Plus Impending Mike Visit

I guess I say this every week, but church was fantastic today.

For the last four weeks, the subject was Philippians 4:8, which says we should try to think about things that are Pure, Praiseworthy, Lovely, Admirable, Noble, True, Excellent, and Right (my mnemonic again: PPLANTER). I’ve been keeping it in mind, but it wasn’t all that easy to apply.Try it. Think about something good for a minute. A couple of minutes later, you may be thinking about something horrendous.

Today, we got a clearer idea how to put it to work. Pastor Wilkerson listed three things that oppose the Philippians 4:8 attitude: contrariness, covetousness, and cynicism.

I’m sure glad no one has ever seen those things on THIS blog.

Shut up.

I guess I don’t have to explain contrariness. It means you have to be a pain in the butt all the time, instead of going with the flow. Here’s a clue that you are contrary. People call you “a pill.”

Obviously, you shouldn’t go along with people when you have a good reason to object, but that’s not what he was talking about. Some people have to be an obstacle all the time, just to look smart or feel important. I have heard wild rumors that sometimes people who post blog comments act this way. I have heard–don’t quote me on this–that if you Google some commenter’s names, you will find an endless number of argumentative and smug yet worthless and fundamentally wrong comments on other people’s blogs.

That’s probably just an Internet legend. No one would really do that. I certainly couldn’t name five such people off the top of my head. No, I could not do that. Don’t even ask.

Covetousness means you’re never happy with what you have. But you’re pretty sure you’d be happy with what other people have. I suppose it makes sense to say it contradicts the spirit of Philippians 4:8, because you can’t be thinking positively about the things God has put in your life, if you’re sure they stink compared to the things he gave your neighbor.

Cynicism–I am so glad I’ve never been guilty of this one–means you are suspicious of other people and have a negative attitude.

The notes we were given say, “He is a champion of innuendos, double meanings, and put-downs.” I may know someone that description fits. But it also says a cynic turns people against a person who tries to “think best.” That’s not me.

I know I’ve gone overboard a lot. On the other hand, I don’t consider myself a true cynic. A true cynic is a kind of bigot. You never get a fair shot from someone like that. I’ve been critical of people I thought were con artists and bloviators, but I don’t question the existence of good people. I don’t automatically assume people are lying when they claim good motives (unless they’re emailing me from Nigeria). But I could do better.

The message I took away from this is that I should quit being negative just for the joy of it. And I should work harder to see the good in people and things. I was working on that already, although it may be far from obvious.

On the way home, I heard some guy on the radio talking about our duty to submit to government. I thought that was interesting. I see two main goals in Christianity. First, you want to get eternal life, and that’s easy, because it’s a matter of asking and believing. Second, you want to live in the kingdom of God here on earth. Not so easy. You have to behave and pray and worship and study, etcetera. It’s like being an Orthodox Jew, only with better food.

This guy pointed out that you can’t be lawless and live in the kingdom of God. You have to submit to government. Here’s a depressing extrapolation that occurred to me: we should probably pay tax on Internet sales.

I realize the states themselves are responsible for the Internet tax problem. They choose not to provide a convenient method of paying, and enforcement is nonexistent, and in actuality, they are complicit in the whole business. Legislators routinely shout down efforts to reform the system, because they know everyone will hate it. You could make a very good argument that we are not obligated to care more about this than the states are. It’s like illegal immigration. The law says “do this,” and our lawmakers say “but we won’t help, and if you don’t do it, we won’t do anything.”

Still, the better choice is to look up the silly forms and pay. At least on big items. Arrgh. I would rather have God’s power flowing in my life than save 6%. I want my prayers answered. I don’t want to bring shame on the church. I want growth. I guess I can cough up 6% in order to keep from screwing that up.

My attitude about taxes is as follows. I have never hated paying taxes. What I have hated is saving receipts and filling out forms. I complain about high taxes all the time, because they wreak havoc on the economy and punish productivity and make for creeping totalitarianism. But I don’t get upset when I have to pay. Maybe I should, but I’m always so happy to know what I owe, I hardly care what the number is. I just want to get the check written and kiss the IRS goodbye for another year.

Next week the church is having a July 4 barbecue thing after church lets out. “Coincidentally,” Mike may be in town. I let him know. We started talking about how we needed to take some food. Mike came up with an argument proving it was our Christian duty to humiliate everyone else with our ribs, in order to keep them from having unrealistically high opinions of themselves. I guess there may be some flaws in his theory, but I think ribs would be a good idea. Not sure how many racks I can get in the Hoginator. I talked to one of the pastors today, and he confirmed that they were soliciting food. I might make four or five batches of brownies, since they can be made several days in advance. Cheesecake would be too decadent, and besides, people would get in fights over it.

