The Carter II Curse Continues

It’s funny sometimes. Obama can’t win for losing.

On Super Bowl Sunday, we saw one of the things Chrysler did with the billion-plus dollars they took from us. They created a self-serving ad featuring Clint Eastwood. The narration started with, “It’s halftime in America.” Clint went on to tell us how hard times were; how badly things were going. And he said we were going to get off the canvas, suck it up, walk it off, improvise, adapt, overcome, et cetera. We were going to WIN, and the reason is…uh…okay, here it is: we’re AMERICA. Like that’s a magical word that prevents failure.

It turns out two people involved in the ad (Michael Tabtabai and Jimm Lasser) have a history of working for Obama. Big shock there. Clint Eastwood seems to think the ad was politically neutral, but it was clearly an effort to rehabilitate a failed Presidency. Unfortunately, it works better as a condemnation of everything Obama stands for.

Let’s go back to 1984, to the ad Chrysler plagiarized. Ronald Reagan was running for reelection. He was extremely popular. His strategies were working. He had a good record to run on. Life had been miserable under Carter. Interest rates were over 20%. Inflation was out of control. We were the laughingstock of the globe. Under Reagan, that had turned around, and everyone knew it. So his team put out an ad surprisingly similar to the Obama halftime ad. The theme was “morning in America.” We had come out from the dark night of the Carter administration. Here is the ad.

I’m not going to embed the Obama ad for comparison. You can find it online. You’ve probably seen it already. What a contrast! Reagan’s message? “Things are WAY better than they were four years ago. Let’s keep moving in the right direction!” Obama’s message? “Things STINK, but I’m only halfway done! Give me more time, and my long-discredited policies of socialism, borrowing, and central planning are going to work out!” After all, they worked so well in East Germany, the USSR, North Vietnam, North Korea, Cuba…

The difference is obvious. In the morning, the night is over. Your problems are behind you. A bright new day awaits. At halftime, you’re still in the middle of the battle, and under Obama, you’re LOSING!

Not only did Obama’s surrogates steal from Reagan; they implicitly admit Obama’s record is inferior!

Maybe Obama had nothing to do with this. Doesn’t matter. His team was behind it, in one form or another.

It’s hard for me to imagine a funnier way to condemn your performance as President. You never ask people, “Are you better off today than you were four years ago?” when the answer is “NO.”

Eastwood shouldn’t have said it was halftime. He should have said, “GAME OVER.” Or “sudden death.” Although that would have annoyed the Secret Service.

The obvious self-incriminating nature of the ad will blow over most people’s heads. People aren’t bright enough to pick up on irony. It has to be pointed out to them.

If I were Obama, I think I’d want to run off and hide. Maybe that’s why he goes on vacation eight times a year.

RELEASE, not SETTLEMENT

I have a wonderful tip for people who cosign student loans.

If you call and ask the loan people what they’ll settle for, they’ll offer a reduced principle payoff figure–around 10% off the number on the notices they send you–but they’ll tell you it goes on your credit report. That’s obviously a bad idea. Do not use the words “settle” or “settlement” when you contact the lender, because this is what they’ll try to foist off on you.

Here’s what you want: a cosigner RELEASE. Be sure you use that word.

It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. If you make them an offer they like–and this offer can be way lower than the settlement figure–they’ll execute a total release, and they won’t tell the credit bureaus. Try 50% of the principal and see what happens. You might save thousands. If you cosigned for a someone who has no character and no intention of paying, this may be the best way out.

Check it out, if you’re on the hook because you tried to do some fool a favor. It makes no sense whatsoever, but it works. You pay much less, your credit is unaffected, AND you can tell them to quit calling you and sending you letters. They’ll keep going after the debtor, but you’ll be in the clear.

Hope this helps somebody. It’s not legal advice; it’s just something I happened to learn.

We Are Caught in a FAIL Loop

I have to wonder why Republicans chose the elephant–the animal that never forgets–as their symbol. We are the party that ALWAYS forgets.

