Life Isn’t a Disney Cartoon

I love confirmation.

In “Christianese,” or the jargon of charismatic Christians, “confirmation” is what happens when you think God is doing or saying something, and then you get independent corroboration. For example, during your morning prayers, you get a strong impression that God wants you to spend more time in confession. Then later in the day, a Christian friend calls you and starts telling you about a revelation he received about confession. That’s confirmation.

I few days ago, I wrote about the importance of confession. I wrote about the way your prayers can be hindered by refusing to confront sin and iniquity. I said pride kept people from getting healed and so on.

A friend of mine who is not a Christian posted a familiar scripture in the comments: “God is near to all who call on him.”

The problem with the comment was this: you have to read the whole Bible and consider it when you look at individual verses. Otherwise, you get the wrong idea.

Imagine this. You buy a band saw. You want to know how to turn it on, so you read part of the manual. The part you read says to flip the “ON” switch. You flip the switch, and nothing happens. What went wrong? You failed to consider the page that said to plug the saw in.

God is in the business of answering prayers and helping people. When he doesn’t answer, it doesn’t mean he just didn’t feel like it. He is honest. He has promised to answer prayer, and he means it. Either you asked for something you should not have asked for, or something blocked the response. God is near to all who call on him, EXCEPT for those who have problems that put him at a distance or motivate him to close his ears.

I started looking for scriptures one should think about in addition to the one about God being near, and in a few minutes, I had posted a large collection.

I’ll repost the scriptures here. I doubt you’ll ever hear Joyce Meyer or T.D. Jakes mention them.

“Though the Lord is on high,
Yet He regards the lowly;
BUT THE PROUD HE KNOWS FROM AFAR.”

“Because I have called and you refused,
I have stretched out my hand and no one regarded,
Because you disdained all my counsel,
And would have none of my rebuke,
I also will laugh at your calamity;
I WILL MOCK WHEN YOUR TERROR COMES,
When your terror comes like a storm,
And your destruction comes like a whirlwind,
When distress and anguish come upon you.

THEN THEY WILL CALL ON ME, BUT I WILL NOT ANSWER;
THEY WILL SEEK ME DILIGENTLY, BUT THEY WILL NOT FIND ME.
Because they hated knowledge
And did not choose the fear of the Lord,
They would have none of my counsel
And despised my every rebuke.

Therefore they shall eat the fruit of their own way,
And be filled to the full with their own fancies.
For the turning away of the simple will slay them,
And the complacency of fools will destroy them;
But whoever listens to me will dwell safely,
And will be secure, without fear of evil.”

“If I regard iniquity in my heart, THE LORD WILL NOT HEAR.”

“Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened,
That it cannot save;
Nor His ear heavy,
That it cannot hear.

But your iniquities have separated you from your God;
And your sins have hidden His face from you,
SO THAT HE WILL NOT HEAR.”

“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their cry.

THE FACE OF THE LORD IS AGAINST THOSE WHO DO EVIL,
To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.”

“Then the Lord said to me, ‘Do not pray for this people, for their good. When they fast, I WILL NOT HEAR THEIR CRY; and when they offer burnt offering and grain offering, I will not accept them. But I will consume them by the sword, by the famine, and by the pestilence.’”

“Because of the multitude of oppressions they cry out;
They cry out for help because of the arm of the mighty.

But no one says, ‘Where is God my Maker,
Who gives songs in the night,

Who teaches us more than the beasts of the earth,
And makes us wiser than the birds of heaven?’

There they cry out, but HE DOES NOT ANSWER,
BECAUSE OF THE PRIDE OF EVIL MEN.

Surely God WILL NOT LISTEN TO EMPTY TALK,
Nor will the Almighty regard it.”

“THE THOUGHTS OF THE WICKED ARE AN ABOMINATION TO THE LORD,
But the words of the pure are pleasant.”

“THE LORD IS FAR FROM THE WICKED,
But He hears the prayer of the righteous.”

“When you spread out your hands,
I will hide My eyes from you;
Even though you make many prayers,
I WILL NOT HEAR.
Your hands are full of blood.”

“GOD RESISTS THE PROUD,
But gives grace to the humble.”

“You ask and DO NOT RECEIVE, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.”

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, THAT YOUR PRAYERS MAY NOT BE HINDERED.”

Wow. That’s pretty clear.

When things go badly for you, there is always a reason. God has promised he will do whatever we ask in the name of Jesus, provided it comports with his will, yet many people go down in flames while praying in the name of Jesus. Does it mean God lied? No, it means we do things that interfere with his help.

Look at the Old Testament. What do you see? People get in trouble. They consult God. He tells them what they’re doing wrong. They repent. God fixes their problems. It happens over and over. If there are any examples of people who pleased God, living in defeat over the long term, I am not aware of them. The Jews under the Egyptians were idolatrous. The Jews who had problems with the Philistines were idolatrous. The Jews who were taken to Babylon were idolatrous. You won’t find examples of people who behaved extremely well, living in defeat their entire lives and then dying in misery.

I’m not saying people who are faithful to God don’t have problems. They are attacked in various ways, and they have a tendency to die as martyrs. But an upright person who isn’t ignorant will be able to defeat most attacks and will not live in subordination over the long term, and there is a difference between martyrdom and failure.

Jesus was a complete success, yet he was martyred. That was his choice. It wasn’t a defeat. He sent Judas to turn him in. He waited for the high priest to come and take him. He prevented his armed disciples from defending him. He refused to mount a legal defense. It was time for him to go, so he went. Jesus suffered for a single day, by choice, but we have no record of him suffering even once before that. We never see him work. We never see him get sick. We never see him injured. He never even loses an argument.

There is no record of Jesus ever losing, but then he never did anything wrong.

Many holy men in the Bible suffered. Paul got beaten and stoned. Elijah had to run from Jezebel, who worshiped devils. Paul and Elijah weren’t perfect. They were like us. They made mistakes, and surely those mistakes gave their enemies the upper hand from time to time. Paul had issues with pride. Elijah ridiculed the prophets of Baal instead of standing by with humility. It makes sense that things went wrong for them on occasion, but in the end, they still prevailed.

Think about David. His infant son died, and this was a punishment from God. It was predicted. David prayed and fasted, but his son died anyway. It wasn’t because God doesn’t answer prayers. It was because David’s sin closed God’s ears. David murdered Uriah and had sex with his wife.

The Bible says God himself killed David’s baby.

I spent a good part of this morning throwing out music CD’s and related books I felt were coming between me and God. I should have done it decades ago. I chained myself to demons, and then I prayed to God, asking him to free me from their attacks. I was under a delusion. I was like an unfaithful wife who still expects her husband’s support. God did an awful lot for me, in spite of my rebellion, but some strongholds refused to budge.

The Hebrew word translated “iniquity” in the Bible means “crookedness.” Think of a tree which is bent as it grows. When you cut it and try to straighten it, it always springs back to its bent shape. It’s like the lady Jesus healed; the one who couldn’t stand straight. When you cultivate iniquity, you put habits in yourself, and they act like springs. When you try to do what’s right, you can’t sustain it. The force of habit, which is driven by demons you invited, eventually overcomes you.

Iniquity and habit are the same thing.

By holding onto cultural garbage, I reinforced and protected my iniquities. I gave new power to the very things I was asking God to take away from me.

I used to say my dad would be my last unequal yoking. When he prayed for salvation, I thought I was through. I was wrong, because I was still yoking myself with the world. The ridiculous music I had collected was a yoke. Fortunately, it’s a lot easier to throw out a CD than to abandon a father.

I was thinking about this today while I looked at Youtube. I was looking for Christian material. I found some. There’s something interesting going on in Sweden, of all places. Europe is an atheist/pagan stronghold now, so it’s amazing when anyone there supports God. There is a movement called The Last Reformation. Charismatic Swedes are going around praying for people, baptizing them with the Holy Spirit, and so on.

They have some Youtube channels, and today I looked at one to see what was available. I saw a title: “Our sins hide Gods face, so that he cannot hear us.” Okay! That sounded good. Then I looked at the date: October 10. Two days ago. One day before I got agitated about the music.

That’s what confirmation looks like.

I’ll embed the video here. I think you’ll like it. If you’re humble, I mean. If you hate advice and think you already have all the answers, it will make your stomach hurt.

He talks about confessing to everyone you feel you’ve wronged. We are not really obligated to do that, so I don’t endorse his message 100%. Sometimes ungodly people use our confessions against us, and besides, once you’re over the age of three, trying to dig up everyone you’ve wronged is far too burdensome to even consider. God will give you the opportunity to confess and apologize to everyone you really need to speak to. Nonetheless, I know he is right about confessing to God and forgiving everyone.

I don’t know what else I have to get rid of, but I can’t wait for God to show me. I am tired of being hindered, and knowing I do it to myself makes it even worse.

Who Really Chains You Down?

Today I’m doing something interesting. I’m throwing out compact disks.

For maybe 9 years, God has been helping me understand that iniquity and sin ruin our relationship with him. If you go to a charismatic church in the US, you won’t hear that. You’ll hear, “It doesn’t matter what you do. God is crazy about you! All you have to do is believe…AND GIVE US A HUGE PERCENTAGE OF YOUR INCOME!” If you talk about repentance and the common demons that attach themselves to Christians who don’t get sanctified, they get very angry, and they drive you out of their churches.

I have been asking God to change me for a long time, and he has been doing it, but I was so corrupted in the beginning, it took me a long time to improve.

I had a dream a number of years ago. I was in a big boat, cruising up a dirty canal in Miami. The canal was full of floating trash and dying fish. The canal was only open to the bay on one end. In order to get to the clean water of the bay, I had to turn around and go past all the filth I had seen on the way up the canal.

God was showing me that when I turned back to him, I would have to revisit my sins. I would have to go back, past all the rotten things I had done in the past. It would take time.

I have improved in steps. I would give this or that up, and then I would plateau. Then I would give something else up. There were things I couldn’t get rid of.

Last night I started thinking about my music collection. It has been sitting in boxes in a storage room for a year. I haven’t bothered fooling with it. A lot of it is also stored on electronic devices.

A while back, I threw out my only Aerosmith CD. Maybe that was before I left Miami. I can’t recall. I figured I would eventually get around to deleting it, and everything else that was offensive, from my devices.

I wake up in the middle of the night a lot, worried. I have help from my smoke detectors. I didn’t know how they worked until a week ago. It turned out I had two sets of detectors. One belonged to the alarm company, and one was built into the house. Even though the house detectors are connected to AC, they still have batteries, and the batteries don’t charge. You have to replace them. When you don’t replace them, they start going off in the middle of the night. Never during the day.

I found a great deal on batteries, on Amazon. I ordered them. They cost about a third as much as batteries from the drugstore. I figured I could deal with the beeping for a couple of days while I waited for the batteries.

Amazon canceled my order without explanation. I ordered the batteries again. Amazon canceled again. I suppose I spent almost two weeks waiting for the batteries. During this time, I was being awakened a lot. When I awakened, I had to pray and use my supernatural tool set to get peace.

Yesterday I deleted Aerosmith from my main computer. When I woke up, I thought about it. I thought about the problems that still cling to me. I felt that I needed to get into my CD’s, throw out the ones that were problematic, and ask for forgiveness. I’ve been doing this today.

I can’t believe how much garbage I’m throwing out, and I’m amazed that I allowed so much of it to remain so long.

Get this: I had two Enya CD’s. I bought them ages ago. Enya’s music is lowbrow, but it’s relaxing, and it makes a good stereo sound great. Why did I have this filth, after turning back to God? Enya is a pagan. Her music is for people who worship demons. I was very angry with myself when I saw the CD’s.

I also had relaxation CD’s. I am very wary of these. Relaxing in God’s presence is wonderful. We’re supposed to do it every day. Relaxing without him can open doors. Relaxation and hypnosis are tools demons use to get at us. Even though my relaxation CD’s were not religious in nature, I threw them out.

I had music from a company called Hearts of Space. I don’t know if they still exist. They used to produce collections of music to show off stereos, and it leaned toward the occult. A good stereo will simulate a large space very well, and New-Agey music is heavy on ambience effects.

I had a little bit of rock and roll. Gone. I don’t need it. How much brains do you need to realize rock culture belongs to Satan? It celebrates rebellion, drugs, and fornication. What else do you need to know? It embarrasses me that I didn’t throw it out a long time ago.