I’d like to take some food, because I haven’t gotten involved with the church, beyond showing up. I feel like I keep taking without giving anything. Of course, I provide a little financial support, but there is more to supporting a church than writing an occasional check.

Is it okay to smoke ribs over a pan of beer and then take them to church? We may find out.

I hope Mike makes it down here. My diet is going well, so I think I can survive a visit.

Stick This in Your Brain

Someone was asking for a dolphin recipe. I’ll tell you what I like to do with these tasty fish. I adapted the traditional Cuban recipe for fried snapper. Hmm…might as well give you that first. It’s called “pargo entero,” or “whole snapper.”

Take a whole snapper. Clean it. Scale it and remove all the pointy bits. Cut the head and tail off if you want. Make a series of slashes from top to bottom on each side about an inch apart, down to the bone. You can slant them toward the back of the fish as you go down, if you think it looks prettier.

Egg white will make everything stick better, so apply it if you like. Rub salt and crushed garlic into the fish. Pepper too, if you want. Now cover it with cracker meal and fry it in hot oil. Peanut oil is standard. Some people mix parmesan cheese into the meal, but it can burn. Get the fish nice and brown.

Dolphin are bigger than most snapper. For a big fish, you make fingers, which are strips about as big around as a finger. It will be better if you throw out the dark meat. If you do this with a snapper or small grouper, you don’t have to skin it. Don’t eat dolphin skin.

I serve this with lime wedges and tartar sauce. Wonderful.

Deep-frying is best. If you have a turkey fryer with a basket, go for it. Otherwise, pan-fry with enough oil to cover the fish halfway.

Church was wonderful yesterday, as usual. I couldn’t go on Saturday, so I was really ready. I got there earlier than usual. I’m always amazed at the quality of the music. I don’t know where they find these people.

They’re still teaching about Philippians 4:8, which is all about keeping your mind on good things. I made up a mnemonic for the NIV version. “PPLANTER.”

Pure
Praiseworthy
Lovely
Admirable
Noble
True
Excellent
Right

The key is to remember that P is the double letter. You’ll go crazy if you get confused and try to think up two R words.

One of the associate pastors talked yesterday. One of the things he talked about was the problems men face with lust. That’s a tough one, because these days, most women think it’s appropriate to dress and behave provocatively, even at work. Somehow we have turned that into a virtue. Women don’t understand the male mind; if they did, they’d realize what a stupid strategy this is. It leads to problems for both sexes.

He talked about the difficulties men face in certain situations, such as beach outings and web surfing. He said sometimes the best thing is to take a break from the Internet. That’s a great idea. You can’t be tempted if you’re not online. When I got home yesterday, I decided to take his advice. I’ve been overdoing the Internet, so it seemed like a good move. I didn’t turn the computer on once, and I didn’t miss it. I had a very relaxing day, and it was productive as a Sabbath. I got out my Complete Jewish Bible and went through Philippians, Ephesians, Colossians, and some other stuff, making notes in the margins.

Ephesians is very useful. Christians don’t have a clearly defined set of laws to follow, but this book lays out very good guidelines for our behavior. Chapters 4 through 6 will save you a lot of page-flipping. I guess I could make a simple list of the guidelines this book provides. You don’t always have to read the text itself to get the benefit.

The Internet is loaded with temptation, and lust is only part of it. Internet rage is a real problem; Christians are not supposed to be angry and abusive, but try blogging or joining forums, and you’ll see how hard it can be to avoid getting drawn into the corrosive spirit. Then there is gossip. Some of the biggest websites are proudly devoted to it, and it can cause you real problems. The ancient Jews believed it caused houses to literally rot. The “leprosy” referred to in the Bible was not always a human disease. Sometimes the word “leprosy” is used to describe this rot. And how about covetousness? Internet shopping is a fantastic resource, but a lot of people abuse it. It has helped me get into a number of rewarding hobbies, but from time to time I’ve bought things that were pretty stupid, and some people shop just to fill time. Worse, they buy on credit, spending money they haven’t earned yet.

I have a rule about shutting down the PC at 8 p.m. I am not doing a great job of following it, but I’m going to buckle down and get serious. At that time, I should be spending time with my birds or doing something else of value. I’ve been getting to bed early for a long time now, on the theory that nothing I need to be involved in happens after ten o’clock, and I’ve been proven right. Abandoning the web in the early evening is also a good idea. I should quit even earlier.

I suppose it would be a violation of Philippians 4:8 to fail to point out the positive things about the Internet. Let’s see.

1. Biblegateway.com and other sites let you browse your favorite version of the Bible online. That’s very useful, and because you can cut and paste, it helps you share what you find with others.

