Pettiness Redefined

Politics gets sillier all the time. Elizabeth Warren is now declaring victory over Donald Trump because she got a DNA test which suggests she has a maximum of 1/64 American Indian blood. She believes this proves she’s an Indian. She is demanding Trump give a million dollars to the charity of her choice.

Is this really happening?

A long time ago, Trump said he wanted to give Warren a DNA test and have it processed. He said he would donate a million dollars to the charity of her choice if it proved she was an Indian.

Here are the problems with Warren’s claim to the money. Trump said he would give her a DNA test kit if she showed up for a 2020 presidential debate, and he wanted to provide a kit. He also said he would pay “if it show’s you’re an Indian.”

Warren cherry-picked an academic from Stanford test her. He’s an academic, he’s Hispanic, and he lives near San Francisco. What are the odds he has a bias? He said he had to use genetic markers from South American Indians to check Warren, so we don’t even know if the test means anything in a case where a woman claims to be part Cherokee.

The test didn’t show Warren was an Indian. It showed the opposite. It showed that she probably has somewhere between 1/64 and 1/1024 American Indian blood. That doesn’t make you an Indian. It puts her at less than 1.6%. At the low end, she may have 0.001% Indian blood. That’s not going to get you into the sweat lodge.

The Genetic Literacy Project (whatever that is) claims an average American of European extraction has 0.18% American Indian blood, which means an awful lot of us are just as “Indian” as Senator Warren.

Warren pretended to have so much Indian blood she deserved special recognition for it. That simply is not true, even if we assume the best and say she’s at 1.6%. When one out of 64 of your ancestors is of a certain race, and the rest are not, it has zero impact on your experience as an American.

Some people claim “one drop” of black blood makes you black, for racists. That’s not true. How would they know? If you had one black ancestor out of 64, you would be white. I guarantee you, there are white racists with more than 1/64 black blood. There have to be. Very few people know who all of their ancestors are, when you go that far back.

Why did she even bring it up? We already knew her claim was bogus. This makes her look even worse. For all I know, I have more Indian blood than she has. After my grandfather died, my grandmother married an Indian named Smitty. Do I qualify for affirmative action?

There are stories in my mother’s family, asserting that my great-great-grandfather married an Indian. This story is based on the following science: my grandfather and his siblings had black hair and big noses. Unfortunately for the family members who buy the story, records show that my great-great-grandmother was a lady named Murphy.

When I was a kid, I was told that my great-great-grandfather was a huge man who lived to be 104 years old. In reality, he was a skinny old dude who made it to about 85. I don’t know where the weird stories came from.

Americans love pretending their ancestors were Indians. I don’t know why. Frankly, Indians have not accomplished much. White people were doing calculus in the 1600’s, and Indians were still illiterate and unable to figure out the wheel. Not to be harsh, but that’s history.

Indians excelled in one area. They had more style than anyone. Look at the old photos. They look fantastic. When it comes to style, no one can touch the Indians of North America. Other than that, their culture was pretty bad. War as recreation, torture, slavery, cannibalism…it didn’t have a lot to offer.

If you want to brag about your ancestors, pretend you’re Jewish. Moses, Solomon, Jesus, Einstein…highest average IQ…most Nobel Prizes per capita…who else comes close? Just make sure you don’t mention athletic records.

We’re so childish now. It’s shocking that someone who thinks of herself as presidential timber would pull a stunt like this. She should have admitted guilt and moved on. And Trump…well, he’s Trump. He is not known for his mature demeanor.

Leftists are getting behind Warren, as if there was any doubt that they would. They are claiming, in complete seriousness, that the test is a vindication. Unbelievable. Just let it go. Say you know she fibbed, but you’re willing to forget it.

I’ll bet I have no non-European blood. I’ll bet my DNA is as boring as it gets.

Trump should get himself tested. It would be hilarious if he had more Indian blood than Warren.

Trump doesn’t owe Warren’s charity a penny. She needs to move on.