I threw out blues music. I guess I’ll get rid of all of it. I’m not done yet. I threw out B.B. King, Albert King, Big Joe Turner, Lazy Lester, Muddy Waters, John Lee Hooker, Howlin’ Wolf, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Johnny Winter, and a pile of other things.

I have excellent taste in music, so I’m throwing out a lot of things that have real artistic quality. I’m not a teeny bopper or a woman. I don’t listen to Hanson, Kenny G, Beyonce, or Lady Gaga.

It’s amazing, the junk women like.

I’m wondering if I should dump Johnny Cash. People think of him as a country musician, but he started out in rockabilly, and he was an amphetamine addict. He had problems with the law. He broke up June Carter’s marriage. Not a great role model.

It’s tough, throwing out my blues CD’s. Pete Johnson, Jimmy Yancey, Ben Waters, Willie Smith, Albert Ammons, Meade Lewis…most people don’t even know who they are.

I pitched almost every Cuban album I had. Cuba is extremely screwed up. Cubans are passionate about voodoo; it’s why Cuba fell to Castro. The famous song “Babalu” is about a demon Cubans worship. I threw out Cugat, Beny More, Orquesta de la Playa, and Miguelito Valdes. I have been throwing out albums that are not easy to find. To buy them, I had to look them up on obscure websites.

Freddie King. Jackson Browne. Buddy Guy. Duane Allman. It’s a massacre.

When I’m done with the trash, I have to start deleting things.

For months, I’ve been asking God to show me the ropes that attach demons to me, and I know these CD’s are among them.

I wonder if I’ll be able to keep my jazz and classical music. It’s less offensive, but apart from a few classical tunes, it’s not pro-God. Jesus said those who were not for him were against him.

Whatever. I can’t have this mess clinging to me any more. How can I ask God to set me free while I hold onto my chains?

One reason I didn’t do this sooner is that I was afraid of going too far. When I was in my twenties, I went through a period when I wanted to get rid of everything that seemed ungodly, and I threw out things I should have kept. I burned some diaries I wish I still had. Having been through that, I was afraid of going overboard again.

Is it really possible to go overboard? Isn’t it better to overdo it and then have things restored to you than to refuse to go far enough? I’m not sure. The main thing is to be guided by the Holy Spirit. If you do the sorting yourself, you’ll be guessing, and you’ll make mistakes.

I have DVD’s I should dump. The entire Blackadder collection, for example. I loved The Big Lebowski, but I threw it out a long time ago because of the nudity. Anything that has nudity is already gone, as far as I know.

If I were a parent, I’d probably be taking a hard look at Pixar and Disney. Disney has always been creepy, because they struggle so hard to avoid promoting Christianity. They look for substitutes. I would also get rid of everything remotely related to Harry Potter. I can’t believe parents let their children look at that filth.

Later on, I’ll visit the dump. If you were to meet me there, you could make a huge CD score. You could get a lot of carefully collected top-quality music for nothing. It’s not going to happen. This stuff will be crushed and buried.

Might as well do it now. There will be no ZZ Top in heaven, so why listen to it on earth?

Christian entertainment is pretty thin. I can’t replace the things I’m discarding with Christian material of equivalent quality. It doesn’t exist. That’s too bad, but then we live in a sick world that ignores God.

I expect what I’m doing to improve my life. I wish I had started sooner. Take a look at your house, and see if there’s anything you should get rid of. Ask yourself how you would feel if Jesus walked in and saw it. Maybe that will help.

More

I finally found the last big box of CD’s. Thank God, it was mostly box sets. That made sorting it a faster job. All of the CD boxes have been purged.

I still have some box sets somewhere. Really nice stuff. Howlin’ Wolf. Buddy Guy. It has to go.

I’m wondering what to do with my copy of the movie Schindler’s List. It’s a remarkable movie about a pivotal event in human history, but it has full frontal nudity in it. This was not necessary, but you know how filmmakers are. They have to shock and titillate. Spielberg should have created a version with no nudity, for younger audiences.

I guess I’ll dump it. I can live without it.

I still have a few music books related to rock and the blues. I will dig them up and consign them to the dumpster.

Stick With It

Right now, I’m listening to a Tom Fischer video about our purpose. Earth is a disgusting place full of astounding agony and injustice, and heaven is a place of eternal joy, peace, safety, and victory, so why doesn’t God take us there as soon as we receive salvation? The answer is in the Bible, which says he leaves us here to reach others.

A Christian is supposed to be an ambassador, and his body is supposed to be an embassy. An embassy is a building which stands in one nation and belongs to another. The ground under it is considered part of the other nation, and the other nation’s laws apply there. That’s what a Christian should look like. A Christian’s body houses an agent of a foreign government, and within us, that government is supposed to be sovereign.

I don’t think about this as much as I should. Christianity is promoted to us primarily as a way to get our problems solved, and we have plenty of problems, so most of us never reach the point where we devote most of our energy to advancing God’s kingdom. We’re always trying to fix things like family dysfunction, poverty, and cancer. It’s not easy to focus on pulling other people into the lifeboat while we’re busy bailing.

I should write more about God.

Yesterday I got a big reward. A young friend of mine left the ghetto and got himself a music scholarship at the University of Miami, and since then, I’ve been doing what I can to help him succeed. Primarily, I’ve been telling him about the tools and weapons God has given me. Prayer in tongues, blessing, cursing, cutting off the unequal yokings in our lives…things like that.

This week he contacted me and said he was discouraged. He didn’t know if he could succeed. He received a scholarship, but they didn’t give him money to live on, and the money they paid him for working in the band wasn’t sufficient, so he has had to hustle and work. As a result, he had to take incompletes in some courses.

I wrote him an email and reminded him he already had the tools for the job. I told him he needed to make time for prayer in tongues no matter what. I told him he had to get rid of the unequal yokings in his life. He’s black, and I’m sorry to say it, but black people are surrounded by a lot of individuals who are poisonous. They are pumped full of leftist gibberish and identity politics. They are coerced to identify with a race instead of the body of Christ. I told him to stay away from leftism and BLM.

He called me last night, and I assumed he wanted to tell me about his problems. Instead, he thanked me for the email and told me how it was paying off. He said he was getting his prayer life together, using the power of blessing and cursing, and putting things in God’s hands as his problems confronted him.

He had taken an exam. It intimidated him. He remembered what to do. He spoke defeat to the difficulty of the questions, and he remembered to do it during the exam. He asked God for help. He waited and let God give him the answers. It worked.

That really touched me. I went from algebra ignoramus to grad student in a top physics program in under 4 years. I eventually quit physics and took up law, which is infinitely easier. I had problems in grad school because I was burned out, and I was doped up on ADD drugs that made it impossible for me to eat and sleep. I had no one on my side. I was away from God, so when I prayed, I felt as if I were praying from within a dark cistern made of brass. The prayers seemed to bounce off the ceiling. Actually, they did bounce off.

Even though I was in rebellion, I had one good tool, and I failed to use it. When you study physics, often you get extremely hard problems. Professors will assign problems they, themselves, can’t solve. I spent a lot of long nights going in circles, trying to find answers. Eventually, I learned that if I closed my eyes and thought about other things, the answers came to me, but I could never make myself do it consistently, so I quit.

My friend is doing what I couldn’t make myself do. He is giving up pride and letting God give him victory. I wish I had done that myself, but at least I managed to help someone else do it.

It’s strange, but it seems like most of my friends are helpless. They have all sorts of problems. They struggle financially. Some have problems with transportation. They have family issues they can’t beat. When I need help, there is very little they can do for me, but I am able to do them considerable good, with virtually no sacrifice on my part.

I know that anyone who listens to me will cease being helpless. I didn’t save myself or bless myself. I don’t think most of my friends understand that I am not special. They think I have special abilities, or that I’m such a great person, God does more for me than he does for other people. In short, they seem to have swallowed a lot of toxic nonsense.

Everyone can be blessed. Everyone. You don’t have to be a saint. You don’t have to be smart. You don’t have to be white. You just have to do what God tells you to do. Get baptized with the Holy Spirit. Pray in tongues as much as you can stand to, every day. Read the Bible. Listen to Christians who are blessed, not liars and confidence artists. Cut your ties to people who don’t serve God; just cut them off, and quit whining and making excuses. Get to know real Spirit-led Christians. Confess and repent, daily. Quit complaining to God as though he owed you something; you deserve hell, so whatever you’re getting is a bonus. You really do deserve hell. Stop defending yourself. Finally, give up pride and get used to giving your problems to God and waiting for his help. Pride in your own abilities is sin.

Read the above paragraph and apply it, and you’ll be fine. You really will. It’s all you need. Take care of the things I wrote about above, and God will handle the rest.

Your race isn’t your savior. Your political party isn’t your savior. Self-esteem isn’t your panacea; it’s a poison that will eventually destroy you. Psychiatric drugs aren’t the answer. Self-help books won’t get the job done. You need to give yourself COMPLETELY to God and follow HIS program. He has a program, and now you know what it is.

When you have problems you can’t overcome, it’s because you failed to do one or more of the things I just told you to do. There is no point in asking why. You already know, and you know how to fix things, so get to it.

Do things your own way, or according to the tenets of backward denominations who reject the Holy Spirit and scripture, and you will live as the tail and not the head. That’s just how it is. You can’t force Catholicism or other man-made doctrines to work. God will not have it.

You don’t need me or any other person to help you. Depending on me is the height of idiocy. I have done too many stupid things to number. I am not reliable. Submit to God, do things his way, and he will make your life work.

I hate it when people tell me I’ve done things for them which I have not done. I don’t change people’s hearts. I don’t heal anyone. I haven’t used my amazing mind to figure out how to get blessed. I was an idiot, and God told me a few things, and now I pass them on. I was tired of living with my own screw-ups, so I reluctantly listened to God.

Anyone who credits me with things God has done is speaking for Satan and putting me in danger. God owns the glory, and it’s a disgrace to me when someone praises me for what he does. It can provoke God to act against me, and it’s a form of idolatry. Wood and stone idols are better than human ones. At least they haven’t sinned habitually and disgraced themselves.

I can’t wait to see the future blessings that will unfold in my young friend’s life. I’m going to have at least one friend who isn’t helpless.

Guilty

I am following up on the story of the pastor of New Dawn Ministries, the last church I belonged to. After a number of delays, his case crossed a threshold on October 5.

There were 8 charges. According to a county website, he was charged with 4 counts of lewd and lascivious molestation on a child under 12. It says he was charged with 4 counts of lewd and lascivious conduct (different thing) with a child under 16.

Last Friday, he was adjudged guilty on one count of lewd and lascivious conduct with a child under 16. He was also convicted of one count of lewd and lascivious molestation (not conduct) with a child under 12. He took a plea, which means he said he was guilty.

“Molestation” is a worse crime than “conduct,” and it carries a much heavier punishment.

A person guilty of L&L conduct has:

Intentionally touched the victim in a lewd or lascivious manner; or
Asked the victim to commit a lewd or lascivious act…

A person guilty of L&L molestation has:

“In a lewd or lascivious manner, intentionally touched the breasts, genitals, crotch, butt, or clothing covering those areas of the victim; or
In a lewd or lascivious manner, intentionally forced or enticed the victim to touch the breasts, genitals, crotch, butt, or clothing covering those areas on the defendant…”

I thought he was accused of rape, but that may not be the case. The prosecutors may not think he committed rape, or they may think it’s too hard to prove.

I am not a criminal attorney, so I am not completely sure how the process works at this point. I worked for the PD in Miami very briefly, and then I put in some time as an intern with the legal aid people in domestic violence. What I recall is that people who took pleas were sentenced immediately, because part of the plea process is negotiating a sentence. There is no point in having hearings to decide on a sentence when a defendant has already agreed to a punishment. Perhaps that isn’t always the case, however. Maybe my former pastor hasn’t been sentenced yet.

The clerk’s site says he will have to surrender on December 5, so he must not be in prison or the county jail right now. Maybe he got a break because his wife is dying from a brain tumor. Maybe the court is giving him time so he can be present when she dies. I’m just guessing. There has to be an explanation.

The site also says something about a probation agreement being unsealed. Certain sexual crimes require post-incarceration probation.

Florida has a number of mandatory minimum (“man-min”) sentences on the books, and child molesters are among the targets. Lewd and lascivious “molestation” of a child under 12 carries a man-min of 25 years followed by probation. That’s not the maximum; you can get life. Once you’re in prison in Florida, the best outcome possible is to shave 15% off your sentence through “gain time.” It’s not clear to me whether a molestation defendant is allowed this option. Some courts have said they are not.