Last time around, we nominated the most “electable” candidate. We knew he was electable because the press told us so! If you can’t trust liberals to tell you which candidate the conservative party should choose, who CAN you trust? They had to be right.

So we chose McCain. For all his good points, he was an old man women find unattractive, and that matters a lot in an election. He was perceived as crabby and mean. He was so liberal, conservatives could not get excited about him and get out in sufficient numbers to push him over the top. Somehow, though, he was still conservative enough for liberals and the brain-dead centrists to hate.

It was amazing, how McCain was transformed. He got himself nominated, and suddenly, he was an evil arch-conservative who wanted to pollute our air and water, freeze old people to death, kill puppies and kittens, and send flying monkeys out to kidnap little girls from Kansas.

The press assassinated him, and the astounding EKG flatliners in the middle of the electorate refused to swallow him. We turned down a distinguished war hero with unassailable credentials as an effective legislator, and we hired a fungible Chicago bagman who had worked 143 days in the Senate, after defeating a conservative Senate candidate most people believed to be psychotic.

Here we are again, four years down the road, and what have we learned? We’ve learned we need to DO IT AGAIN. It worked so well last time. Don’t touch the Bible-thumpers! Avoid anyone who grew up between the coasts! We need someone liberals will cross the aisle to vote for! We need another RINO!

So now people are telling us it’s a done deal: Romney will be the candidate.

Did I say “Romney”? I meant to use his new name: MCCAIN II.

Reagan taught us you don’t have to believe what the people believe, in order to be elected. What they really want is a bold thinker who will TELL them what they believe. Convince them you’re competent and sure of yourself, and you’ll win their hearts, which matter much more than their minds. This is why even Jews voted for Reagan.

We have no guts and no brains, so we’re rejecting this proven wisdom. We’re going to give craven cowardice a try! We’re like socialists. Just because we’ve failed over and over doesn’t mean our ideas don’t work. It’s not that what we do is stupid; it’s that we do it wrong.

Romney will never be President. I can’t predict the future, but that’s what experience and common sense tell me. No Democrat will vote for him. Centrists will be too stupid to see how he differs from Obama, so they won’t come out for him, unless Obama rapes someone on the White House lawn in November. Many conservatives won’t care for him enough to go out and vote for him. And we’ll be saddled with four more years of the Accidental President; the Ted Williams of politics. Chauncey Gardiner meets Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Bachmann could have won. Palin could have won. Santorum could win, if conservatives would make some effort to support him. He’s no Reagan, but he’s no Romney, either.

If you don’t think any of these people could win, consider Ron Paul. The man has a screw loose. He has the common sense of a crackhead on Sunday, when the scrap metal dealers are closed. It’s amazing that he was ever elected to ANYTHING, and the fact that he polls on third place is absolutely frightening. This is what happens when you have supporters who won’t give up. Paul is, and always will be, a fringe nut, but he has hordes of supporters who queer every poll and keep his name in play. They’re like a spotlight that shines on an ant, casting a shadow the size of a whale. If the Paulbots were behind Sarah Palin, she’d be in first place.

Thanks to his supporters, whose common sense is right up there with that of their leader, Ron Paul is the President for Life of the Internet. Thank God, that’s the only thing he’ll ever be President of.

He’s anti-Israel. He’s pro-“Palestinian.” He wants to withdraw from international politics to the point where we have no influence anywhere, as though saving aid dollars were somehow the key to prosperity and security. That’s great, if your country is situated inside a bell jar. Here on earth, not so much.

Wait until the “race war” newsletter comes back. It’s festering under wraps right now, because the press doesn’t want to shoot its wad at the wrong time. If he somehow got nominated, it would be revived in mid-summer, and we would hear about it through November, because it’s a very sound story, and it has legs. Nobody who warns people of an impending “race war” is ever going to be President, even if he weasels and blames it on a subordinate.

I keep praying for God to wipe out the Obama, Paul, Romney, and Gingrich campaigns. It’s hard to think of anyone I would not accept over these characters. Even Biden looks good. At least he’d be ineffective. As it is, the RNC should be paying him. He has done things for us no Republican could have done.

