Guns Answer All Questions

I think I finally figured out what to get my father for Father’s Day. This issue has driven me insane for weeks, but I have arrived at a pretty good answer. I’m going to get him a carry permit! How can you beat that? He keeps saying he wants one, but he hasn’t done anything about it. Miami has a well-known range that supposedly has quality instruction, so I plan to sign him up.

For a while I thought it would be fun to get him an M1 rifle. But a thousand bucks is a little steep for Father’s Day. More problematic: it’s always a bad idea to buy someone a present you would like to have for yourself. To provide an exaggerated example, when your aunt Susie lives in an iron lung and you’re a triathlete, you don’t buy her a racing bicycle. It looks bad.

I used to get him good cigars and expensive brandy, but I have begun to think those are questionable gifts for a Christian to give. A carry permit poses no ethical problem. After all, Jesus told the disciples to buy swords, and His followers carried them in His presence.

Actually, it’s kind of strange, how many ostensibly sound Christians love to shoot. Makes me wonder if there is some kind of divine purpose to it. And Christianity is big among the armed forces, too. The Bible predicts a lot of armed conflict in the future, and I have never seen any indication that when these conflicts occur, Christians or Jews are expected to disarm and allow themselves to be massacred. I don’t think the admonition to turn the other cheek means you have to allow your family or your country to be subjected to slaughter.

I need to figure out my moral position on cigars. There is no doubt whatsoever that using cigarettes and smokeless tobacco is immoral. Tobacco delivered by those means is an addictive drug, and it’s also abusive to the body. An occasional cigar is almost certainly harmless, judging by statistics. But is it okay to promote tobacco use in one form, when the other forms cause so much misery? Cigarette smokers are deeply affected by example and the desire to fit in; that’s why they become smokers in the first place. No one does it for the wonderful taste of cigarettes. Maybe using tobacco in front of cigarette smokers and potential cigarette smokers is wrong.

Maybe the answer is to smoke what I have and quit. I can’t remember my last cigar, anyway. The nicotine was ruining my sleep, so I had to stop.

As for brandy, I think the morality of giving it as a gift depends on the nature of the person to whom you give it. Over the last couple of years, I have cut way back on drinking. I can make a fifth of whiskey last months. I have been trying to make myself have one drink every day, and I usually forget. But for other people, booze is a challenge.

I think a permit is the way to go. Now I’m in the clear until his birthday.