The punishment for L&L conduct is not as bad, but it’s still very severe. It’s not like you can pay a fine.

One would assume that a convicted child abuser would do serious prison time no matter how well things went for him in court. Thing is, man-mins are pure fiction, at least with regard to certain crimes. My sister was charged with two man-min offenses, and she was convicted of one. She never spent a day in prison. She put in a fair amount of time in the county lockup because she paid little attention to her felony diversion conditions before her trial, but the county lockup isn’t prison.

Although convicted, my sister was sentenced to probation, not prison, and she failed to comply with the conditions. After she disobeyed the court, she went to prison, right? No, the court simply said she had “failed.” Apparently, this means she will not be eligible for probation if she is convicted of new crimes. Basically, it means she was not punished at all.

All this shows that mandatory minimums don’t always have teeth. Whether they’re enforced uniformly in molestation cases, I could not say. Florida has the nation’s harshest child-protection laws, so it’s not a great place to live if you’re a molester. Maybe molesters never get what are called downward deviations (sentence reductions) in man-min cases. A Florida Supreme Court case (Rochester v. Florida) suggests they do not.

I could figure this stuff out and provide a certain answer if I were being paid and took the time to do quality research, but that’s not happening, so I’m making a fair effort and hoping I’m right.

I don’t think I’m going out on a limb when I say that a middle-aged man who molests his own niece for years, in Florida, is absolutely sure to do multi-year prison time. Surely there is no way the courts will allow him to avoid incarceration.

The grapevine (relatives of the pastor) says his sister is pushing for 7 years, and that his wife is somehow involved in a sympathetic filing asking for no more than 2.5. The relatives don’t really know what’s happening, however. It’s gossip. If the state websites are correct about his status, my former pastor is looking at over 25 years, no matter what.

I don’t like rooting for someone to go to prison, because I’m a bad person myself, and I certainly don’t want to be exposed or held accountable. I believe it’s important for this man to be imprisoned, however, because child molesters often have multiple victims. We don’t know who else he has hurt or will hurt. We don’t know whether he can control himself. Also, I think his niece would be harmed by the knowledge that the justice system cared about her so little it allowed her molester to remain free. I don’t know how she could feel safe in that situation. She should be able to associate with her family and friends, secure in the knowledge that she won’t see her uncle walk in the door. She shouldn’t have to worry about seeing his car creep by while she stands in her yard.

Whether society really needs to put him away for 25 years (or even 85% of 25 years), I could not say. He shouldn’t be able to be near her until she’s an adult, at the very least.

I have told all I know. It’s a very sad story. If the man-min means anything in his case, his family is in for an extremely rude awakening, and the free world may never see him again. For a 51-year-old, 270-pound diabetic who absolutely refuses to eat vegetables, 85% of 25 years could well equal a life sentence.

This is certainly a different outcome from the one we used to hear about from Jorge, our “house prophet.” He told us we were all going to mount unicorns stuffed with gold bars and ride them into the gates of the Emerald City, more or less. One rosy prediction after another. We would have a big building. There would be miracles. None of it happened. And I was the jerk because I was “negative.” I didn’t buy into everything that was said.

I may have been less than positive, but the bad things I thought would come to pass, did. Those things happened, and it didn’t stop there. The end of the church and the destinies of the pastors were actually much worse than I thought they would be.

The strange thing is that the pastors did give us truths from God. He spoke through Pastor Albert many times. I benefited a lot from listening. It goes to show you that you can’t assume a person is right with God simply because God speaks through him. Consider Balaam.

In other news, it looks like Hurricane Michael is going to miss me and everything I own. That’s a relief. I can’t tell you how many hours I spent last year, cutting, moving, and burning trees my myself. I didn’t enjoy using buckets of pool water to bathe, either, and caring for a dementia patient without electricity or water pressure is an ordeal I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

On the down side, Michael is headed for an area not too far from Milton, Florida, where some friends of mine live. Milton is on the east side of Pensacola. It seems like the Gulf Coast gets whacked a lot these days.

If the forecast is right, Milton will only get tropical storm-force winds. That’s a lot better than 125-mph winds, which have 4 times as much energy.

Ocala is wonderful, but Michael has me thinking about Tennessee. I can’t lie. It seems like I go through the hurricane waiting game every year, and it gets old. Eastern Tennessee has no real natural disasters to worry about. I’m sure they have occasional tornadoes and floods, but it’s not like living in a hurricane zone, and they don’t get frequent earthquakes or tidal waves. Also, it’s maybe 6 degrees warmer than Kentucky in the winter, and there is no state income tax.

I Have Been Processed

I visited a church today.

I am not interested in hearing from preachers any more, because as far as I know, none of them are really on track. Preachers from Spirit-led churches are obsessed with money and fame. Preachers from old-line churches never knew much to begin with. These days, when I listen to preachers, I don’t hope to find a great teacher. I listen to see how toxic they are. If a preacher isn’t likely to do a great deal of harm, he’s okay. That’s all I can hope for.

I have zero interest in preachers, but my dad needs to have some sort of connection to Christians, and I would like to meet a few, myself. Also, my dad is not a sophisticated Christian, so it won’t harm him all that badly to listen to preachers who don’t know much. They have a certain amount of useful, basic knowledge, and he can benefit from receiving it. He can’t rely on me for everything. I’m just one person.

There are a lot of churches in Marion County. I have been looking at them online.

I wanted to avoid minority churches. They’re way too emotional, and they’re even more phony than white churches. Also, I can’t deal with Obama/BLM worship and leftism. You can’t be a mature Christian and fall for that nonsense, and minority churches produce a lot of extremely immature Christians. Hello…Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson…both reverends.

I looked at churches that were more mainstream. A lot of the websites made it clear that the churches to whom they belonged to didn’t know anything about the Holy Spirit. I wrote those places off. I also saw what looked like typical megachurches or wannabee megachurches. I was reluctant to visit them. I don’t want to be subjected to the Benny Hinn/Kenneth Copeland/Joel Osteen craziness if I can avoid it.

I settled on a place called Meadowbrook. I’ll be honest. It looked like a megachurch online. It looked typical. “Let’s make Jesus cool and turn the church into a smooth-running mall complete with a restaurant and shops.”

My impression was correct. I showed up a couple of minutes after the 11:30 service was supposed to start, and what I saw was a large, very nicely kept lower-tier megachurch. They had a cafe and a shop. Everything was highly organized. They had a big check-in counter for kids. It was like going to a mall, except unlike a mall, it was busy.

The sanctuary was a lot like the sanctuary at Trinity Church, the unsuccessful mini-megachurch I belonged to in Miami. The walls and ceilings were black. I don’t know why churches do that. It makes things easier for the video people, and it’s cheap to maintain, but it’s not exactly warm. It’s like worshiping in the Batcave. I would guess the place holds 1500 people, and it was nearly full.

The music team (I refuse to call it a “worship team,” as though all worship were music) was excellent. Everyone who sang could carry a tune. I don’t know if the musicians were good, because churches will not let musicians solo. You can go all Star Search with your voice if you want, but it’s a sin to do the same thing with piano keys. Anyway, they did a great job, and they weren’t singing in Spanish, which was nice.

The people in the crowd looked great. They weren’t sloppy or ghetto. Lots of mixed couples and families. Everyone looked clean and alert. They were very nice.

They didn’t have any offering cards in the chair backs, so I stiffed the church. I wasn’t going to chase down an usher. They should be able to look after the offering cards without being micromanaged by visitors.

The pastor, a Mr. Gilligan, is a talented speaker. He’s smart, and he’s very funny. He taught a reasonably sound message about how we need personal relationships with God. Can’t argue with that. He didn’t give much practical information (“Do this, then do that…”), but not many preachers do. They tell you you’re doing things wrong, but they don’t tell you how to change.

There was a countdown clock on the back wall. I was happy to see that. My last pastor loved attention, and he was happy to speak for three hours. Gilligan gave himself half an hour, and when the clock reached zero, he wrapped things up.

I wouldn’t want a church to allow a clock to rush a pastor if supernatural things were happening, but this service wasn’t like this. No one was prophesying or healing anyone.

When he was done speaking, he called on a younger pastor to say some few things. “This is happening next week; that’s happening next week.” I asked God if I should get up and go, to avoid traffic, and I felt I had the go-ahead, so I got up and left. I wasn’t the only one. When the sermon is over, people at this church MOVE. I assume they want to get to Cracker Barrel before everyone else.

It’s important for me to maintain my independence from now on, so leaving early helped me establish boundaries. I MAY attend, sometimes. I may or may not give you money. I will not be an usher. I will not cook in the cafe. I will not sign a membership contract. I will not bring my tools to the church so I can be part of a dangerous, ineptly supervised building crew. I will not go on retreats where I have to share an outhouse with strangers.

Consider me a permanent guest. If I come back.

My take on Meadowbrook is that it’s a reasonably good church. It appears to be refined and processed to a somewhat excessive degree, but nobody begged me for money, nobody tried to make me join a pastor cult, and I didn’t have to deal with ladies yelling, “SANTO!” and literally having screaming conniptions in their seats.

I found the church impersonal. I got the impression that the people who attend only see each other for an hour a week. Usually, pastors in Spirit-led places interact with people they know during sermons, but Gilligan might as well have been preaching on closed-circuit TV from a remote location. He might as well have been a hologram. He interacted with the crowd, but not individuals. Maybe that’s a good thing this time around. It will make it easier to keep a safe distance.

I think it’s good enough for my dad.

I need to learn their policy on concealed carry. I do not like leaving my pistol in the car. Once it’s out of my pocket, I forget about it, and then it’s in the car all day, instead of where it should be.

The church had a bomb scare last month. Some guy who had been Baker Acted several times showed up with a backpack and box. The church’s security people cuffed him, and the cops blew up his property. I don’t know if that means they’re in favor of concealed carry, because it makes the church safer, or they’re against it, because they are afraid of nuts.

I’m impressed that they have trained security people who carry handcuffs. I was an armorbearer at two churches, and we were pretty unsophisticated. We had a Florida Highway Patrol officer who served at Trinity Church, but the rest of us were winging it.

I may go back to Meadowbrook next week with my dad. I hope so. He needs to have some sort of reconciliation with Christians, not just with God. He has a lot of crazy ideas about us.

Today I was texting someone about Meadowbrook. I said all churches were disappointing. That doesn’t mean they’re completely useless. If you’re smart, you don’t go to drink the Kool-Aid and believe everything you’re told. You pick up basic training, and then you get to know God on your own time. After that, God takes over and teaches you things that are true. If you continue to go to church, you go to be among Christians, not to hang on the pastor’s every word. Christians need each other.

Truthfully, preachers seem to be the most useless people in churches. They get in the way and put heavy burdens on everyone. The people you really need to know are sitting in the pews.

It was very nice to sit in a big room full of Christians again. I guess I do that every time I go to the nearest Sonny’s Barbecue, but you know what I mean.

The next service is a week from today. Perhaps I will be there.

Plus Thoughts on How Women are Blowing it

Here’s an experience I never thought I would have: I just took my dad to a Vietnamese nail spa for a pedicure.

Interesting story: the Vietnamese manicure/pedicure industry began with actress Tippi Hedren. She was trying to help refugees from leftist oppression. Some Vietnamese ladies noticed her manicured nails, and they couldn’t get over them. Hedren hooked them up with some training, and the rest is history.

As I noted in another post, my dad has suddenly started having trouble taking care of his toenails. They have gotten thick and hard. I am not willing to become a toenail technician, and I lack the training anyway. I got him an appointment with a podiatrist, but to make sure he doesn’t hack up his toes before he sees the doctor, I located a nail salon and arranged for them to do what they could.

Here is what may be the most bizarre photo I have ever taken.

We got him into one of their NASA recliners, and I took the one next to it so I could interpret. He can’t hear, and the nail lady had a serious accent, so someone had to be the middleman.

I sent a photo to a friend of mine who is a nurse, and she noticed that his ankles are smaller where the socks used to be. Evidently something is amiss. He has never had edema. I’ll have to let his doctor know.

I know virtually nothing about pedicures, so I was surprised at the elaborate production I witnessed. They put his feet in a jacuzzi with a disposable liner. They trimmed his nails and ground them with a rotary tool. They did something or other to the skin on his lower legs, which was about like you would expect, given his age. They really cleaned him up. I was impressed. I plan to take him back several times a year, if the podiatrist signs off.