2. It’s easy to donate to charities online. I have a list in my sidebar. Two favorites: World Vision and The International Fellowship of Christians and Jews. World Vision will let you choose the gift you give, and they’re not all temporary fixes. You can give things like giving pigs or fruit trees to poor families in Africa. Or vaccinations. Right now, they have a deal where you can donate money for medical machinery and get matching funds to multiply your cash by 14. The IFCJ will move a Jew to Israel from a place like Ethiopia or the former USSR, for $350. You can change someone’s life permanently for a relatively small amount of money. You can save up until you’re ready, or you can partner with friends. You may have doubts about giving people temporary handouts, but when you move someone to Israel, it sticks.

3. A number of ministries have sites where you can download podcasts and videos. Perry Stone has all his TV shows online, if you’re a prophecy buff. Try Voice of Evangelism. And there’s a big site with tons of canned sermons from various people: Sermonaudio.com.

And of course, there are places where you can go to get prayer. Oddly, this site has become one of them.

I got a little out of hand while I was trying to learn about and acquire machine tools. I had to spend a lot of time looking things up and asking questions. It got me in the habit of spending too much time online; I just realized this yesterday. Now I’m more up to speed, so there is no reason to sit glued to the monitor all day.

Hope you find this helpful.

Notice his Hostility Toward Government Employees!

Today Mike and I got to help my dad run his boat up the Miami River to the yard. It was a pleasant ride, tarnished–as usual–by the people who open and close the bridges. The fine person who has the incredibly demanding job of raising and lowering the South Miami Avenue bridge–working a total of perhaps forty minutes per shift–refused to even answer our hail. While I wait for these characters to get it in gear, I often think of the old story about Ted Turner, climbing his own mast just to punch a bridgetender in the face. I don’t know if it’s true. But I would certainly understand.

When we got to the Brickell Avenue bridge, which had a prominent sign saying morning openings were only restricted before 9 a.m., we were told we had to wait until 11. And we had arrived at 10:45. The bridgetender seemed very nice on the radio; maybe the insane unannounced restrictions weren’t her idea.

Anyway, we made it to the yard without incident.

Tonight Mike and I made pizza. I mean we BOTH made pizza. I picked up cheese and sauce during our Gordon Food Service mission yesterday, and tonight we put on a tour de force. I made a pie, and Mike made a second pie plus garlic rolls swimming in Costco olive oil. The cheese was GFS mozzarella/provolone blend. It was excellent. The pizzas were slightly different, but each was sublime in its own way. I felt pretty good about it, because Mike had had to attend a funeral during the afternoon, so I had to make all the dough on my own.

I bought an interesting product this week. Sourdough starter from King Arthur Flour. I created a bigger batch of starter from it, and today I put it in the dough. I only had about three hours for the pizza dough and one hour for the roll dough. It made the pizza dough noticeably better. From now on, it will be standard. I have read that it makes dough’s texture better, and that seems to be true.

I was relieved, because the last two pizzas I made were a little off. I still got it. You can’t touch this stuff at any Miami pizzeria I’ve been to. They’re nowhere near as good. Now that I think about it, even though I lived in New York, the best pizzerias I’ve known were in the northern half of this city. Weird. But I lived near Columbia University, and there were only two pizzerias in my area. I’m sure there were better offerings all over town. And on average, New York wins, hands down.

Mike and I will be going to church either tomorrow or Sunday. I’m all excited. As much as I’ve gotten from my renewed relationship with God, I have been utterly unable to pass that success on to anyone else. Maybe to some extent through my blog, and maybe through prayer, but not directly. Now I have someone who is completely open to it and eager to take a closer look.

I have the funniest idea about my machine tools. Remember how I developed an interesting in machining because I wanted to make a device to crack stone crab claws? I’m thinking I may manufacture a bunch of different cracking devices. All sorts of different designs. They run through my head at night. Electric ones. Ones with gears. Some with cams. I may do it. Although putting them on the web might make it impossible to patent them. I might come up with something that was so much fun to use, it would have commercial value. Let’s face it. Virtually all nutcrackers are garbage. I’m sure it’s fun building weird one-cylinder engines, which seems to be what every home machinist does, but that doesn’t appeal to me.

What am I going to do with that gallon can of hot fudge sauce?

Great Day

Mike and I spent the day running around. The mother of one of his employees died, and she’s Jewish, so you know what that means. A very prompt funeral. We had to run up to Delray to get Mike’s suit. We visited the Fort Lauderdale Gordon Food Supply, which beats the daylights out of the one here on Flagler Street. I took photos of some interesting goodies, and I’ll upload them eventually. After that we hit Sonny’s barbecue.