Now I suppose Paulbots will show up and troll. Proves my point. Where are the Sarahbots? Where are the Rickbots and Michelebots?

The GOP has absolutely no guts, and we deserve to lose. I didn’t think it was possible, but my faith in our incompetence is surging.

I Need to Get Up and Do Something

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. I felt pretty bad for him until we both met a guy who was just a head. Then all three of us met a guy who was just an eyeball. We decided to go to the mall and buy him a nice monocle.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. It worked out okay, though, because chicks dig guys who cry.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. He called me a pansy and tried to punch me for crying. But I outran him pretty easily.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. I’m glad I wasn’t crying about not having a hat.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. Suddenly I felt new gratitude for my vast collection of expensive boots.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. I stopped crying and asked if I could have his shoes. Hey, he wasn’t using them.

History Will Call Him Snidley Becklash

Glenn Beck is turning out to be an embarrassment to conservatives! It’s unimaginable! It’s inconceivable! WHAT KIND OF FREAKISH CLAIRVOYANT COULD HAVE FORESEEN THIS?

*cough*

On my tombstone, I should put a long list of stuff I predicted publicly, to responses of catcalls and sneers. I said Pajamas Media would amount to nothing, and it would divide the Blogosphere. I said Arnold Schwarzenegger would turn out to be a black eye for the GOP. And I said Glenn Beck would turn out to be a major embarrassment.

Everyone said I was an idiot. Maybe I was, but 1) that’s irrelevant, 2) I was still right, and 3) all the loyal, right-thinking, team-spirit-oozing sheep were wrong.

Beck is plagiarizing, on a grand scale, as policy. He is earning millions, partly off of other people’s work, and he is actually having his staff exert extra effort to CONCEAL sources.

What on earth is wrong with him? Who even thinks like that? How can a person be that petty? It’s like a cheap soap opera villain. It’s so venal, its hard to believe it’s not fiction. It’s like someone modified his genes using material from Erica on All my Children.

The story I linked says Beck took a video shot by a blogger and EDITED OUT THE WATERMARK. Geez. Isn’t life hard enough for bloggers without conservative pundits actively sabotaging their work? We struggle to succeed, and we do the media’s work for them, and we fully accept the fact that we will not get the fame and money we deserve. We know they won’t help us (unless we look good in tight sweaters and have no original thoughts). But we don’t expect them to make a special effort to keep us in the dirt! This is like LeBron James, holding ghetto kids at gunpoint and stealing their basketballs. Earth to the famous: “succeed” just means “to do well”; you are not also required to prevent others from making it.

Neglect used to be considered sufficient. Now they’re proactively cheating us. What’s next? Are Bill O’Reilly and Roger Ailes going to go house to house, shooting bloggers in their beds? “Here’s a hollowpoint to the sternum, and then I’ll give you the last word.”

I am reminded of the movie Coma, where they gave people brain damage and then hung them up in a big warehouse, on life support, while they whittled parts out of them and sold them on the black market. I’m not saying bloggers have brain damage (I prefer not to address the issue), but even without that, the parallel is pretty accurate.

Honest to God, what’s the use of trying? Twelve or thirteen years ago, the lamest writer imaginable could (and often did) become a recognized megahit Internet pundit. The gold rush was on; all you had to do was stake a claim. The little guy had a chance. Now corporations operate websites they pretend are blogs, and they suck up all the traffic, and Glenn Beck is bringing up the rear, making absolutely sure the media leaves crumbs much to small for the other Whos’ mouses.

I guess the Tea Partiers have replaced bloggers. We used to be the grassroots, but Fox and the conservative “haves” have blasted us with Roundup and replaced us with artificial turf, like Red Eye and Malkin. Much like Rachel Marsden, we have been escorted off the premises by security, and the locks have been changed behind us, and Glenn Beck is making sorties out of the Green Zone to steal what little eclat we have left. If you want attention now, you have to go stand at a rally holding an AR15 and carrying a stupid sign, and if you really want to be noticed, make sure it’s misspelled.