I had never been to a Vietnamese nail salon before, due to my not being gay. I once got a manicure in a Cuban place. It’s not the same. Cubans are angry, nervous people. The lady who worked on my hands was pleasant, but the ambience could not compare to that of the Vietnamese place. I can’t tell if Vietnamese people are angry and nervous or not, because they’re very quiet and polite, but however they may feel inside, they know how to promote an atmosphere of serenity.

Had I not dropped a sledgehammer on my little toe in the recent past, I would have been strongly tempted to give them a shot at my feet. My nails are affected by what I believe is a neoprene allergy, so they can always use some work.

I’m surprised we don’t see more men getting Vietnamese pedicures. When you go to one of these places, you see a side of women we have forgotten about in the West. Women have a special ability to soothe and heal, but these days they’re very busy #MeTooing everyone and insisting on showing us their tattooed artificial breasts in restaurants, so they seem annoying and somewhat dangerous.

Men hate being mothered, because it’s insulting, but they do like being assisted once in a while.

I don’t think modern American women understand how their image has suffered. I hear men talk when women aren’t around. We think a great deal about the abuse we have to put up with in order to be near women. We think about the danger of losing what we have worked for. We wonder if it’s worth it. We talk about the pleasures of sex, but we don’t talk much about how nice women are to us…because they aren’t. We don’t think about it very much. Not only is it not a conspicuous virtue of women which we discuss often; it’s barely considered part of their makeup.

That’s a shame, because if things were working correctly, we would think about it a lot. We would appreciate it. When we thought of women, instead of thinking about being criticized and exploited, we would think about the thoughtful things they do to make our lives easier. Raising kids and looking after houses don’t count, because women do those things for themselves. They marry men because we make those things possible.

When women divorce us, they generally keep the kids and houses. What does that tell you? They keep what they really wanted in the first place.

We have very low expectations. We hope for sex, children, and a certain amount of cooperation with the chores of life. We don’t talk much about affection and kindness, because we no longer expect those things.

When men discuss potential mates, they say they’re attractive, they work hard, they have good senses of humor, they’re smart…they say a lot of things, but they don’t say, “I know she’ll be there, always taking my side and trying to find a way to make my life easier.” I’ve never heard that, and I’m old! I’ve never seen it in a movie or in a book. How can that be? It’s amazing.

“Bridezilla.” Have you seen that word? Look it up. It speaks volumes.

One of my best friends always has a girlfriend or someone to date. When one drops out, a new one pops up. I hear a lot about the things he does for them. He fixes their houses. He mows their yards. He helps when their kids are put in mental institutions. He let one drive his car for months; it still has a vanity tag she designed on it. She was making $200,000 a year at the time.

I never hear him say, “Last week, Lulu took away my cell phone, made me a pie, and gave me a manicure.” They do absolutely nothing for him. Nothing. Never. I asked.

He’s typical. Think about it. You know it’s true.

This week I read about a woman who forced her fiance to finance a $100,000 wedding ring. Wonder of wonders: the engagement collapsed. Now she wants to keep the ring…which he is still paying for. That’s the American woman in 2018, summarized neatly.

A Vietnamese nail lady isn’t going to compensate for a bad marriage, and she won’t care about you. She would probably make a bad wife; a lot of men find Asian women sneaky and domineering. Those things are true, but at least she will spend half an hour reminding you that women have hidden potential. If men knew this, they would be lining up at nail salons, just to escape reality briefly.

I’m glad I got to do this for my dad. I was so tired of finding him annoying. Before he prayed for salvation, it seemed like I was subject to provocation a hundred times a day. I hated being angry. I fought it constantly. I was not interested in blaming him; I just wanted it out of me. Now I don’t have to fight it, and I can do thoughtful things for him without feeling resentful.

I don’t know what the podiatrist can do for him, but I’ll bet it won’t be a good substitute for a pedicure.

Childhood in Reverse

When you look after someone who has dementia, you will get hit in the face with surprises. I don’t think it ever stops while the patient lives. It’s impossible to predict all the things that will come up.

Demented people start wearing dirty clothes over and over. They decide they don’t need to bathe. They suddenly need diapers. They have to be denied access to car keys. They may start “sundowning,” becoming agitated and paranoid for no reason after sunset. You may have to elder-proof your house, hiding things that may get your patient in trouble. It’s like having a child who becomes less capable instead of more.

You will fail to take care of every problem, because often, you won’t know what’s happening until it’s in full swing. Example: the other day I realized I didn’t know what my dad was using to shave. It’s not natural for me to check on another man’s razor every week. He did it himself for about 70 years. I took a look, and I think he may have been using the same blade for weeks. I got him a bag of disposable razors, opened it, and left it on his bathroom counter.

Thank God he can still shave.

This week, he surprised me again. He started asking strange questions about toenail maintenance. He asked what he should use to trim his nails.

He has two toenail clippers, but he didn’t know it. I had to tell him where they were. He got them out and went to work, and he couldn’t cut his nails. He asked me to help. I thought he was just clumsy because of dementia, but I found that his toenails had grown thicker. The clippers don’t work very well.

How was I supposed to see that coming? I’m old, and this is the first time I’ve heard of anyone’s toenails getting thicker.

I checked the Internet, and sure enough, this happens to old people. I don’t know if it’s a fungus or what, but it’s common.

I had to spend two hours looking for a podiatrist. His primary care doctor refused to refer us to one. I don’t understand that. I’ve never had a doctor refuse to recommend a specialist. Referrals help doctors make money. Usually, they love to network.

I checked reviews, and I found that some of the local podiatrists were not popular with their patients. I read about rude receptionists. I read about dismissive podiatrists who bloviated at length and didn’t listen.

I’m not sure how a podiatrist can get a big ego. They’re just barely doctors. They don’t go to medical school. They go to podiatry school, which is not the same thing. I can tell you without researching that they do this because they can’t get into medical school. That conclusion is just common sense. Anyone who has the ability and credentials will try to get into medical school, not podiatry school.

I went to a podiatrist once when I was a kid. I had a wart on my foot, and my mother wasn’t having it. He put salicylic acid on it and waited for it to rot, and then he scraped it out. While he worked on me, he said gross things to my mother. He discussed his daughter’s female problems, and he kept telling us the little core of the wart looked like a sperm cell. He seemed to have an unprofessional interest in my mother, and he may have thought making icky remarks about sexual matters would put thoughts in her head. He kept an oily smile on his face while he spoke. Very strange. Anyway, he was extremely pompous, even for a doctor.

In my podiatrist search, I found a couple of doctors who looked okay, but they couldn’t see us for about two weeks. I couldn’t believe it. How can a podiatrist be that busy? Besides, we’re talking about a patient who can’t remember anything. My dad is going to be asking me about his feet several times a day until he gets treated, and if they can’t fix him in one visit, he will ask me about his feet every day until the symptoms go away. On top of that, God only knows what he might do to his toes while my back is turned. I can’t wait two weeks.

I gave up and called a place with mediocre reviews and a couple of doctors whose exotic-looking names put them solidly in the class of people who could not get into American graduate schools. Surprisingly, they gave us an appointment with a doctor whose last name is English. He will look at him on Monday.

This is a funny town. I can put my dad in an assisted living facility in two days, but getting help with an ingrown toenail takes two weeks.

He has also surprised me with sudden problems preparing food. Up until last week, he was able to use the stove and microwave. He made his own breakfast every day. The last time his occupational therapist came, she noticed he was having difficulty. Yesterday he tried to scramble eggs, and he set off the smoke alarm.

It was quite an experience. The alarm company called three times, using different numbers. I spoke to them by cell phone, and I gave them the code and told them everything was fine. Then they called our landline, which I never use. They told me the fire truck was on the way. Apparently, their policy is to ignore anything you say over a cell connection. They told me the had to hear from us via the “residence phone.”

I was planning on getting rid of the landline. I only got it for my dad, and sooner or later, he will stop caring about it. Now it looks like I have to keep paying for it in order to avoid visits from the fire department.

I got my dad some microwave breakfast food, and today we prepared it. We got Jimmy Dean’s McMuffin knockoffs. It was not a great experience. My dad had trouble with the wrappers and so on, and he complained about the challenge of getting the muffins ready to eat. I had to help.

Now what do I do? Maybe it’s time to start fixing him breakfast every day. If so, it’s going to have to be something quick that doesn’t make a big mess.

He also needs new shoes. Last year, I got him two pairs of top-notch waterproof slip-on shoes. They worked great. He needs tough, waterproof shoes because this is a farm, and he likes to walk. Suddenly, however, he is having problems putting the shoes on.

I can’t think of any shoe that will slip on easily and also stand up to the rigors of farm life. I suppose I should buy him slip-on sneakers and get used to replacing them.

Last week, I had to get him new pants. He hates throwing anything out, and his old pants were not looking good. He kept asking me about ways to fix them. I took him to the mall, and we got him 5 new pairs of no-iron pants. I should get him a few more.

I learned something distressing. The baggy, cheap-looking grey pants he had been wearing frequently turned out to be Zanellas. The last time he shopped for a blazer and pants, almost 20 years ago, I sent him to a high-end shop I used, and they sold him the pants. Zanella pants are handmade in Italy. They cost about $250 when he bought his. I had been throwing them in the washer over and over because it never occurred to me to check the label. I had to put them in the trash.

I had a strange thought: would he have decent pants for his funeral? Then I remembered his will. He insisted on cremation. I guess he can do whatever he wants with his dress pants.

When he dies, I am not going to buy a $10,000 coffin and fly it to Kentucky so it can be burned. His will forbids that, but I wouldn’t do it, regardless. His sister’s funeral taught me some things. They put her remains in a tacky plastic box that looked like a beer cooler. You can check something like that as baggage, and it probably costs under a hundred dollars, even with the shameless funeral home grief-extortion premium. I can’t see going with a plastic box, but I’m sure there are tasteful options that are far better than a coffin.

When my dad dies, I’ll be handling everything myself. I won’t have people to assist with the arrangements. I will look for options that make the process easier. Omitting the enormous casket will certainly help. I’ll be able to carry him to the funeral home myself, straight from the baggage claim.

I would never permit myself to be buried in an expensive coffin. It goes in a hole where no one will ever see it after I’m gone. You might as well put a gold Rolex on my chest and bury it with me. Idiocy. Wealth is for the living. The dead don’t own anything, and they aren’t here to enjoy wealth.

My mother’s coffin cost $7000. It was beautiful. I haven’t seen it since 1997.

I don’t like cremation, because God doesn’t like it, but I’m very much in favor of cheap coffins.

I need to sit down and make a list of bad things that are likely to happen as my dad declines. It’s shocking that websites for caregivers don’t do that. It’s such an obvious need. Dementia patients have similar experiences, so the changes are very predictable to people who have already seen them. Why not make a simple list so people can prepare themselves?

No one bothered to make a list for me, so I will do it myself. Maybe I’ll post it here so other people can find it.

Does it seem morbid or callous to talk about his end so bluntly? It shouldn’t. My dad has a fatal disease, and he’s not going to live long. If he had a brain tumor, no one would fault me for making preparations and discussing contingencies candidly. Dementia is different. People pretend it’s not a terminal illness. They live in denial, and their doctors encourage that.

Vascular dementia kills pretty quickly. It’s not like Alzheimer’s, which can take over a decade to do its work. You get your diagnosis, and something like 5 years later, you will probably be gone. There are a lot of cancers that take longer to kill, yet people see vascular dementia as a tolerable chronic condition, not the death sentence it really is.

I don’t play around with the facts. I have no relatives whose feelings might be hurt. My mother is gone. I have enough problems without jerking myself around.

If you’re not honest with yourself about a person’s imminent passing, you are likely to make dumb mistakes. You may buy a vehicle your charge won’t be able to get in and out of in six months. You may put your charge in a home with too many steps and so on. You may fail to get his estate arranged. You may end up handling funeral arrangements in a rush.

I may have made some bad calls already. I made my dad get a new (nearly) SUV last year, and it’s much better than a car, because he doesn’t have to squat to get in. A van might have been smarter, though, because an SUV won’t work well with a wheelchair or cart. I don’t know if he’ll be able to get out of the SUV in three months. What do I do then? Maybe I’ll look for a minivan with 150,000 miles on the odometer.

