New Helpers Leaving Soon

For some time now, I have been driving to finish up some tax and bookkeeping work. Ordinarily, this would put me in a murderous rage. There is nothing I hate worse than accounting and taxes. I can’t understand how accountants even exist. How can there be people who can stand this kind of work? As for taxes…just take the money. Don’t ruin a month of my life just to make it sting more.

I always say I long for the old days, when you could opt to skip the lengthy ordeal of figuring and paying your taxes and choose instead to be burned at the stake.

In spite of the misery, I feel better than expected. I am still raking in the dividends of my dad’s prayer for salvation.

The strain that used to pervade our relationship is gone. I’m not thrilled when he makes a mess or does something else that causes me unpleasant toil, but the annoyance is gone. I don’t feel like he’s the enemy any more. The mess is the enemy, and my dad and I are on the same side.

When I started seeing progress in my dad’s feelings toward God, I saw the change in our relationship coming. I started to see it the day before he prayed for forgiveness. I assume God showed it to me, because it wasn’t something obvious. Preachers don’t tell you you will suddenly get along with relatives after they pray for salvation.

Today I got some jarring news. His occupational therapist visited, and she told me her work with him would be ending soon. Medicare will pay for occupational therapy as long as it works. Because of my dad’s dementia, he is not making progress. She has to show him the same things over and over. Medicare wants a better return on its investment.

It’s a harsh reminder of his mortality and of what we face before he goes. He is at the peak of his ability right now. He can get worse, but he can’t improve. This is as good as it gets, and it won’t be this good for long.

I have to think about hiring someone to come work with him a few times a week. The therapist said she would recommend people.

As I suspected, his change of heart toward God is making things harder for me. It will be harder to let him go. When someone is provoking you all the time, your concern for him will be masked by a desire for relief. When the provocation goes, the things it obscured rush in.

That’s a good thing. It’s better to be sad when someone dies than relieved.

The therapists will come for a few more weeks, and then we’ll be on our own. I’ll have to make decisions. In a way, I’ll be facing them alone, but in another way, we’ll be facing them together.

If you’re old, and you’re straight-arming God, knock it off. Don’t wait until you’re 86 and you can’t find your way home from the store. Don’t give up decades of closeness to your family and Christian friends. What are you giving it up for? Pride? What good is that? It’s a cage that keeps people away.

I wonder what kinds of things I’ll be writing about in the future. I suppose it’s best not to guess. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

It’s not my burden to carry. I have a God who carries things for me.