I hope I don’t sound angry. I’m cracking up as I write this. It’s a Giraudoux play brought to life. It’s like Ionesco having a waking dream on national TV. I left this nonsense behind a couple of years ago; even Tantalus eventually gets a clue. But I can’t help remarking on it.

One of the funny things about growing older is that you come to understand how base human nature is, and then you are sentenced to see your conclusions confirmed over and over and over and over. It’s unbelievable. People are so venal, you just can’t hold the understanding of it in your mind. It’s so incredible, your left hemisphere will try to explain it away. “He’s not going to do that. Real human beings aren’t that shallow and predictable. It’s like something a character from the Simpsons would do. It’s impossible. It’s two-dimensional. AND NOW HE’S DOING IT. OH YES, HE’S DOING IT. I SAW IT COMING, AND SMOKE IS STILL COMING OUT OF MY EARS.” I feel like one of those Star Trek characters who burst into flame when Spock whispered puzzles into their ears.

You know what George Santayana should have said? “Those who learn from history are doomed to watch a whole bunch of idiots repeat it.”

I do stupid things, too, but it’s still funny watching the true masters of idiocy. To paraphrase Ty Webb, I don’t want to shortchange myself. When it comes to idiocy, I’m no slouch. But Darth Maul stands up and salutes when the Emperor walks by.

I believe supernatural forces run the world, and when I look at inexplicable successes like Glenn Beck, Obama’s Nobel, and Cher and Marissa Tomei’s Oscars, I assume they’re in play. They can make you succeed when you should fail, and they can keep you on top when you should go down in flames. Look at Qaddafi. So I won’t predict that Beck will take a huge career hit. But he should. Ordinarily, this would put an end to any career in journalism or academia.

I’m sure–I don’t have to check–that the success-worshiping sheep of the right wing are already defending Beck. We love circling the wagons and going down with the ship. Anyone who has made it must be God’s anointed. Anyone who criticizes deserves the same kind of treatment the herd gave famous malcontents and critics of the past. People like Socrates and Jesus. Troublemakers.

Mindlessly defend prominent conservative. Press lever. Receive food pellet. That’s how it works.

Here’s a prediction. Beck will get in trouble, but not as much trouble as Don Imus. Conservatives will all look like idiots, but not enough of them will care, so there will be no massive “Becklash.” Beck will be damaged, and he will never be quite as prominent as he is now, but he will still be a big player, and people will call his show (if he takes calls) and tell him he got in trouble because he was just too wonderful for this world.

And if his career gets in real trouble, maybe he’ll make another video about how he was almost killed by his hemorrhoids. I still can’t get over that.

It’s ALIVE

I could do this all day (click to DL big animated gif).

How did Arnold get in there?

Mommy Only Leaves so Many Twenties in her Purse

Conservatism is about building and growing and passing it on to future generations. Liberalism is just legalized looting.

More

Liberalism is what happens when covetousness becomes law.

Chilly!

It’s 57° outside, and it’s almost one p.m.! I LOVE IT!

I get so tired of sticking to things.

The Price of Dignity: One Boarding Pass

Back when George Bush was President, it was a gigantic invasion of our civil rights when the TSA asked us to take off our shoes. At least that’s what many prominent liberals told us. Then Obama got elected, and Jim Carville said it was okay with him if the TSA measured his genitals. Not that there is a double standard, mind you.

I used to make fun of the people who complained about taking their shoes off at airports. No one really feels violated when forced to remove his or her shoes. The fuss was actually about George Bush and the left’s irrational hatred of him. But now screeners take naked pictures of us, squeeze women’s breasts, and feel our genitals with the palms of their hands. They do it to men, boys, old ladies and little girls. In front of the general public.

That’s different.

This is the kind of thing the Bill of Rights was written to prevent. If you think otherwise, you are probably very stupid. At best, you are ignorant of history. The purpose of the Bill of Rights was to prevent government excesses. We were fleeing British tyranny, and the crown had a long record of torturing, confiscating property, performing unreasonable searches, prosecuting people without trials, and so on. We wanted to prevent our government from doing these things to us, so we drafted the first ten Amendments to the Constitution.