I may have chosen a bad dentist. Last time he saw her, she gave him a tooth-coating treatment that cost three figures. Naturally, they asked him, not me, for permission. I found out when I paid the huge bill. Hello? All he needs is to hold his dental structure together. He doesn’t need bleaching, veneers, new implants, fancy crowns, or a custom grill with diamonds in it.

I’m going to try another dentist.

You have to be careful around medical people. They will recommend expensive treatments a dementia patient can’t benefit from. A friend of mine is in the hospice business, and he told me about a shocking case where a doctor tried to give a pricey elective treatment to a dementia patient who was over 90.

Doctors and dentists love money; don’t let anyone tell you different. There are people who make a living teaching doctors and dentists how to find ways to charge more. Look it up if you don’t believe me.

My dentist back in Miami tried to charge me a separate fee to search my mouth for cancers. That was clearly a new “revenue enhancing” gimmick. I declined. The startling thing is that he was trying to get paid extra for doing something he was already ethically obligated to do. If a dentist sees a big discoloration in a patient’s mouth, he has an obligation to say something. I hope my old dentist isn’t ignoring lesions because people aren’t paying extra to be informed.

I want doctors to avoid giving my dad unnecessary treatments. One of his doctors said something about a surgery he didn’t need, and I turned it down. I can’t recall what the procedure was. The doctor didn’t think about what it would be like, trying to get a dementia patient to cooperate after a procedure. It would be very hard for me, and it would also be hard for nurses in a hospital. He has already proven he is capable of defying them and cursing them out.

I don’t need to spend two weeks trying to prevent my dad from pulling out the stitches on a new tummy tuck. That’s not going to do either of us any good.

Here’s what a dementia patient needs: tasty food, cleanliness, peace, human interaction, and prayer. It’s too late to worry about optimal nutrition, regular workouts, cosmetic dentistry, vacations, and tailored clothes. The primary goal is to make things go smoothly, and anything that interferes with that is toxic. Dementia patients need routine, and a row of fresh stitches is not routine.

I have the impression that he won’t be here much longer. He doesn’t eat as much as he used to. He was always a ravenous eater; now he merely overeats. In spite of overeating, he is slowly losing weight. He is losing strength in his legs; standing up keeps getting harder. I have the sense that his body is letting go of life.

I wish he had accepted Jesus a long time ago instead of last month. It has changed our relationship for the better, but we have a short time to profit from it, at least here on earth. I wonder what things would have been like if he had gotten off his high horse in 1990 or 1960.

My mother married an atheist, and you see what happened. If you’re married to an unbeliever, look and see what your future and the future of your children may be like. It will be your fault. Sorry to tell you that. Don’t run to God and ask him why bad things happen to a good person like you.

You can say it was all worth it because my dad finally came around. No; it wasn’t worth it. None of it was necessary, and God had something much better in mind.

Imagine what might have happened had my mother obeyed God and married a man of prayer. He would have treated her better. She might have been spared two miscarriages. She might have had better children, and they might have had better lives.

She might be alive today. God helps people quit smoking, and he also heals cancer.

She probably wouldn’t have had a child who was a sociopath, a narcissist, a defiant and hopeless addict, a pariah, and a felon. I doubt she would have had a son who had as many problems as I have had and who took as long to grow up.

I’m not sure my sister and I were ever supposed to exist. I can’t say the universe is better off because we do. The children my mother should have had would surely have been better.

In The Tragedy of King Lear, Gloucester said his bastard son Edmund “came something saucily to the world before he was sent for, yet was his mother fair, there was good sport at his making, and the whoreson must be acknowledg’d.” Then Edmund went on to cause a lot of suffering. As a person who was conceived out of bounds, I have to say I feel a sense of fellowship.

My mother made a foolish mistake, and it paid off in destruction and suffering that continued long after she died. I am still working through it today. That’s how it is. If you made the same mistake she did, you need to get to work right now and get whatever help is available.

I better make that list. Best to get ahead of these things.

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. My last blog entry was three days ago.

On September 22, my dad the angry atheist prayed for salvation, and later, I reported that there was an unexpected benefit to this startling event: the two of us got along better. I was less driven to avoid him. His frustrating mistakes and deliberate bad behavior tapered off, and when they occurred, they bothered me much less than they used to. I found I needed less solitary time for recharging.

I am here to report that things haven’t gone back to the way they used to be. My dad and I are spending more time together, and life is going pretty smoothly.

I suppose it makes sense that a child of God would look for opportunities to get away from a child of darkness and regroup. Spending time with God is beneficial. When he’s with you, he helps you. He tells you things. He drives away spirits that make you suffer. He may work miracles in your body. It’s only natural that spending time with beings from the other side would wear you down.

Something new is going on. These days, God’s presence comes to me in the afternoon and brings peace. The house starts to feel like a church. I have been in God’s presence every day for a number of years, but he hasn’t always brought peace with him. In the past, it was mainly power.

For years, I’ve been praying for God to make my house a place of peace, where people live in his presence. I hope what I’m seeing is the answer to those prayers.

The children of darkness don’t have peace. They may have money, looks, fame, admiration, and so forth, but it’s hollow because they don’t have the peace God brings. Many of them have to fight constantly to keep what they have. Many have to pay huge prices in order to get the outward appearance of success.

I now believe that if you don’t have peace, you must be under the influence of spirits that are against God. A lack of peace indicates that you have a spiritual issue that needs to be addressed.

God will allow us to have problems. He will allow us to be persecuted. Nonetheless, we’re supposed to have peace. If you feel rushed, worried, or pressured, a supernatural force is trying to control you. God doesn’t use things like anxiety and fear to motivate people who are cooperating with him.

When I think of the worst people I’ve known, I realize they tried to control me by taking away my peace. They tried to scare me. They pressured me. They laid false guilt trips on me. They tempted me to do things I knew I shouldn’t do. Rotten people make you feel rotten. They may not make you feel bad at first, but it will creep up eventually. Dependence on a toxic person is like dependence on drugs or alcohol. The first time you get drunk or high, it feels fantastic. The thousandth time, it’s unrewarding.

The reason it’s so easy for me to cut people out of my life is that I hate being manipulated more than I hate losing people.

Toxic people and toxic spirits are alike, because spirits run people. Spirits that are out to get you may make you feel blessed at first, but once they have control, they make you suffer for their pleasure.

I want God’s presence. I want his peace. I don’t want to worry any more. I don’t want to feel pressured.

If you’re in a close relationship with someone who isn’t on board with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, you need to cut the cord before the ties get too strong. You know better. You can’t say you weren’t warned, and God often closes his ears to people who deliberately do stupid things.

In other news, I’m still fooling around with tools. I think it’s time to move my machine tools here. I’ve decided where to put them. I have to get an electrician to give me an estimate on some 60-amp sockets.

I decided to get some CBN wheels for my bench grinder. CBN is cubic boron nitride. It’s extremely hard. Only diamond is harder.

When I started using machine tools, I learned I needed special grinding wheels in order to shape cutting tools for the lathe. Lathe tools are made from sticks of high speed steel (“HSS”) which is an amazing type of hardened steel that doesn’t soften when it gets red hot. When you shape lathe tools, you can use the cheap grey wheels that come with grinders, but they don’t work very well.

The best moderately priced choice is white bonded aluminum oxide. This is a substance made from crumbs of aluminum oxide held together with resin. A white wheel will shed particles as you grind, and that exposes new sharp edges to keep the wheel cutting well.

I probably spent $200 on a pair of white wheels, and they work fine on HSS. Problem: when you’re a woodworker as well as a machinist, you use tools that are made from tool steel. Tool steel loses its temper when it gets hot. I don’t mean it gets angry. It gets soft. White aluminum oxide wheels will work on tool steel (plane irons, chisels, and so on), but they will heat the metal fast, so you’re likely to burn your tools.

Another problem with aluminum oxide: because the wheels are friable, they change shape as you grind. You have to buy tools that reshape them. The best tool is a stick of carborundum. Diamond tools work faster, but they smooth the wheels too much, reducing their cutting ability. A smooth wheel generates more heat.

Here’s yet another problem: aluminum oxide is ceramic, and all ceramic wheels explode. Bench grinders are extremely dangerous. The wheels can develop cracks (grinding brass or aluminum can make them crack), and then they shatter. Flying fragments can penetrate your skull or your genitals. It’s bad.

Want more bad news? You can’t grind things on the side of a ceramic wheel. I know; I know. You’ve been doing it for years, and you’re still alive. You’re lucky. One day you’re going to get hurt. Pushing on the side of a ceramic wheel will eventually crack it.

Aluminum oxide wheels are problematic, so what’s the answer? Diamond wheels! That must be it. Diamond is super hard, and diamond wheels are made of metal with diamond particles stuck to them, so they can’t blow up.

Sadly, this is wrong. Diamonds are carbon, and carbon dissolves in iron, nickel, and cobalt. That’s why steel is possible. It’s iron with carbon dissolved in it. If you get diamonds hot while you grind a steel tool, they will start to dissolve into the tool. That’s bad for the wheel. Probably doesn’t do the tool a world of good, either.

CBN is very, very hard. When you can’t have a diamond, CBN is a good second choice.

Like diamond wheels, CBN wheels are metal disks with abrasive particles stuck to them. They don’t wear down like aluminum oxide. You never have to dress them to restore their shapes. Because CBN is very hard, it lasts for decades. Because CBN wheels are mainly metal, they conduct heat well. Grinding with CBN wheels generates heat, but they also carry heat away, so it’s hard to hurt a tool steel blade by burning it.

It’s pretty cool.

The only drawback to CBN is this: you can’t use them on soft steel. If a steel object isn’t hardened, the steel will clog the CBN wheel, and then you have a problem.

I’ve been fooling with planes and chisels lately. I have a Stanley 60-1/2 block plane I ordered, and I also have a flat-bottomed Millers Falls #14 plane. Both irons needed reshaping. I got myself an XX-coarse DMT diamond stone, but it’s very slow. I know I said you shouldn’t use diamond wheels with steel, but flat diamond stones are okay. They don’t get hot enough to make the diamonds dissolve.

I have a couple of other ways to fix the irons. I have a belt grinder and a bench grinder. The belt grinder is hard to use accurately with edged tools. The bench grinder isn’t much easier. On top of all that, they both burn tools.

I would like to accumulate more edged tools, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life using slow abrasive methods to work on them. CBN looks like the answer to my prayers.

I ordered a pair of wheels. One is 180 grit, and it has a flat face and two flat sides. Because it’s not ceramic, it’s okay to grind on the sides of it. That will be very useful.

Ordinarily, you would use something like 80 grit for a coarse wheel, but CBN cuts much faster than aluminum oxide, so you can use a finer grit and get a better finish. BONUS!

The other wheel is 600 grit, and it has radiused edges. It’s crazy. You can use the flat face to sharpen things, and you can do pretty weird stuff with the rounded edges and the sides.

Because a metal wheel can’t blow up, you can take the guards off a bench grinder with CBN wheels. You still have to be concerned about getting caught in it, so you have to apply the relevant safety rules, but it’s not going to kill you.

I’m looking forward to using these wheels. I am not going to mess with any chisels or planes until the wheels get here.

The wheels cost a fortune, but only about 1.8 times what ceramic wheels cost. They will never wear out or explode, and I will never have to dress them. They’ll save me a ton of time, and they’ll do a better job. They’ll do things the ceramic wheels can’t do, period. It’s worth it.

I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that white wheels are obsolete for my purposes. Their only real virtue is price, and it’s an illusion when you consider the fact that ceramic wheels eventually have to be replaced.

What will I do when I want to grind unhardened steel? Simple. Belt grinder.

I’m planning to start using the bench grinder to shape all of my blades. A wheel makes an arc in a tool, so the profile is sort of hollow. It’s called a hollow grind. This gives you a bevel that doesn’t contact a flat stone along its entire length. The heel will touch the stone, and so will the edge, but the part between the heel and edge will not.

When you start a bevel on a grinder and then move to a flat stone, you end up cutting less metal on the stone. Only a small percentage of the bevel touches the stone, and you only have to grind that percentage off. It makes the work go faster.

You can also get a hollow grind on a belt grinder. Belts go around wheels and pulleys, so you can hold your bevel against a rounded surface. You can also buy a platen which has a radiused surface, so it’s like a small segment of a big wheel.

I was thinking I might try to shape a blade on my oscillating belt sander. This is an easy-to-use woodworking tool that moves a sanding belt up and down while it runs on two vertical pulleys. It might work. It’s very controllable. I have this feeling people don’t understand how useful this tool can be. I’m still getting the CBN wheels, though.