We talked a lot about our dysfunctional families, and I told him something that occurred to me this morning in the shower. As far as I can tell, families do not work without God, period. You may have some pieces of the puzzle: wealth, fame, looks, or maybe brains. Your kids may be healthy, and they may be achievers. Your marriage may last. But it won’t really work as a whole. There will be significant failure somewhere in the picture. There will be important problems you absolutely have no chance of fixing. I think the reason for this is the same reason we have physical pain. When you have physical pain, it tells you something is wrong. It tells you that you need to fix something. It can prevent you from making a problem worse. Maybe you need to have a tumor removed or a bone set. Without pain, you might not do what you need to do. The failures we experience here on earth tell us we need to turn to God. They tell us our lives do not work properly without him. And as you turn to him, the pain abates or disappears entirely or, very often, turns to joy and peace.

What kind of God would let you and your spouse and your kids and your siblings have peaceful, prosperous lives without him? It would be a disservice. It would prove he didn’t care.

Mike had a lot of insights into my family’s troubles, and I was glad to have his input. He seemed to benefit from what I had to say, too. We’re going to try to attend the Saturday evening service at my church. I told him God has been fixing my family, and I’m hoping he can see the same kind of healing in his own life.

In other news, the guy who sold me my lathe emailed. He’s been looking it over and running and cleaning it and getting it ready for shipping. He says it appears it has “seen very little use.” That’s exciting. I was puzzled at first, because it had sat in a prison for over forty years. I had assumed it had been used a lot in vocational training. Then I realized it might be difficult to get backward, hardheaded criminals to take advantage of a great opportunity to learn a lucrative trade. So maybe their stubbornness will cause me to receive a substantial benefit intended for them. The Bible says “the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just.” The lathe sale would be a pretty blatant example of unteachable people ignoring a blessing, leaving it to pass into the hands of someone more open to God’s instruction. Not that I am calling myself just. I do think I’m trying harder than most convicts.

I bought a gallon can of hot fudge today, just because I could. Sometimes I think I have a very big screw loose.

Look Out

Mike is in town, so the overeating started last night. Someone please intervene.

Today we have a number of options. Costco. Gordon Food Supply. And he was so impressed with my trash pile mahogany boards, he wants to make one. Go figure. He also wants to bust out the motorcycles.

I’m trying to get him to hang out long enough to visit church.

With a reader’s help, I think I figured out what I need to do about my router fence. All I need is something that extends out from the back side of the Biesemeyer. The parallelism is outstanding, and the precision is hard to beat. I could add a DRO to the Biesemeyer system, too, or I could must mount a dial indicator and some sort of screw adjustment on the router part. Anyway, this should be very easy compared to the harder solutions I found, and it should be much cheaper than the expensive ones.

I also have 3,000 pistol primers on the way! Do you care? Probably not. But I’m ecstatic. These things have been hard to find. And these are Federals, which may solve the problems I’ve had with .357 ammunition failing to fire properly. Federals are soft, and the new spring in my 27-2 is weak, so this should be a good combination. I also broke down and got a chronograph. There is just no way to avoid it. I can’t keep putzing around, taking a face shield to the range and praying the first shot doesn’t blow my 1911 apart. That is not the right way to work up a load. And I would very much like to create loads for Wolf primers, because they’re dirt, DIRT cheap.

Mike wants to make a video teaching people how to make 10-minute pizza. We ought to do it. I’d pay ten bucks for something like that, wouldn’t you?

Life is sweet

I Plead Guilty

I have depressing news about Mish Weiss. Don’t worry; the news about her health is great. What’s depressing is the way she has been treated.

Many people have been praying for Mish. Many of those people are Christians. And Christians want other people to become Christians. I certainly do; I don’t pretend otherwise. But it looks like some people got overexcited and used poor judgment, going overboard in their efforts to expose her to the gospel.

Mish wrote a polite response on her blog, stating that she did not wish to become a Christian. It’s her decision to make. God gives each of us that choice.

Since then, she has been receiving hate mail from people claiming to be Christians. I don’t say “claiming to be Christians” because I don’t think Christians could do this. They certainly could, and I’m sure some of the responsible people are Christians. I say it because it’s possible that some of the vicious morons who sent these emails were just posing as Christians to make trouble. Like the Democrats who call radio shows and use the phrase “lifelong Republican” to describe themselves.

One particularly fine person sent an email accusing Mish of hating Christians. Wasn’t that helpful and loving? She was also called “Christ-killer.” And worse.