We didn’t write them so they only applied to life-threatening government action. We included minor inconveniences. If you were to write a trivial blog post the government didn’t like, and the government were to make you delete it, that would be a minor inconvenience. Such governmental action is absolutely illegal, however. The cops can’t pull random cars over for fifteen seconds each and search their glove compartments without warrants, even if it might save lives. They can’t come to your house and take fifty cents from your piggy bank, without a legal basis. If you and ten friends are hanging out at the mall, having a good time, the cops can’t come and tell you to disperse. Small things. Completely illegal.

The Bill of Rights was not written just to keep you from being thrown in jail or executed or impoverished. It was also written to force the government to be polite. That is no exaggeration. So when the government demands the right to photograph or feel your vagina or scrotum, even for a few seconds, it ought to have a very good reason. And there is considerable doubt as to whether the TSA has good reasons for doing these things. The Israelis don’t do them, and their air safety record is second to none.

The sad truth is that it’s better for a few hundred people to die in midair explosions than for an entire nation to submit to sexual abuse. If that sounds crazy, think about the things our soldiers die for all the time. They die so we can have blogs. They die so we can have pornography. Hundreds of thousands of American soldiers have died to protect things that seem relatively trivial. And we are no better than our soldiers. We ought to be willing to face the same risks they face, in order to protect basic civil liberties. In fact, by refusing to be photographed naked and groped, we would face a much smaller risk, or no risk at all (judging by Israel’s experience), since soldiers are much more likely to be harmed than civilians, even in an atmosphere of terrorism. We don’t have to be nearly as brave as our soldiers. We just have to have a little tiny bit of bravery. But we apparently don’t have it.

We don’t have the advantage our ancestors had. We have no memory of a government that forced us to board soldiers in our homes or punished people by drawing and quartering. We don’t recall what it was like to live under the Sedition Act. So the new incursions on our liberty don’t remind us of a painful past. No! To many of us, they seem innovative! Clever! Rational!

It would be no different if we were asked to give up other liberties. If we gave up the Fourth Amendment’s protection from unreasonable search and seizure, hundreds of thousands of violent criminals would be jailed within a year. Our streets would be safer; there is no doubt about it. If we gave up the Sixth Amendment right to confront our accusers, all sorts of terrified crime victims would be encouraged to come forward, and again, prosecution rates would soar. If we reduced defendants’ rights across the board, a dramatic national cleansing would result. The bodies of dead children would be recovered. Fortunes would be restored to crime victims. Adults kidnapped as children would meet their real parents for the first time.

You can almost always get something very good by giving up something precious. So what? Who wants to live like that? If that’s how we feel, why not go ahead and turn our military cemeteries into public urinals? What did we spend those lives for?

I am writing this because I just read about John Tyner’s TSA experience. He refused to have his genitals grabbed by TSA screeners, and they forced him to miss a flight. They even manufactured a bogus lawsuit threat, ordering him to leave the airport and then telling him he would be fined and sued if he obeyed. They acted the way threatened bureaucrats always act. The way the Founding Fathers had seen colonial bureaucrats act, prior to the Constitutional Congress.

One commenter on Tyner’s blog said he was making a big fuss over a brief grope. Here is what another commenter said: “Anonymous 3:22: it probably seemed excessive for Rosa Parks to risk arrest over a bus seat.”

Exactly. I guarantee you, there were people who said Rosa Parks was crazy. All she had to do was sit in the back of the bus. She would have arrived at her destination at the same time as the white people up front. She wasn’t even required to let a stranger feel her breasts. But she was right. Dignity matters. A good deal of the Bill of Rights exists purely to protect our dignity. And dignity is exactly what we gave up when we agreed to be photographed naked and allow TSA agents to handle our children’s crotches.

Ask yourself if George Washington would have let the TSA feel up Martha.

Liberals like to tell us “slippery slope” arguments are nonsense, but of course, that’s wrong. The Jews in Germany and Austria lost their rights incrementally. We went from a modest Social Security system to a bankrupt socialist ponzi scheme incrementally. The “slippery slope” concept exists because it has been proven right, time and again. We are seeing it now, in our airports. If you will let a stranger palm your wife’s crotch, what exactly would it take to offend you?