The weather is getting very nice now, so working outside and in the shop will be more pleasant. I wish I could have done more last year, but it seemed like I was always reeling from some calamity or other.

I’m also spending time fooling with math and physics. I’ve been doing problems. Strength of materials. Differential equations. Quantum mechanics. Whatever seems interesting. Maybe I can get back some of what the years took away, and adding some mechanical engineering would be great.

My engineering studies started very well, but I ran into an integral that showed me how much I had forgotten. Building up integrals from scratch used to be second nature to me, but I’m having to go back and re-learn it. It ought to go pretty quickly, since I’m just renewing abilities I used to possess.

I bought a new copy of a book I used to have: Amit Goswami’s Quantum Mechanics. I bought it as an undergrad because I hated our assigned text: Gasiorowicz. I left it in storage in Miami, and ants ate it. Made me really mad. I don’t need it, but it always bothers me when I think of the books I lost, so sometimes I replace one just to make myself feel better.

That’s it for today. I plan to sit down and see if I can integrate. if not, well, I’m still reasonably young. I can always take up something less challenging, such as writing legal memoranda or fingerpainting.

Every Spirit You Serve Has Power Over You

For a long time, God has been showing me the importance of sanctification. Part of that is praying in tongues, which brings you into God’s presence and increases his influence in you. Another part is confession and repentance. Christians–and I mean Bible-thumping, tongue-talking Christians who think God has solved all their problems–get sick and die because they won’t confess.

Many Christians hate to hear this. That’s understandable. A demon that can make you sick and tempt you to sin can also make you angry at a knowledgeable Christian who threatens its power.

Christians are full of demons. We let them in by living like unbelievers. We live according to the world’s standards, and God is just a side dish. If God is a side dish to you, you will be a side dish to him. You may benefit a lot from an adulterous relationship with God, but you will have a lot of problems you can’t solve.

Remember the kings of Israel and Judah. Things went well under the ones who did a thorough job of fighting idolatry. The ones who chose to tolerate a few shrines caused problems for their subjects.

A Christian who is listening to a demon or fallen angel may tell you things that sound nice. That’s Satan’s default method. If he can make himself sound holy, he can put you on the defensive and shut you up. Remember how Jesus rebuked Peter when Peter disagreed about the need for the crucifixion. Peter sounded pretty holy. He was defending God against filthy people who wanted to abuse him physically and kill him. Nonetheless, he was speaking for Satan.

When I talk about confession, Christians tell me, “We are not under condemnation! God’s grace covers all!” They think they’re helping, but they’re trying to poison me with contaminated candy.

I don’t want to hear that crap. I want to be supported when I do the right thing. I’m not condemning myself when I confess. I’m setting myself free and receiving power.

My former pastor is in the process of being convicted of child molestation. They keep moving his sentencing date. He’s on for October 5. He had many chances to avoid prosecution. He could have fought his demons and won. God could have given him favor with the mother who offered him mercy, had he taken her up on it. God could have caused the cops, the prosecutor, or the judge to make mistakes that would have prevented his conviction. He would not listen.

His uncle came to visit me recently. We’re on very good terms. Pastor Albert drove him out of the church, just as his wife did me. He told me something Albert said. There was a service, and things were happening around the altar. When Albert walked away, he said this: “I think we have so much grace, we don’t even have to confess.”

He’s going to prison. His wife is dying from a brain tumor. His son is a drug dealer who hates God.

Albert’s problems could have been avoided through confession and repentance, but he was too proud to listen.

His wife’s former brother-in-law Ozzie had the same attitude. He had breast cancer. We prayed and fasted for him. We cast the disease out. He still died. I used to tell him repentance was crucial. He gave me the TBN happy talk about how there is no condemnation for us, misapplying scripture. He probably thought he was right on the day he died.

Without exception, the people who try to “correct” me are people who have major problems they can’t get away from. Meanwhile, I get healed right and left, and I am taken care of financially. I get revelation. Prayers get answered. Enemies get defeated.

Who are you going to listen to? The person who got results, or the person who is still on the bottom?

I’ll be blunt. No one should preach from a deathbed. No one under the age of 85. Don’t coach when you’re in the process of losing.

I’m a bad person. I’m not kidding. I have said, thought, and done all sorts of vile things. God doesn’t help me because I’m wonderful. If I were wonderful, I would not need his help. I’m not saying I’m better than people who can’t get help from God. I’m saying I get better results because they persist in mistakes I have decided to stop making.

I get more help than many people who are better human beings than I am.

Grace doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want. It means it doesn’t matter what you did in the past. You’re not allowed to continue sinning without consequences, and cancer and other major problems are all on the table.

God just helped me deal with a problem I needed to acknowledge. I was angry at unbelievers. The other day I wrote a piece about the new peace between my dad and me. I said I thought it came from the fact that God sowed enmity between his children and Satan’s. My dad was an unbeliever, and he was very, very trying. He made me angry all the time.

I was right to conclude that there was enmity between us because of God’s curse, but I was wrong to think it explained my own anger. My dad wasn’t a believer, so it made sense that he would be angry at God’s children and be our enemy. I, on the other hand, belonged to God, so I was not entitled to be angry at the lost. My dad was my enemy, but I did not have permission to be his.

A long time ago, God gave me this phrase: “I am no man’s enemy.” Now I see what it means.

I used to fight the anger I felt toward my dad, but my victories didn’t last long. I had to fight over and over. Today I realized I had to cast out the spirit that made me angry at all unbelievers, not just my dad. It made no sense for me to work hard to love my dad while making much less of an effort to love other children of darkness.

Unbelievers are very annoying. They say vile things about us. They persecute us like crazy. They get us fired from jobs. They hurt us physically. They murder us. Their hatred and aggression will always be with us. We have to react correctly. We have to stop screaming back. You don’t have to pal around with the lost. You should avoid dealing with them unnecessarily. You should not accept them; that’s not expected. But you shouldn’t rail against them or carry corrrosive anger toward them.

If my enemy does something to torment me, that’s a victory for him. If I carry anger because of it, and I get sick or die as a result, that’s another victory. I have to play to win.

Here’s a neat Tom Fischer video in which he talks about the way diseases come back to Christians who live in rebellion instead of confessing and repenting. I hope it brings you success and supremacy.

Today I am Casting Stones

I had a couple of healings this week.

The day after my dad prayed for salvation, a package arrived from Amazon. I had ordered a rawhide hammer. This is a very heavy steel hammer that holds two rawhide faces. Very useful. The hammer came in a box.

I put the box on a kitchen counter about 4 feet off the floor, and it slipped off and fell on my left little toe. The heavy steel head of the hammer was in the end that hit me. The only thing between me and the hammer was thin cardboard. I was barefoot, and the floor is hardwood.

You might say it hurt.

Later on, my foot turned several different colors, including vivid blue, bright red, and purple. My little toe took the blow, but the colors spread over a wide area. Of course, I prayed a lot, and I started right after the hammer hit me. I always pray as soon as I receive an injury, and sometimes I don’t even curse first. The sooner you attack, the more likely you are to prevent problems from setting in.

I have a lovely photo of my foot, which I took in case I wanted to document a healing, but I will spare you. It would ruin your next meal.

Apart from the initial pain, it wasn’t that bad. I was able to walk without suffering, although I couldn’t wear one of my pairs of boots because of the swelling.

Early the next morning, I awoke with some pain, so I spent a good long time praying. I went back to sleep, and when I woke up, the colors in my foot were muted compared to the day before, and the pain was gone. I was no longer nervous when I walked without shoes. You know how that works. After you bang a toe on something, the thought of hitting something else is terrifying.

My foot still looks bad, but I have to work it pretty good to make it hurt.

Sometimes I quit praying after I get most of what I asked for. My foot wasn’t totally healed, but it was well enough to make me feel that I didn’t want to sit and pray any more. Maybe I should push for the full healing every time.

After I hurt my foot, I started having symptoms consistent with the presence of a kidney stone. I didn’t have pain. I had a strange feeling that I wasn’t well. You will understand if you’ve been there. I also had some other symptoms.

I wasn’t worried. If memory serves, this was my 6th stone. The first and second ones were not much fun because I didn’t know God very well. After that, God healed me consistently. I prayed in a church parking lot and felt one move, and then it passed. I prayed in church about another one, and I passed it in the men’s room. I prayed in church about the next one, and it also passed in the men’s room.

Last night I asked friends to pray for me, and I also drank 4 beers and a bottle of water to help things along. Beer is great for moving kidney stones. This morning the stone passed. I still don’t feel quite normal, but I suppose that’s to be expected when something has been poking at your insides for several days. I guess there could be more stuff lodged in there, but I doubt it. That has never happened to me before.

I know why I got the stone. I haven’t been drinking enough water. I drink purified water to prevent stones, but I tend to put off opening bottles because I don’t like going to the store and buying more. Kind of a counterproductive regimen.

I got healed, so I have a duty to glorify God. That’s why I’m blogging right now.

I hate going to doctors. I consider it proof of failure. God has healed me of lots of things, and it’s the correct way to get healed. He doesn’t charge. He doesn’t leave scars. There are no side effects. He will even show you why you had the problem in the first place so you can change and avoid future issues. Doctors charge too much. They screw up. They cause pain and humiliation. You know how it works.

Doctors tend to be very patronizing. They talk to patients as though they were mentally retarded. As a person of faith, I don’t want to put myself in situations where I end up discussing prayer and demons with doctors. They don’t know the first thing about the supernatural.

Tell a doctor you’ve seen a spirit, and he will diagnose you as insane, and a judge will back him up. A modern shrink wouldn’t hesitate to put Jesus in a mental institution. He talked to spirits and claimed he worked miracles. I don’t want to be around doctors unless I have to. They live in a different world, and it’s a world of blindness and delusion.

It always disturbs me when Christians say, “God will use doctors to heal you.” Okay, yes, that happens. But it’s not divine healing. Divine healing is miraculous. If a Christian has to go to a doctor to get help, it means he failed to get the supernatural healing which is his inheritance. Surgery and drugs aren’t “miracles,” because man can take credit for them.

Life is hard because we rely on carnal tools instead of getting supernatural help. Christians aren’t supposed to work 12-hour days at jobs they hate. They’re not supposed to push themselves. Hard work is a curse, and it takes you away from God. It makes you a prisoner who can’t respond to God when he calls on you, and it makes it very hard for you to spend adequate time in prayer.

The worse your relationship with God is, the more you will have to rely on weak, carnal tools. Your enemies are spirits, and they use powerful supernatural tools. It’s as if you’re going up against a machine gun with a wooden spoon. A Christian should never brag about working hard. It’s like bragging about paralysis or deafness. Besides, God hates bragging.

God told me this: we become arrogant through striving in the flesh. I also heard this while I was praying the other day: “You fought for David.” Remember the story about David witnessing the spirit army that fought his enemies? We are not supposed to fight alone.

God wants us to have supernatural tools that make life easier. When we reject them, we have to use carnal tools. If you don’t have a machine gun, pick up your wooden spoon and do your best, but you should be looking for the machine gun. All of us should be looking for supernatural healing. It beats spending a lot of money and being cut up, pierced, rectally violated in front of strangers, and drugged.

Elisha was ill when he died. I don’t know what happened, but my guess is that he had some sort of iniquity that opened a door. He was able to heal others and raise them from the dead, so he should have been able to heal himself. If I can do it, surely he could.

I hope I don’t have any healings this coming week. By that I mean I hope I don’t need any. Protection is better than healing, any day.

I was about to wrap this entry up, but there is more. Danged if I didn’t just pass another stone. Maybe there are more to come. Anyway, they’re emerging.

If you feel like praying for me, I would appreciate it. I hope I never see another urologist or x-ray technician.

A Thoughtful Enemy is Still an Enemy

I don’t want to get stuck to the tar baby known as politics today, but I have a few comments about the underhanded effort to keep Brett Kavanaugh off the Supreme Court.

Alan Dershowitz is calling for an FBI investigation, and he says the confirmation vote should be delayed. This looks bad, right? Dershowitz has supported Trump against the special counsel over and over. He must be a Republican, and if a Republican isn’t supporting Kavanaugh, something must be fishy.

