A Woodsman has to Keep his Head

Today I tested the axe I hung. I went out and found a particularly hateful and evil tree, i.e. a live oak, and I cut it down. The axe worked just fine, and the head didn’t loosen or fly across the woods. People who advise me have been badgering me to put metal wedges in the axe, so now I feel I have the go-ahead to give them the official thumb-nosing they deserve.

Cutting the tree was a very bad experience in a couple of ways. First, it involved exercise. Second, it served to underscore the total superiority of chainsaws. A one-minute job became a ten-minute job.

I’m not completely sure what I’ll do with the axe in the long run. I just feel like a farm needs an axe. There must surely be jobs one needs an axe for.

It’s really heavy, or maybe I’m just old. Weren’t axes a lot lighter when I was 16? Of course they were. I’m sure of it. And my feet weren’t as far away as they are now. These days, my feet are like grown children who moved to another state. They only visit me a few times a year.

When I was a kid, I wondered why old men’s toenails grew so long. Now I know.

I was thinking it might be good to cut down several small trees per week, just for the exercise. Swinging an axe vigorously is extremely unpleasant, so it has to be good for me.

Live oaks are a pestilence. I am planning to kill every small live oak I see, and I treat little maples as though they bore golden apples. I want the maples to dominate. It’s not my fault people let live oaks grow here in the past, but it doesn’t have to continue on my watch.

I suspect that my small Home Depot Fiskars hatchet will always be more useful than an axe, but I’m still glad I learned about axes. Knowledge and skill are good things to have. Being stupid is not a virtue unless you’re a hereditary Democrat trying to live on the government teat.

I noticed one surprising thing while I cut the tree: I wasn’t immediately soaked with sweat. Three days ago, I would have been. The weather is going to change soon, whether it likes it or not. That will be great. Also, I was not attacked by mosquitoes. As far as I can tell, we have had about 5% of the activity we had last year. I may be wrong, but I seem to remember being scared to go outside in the post-Irma period. I spent a lot of time shopping for mosquito remedies. I haven’t felt the need this year.

There are a lot of things I want to do on the farm, but lately, working for 5 minutes has meant needing a complete change of clothes and a shower. That’s discouraging. You find yourself asking yourself if it’s really worth it to move the branch lying across the driveway. Maybe you can just drive around it…

If the weather is really turning the corner, I’ll be able to make up for some of the shameful laziness I displayed last winter. I treated the good weather like it would last forever, and then it left.

I’m hoping to get more done this year. Right now, I’m trapped in a period of excessive bookkeeping activity, so I can’t do much, but I expect that to pass in a few days, and after that, I may actually be free to get some things done.

I continue to search for a double-bitted axe at a decent price. I have ordered two old ones from Ebay plus a new one from Amazon, and none have been satisfactory. Once I have a double-bitted axe, my collection will be complete. Except for a small axe which is larger than a hatchet. And maybe some other axes.

I’m going to flop on the couch with the birds and drink a small amount of medicinal Scotch. Between the bookkeeping and the horror of ten minutes of exercise, I feel I deserve to be indulged.

If I locate another axe, you will read about it here. I hope someone invents one that swings itself.