I can’t believe there are Christians so stupid, bigoted, and vicious that they would use the term “Christ-killer.” The fact is, every Christian is a Christ-killer. We believe Jesus had to die, and chose to do so, in order to pay for our sins. That means he is our sacrifice. Our sins caused it. So we are the ones who caused the death of Christ. It amazes me that there are people who don’t understand that. Have you sinned? Have you accepted Jesus and asked for forgiveness? If so, you’re a Christ-killer. Get used to it.

A long while back, I got a ridiculous, self-righteous email criticizing me for not pushing Mish to accept Christ. I posted the text here, and I explained why this person was wrong.

Many Christians are unfamiliar with Jews and the Jewish mind. I’m more aware than most. I’ve been living among Jews since I was three. Half of the students at my high school were Jewish. I spent three years at Columbia University, which has a big Jewish population. I lived in Israel for four months. Aaron even got me in to some yeshiva classes.

I know that Jews feel threatened by Christianity. Christians were responsible for the Inquisition, pogroms, and much of what happened in the Holocaust. Hitler was hostile to Christianity, and he persecuted Christians, but many of the people who did the grunt work were Christians, and it was not unusual for them to tell Jews that persecution was justified because Jews killed Christ (I thought it was the Romans!). Some Catholic clerics helped the Nazis. On top of that, Jews believe they cease to be Jews if they accept Jesus, and they are extremely concerned about their dwindling numbers. They are afraid of disappearing as a people.

I am familiar with the sophisticated objections Jews have raised to the divinity of Jesus. I am aware that most Jews do not take proselytizing efforts gracefully; you can’t just give a Jew the same canned speech you would give any Gentile on the street and expect to get anywhere. In all likelihood, you’ll just alienate them and increase their antipathy toward your religion. I know these things. Many ignorant Christians do not. And I will not be judged by the ignorant.

When I got involved in the prayer campaign for Mish, I also knew that the Bible instructs us to look out for the Jews, without any requirement that they become proselytes. No strings attached. That’s the assignment. So I was perfectly content to pray and offer encouragement; I felt no need to badger this poor sick woman.

There is no Biblical precedent for badgering people. Find me an example in the New Testament. There is none. The early evangelists went from place to place, making their case. Those who chose, accepted Jesus. And that was the end of it.

The Bible tells us God calls people to become Christians. He knows who will listen and who will not. If that is the case, then telemarketer-style sales techniques are unscriptural and ultimately serve to harm the church by giving it a bad name.

I believe you pray for people to give in. You try to live a life that makes them jealous of what you have, so they feel moved to try to get it for themselves. You tell them about the benefits you’ve received. And if that doesn’t work, you need to give it a rest, because when you torment people in the name of Jesus, you only drive them farther away.

How stupid do you have to be to think Jesus wants you to call Mish Weiss a Christ-killer? How can a brain as small as yours even manage to coordinate things like breathing? Explain why you think this is likely to make her want to convert. I’m sure whoever wrote that idiotic email or comment reads this blog. Enlighten us all, oh holy one.

Self-righteous imbeciles have probably succeeded in undoing whatever positive work the rest of us managed to do over the last few months. Here’s what I have to say to them: Chabad should hire you to make sure no one ever converts to Christianity again. You are doing things they could never hope to do. I am ashamed to belong to the same religion as you. You are a disgrace. And you are taking God’s name in vain, pretending to serve him by expressing your hatred.

Okay, enough of that. Here is the good news. Mish’s blast cell count has dropped below 30%. That is fantastic. And her blood counts are up. The stronger she gets–I think I have this right–the better she’ll be able to tolerate treatment that could cure her. So the prayers are working. I mean Christian AND Jewish prayers. Nowhere does the Bible say God only hears the prayers of Christians, or that he only hears when you pray in the name of Jesus.

Let’s keep it up. We can’t ask for better results than this.

You Missed Me

I forgot to blog yesterday. Unbelievable. Maybe it’s a healthy sign. Also, the lathe search is driving me nuts. I keep asking experienced lathe users about the Grizzly G4003G versus an old Clausing 5914, and one day, they say, “The Grizzly is the most amazing tool yet created by the hand of man,” and the next day they say, “Chinese lathes are made from pot metal, plus they cause cancer.”

Mike says his brother wants to see the Hoginator, so here are photos.

That’s before I created the Teletubby smoke box, which can be seen below.

Apparently Mike got a good result on his angiogram, and his wife is annoyed. I think she was hoping for something she could use to persuade him to quit eating 9,000 calories per day.

There’s Some Lovely Filth Down Here!

This is going to be a weird day.

It already started out weird. I got a comment from a guy claiming to work for King Arthur Flour. Apparently they have a very limited sense of humor about their marketing approach. They sent me a junk email advertising a recipe for “doughnuts without frying,” and I wrote a short post saying what a disgraceful and disturbing idea that was. The comment I received was sincerely defensive. I think maybe somebody needs a little time away from the mill.

