Innocence is no Excuse

It’s time to confess. I am not fit to sit on the Supreme Court. Decades ago, when I was in high school and college, I went to parties where women may have been gang-raped.

I don’t actually know of any rapes that occurred at parties I attended. That’s no excuse. They may have occurred. I’ve been to parties in houses, university buildings, dormitories, and apartment buildings, and I couldn’t see everything that happened while I was there. For all I know, women were being raped in closets, bedrooms, and stairwells.

Brett Kavanaugh’s latest accuser says he was present at a party where she was raped by several men other than Kavanaugh. I can’t point the finger. I’m just as bad as he is, and if you ever went to a party when you were young, so are you, even if you’re a woman. To be present is to be an accomplice.

She also says Kavanaugh and his pals put alcohol in punchbowls, in order to make women more cooperative. I’m guilty, too! I have put vodka in punch women drank, not that it ever got me anywhere. Kavanaugh and I are just like Bill Cosby.

I’ve bought women a number of drinks. I admit it. I gave them alcohol, and I didn’t do anything to prevent them from drinking it. I never handed them printed disclaimers, listing the possible consequences of drinking and drunkenness. I didn’t bat drinks out of their hands. I never held them in headlocks and forcibly dragged them away from their drinks.

Clearly, putting alcohol in punch at parties is extreme and unusual, and it’s a practice which cannot be tolerated. It’s unheard-of. Until I read about Kavanaugh, I thought I was the only one who had thought of it. All over America, people must be shocked to learn that things like this happen.

I put liquor in punch, and I was present when all sorts of felonies, for all I know, were committed. Maybe people were murdered and then dragged off and buried quietly. Maybe friends of mine went off by themselves to use the phones to commit wire fraud. Maybe they brought little printing presses to parties and ran off sheets of counterfeit bills.

Actually, now that I think of it, I was present in a dormitory when at least one felony was committed. When I was a freshman, a guy named Kerry called a girl on the phone, said he was me, and threatened her. I don’t remember. The senior who was paid to live on our floor burst into my room in the middle of the night with someone else (can’t remember who), turned on the light, and started asking me if I had made the call. They asked if I had threatened to rape and kill someone.

Yes, of course I had. On my own phone, from my own room, using my real name, with three witnesses trying to sleep in the same small suite, because I am stupid and very curious about prison food.

I don’t recall how I knew it was Kerry. Maybe I’m wrong about that. He was a messed-up guy, and he was my prime suspect. It may have been a guy named Greg, or maybe they did it together. Maybe it was someone else.

Kerry got involved with a girl called Rude Ruth who used to use the men’s showers. She eventually moved into his room, and his roommate had to leave. I remember the time a bunch of people from our floor went to a Pink Floyd concert and dropped acid. Kerry came back and assured the rest of us that he had seen God.

Greg was like a character from a Kevin Smith movie. He was the king of prank phone calls. He liked calling foreign students and telling them they hadn’t paid their phone bills. I listened in once. He handed the call over to me without warning, saying I was the president of the phone company, a Mr. Cosmo Bogus.

For some reason, a few people I knew had invented a game in which they called people, said they were me, and threatened them. No idea what that was all about. They even did it during the spring of my sophomore year, while I was in another state on medical leave. Anyway, I was present on campus some of the time when these things happened, so I can’t be a Supreme Court justice.

Kavanaugh’s new accuser says she felt like there MAY have been drugs in the punch she drank. She’s not sure. She says, “I may have been drugged.” It seems she can’t tell the difference between vodka and a huge dose of Quaaludes. That’s unusual.

Her strange remarks, if true, mean she is open to two possibilities: 1. she was drugged, or 2. she got plastered of her own free will and then blamed the people who gave her drinks. Why is option 2 newsworthy, and why would the boys be at fault if she got herself drunk?

Talk about reasonable doubt. When the victim can’t even stand behind her own accusation, there is no way the rest of us should dignify it with support. Whether she got raped is a separate question, but the spiking/drugging allegation is facially untenable.

I don’t know if it’s economically possible for a college student to spike punch with Quaaludes. You need at least a couple of pills per victim in order to accomplish anything, and a college punch bowl holds five or more gallons. Five gallons, 20 quarts, 40 pints, 80 cups…so call it 160 pills per bowl. Not cheap. And the men who drank it would be drugged too, which kind of defeats the purpose.

I suppose a clever rapist would spike individual drinks. That’s a different kind of situation, though. College punchbowls are filled by groups. Spiking a punchbowl would require a conspiracy, in order to prevent everyone at the party from passing out at 10 p.m. Spiking individual drinks would be done by one or a few individuals, probably secretly. If some low-life were sneaking around putting pills in the drinks of girls he had selected for himself, Kavanaugh probably would not have known about it.

He was present, though, so he’s guilty. So are all the women who were at the parties. They were present.

We’re supposed to believe this lady was raped by multiple assailants and that she didn’t follow up until 2018. Maybe it happened, but it’s hard to believe. Even in the mid-80’s, rape was considered a serious matter, and the police were more than happy to investigate complaints.

How crazy are the accusations going to get? If being present when something bad is done disqualifies you from holding government office, no one stands a chance. Maybe there are a couple of Mormons who could squeak by, but the rest of us? No way!

I’ve seen drugs being sold. I’ve seen beatings. I’ve seen thefts. When I was in college, I heard all kinds of gross language and saw revolting behavior. Sometimes I participated in the language and bad behavior. Thank God I’ve never run for office.

Aren’t people allowed to change and be forgiven? Even if Kavanaugh is somehow culpable in these far-fetched stories about trivial misdeeds (some committed by other people), does anyone really care what he did when he was 18? Maya Angelou was a prostitute. Mark Wahlberg was a violent racist street punk. Will Smith was charged with aggravated assault. Do we ever get to move on?

Democrats have a jihadi-like fervor when it comes to legal protection for those who tear unborn babies apart in the womb. They think anything they do in order to keep the unborn unprotected is morally acceptable. This is the basis for their deranged attacks on Kavanaugh.

I think Christine Ford is lying, and I think the gang rape accuser is either lying or making a very dishonest, immoral effort to connect Kavanaugh to something he had nothing to do with.