Some People Carry Bad Weather With Them

I visited my dad again yesterday in the ALF, and things went pretty well. We prayed together again. He is now very enthusiastic about it. People who know him would have to see him to believe it.

He continues to complain that he wants me to be with him all the time. I have had to explain that almost nobody can be with their grown children all the time. It doesn’t seem to help.

Yesterday he told me that when I leave, it’s as though a dark cloud settles around him until he sees me again.

That remark hit home. For years, I’ve told people my dad seemed to have a dark cloud around him, because of the darkness of his heart and his distance from God. One of the benefits I hoped to receive when he moved was the removal of his cloud from this house.

The atmosphere around people who don’t know God is different from the atmosphere around Spirit-filled Christians. It has a cheap, dirty, tawdry feel about it. There is an air of denial around them as they try to convince themselves life without God is bright and sunny. It reminds me of Disney; the Disney combine strives very hard to replace the warmth of Christianity with a broadly marketable fake, but deep down, there is a very cold, dirty core.

Unbelievers can’t perceive the ambience of stress and dissipation that surrounds them. They haven’t been in God’s presence, or they’ve worked to forget it, so they think their situations are fine.

If you enter my home now, you will probably hear Christian music, if you hear music at all. If the TV is on, you will not see dirty or cynical movies or shows. You will see Christian videos or relatively harmless programming about things like technology. What do you encounter in non-Christian homes? HBO and Showtime. Marvel movies. Movies like the Jack Reacher and Equalizer films, which are essentially revenge porn. Rap music. Rock. Vapid dance music or sappy singers, if females are choosing the material. News shows featuring leftist extremists. You may smell weed.

When my dad was here, he watched a lot of garbage, and he kept the volume high. The area where he sat was dirty. He satisfied his flesh with ice cream and cookies. He was angry a lot of the time. The door to his bedroom suite was usually open, and when it was, you could smell it from the living room.

His cloud was with him. It sat in the central part of the house, demanding attention. It destroyed peace whenever it could.

Now that he says he feels that a cloud settles on him when I’m gone, I’m wondering if he misses me partly because my presence dulled the sensations his rebellion called down on him. It may very well be that his cloud was a cloud of demons, and now he has the cloud, but he doesn’t have me to offset its influence.

I wish we could live together, but I don’t want that cloud to be with me all day any more. There is no practical way to overcome the difficulties of caring for a dementia patient here, but even if there were, I would feel like I were spitting on God’s help if I brought my dad’s cloud back.

Many people who are rebellious go to church. They smoke dope and fornicate all week, and they like to say, “Only God can judge me.” They like to tattoo it on their bodies. They go to church the same way pairs of heavily soiled underwear go to washing machines. They’re looking for temporary relief, not lasting change. Church makes them feel clean, and it dulls their fear and the torment of guilt. Then they go home, fully intending to resume sinning.

People who are committed to rebellion are capable of drawing comfort from the presence of committed Christians.

When Saul was in rebellion, God sent him a tormenting spirit. The only thing that made him feel better was the presence of David, who went to him and played the harp. Saul didn’t repent, but he was still comforted while David was with him. I wonder if this is a picture of what has been going on between my dad and me. I’m not saying I’m as pleasing to God as David, but I know God personally, and I spend time in his presence. Many of the good things I’ve done for my dad were done because of my desire to please God. That also goes for harsh things I’ve refrained from doing and saying.

I keep telling my dad he needs to pray and draw comfort from God, not me. It’s very hard for him to learn, though, and I’m sure his entourage of demons makes it even harder.

I made him a laminated sheet of information, to bring him comfort. It has my phone number and address on it, among other things. I included some information about God and an admonition to pray. It has helped him. I’m going to make him a few more sheets with helpful Bible verses. I ordered a laminating machine. They’re cheap, and I won’t have to drive 15 miles to get sheets made.

He can’t read a book any more, because as soon as he puts it down, he’ll forget what he read. In order to read a long work, you have to be able to remember things from one day to the next.

I’m thinking about playing Bible verse MP3’s for him when I visit. I have a little MP3 speaker thing somewhere. I also have some recordings of Wayne Cochran (“the King of Blue-Eyed Soul”) reciting Biblical verses promising protection. Maybe it would help.

The Bible is full of promises, and most people don’t realize it. You can take the promises to God and call on him to fulfill them. Barring a miracle, my dad will never be highly knowledgeable about Christianity, but maybe I can help him access a few important things.

I know he uses the sheet I made, because last night, he called me. I was amazed. I had told him the ALF staff could help him call, using the information on the sheet, but I didn’t expect him to remember to use it. I don’t want him to monopolize my time from the ALF, but I was very glad to hear from him. It gave me a chance to offer him comfort and pray for him again. I wish I could do more. There are some things we have to do for ourselves.