Just blow me up. Really. Kill me. Today. How bad can death be? I am not that scared of it. I ride motorcycles. I’ve flown in private planes. The other day I ate tomato sauce from a dubious can, just because I didn’t want to drive to the store. I’m not that scared of death. A low risk of death is preferable to certain repeated humiliation.

If you think things are bad now, wait until the first rectum bomb goes off on a plane. I guarantee you, most Americans will gladly submit to random rectal exams. When we reach that point, consider me grounded. Eventually, you have to put a firm price on your dignity. I don’t like the idea of being molested just so I can have a short vacation, and when they reach the stage where they’re looking inside anuses and vaginas, there will be no destination I consider sufficiently tempting. Seriously, if I offered you a ticket to California in exchange for letting me sodomize you, would you go for it?

I’ve always been like this. When I was in college, I thought fraternities were disgusting because they made young men strip naked and perform in gay rites.

I can’t wait to see what the next “necessary” violation will be. I don’t think Americans have the guts to stand up to the TSA, so I think the abusive searches will continue, and that will encourage the government, and they’ll go ahead and make things worse.

John Tyner is an inspiration. I don’t have a tenth of the character he has. People like John Tyner are our only hope of an acceptable quality of life in the future. Let the commenters criticize him. Capos criticized people who resisted the Nazis, and history passed judgment. History will be very kind to our John Tyners. It always has.

Plus New Advancements in the Treatment of Terminal Hemorrhoids

I got involved in an Internet discussion with some guy who called Andrew Breitbart a “race baiter” for his attack on Shirley Sherrod. If you recall, Ms. Sherrod worked for the government, and she told a story about her intentional discrimination against a white farmer. Breitbart released the video, but later, it turned out that we hadn’t seen the whole thing. In reality, the discrimination story was about an act Ms. Sherrod later came to regret and disavow. The Obama administration, in a move which would have been to its credit, but for the incompetence, fired Ms. Sherrod without checking the facts. Then they reinstated her. I guess they voted against her before they voted for her.

The guy I dealt with insisted that the attack on Sherrod was deliberately deceptive and racist. I argued:

1) Breitbart has a history of incompetence, and it might explain the deceptive nature of the video. The most credible explanation is deliberate dishonesty, because it’s hard to screw up this badly without knowing exactly what you’re doing, but Breitbart is probably capable of that level of carelessness, as the Acorn mess suggests.

2) It is not racist to criticize a black person (Ms. Sherrod is black). Breitbart was almost certainly motivated by his desire to expose the shortcomings of progressives. He and James O’Keefe have gone after plenty of white leftists, and Breitbart would definitely have published the Sherrod video, had Sherrod (and Obama) been white.

The reason the Internet discussion arose is that my opponent was trying to get ABC to remove Breitbart from a televised election discussion. It was a sort of petition drive. My opponent said Breitbart should not be allowed to appear on ABC, because he was a racist and liar. I said ABC had a right to do anything it wanted, and that there were plenty of good reasons not to put Breitbart on the air, but that I was against pressuring networks to prevent people from speaking. They do enough of that as it is. Let’s be real. They put Al Sharpton on the air and even tried to give him a sitcom. How can Breitbart be any worse? Surely he deserves as much respect as Al Sharpton.

Now ABC has canned Breitbart’s appearance, and the petition guy is claiming victory. However, the letter ABC published reveals that their impetus had nothing to do with lying or racism. In fact, Breitbart was canned simply because he annoyed them:

Dear Mr. Breitbart,

We have spent the past several days trying to make clear to you your limited role as a participant in our digital town hall to be streamed on ABCNews.com and Facebook. The post on your blog last Friday created a widespread impression that you would be analyzing the election on ABC News. We made it as clear as possible as quickly as possible that you had been invited along with numerous others to participate in our digital town hall. Instead of clarifying your role, you posted a blog on Sunday evening in which you continued to claim a bigger role in our coverage. As we are still unable to agree on your role, we feel it best for you not to participate.

