the day is always much more powerful than the first. I have missed many evening prayer sessions, but now it’s much easier to sit down and do it, because there is no one here to interfere.

Yesterday I did something I had been dreaming of doing. I called the people at DirecTV and told them we were through. DirecTV is a nightmare, and my bill for bad TV, a bad phone, and slow Internet service was about $260 per month. I cut it down to slow Internet service. Maybe I should get rid of that and go with fixed wireless.

One of the reasons I’m glad DirecTV is gone is that it was full of porn. I don’t just mean the relatively weak porn we receive through networks like HBO. There were channels on the guide screen that featured titles like “Bad Dads Punish Naughty Meter Maids.” I’m making that title up, so don’t go looking for it. I did not like having those options appear on my TV, even though I did not use them. I suppose I can find dirty material on Hulu and Amazon Prime, but if so, I have not seen it yet, and I don’t plan to look.

Bringing wicked things into your home causes bad things to happen to the people who live there. It gives demons the right to move in with you. Try to cast them out, and God will side with them against you.

When I make changes like this, I feel like I’m standing on a pier, watching my dad’s boat pull out, but these things have to be done.

I also ordered a box for his ashes. I was thinking about it, and I realized I did not want to be stuck here waiting for an urn if he died unexpectedly. It will be disturbing to have it in the house, but it’s a necessity, so I’m taking care of it.

The box cost $48. His will suggests a simple wooden box, so that’s what I ordered. I don’t have the typical desire to spend big money on funerals, so I’m fine with his choice. My mother is not in the $7000 coffin we bought for her. My dad will never be in a box. Blowing money on funerals is something we do in order to feel good about ourselves. The dead could not care less, and neither could God.

Now I know I won’t be scrambling around looking for an urn. As Forrest Gump said, “One less thing to worry about.”

My dad has always been terrified of death, but that seems to be a thing of the past. Yesterday he asked me what I would do when he was gone. His middle-aged self would not have wanted to discuss that. He appears to know the end is coming soon, and he doesn’t worry about it. He keeps saying how wonderful it is to know he’ll be with my mother and me in heaven.

He worries about things happening to me, however. He does not want to face life without me.

His physical condition does not seem good. He seems yellowish and maybe a bit shrunken. On the other hand, he looks very peaceful. He hasn’t taken to the wheelchair the hospice people suggested. He can still walk with me to the place where we talk.

Whenever I bring up God, I can’t help bracing myself. I worry that he’s about to respond the way he used to, telling me Christianity is all fairy tales. It never happens. He is always receptive and in agreement.

The ALF has a courtyard, which is a sort of garden. It’s not much of a garden. It’s a rectangle of grass with shrubs and a few trees. It’s very peaceful, because almost no one uses it. We sit in rocking chairs in the shade.

This morning I thought about that. In Genesis, Adam spent the evenings in a garden, talking to his father. Then things went haywire. In my case, things started out badly, but now my dad and I sit and talk in a garden.

Like the Bible says, the end of a thing is better than the beginning.

I told my dad something I never thought I would tell him. I said he was a good father. That’s true. I didn’t say, “You WERE a good father.” That would be a lie. I was talking about his current status. Regardless of what he used to be, he’s a good father now. He prays with me. He encourages me. He wants to help me.

I have to stop thinking of him as a bad father. When people change for the better, you don’t get the benefit unless you start to see them for the improved beings they are. He’s a good father. What he used to be no longer means anything.

Christianity is all about redemption and change. It’s not just about forgiveness and putting up with people. When we change, we expect God to treat us like righteous people instead of dwelling on our former natures. I can’t expect that from him if I’m not willing to give others the same benefit.

I’m thinking of shooting video of my dad. He won’t be able to communicate forever. I want his testimony to be preserved, and I want people to be able to see what he was like before he died. Hearing about it is not the same as seeing it.

Our situation is far better than I had expected. I figured my dad would have a crisis which would put him on his deathbed, and he would repent right before he died. I expected him to be proud and difficult until that moment, and I expected the strain on me to continue until he passed. I never dreamed his whole personality would change, and that I would have time to benefit from it.

I take pictures of him. I don’t plan on posting them here. I think that’s an invasion of his privacy. I just want a record. I want to be able to look at the pictures later and remember the changed man he became. If I marry, or by some miracle I have kids, I want to be able to tell my wife and kids about him and prove what I say.

I wish I could be writing these things in 1980. That’s on us. There is no point in looking backward.

Christianity works. God really will help you. You just have to do things his way. You should be looking for knowledge all the time. The sooner you get started, the less you will have to regret.