I’m sure some people are saying that, but Dershowitz is a liberal. He has taken issue with the special counsel’s tactics based on his concerns about corrupting our justice system. He’s not doing it because he supports Donald Trump. He voted for Hillary. He would be very disappointed to see a new conservative justice appointed.

The fact that someone as liberal as Dershowitz has been standing up for Trump merely shows how far gone the left is. He felt he had to speak. It doesn’t mean he’s on our side. He has made it clear that he is not, and he seems frustrated that so many people don’t believe him.

Democrats want to push the confirmation back as far as possible. They might take the Senate in the midterm elections. If they can do that, Kavanaugh is dead, and they might be able to prevent Trump from putting any new justices on the court. They could also kill his other judicial picks. It might be the start of an era of total leftist domination of two branches of our government.

Dershowitz is unquestionably hoping to see the Senate go blue, so I wouldn’t get too excited about his opinion on the Kavanaugh confirmation.

I would support an investigation if it were August. It would surely help Kavanaugh, at least in the minds of reasonable people. The more digging is done, the more obvious it will be that Kavanaugh is telling the truth. The problem is that Dianne Feinstein deliberately ran out the clock, withholding the Ford accusation until it would jeopardize Trump’s chances of appointing a new justice. You can’t sit on your hole card for weeks and then pretend it’s acceptable to ask for an additional lengthy delay.

Moving on to another point, the American Bar Association recommends that the Senate wait for an FBI investigation. That’s important, right? After all, it’s a bar association.

Wrong. The ABA is not a bar association, in spite of its name. They can’t regulate lawyers. They can’t issue or revoke licenses. No lawyer has to belong. I joined in law school to get some discounts on things, but I quit as soon as I could. Why? The ABA is notorious for its leftist activities. Of course they’re against Kavanaugh and Trump. It would be a miracle if they took any other position.

Look the ABA up and find out about their positions. You’ll quickly realize their recommendation carries no more weight than one coming from Al Sharpton.

I could start a club tomorrow and call it a bar association. I could call it the Official Bar Association of the United States of America. No one could stop me. I could accept conservative lawyers only, liberal lawyers only, or even people who weren’t lawyers at all. I could use the name for a strip club and only accept exotic dancers. Don’t get too excited by the ABA’s important-sounding name. It’s just a bunch of liberals who somehow got a lot of influence over law students and a certain segment of America’s lawyers.

I can’t think of a single attorney in my family, judges included, who belonged to the ABA.

What does it mean if the GOP pushes for a quick Senate vote on Kavanaugh? Does it mean they hate women? Does it mean they think an investigation will hurt Kavanaugh? Of course not. It means they want to get him confirmed or gone quickly, so they have a chance to get someone else confirmed before they lose the Senate. They need to move fast. It won’t be that long before newly elected leftists senators, if any, will be sworn in.

The GOP needs to get the vote done now, for better or worse.

They should remember this: they will be hated and slandered no matter what they do. The left has become so unhinged, it’s impossible to placate them. The GOP should quit trying to appease the unappeasable and do what’s right for the country. Maybe some of them realize that.

God has shown me an important principle: you have to let people make peace with you and make amends. You don’t do it for their sake. You do it in order to avoid becoming a hate-filled chunk of stone who is not worth talking to. If you want allies and friends, you have to allow your enemies to be reconciled with you. Leftists don’t understand this. They don’t provide due process, and they don’t accept apologies. They don’t acknowledge atonement. They’re not smart enough to realize this destroys our motivation to work with them.

Kavanaugh SUPPOSEDLY committed a misdemeanor around 40 years ago, as a minor, and since then, he has behaved beautifully. His accusers are not credible. Their witnesses contradict them or refuse to back them up. He has a calendar which shows he was not present when his first accuser says she was molested. Sane people wouldn’t have dignified her claims with a response, and even if they were true, it’s ridiculous to persecute a middle-aged, reformed man over something he did at 17.

You can’t win with leftists. They’re all over social media reviling him as though Kavanaugh had been proven guilty, and as if his alleged misdeed were right up there with cannibalism (or killing unborn babies). The GOP can’t get a fair shake, so they should do what they think is right and take the heat for it.

Leftists always turn on people who threaten their power. Remember McCain? He was a hero to leftists because he constantly stabbed his party in the back. Then he was nominated as the GOP candidate for president, and suddenly, he became a dangerous reactionary throwback. People said he was senile. Then he got sick and died, and suddenly he was a hero again. It’s a waste of time trying to curry favor with these people. They never give an inch.

The Senate should vote and get it over with. If Kavanaugh is confirmed, the kerfuffle will end. A year from now, leftists will be hollering about something else. They will still libel him whenever possible, but like Clarence Thomas, he will be a back-burner enemy unworthy of much effort.

I’m a Sucker for Misdirection

I have to quit digging into the fuss over Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. Carnal people are fighting a carnal battle, and I’m allowing myself to be dragged into it. Christians are supposed to focus on the supernatural. We’re supposed to fight principalities and powers, meaning spirits, and I’m getting worked up over the bickering of people who are as low and worldly as monkeys. They have no idea who the real enemies are or how to fight them.

If leftists are firing salvos of lies in order to destroy unborn children, we should realize it’s because they let themselves be controlled by demons. They don’t know the Holy Spirit. They don’t hear God’s voice. They wander around lost, spitting poison at those who support God. Often we return the favor.

People who serve demons are like sharks’ teeth. Sharks have teeth that grow in rows that move forward over time. When a front tooth falls out, the tooth in the row behind it moves up. We’re trying to pull teeth when we should be neutralizing the sharks. Defeat one human being who serves the devil, and another one will be found to take his place.

The Bible says we are more than conquerors. A conqueror defeats. A person who is more than a conqueror turns enemies into allies. America is full of leftists who are on their way to hell, and we are no better than they are. The difference between us is that we accepted forgiveness and help. We should be using supernatural tools to defeat leftists, turning the battle over to God, and we should be fighting the spirits that hold them captive.

If enough Americans knew God, leftism wouldn’t be a problem here. Leftists would be few and powerless, as they used to be. We gave God’s human enemies power by turning away from the only one who ever gave us victory.

I should be writing about the things God is doing, instead of complaining about blind, venomous people who rot our nation.

Last Saturday, my dad prayed for salvation, and our whole relationship changed. I should be writing about that every day.

The improvements I started seeing after my dad prayed seem to be permanent. He doesn’t drive me crazy any more. We spend more time together. I think more about helping him and less about avoiding provocation.

Yesterday I waited for him to get up and dress so we could have breakfast together. I took him to Cracker Barrel, and we talked. He still says a lot of the same repetitious things, but he’s not goading me any more. I don’t look at the time on my phone and wonder how much more time I should put in.

After breakfast, I took him to the mall to get some new pants. You have to keep an eye on clothing when you care for a dementia patient. They will wear rags if you let them. For some reason, he needs shorter pants now, and the cuffs of some of his old pants have become worn from dragging and catching things. He has pockets that are developing holes, too.

I made the mistake of parking near Macy’s. When we went in, I saw that they had a lot of upscale stuff but nothing suitable for my dad. He doesn’t need Polo. He needs moderately priced pants of decent quality. Things I buy him may not last long, so there is no point in spending a lot.

We had to walk across the mall to another store. That took a while. I would walk a bit, and then turn and wait. Sometimes he fell 50 feet behind me. I had to remind him to take long steps and avoid looking at the ground. His physical therapist is trying to teach him those things.

At another store, they were selling no-iron pants for two-thirds off. I couldn’t believe that. I had him try some on to figure out his size, and we bought three pairs for under $60. If they work out the first time he wears them, I’ll run back and get three more.

I wondered if these were the last pants he would ever need.

Trying on pants took a long time. I got him slip-on shoes, but they’re not as easy to put on as I had hoped, and sometimes it takes several minutes for him to get his feet into them. I sat on a chair in the changing area and read the news on my phone.

On the way back to the car, I had him stand at an exit, and I told him I’d get the car and come back for him. When I drove back a minute or two later, he had started walking, so I had to stop in the road to get him.

It’s very strange, not being provoked all the time. It reminds me of the story about Jesus releasing a woman who couldn’t stand straight. In the past, I had to reject and defeat anger many times every week. It was as if my dad were firing flaming arrows at me. Every time I put one out, another one came over the wall. That’s not happening any more.

You have to avoid unequal yokings. It’s not something you have a choice about. They will make you suffer. I yoked myself to a man who hated God, and it caused me a lot of problems. When I spend too much time thinking about politics, I’m doing the same thing. I’m yoking myself to people who get off on being angry and malicious.

Yesterday, I realized something. My mother married an atheist. That’s what ruined our family. I had never seen it that way before, but now I see that it’s obvious. There was an unequal yoking, and it paid dividends of failure and stress. If I had had two Christian parents with good prayer lives, my life and my sister’s life would have been completely different. We would have been raised in love and peace instead of fear and violence.

Don’t date an atheist. Don’t date a Jew, apart from Messianics. Don’t date a pagan, a Mormon, or a Jehovah’s Witness. Don’t date anyone who worships Mary or “saints.” If you do, you’re poisoning your future. When you go home at night, you have to be among people who don’t play for the other team. You have to be with people who are on your side. You can’t expect things to go well when you bunk with your enemies.

Christianity can’t be reconciled with any other faith. It’s wrong to try. Jesus had no tolerance whatsoever for other religions, and you can’t change the rules.

Paul warned us, and my mother didn’t listen. It caused decades of needless pain. It wrecked her legacy.

Sure, my dad finally came around. At 86. After his wife killed herself with a nicotine addiction. After his daughter destroyed herself. After I did my best to ruin my own life. God wanted to prevent those things.

I’m glad my dad made it, but think how things might have been had my mother married a Christian. My dad’s belated salvation doesn’t make my mother’s choice acceptable or right.

I was in a sexual relationship with an atheist. I can’t believe I was that stupid. It ended up causing me a lot of misery. Thank God it was cut short. I have often thought about the suffering marriage would have caused, and it’s scary.

I’m still reading Pat Conroy’s The Death of Santini. It’s a history of his family, beginning after he became famous. It’s a disturbing read. It’s a book about a destroyed family. The Conroys are just as tormented and crippled today as they were in 1960.

One would expect the son of a wife-beater and child abuser to be soft-hearted and repentant, but that’s not Pat Conroy. He depicts himself as obnoxious and violent. In his book, he threatens to beat his siblings. He threatens to beat a building manager who has to evict his grandmother. He did these things long after he became wealthy and famous.

His brothers and sisters are not success stories, either. He writes about his schizophrenic brother, Tom, who hated him for trying to help. Tom jumped off a building. He writes about his sister Carol Ann, who also had mental issues and who raged at her family all the time.

His dad didn’t change. He denied the things Conroy wrote about him, and he behaved better in order to prove Conroy was wrong. He continued to bluster and deflect.

The Conroys come off as a family with very little class, if you want the truth. The father beats everyone. The mother beats Carol Ann with a broom. The grandmother sleeps around and drinks herself unconscious. The sons are angry and bitter. If there is a moment of redemption in the book, I haven’t seen it yet. Instead of coming together, the Conroys merely squelch their hatred and force themselves to get along in spite of it. That’s not what God wants for us. He wants to take hatred out of us.

The Conroys were Christians, but they were not Spirit-filled. They were Catholics. Conroy’s uncle was a priest who beat him when he was a child. Catholicism doesn’t teach people how to know God personally or how to tap into his power and become like him in their hearts. It’s very sad. They made an effort to please God, but they weren’t shown how to make it work. The church helped destroy them.

They were worldly people, and worldly people don’t heal.

I wouldn’t have wanted to know Pat Conroy. He was apparently quite a jerk, for lack of a kinder term. I want to be less of a jerk, and I don’t want jerks in my life.

My own experience tells me there is something better. God changes relationships on a very deep level. I’m thankful for that. Hosea said God’s people perished for lack of knowledge, and I am very grateful for whatever knowledge I have that the Conroys didn’t.

My dad is changing, and that’s wonderful, but he has taught me never to go near anyone else like him. Never, never, never, NEVER. I don’t care what you claim you can offer me. If you’re on the other side, you will keep your distance. I can do good things for you. I can treat you with courtesy and respect. I can pray for you sincerely. That’s all you get. You can’t be in the inner circle. It’s not worth it. I’m too old for it.

If you’re a young Christian, think about the company you keep. You are making choices that could have evil results that last for centuries. If you choose to go against God, he may not listen to your cries for help when you get what you deserve. He let the Jews walk in the desert for 40 years because they wouldn’t listen.