It’s a bad sign when an executive runs around defending his company in blog comments. Especially when he defends the company from humor instead of serious criticism.

To [probably] misquote Steve Martin in My Blue Heaven, “Everybody thinks they have a sense of humor, but they don’t, really.” A person who laughs when he sees other people fall down thinks he has a sense of humor. But if he can’t take or even detect a joke, he really doesn’t. A person who has a sense of humor laughs when he, himself, falls down.

It’s a wonderful thing. Humor takes the most miserable moments in life and turns them into causes for celebration. It’s bizarre, if you think about it. Think about all those home videos of ruined weddings. The cake falls over. A bird poops on the bride. Whatever. If the people in the video have a sense of humor, they break up. It’s the greatest thing they’ve ever seen. They all want a copy of the video. If they have no sense of humor, it’s a horror that will be relived for 50 years. And as long as she lives, the bride will use it to make life hell for those around her. It will form the basis for her permanent vendetta against fate. It will be her excuse for distributing misery like a runaway manure spreader. A lot of women would give anything for an excuse like that.

For what it’s worth, I use King Arthur flour. If I didn’t think they made good products, I would not be on their junk email list. They make a strange pizza blend which is pretty good, but it’s unavailable except at mail-order prices, so I only bought one bag. It’s long gone. I don’t know if their bread flour is any better than anyone else’s. I have made tons of pizzas for test purposes, and I have not noticed a difference I could put my finger on, but I got in the habit of buying King Arthur for the reputation, so I still have it in the kitchen. I made Texas toast with it last week, and Mike says he’s still in withdrawal. My favorite pizza flour, however, is all-purpose biscuit flour from Gold Medal or Pillsbury. Whatever is cheapest. Anything low in protein, with no leavening. I bought 00 flour, but I used it so rarely, the bugs got it.

Baked doughnuts are an abomination, like soy milk. I stand by that. A baked doughnut is a cupcake with a hole. Okay, sure, I have probably eaten baked doughnuts. I’m pretty sure Entenmann’s faux-chocolate doughnuts are baked. I’ve eaten them, but I have no illusions about what I’m getting. Frying rocks. Especially when you use a particularly tasty fat, like coconut oil.

And–this will make the King Arthur people even madder–the best doughnuts are full of potato starch, which cuts way down on the flour content. Oh well.

The concept of baking things like doughnuts in order to make them healthier is fairly ludicrous. The fat is the least harmful thing in a doughnut. The huge pile of refined carbs that shoot into your bloodstream as glucose ten minutes after you eat…that’s the problem. That and the calorie load. If I had to choose between giving up refined carbs and giving up healthy, versatile, delicious saturated fats, I’d drop the carbs in a heartbeat. Out of fear, more than anything else. You can’t jam yourself full of flour, rice, potatoes, and sugar all the time and expect to be healthy. If you take those things out of your diet, the fats pretty much cease to be harmful. Look up homocysteine.

That reminds me; I have to get to McDonald’s soon so I can get my weekly McBiscuit, dripping with salty grease.

The other weird thing about today is that I have to run down to the warehouse, put a new padlock on it, and figure out what to do with all the junk. If I’m going to have a Craigslist sale, I have to find out what I have and make a list. And I need to make sure that sweet Genie Superlift is safe.

I should take more photos. What do you do with a light globe two feet across? Surely someone will want it. It would be a great planter.

What am I going to do with a ten-foot-long workbench? Even if I get it out of the warehouse, it’s not the kind of thing you can just throw out. Maybe I can bust it up with a crowbar.

Dang, the deadline is drawing near. I better hit the drive-through.

Oh the Wrongness of It

Tonight I got the dumbest junk email. It came from King Arthur Flour. The subject was “Doughnuts without frying? Here’s the secret.”

Why on God’s green earth would I want doughnuts without frying?

FAIL FAIL FAIL

DELETE DELETE DELETE

Nirvana

What a feast. Mike and I cooked for my dad and my sister. Everything was from my cookbook. We had spare ribs, a beer-butt chicken, my Yukon Gold casserole, barbecue beans, and Texas toast. Good God, it was wonderful.

I thought we had ruined the meat at one point. We had to leave the smoker unattended, and when we got back, the meat was very dark. I figured creosote had attacked. But at dinner, it was sublime. The best barbecue I’ve ever had, far and away. I didn’t notice any creosote flavor. I’m not sure what happened. Maybe it was residue from burned Budweiser.

The Teletubby smoke box is magical, but I need to fix on an on-deck box for getting the wood burning. As it is now, you get some bitter smoke whenever you add fresh wood. Still, the results were magnificent.