Sincerely,

Andrew Morse

My conclusion is that ABC’s actions are more in line with my views than those of my opponent. Grossly exaggerating your role in a telecast falls under the broad penumbra of incompetence. It’s not something a professional would do.

Actually, I suppose dishonesty was a factor, since ABC’s letter says it based its decision on untrue claims made by Breitbart.

For a long time, I’ve held that Jews and blacks make terrible, self-destructive political decisions. They support the Sharptons and Jacksons and Obamas and Franks. They get behind foolish, silly people who ultimately harm those who back them. These days, it seems like conservatives are in the same boat. We’re so used to being pushed to the back of the media bus, when a semi-credible conservative gets a voice, we clamber up his or her legs like drowning victims trying to get to air. This is how we ended up with Ann Coulter (“camel jockeys”), Glenn Beck (hemorrhoid video and constant crying), Roger Simon (near annihilation of the right-wing blogosphere), Arnold Schwarzenegger (don’t get me started), and now, Andrew Breitbart.

We need to get over our desperation. We have the Internet and Fox News now. We are not completely shut out. We can afford to wait for legitimate voices to arise. How about Zo? I haven’t seen him say anything insane or despicable yet. If he’s out there swinging, surely we can find others. Why seed your own house with termite eggs?

I know some of the people I named have done some good work. On the other hand, a cake with a piece of cat poop on one corner is mostly cake. Based on that logic, would you serve it at a party? And remember, it’s not like there is a shortage of cakes. Pundits, I mean.

Or cat poop.

We will continue supporting people who embarrass us. I know that. We circle the wagons and shoot the messenger, time after time. The appearance of solidarity is more important than ethics. We’re terrified that if one of our idols falls, we’ll be transported instantly, back to the 1970s. The conservative press will cease to exist without [insert name of pundit/ette here], and the people who criticized will be to blame, and the earth’s tectonic plates will split apart, and we’ll all fall into hot magma while paying excessive capital gains taxes.

You have to love mob thinking. A mob never does anything right. A mob would still be stupid even if every person in it were a theoretical physicist. When it comes to supporting kooks and amateurs, conservatives are a mob. We boil the baby in the bathwater and then drink it.

I guess the lemmings will head my way now, to charge off the cliff I created. I should be glad my blog gets no traffic.

More

I guess I should point out that I used the term “camel jockeys” as a pejorative allusion to Ann Coulter’s use of the same slur. I am not advocating the use of this ridiculous and offensive term to describe Arabs.

The Rain May Never Fall Till After Sundown…

In case it isn’t clear to everyone, this is how everyone but the extreme left sees Obama, and it is the reason for what’s happening at the polls today.

Breitbart Calls Out Rogue News Organization Headed by Rival Breitbart

Am I the only one who noticed Andrew Breitbart piloting a bright yellow Greyhound over the remains of ACORN journopimp James O’Keefe?

I don’t even understand this story. It sort of looks like O’Keefe tried to mack on a CNN reporter, and if she came across, he intended to put the video on the Internet. That can’t be right. Can it? I don’t know if it’s good journalism, but it will definitely make it harder for O’Keefe to get dates with intelligent women.

It has the makings of a bad Matthew McConnaghey romance. Boy meets hot girl reporter. Sparks fly. Girl tries to sting boy on air to get ahead with her career. Boy finds out and tries to sting girl back. Boy gets fired. Girl quits job and starts working with retarded children in Vermont. Boy shows up in rented ultralight, towing “MARRY ME” banner in circles around yacht belonging to girl’s new beau.

Wow, that really DOES sound like a bad Matthew McConnaghey romance. Someone should work up a treatment.

You can see why I never go to movies.

Here is one thing I am sure of. The whole affair is an embarrassment. O’Keefe looks like an idiot, and since Breitbart spawned O’Keefe, the blood trail leads to his front door.

Breitbart has issued a statement condemning O’Keefe’s actions. Notably absent from his chaff field: any type of critical comment RE Andrew Breitbart.

I am reminded of a frightened squid taking off while expelling ink.

