You Probably Think This Blog is About You

Let me point a few things out.

1. Coke is better than Pepsi.
2. People who eat liver are crazy.
3. I like doughnuts.
4. Fat guys should not be allowed to buy really small bathing suits.

I now await an angry response from Barack Obama, toward whom these racist remarks were clearly directed.

I don’t think I’m exaggerating his sensitivity. Given his irate response to President Bush’s criticism of terrorist-huggers, it seems that Obama has decided that anyone who criticizes appeasement of terrorists is his enemy.

Okay, actually that would be correct. I didn’t phrase that right. He has decided that such people criticize appeasement, for the Satanic purpose of harming his anointed succession to the Presidency. Call me crazy–once again–but I think he may be wrong. I think some people are against appeasement no matter who does it.

Like “a White House official” *cough cough Dana Perino* said: think Carter. Or don’t, as it hasn’t been that long since breakfast, and you don’t need an ulcer.

I can’t figure Carter out. Imagine you’re an old guy who gets fired from his job for incompetence. So instead of redeeming yourself by getting a new job and doing it well, you keep hanging around your old office, criticizing all the new guys who get your job, all of whom do it way better than you did. That’s Jimmy Carter’s gig. If people like him worked at Wendy’s, every time you went to the drive-through, you’d see some nut standing by the window, yelling things like, “Oh, NO, Lakeisha, you did NOT touch the toppings without a plastic glove!”

You got fired, dog. Move on. You’re what? Like 85? There is no shame in retirement. Go back to Plains and polish your I Hate America, God and Capitalism–I mean “Nobel”–Prize. If you feel you really have to do something about the Jews, join a country club and keep them out.

I really can’t wait to see Obama negotiate with Ahmadinejad. “The President and I have reached an agreement. We will let him make all the bombs he wants, in exchange for his ‘pinky swear’ that he will not use them to destroy Israel or blow up American cities. If he violates his promise, I have assured him that I will be very cross with him, and I will force him to explain why he ‘acted out,’ in a conference call with Oprah and Dr. Phil.”

With Obama, the price for violating a negotiated truce will be…more negotiations. And of course, the Iranians know nothing about negotiations. Haggling is unheard-of in the Middle East.

I think the Messiah vibe is going to Obama’s head. He seems to believe it’s all about Obama. He beat Alan Keyes in a Democrat-controlled state, which is like succeeding in getting Fidel Castro reelected, and he thinks he’s invincible. I have potted plants that could beat Alan Keyes by a wider spread than Obama.

Where is that machine they wouldn’t let Zaphod Beeblebrox go into? We need to send Obama in there and turn the knob to 11. Pablo Picasso had clearer perspective.

For some reason, I am really starting to like John McCain.

Also: snort.