Mike claimed the wood was the problem. We started with Publix Greenwise hickory, and then we had to change to something from Home Depot. I wasn’t there when he changed over, but he said the Home Depot wood gave off much less dark smoke.

Whatever. This was a dining experience I will never forget. It’s sad that I didn’t have time to make the macaroni and cheese. But then human beings were never intended to know that much pleasure here on earth.

Mike made some good contributions. He showed me that high heat is best for frying hash browns. I didn’t know that.

Don’t listen to the foodies. You don’t have to use liquid nitrogen or squid ink to make good food. Just pick something simple and do it perfectly. That other stuff is for idiots.

Pork is Everywhere

Mike is in town. Last night, we hit Gordon Food Supply. For us, that’s like going to a strip club. After that, we dined on masitas de puerco, moros, and yuca at El Exquisito in Little Havana.

We’ve been working on barbecue all day. The Hoginator has been revived, and I’m burning hickory chunks in the Teletubby smoke box!

What a pleasure it is to have Mike here. Who else will go to GFS with me? Who else completely understands why I smear beef fat on my ribs while I smoke them? Who else agrees that removing the membrane is for girly-men?

We have two racks of spare ribs and a Budweiser beer-butt going right now. Everything is rubbed, and the chicken has been injected with Jack Daniel’s, dark maple syrup, cider vinegar, and a few other things.

It’s beautiful. Now I have to start planning the Texas toast and other sides.

I’m using an open flame for smoke. Bill Karau, inventor of the Karubecue, made me self-conscious about creosote, so I am not doing blue, bitter smoke today. Even though I actually like it.

Bill has spiffed up his site. Maybe we’ll get more info later. Here it is: CLICK.

This is Why I Was Put on Earth

Today I’m doing the unthinkable. Making strawberry cheesecake and Champagne chicken for the second time in a month. A friend of the family lost his wife a while back, and my dad and my sister and I wanted to get him out of his house for a while. Naturally, the cooking fell to me.

I made the cheesecake last night, except for the topping. That’s in the works right now, and I’m brining the chicken.

I wish I could find Lucerne brand cream cheese here. A reader says it’s better than Philly, and that the cheesecake doesn’t crack as much. but I guess I’ll be okay. I also wish I had a Tupperware container big enough to hold the remains of a 10″ cheesecake.

I keep Googling lathes. I’m learning all sorts of stuff.

First, you can rehabilitate a lathe by scraping the bed ways. This costs over a thousand dollars if you have someone else do it. All you have to do is buy some obscure hand tools–not power tools, believe it or not–and get a book and practice for a long time. Weird. I have no interest in doing this, but it’s an interesting topic. I would have thought there was some kind of giant milling machine jig for this purpose. And I can’t understand how you can do this accurately with a blade on the end of a stick.

Second, Atlas lathes aren’t all that great. People who own them complain a lot about flexing and cheap parts that break. Right now, I can get a Craftsman lathe built by Atlas, within two-hour drive, for $850. But it’s only worth maybe $350, and it will never be a good lathe. Atlas did not apply its usual standards when making stuff for Sears, so this thing is a step down from Atlas, which is a step down from South Bend and so on.

Third, Rockwell and Sheldon made really fantastic lathes, but parts can be hard to find and/or expensive. I can’t understand why Delta wouldn’t continue making parts for Rockwell lathes, but that’s the way it is. These machines are supposed to be stiffer than other lathes, and the ways on the Rockwell models are very hard and resist wear. But if you can’t keep them running, what’s the point?

Some retired toolmaker not far from here is selling a huge toolbox full of machining stuff. Maybe I should check it out. I assume it’s things like tooling and calipers. But I really don’t want a freezer-sized toolbox in my garage.

This dinner is going to be TOO good. I really don’t know how food can get any better than this. I just put the goop on the strawberry topping, and I wish I could climb into the refrigerator and swim in the cheesecake.

Isn’t She Lovely

You thought this day would never come, but here it is:

How about that? And it WORKS. I can rest my fat on the side rails and hop up and down, and if the base is flexing, I can’t detect it. It should hold the saw just fine, even with the less-than-beautiful welds.

The design is not optimal; I’m limited by my tools and the amount of work I’m willing to do, plus what I’m willing to pay for steel and parts. But it’s much stronger than it needs to be.

I got much better performance out of the welder today. I tightened up the ground; this may have made the difference. I had no problems seeing the puddle or keeping the contact tip from welding to the wire.

In case you’re wondering who gave the best answer about removing rust and scale prior to welding, I think it was Ed Bonderenka. I believe he was the person who suggested a wire wheel for the grinder. I got a wheel and tried it, and it blows through rust and crap a paint removing wheel barely polishes. Wonderful.