The weirdest part: Breitbart posted his statement on O’Keefe’s website, which is owned and operated by…Andrew Breitbart.

If you’re going to call for an explanation from someone who works for you, isn’t the normal thing to do it privately and then talk to the press in unison? And if you put a gun in a toddler’s hand, don’t you bear some responsibility when he shoots the nanny? It’s like Breitbart barely knows O’Keefe. Mr. Breitbart, if you want an explanation, walk across the hall. Are you seriously waiting for an employee to find out about your outrage by reading about it on the Internet? His number is programmed into your cell phone. Send him a text. Stand up and look into the next cubicle.

I understand the right’s desperate longing for heroes, but sometimes you have to take the long view and ask yourself how you’re going to feel about your new messiah in five years. Look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. Does anyone still think that was a good idea? Well, sure. Dope dealers who’ve taken their millions and gone legit. But other than them?

When a Republican candidate smokes dope in a movie and defends it during his campaign, you ought to realize he’s not mainstream GOP material. This is not rocket science. Is it? Am I being unfair? Am I a genius because I picked up on Schwarzenegger’s creepiness? I don’t think so. I know most people are slow, but I don’t believe this puzzle required a Ph.D. in applied math. This is a mean, selfish person who cannot identify with traditional American morals. Go back and watch Pumping Iron. See for yourself.

Wow, this is amazing. I just Googled the term “chaff field” and learned it actually exists. Lucky guess on that one.

You can’t generate heroes on command. We tried that with Sarah Palin, and our success was limited. If we had been more patient, we could have had Chris Christie and avoided the whole Bristol/Playgirl thing. It seems to me that the Big This and That.com team is like a half-baked cake. It seems okay when you poke around the outside, but when you get into the middle, runny disappointment awaits.

And Glenn Beck…don’t get me started. Sooner or later the moment of revelation will come, and we’ll all claim we knew he was nuts from the get-go. Maybe he’ll back Donny Osmond for President. I don’t know. The hemorrhoid video should have been adequate notice. A lot of people have said, “My hemorrhoids are killing me,” but Beck is the only one who meant it literally.

There is no reason the right can’t have actual pundits. We have George Will, don’t we? I’m not sure why we had to have Breitman and the Boy Wonder. If O’Keefe really has the stuff, shouldn’t he read a few books and go work as a real journalist before we rest our hopes on him? Am I the only one who remembers Mickey Mouse in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice?

Someone help me understand what O’Keefe was up to. It sounds like he was trying to slap CNN down by marketing a sex tape featuring himself. I don’t get it at all. Maybe he’s been watching Kim Kardashian.

There are a lot of smart people in the blogosphere who could bypass the normal process and go right into big time journalism. Why Breitbart passed them up and bet on a kid is a mystery. Well, maybe it’s not. You want the people you hire to look good, but not TOO good.

Harry Truman would have loved this.

Don’t Forget the Budweiser Mirror

If, like me, you were confused by the cheesy corduroy couches and vinyl-covered coffee table Obama put in the Oval Office, you may have a better understanding once you view this video Robert Gibbs made.

Send Gibbs out for Plastic Lawn Flamingos

Tonight I heard Michael Savage (a guilty pleasure) foaming at the mouth over the new Oval Office furniture. Then I took a look at some photos. He’s right! Obama just put two cheap corduroy sofas in the Oval Office! You really have to see it to believe it. And the coffee table looks like it came from Sam’s Club. I am not exaggerating. It’s repulsive.

It’s Motel 6! All it needs is Magic Fingers!

Where did we find this guy? Honestly, Billy Carter had more class.

Click This Link

As you may be aware, Sondra K. is now a kickboxer. For that reason, I am posting the following link:

LINK. When you get to that link, you are to vote for Soldier’s Angels, a fine charity which Sondra likes. Apparently, the charity with the most votes gets a big wad of cash.

She asked me to post that a few days ago, and I completely forgot. Hopefully I have spared myself a kickboxing lesson.

Oops

Looks like they called this thing off early! No point in voting now.

I have to go hide from Sondra.