I learned something new today: Hitachi drill bits are crap. At least they seem to be. I bought a big box of them, and I was trying to drill through the 3/16″ steel on the tabs that hold the wheels to the mobile base. The smaller bits didn’t seem to do anything, and the 1/4″ bit was really slow. I dug out my old Craftsman bits, and they went right through the steel. Go figure. It’s clearly time to get a Drill Doctor. I wasted maybe 20 minutes with that stupid Hitachi bit before I realized something was wrong.

I plan to grind off the scarier bits of weld, and then I’m going to go over the base with a brush, and then I’m going to hit it with a can of truck bed paint. I have some in the garage, and it’s much better than ordinary spray paint for this purpose. Once that’s done, I’ll shove the saw over to my hoist and see if it pulls the roof down while I try to put it on the base.

Man, this was great. I learned how to cope welded corners. I used my plasma cutter. I used the welder and the dry cut saw. I bought a soapstone holder, a wire wheel, and a scribe. I had tremendous fun. And now I can roll my bandsaw around the garage, so I can get it within reach of the new 220 socket I made.

I have a new table pin, three blades, and an Incra miter gauge for the saw, and I am DYING to do something with it.

Maybe some day I’ll make a better base for the saw. Now that I fixed the welder’s problems, I know I can make a much prettier base. But I think I’ll wait for a drill press or a mill. I did not enjoy making those stupid holes.

Another thing: I got a little Baldor grinder a couple of years ago. I thought it would be more than enough for my needs. WRONG. Because the radius is small, it’s hard to get stuff up against the wheel. I’m wondering what’s the best size. Eight inches? Surely not ten. That would weigh 200 pounds. I believe the one I have now is 6″. It’s wonderful, but just not big enough. It’s dandy for sharpening certain tools, and I used it to pretty up some of the base parts, but it’s limited.

I suppose the real answer is a belt grinder. I have to get to work on that eventually. The price of a big Baldor would more than cover the parts cost for a belt grinder, and a belt grinder does more. Man, that would be sweet.

Time to celebrate. I’m breaking out the fettuccine.

By the way, if you read about me helping Mike find Li’l Paul’s Smokehouse in Lebanon, Tennessee, the other night, you have been waiting for these photos.

Wing It

If you’re a guy, and you hate to cook, but you bought my book anyway just because you love me, let me reward you. Here is the lunch I just ate. It takes no skill at all, and boy was it good.

Buy a package of six or eight chicken wings. Salt them and sprinkle them with garlic powder. Preheat your oven to 425. Put the wings on a broiler pan and bake them for one hour. This is the recipe from the Frank’s Red Hot label. Obviously, it’s for non-breaded wings.

Wash a medium-sized baking potato and rub it with salt. Poke a few holes in the skin. Nuke it for 5 minutes. Turn it over. Nuke it for 5 more.

When the chicken is done, put it in a bowl with a tablespoon of bacon grease. If you have butter, add a tablespoon of that. Soak the chicken thoroughly in your favorite mild hot sauce (Texas Pete or Frank’s, maybe) and toss it in the grease so it gets coated with everything. If there is grease in the bottom of the broiler pan, add that.

Jam the potato full of sour cream. Pour the stuff in the bottom of the chicken bowl on top of it.

I also heated up a can of greens.

This was totally delicious. If deep-fried wings are better than baked, the difference is beyond my powers of detection.

I have been fooling with welding. Someone astutely suggested that my needle scaler might be a good tool for removing…scale. So I tried it. It works, but it dings the metal up a little. I finished up with a wire brush, and things look okay. I also tried hydrochloric acid. You won’t believe me, but when I took the metal out, it looked like the areas with scale had developed rust, and the rusty areas were rust-free but covered with scale. Seriously.

Sandpaper does absolutely nothing. A wire brush works okay, but it’s slow.

I think sand-blasting is the best answer. I should spring for a blaster and a refrigerated air dryer. I’m too cheap to get a cabinet. I’ll just blow sand into the yard.

Here’s something I can’t figure out. Where does the liquid go when you use an air dryer? Does it drain out of the machine somewhere? Hmm…web sources say it does. I guess that must be one reason these things cost so much. It must be a pain, building something that will drain water out of chilled, pressurized air, without releasing the air.

I should go ahead and drive to Harbor Freight. Water was squirting out of the needle scaler.

Ribs on Sale Again

On my trip to Home Depot, I dropped by Winn-Dixie. I had to. One of this week’s specials: rib roast, $4.99 per pound.

Come on. How is that fair? Just roast it and wave it under my nose, why don’t you?

Obviously, I bought a roast.