It’s amazing how ignorant we are. It’s a wonder our problems aren’t much worse. We don’t understand the basic principles that bring us success and protection.

Innocence is no Excuse

It’s time to confess. I am not fit to sit on the Supreme Court. Decades ago, when I was in high school and college, I went to parties where women may have been gang-raped.

I don’t actually know of any rapes that occurred at parties I attended. That’s no excuse. They may have occurred. I’ve been to parties in houses, university buildings, dormitories, and apartment buildings, and I couldn’t see everything that happened while I was there. For all I know, women were being raped in closets, bedrooms, and stairwells.

Brett Kavanaugh’s latest accuser says he was present at a party where she was raped by several men other than Kavanaugh. I can’t point the finger. I’m just as bad as he is, and if you ever went to a party when you were young, so are you, even if you’re a woman. To be present is to be an accomplice.

She also says Kavanaugh and his pals put alcohol in punchbowls, in order to make women more cooperative. I’m guilty, too! I have put vodka in punch women drank, not that it ever got me anywhere. Kavanaugh and I are just like Bill Cosby.

I’ve bought women a number of drinks. I admit it. I gave them alcohol, and I didn’t do anything to prevent them from drinking it. I never handed them printed disclaimers, listing the possible consequences of drinking and drunkenness. I didn’t bat drinks out of their hands. I never held them in headlocks and forcibly dragged them away from their drinks.

Clearly, putting alcohol in punch at parties is extreme and unusual, and it’s a practice which cannot be tolerated. It’s unheard-of. Until I read about Kavanaugh, I thought I was the only one who had thought of it. All over America, people must be shocked to learn that things like this happen.

I put liquor in punch, and I was present when all sorts of felonies, for all I know, were committed. Maybe people were murdered and then dragged off and buried quietly. Maybe friends of mine went off by themselves to use the phones to commit wire fraud. Maybe they brought little printing presses to parties and ran off sheets of counterfeit bills.

Actually, now that I think of it, I was present in a dormitory when at least one felony was committed. When I was a freshman, a guy named Kerry called a girl on the phone, said he was me, and threatened her. I don’t remember. The senior who was paid to live on our floor burst into my room in the middle of the night with someone else (can’t remember who), turned on the light, and started asking me if I had made the call. They asked if I had threatened to rape and kill someone.

Yes, of course I had. On my own phone, from my own room, using my real name, with three witnesses trying to sleep in the same small suite, because I am stupid and very curious about prison food.

I don’t recall how I knew it was Kerry. Maybe I’m wrong about that. He was a messed-up guy, and he was my prime suspect. It may have been a guy named Greg, or maybe they did it together. Maybe it was someone else.

Kerry got involved with a girl called Rude Ruth who used to use the men’s showers. She eventually moved into his room, and his roommate had to leave. I remember the time a bunch of people from our floor went to a Pink Floyd concert and dropped acid. Kerry came back and assured the rest of us that he had seen God.

Greg was like a character from a Kevin Smith movie. He was the king of prank phone calls. He liked calling foreign students and telling them they hadn’t paid their phone bills. I listened in once. He handed the call over to me without warning, saying I was the president of the phone company, a Mr. Cosmo Bogus.

For some reason, a few people I knew had invented a game in which they called people, said they were me, and threatened them. No idea what that was all about. They even did it during the spring of my sophomore year, while I was in another state on medical leave. Anyway, I was present on campus some of the time when these things happened, so I can’t be a Supreme Court justice.

Kavanaugh’s new accuser says she felt like there MAY have been drugs in the punch she drank. She’s not sure. She says, “I may have been drugged.” It seems she can’t tell the difference between vodka and a huge dose of Quaaludes. That’s unusual.

Her strange remarks, if true, mean she is open to two possibilities: 1. she was drugged, or 2. she got plastered of her own free will and then blamed the people who gave her drinks. Why is option 2 newsworthy, and why would the boys be at fault if she got herself drunk?

Talk about reasonable doubt. When the victim can’t even stand behind her own accusation, there is no way the rest of us should dignify it with support. Whether she got raped is a separate question, but the spiking/drugging allegation is facially untenable.

I don’t know if it’s economically possible for a college student to spike punch with Quaaludes. You need at least a couple of pills per victim in order to accomplish anything, and a college punch bowl holds five or more gallons. Five gallons, 20 quarts, 40 pints, 80 cups…so call it 160 pills per bowl. Not cheap. And the men who drank it would be drugged too, which kind of defeats the purpose.

I suppose a clever rapist would spike individual drinks. That’s a different kind of situation, though. College punchbowls are filled by groups. Spiking a punchbowl would require a conspiracy, in order to prevent everyone at the party from passing out at 10 p.m. Spiking individual drinks would be done by one or a few individuals, probably secretly. If some low-life were sneaking around putting pills in the drinks of girls he had selected for himself, Kavanaugh probably would not have known about it.

He was present, though, so he’s guilty. So are all the women who were at the parties. They were present.

We’re supposed to believe this lady was raped by multiple assailants and that she didn’t follow up until 2018. Maybe it happened, but it’s hard to believe. Even in the mid-80’s, rape was considered a serious matter, and the police were more than happy to investigate complaints.

How crazy are the accusations going to get? If being present when something bad is done disqualifies you from holding government office, no one stands a chance. Maybe there are a couple of Mormons who could squeak by, but the rest of us? No way!

I’ve seen drugs being sold. I’ve seen beatings. I’ve seen thefts. When I was in college, I heard all kinds of gross language and saw revolting behavior. Sometimes I participated in the language and bad behavior. Thank God I’ve never run for office.

Aren’t people allowed to change and be forgiven? Even if Kavanaugh is somehow culpable in these far-fetched stories about trivial misdeeds (some committed by other people), does anyone really care what he did when he was 18? Maya Angelou was a prostitute. Mark Wahlberg was a violent racist street punk. Will Smith was charged with aggravated assault. Do we ever get to move on?

Democrats have a jihadi-like fervor when it comes to legal protection for those who tear unborn babies apart in the womb. They think anything they do in order to keep the unborn unprotected is morally acceptable. This is the basis for their deranged attacks on Kavanaugh.

I think Christine Ford is lying, and I think the gang rape accuser is either lying or making a very dishonest, immoral effort to connect Kavanaugh to something he had nothing to do with.

New Helpers Leaving Soon

For some time now, I have been driving to finish up some tax and bookkeeping work. Ordinarily, this would put me in a murderous rage. There is nothing I hate worse than accounting and taxes. I can’t understand how accountants even exist. How can there be people who can stand this kind of work? As for taxes…just take the money. Don’t ruin a month of my life just to make it sting more.

I always say I long for the old days, when you could opt to skip the lengthy ordeal of figuring and paying your taxes and choose instead to be burned at the stake.

In spite of the misery, I feel better than expected. I am still raking in the dividends of my dad’s prayer for salvation.

The strain that used to pervade our relationship is gone. I’m not thrilled when he makes a mess or does something else that causes me unpleasant toil, but the annoyance is gone. I don’t feel like he’s the enemy any more. The mess is the enemy, and my dad and I are on the same side.

When I started seeing progress in my dad’s feelings toward God, I saw the change in our relationship coming. I started to see it the day before he prayed for forgiveness. I assume God showed it to me, because it wasn’t something obvious. Preachers don’t tell you you will suddenly get along with relatives after they pray for salvation.

Today I got some jarring news. His occupational therapist visited, and she told me her work with him would be ending soon. Medicare will pay for occupational therapy as long as it works. Because of my dad’s dementia, he is not making progress. She has to show him the same things over and over. Medicare wants a better return on its investment.

It’s a harsh reminder of his mortality and of what we face before he goes. He is at the peak of his ability right now. He can get worse, but he can’t improve. This is as good as it gets, and it won’t be this good for long.

I have to think about hiring someone to come work with him a few times a week. The therapist said she would recommend people.

As I suspected, his change of heart toward God is making things harder for me. It will be harder to let him go. When someone is provoking you all the time, your concern for him will be masked by a desire for relief. When the provocation goes, the things it obscured rush in.

That’s a good thing. It’s better to be sad when someone dies than relieved.

The therapists will come for a few more weeks, and then we’ll be on our own. I’ll have to make decisions. In a way, I’ll be facing them alone, but in another way, we’ll be facing them together.

If you’re old, and you’re straight-arming God, knock it off. Don’t wait until you’re 86 and you can’t find your way home from the store. Don’t give up decades of closeness to your family and Christian friends. What are you giving it up for? Pride? What good is that? It’s a cage that keeps people away.

I wonder what kinds of things I’ll be writing about in the future. I suppose it’s best not to guess. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

It’s not my burden to carry. I have a God who carries things for me.

Tomorrow’s Big Scoop: Kavanaugh Cheated at Monopoly

The Beast is still after Brett Kavanaugh. Moloch never sleeps.

This weekend and today I read about Kavanaugh’s newest accusers. They remind me of something I have often said: the reaches your enemies have to make in order to accuse you are a testimony to your innocence.

Kavanaugh is in his 50’s. If he there were any serious character issues that affected his behavior as an adult–a real adult, not a teenager–we would know all about them by now. Instead, we have three things:

1. He supposedly groped a girl when he was 17.

2. He supposedly exposed himself to a girl during a drinking game at 18.

3. A friend of his named Mark Judge supposedly joined others in having sex with a drunk girl.

Amazing. This is their ammunition. Kavanaugh must be a pretty solid guy, if this is the best they can do. Imagine what they could have done with Bill Clinton or Keith Ellison.

Let me point something out. If the Democrats nominated someone who committed several violent crimes as a teenager, and it was a person who had since reformed, no one would care. Such a person would be approved. Kavanaugh may or may not have done a couple of stupid, relatively trivial things when he was a teen, and there is no evidence that he behaved badly during the ensuing three and a half decades, yet we are supposed to believe he’s unfit to serve on a court.

Robert Byrd put away his Klan robes and became the majority leader of the Senate. Let’s not even discuss Ted Kennedy, who was a grown man when he left a woman to suffocate in a sunken car he had wrecked. Why are we even talking about Kavanaugh?

As for the accusations themselves, the person who made accusation 1 named 4 witnesses, and none back her up. The person who made accusation 2 also has no corroborating witnesses. Accusation 3 is the lamest of all. It’s about someone else! Democrats want us to punish Brett Kavanaugh for something Mark Judge did.

They’re not scraping the bottom of the barrel. They’ve drilled holes in it, and they’re sifting the dirt underneath.

I can’t help thinking about my law school. There was a notorious young woman there who supposedly snorted cocaine off a young man’s private parts. What if someone nominates her to a judgeship? Things will go badly for her. If she’s a Republican.

Maybe we should impeach every judge who went to Woodstock.

Sexual sin is bad, but the general rule is that we don’t consider it when we choose government officials. Leftists love sexual sin, when leftists are the ones committing it. What self-respecting leftist would condemn a college drinking game involving nudity? Aren’t these the same people who get public nudity bans struck down? Aren’t they the ones promoting public toplessness?

Burning Man has an orgy area. Hello?

Leftists promote female nudity as hard as they can, but they’re upset about a momentary indiscretion from a drunk teenager.

The left is confused. They want to celebrate every type of sexual sin, yet somehow they also want to be puritanical and vindictive. It won’t work.

They also want to kill due process. Aren’t they the ones who want us to give illegal aliens endless hearings and appeals? Aren’t they known for promoting due process safeguards for guilty suspects? When did we decide men are the only people who don’t get the benefit of the Constitution?

Here’s an important point about the accusation against Mark Judge: it was made by an ex-girlfriend. Come on. If you really want to bury someone, who do you go to for material? Ex-wives and ex-girlfriends top the list.

Women handle rejection very, very badly. Women who have boyfriends dream of marriage all day. They feel they have to be married by certain ages, and if they don’t make it, they feel it somehow invalidates them as women. They sit around writing their “married names” to pass the time. They make up weird wedding rules. They flip through narcissistic magazines aimed at brides.

Generally, long relationships are ended by men, not women. Women get old, younger women are always available, and relationships with no roots suffer their expected ends. The world is full of ex-girlfriends who are nearing or past menopause, and they are not known to be forgiving or honest.

An ex-girlfriend is likely to see a former boyfriend as the person who ruined her life. Many of them will jump at a chance to return the favor.

Even if the accusation is true, it doesn’t say the drunken girl Judge had sex with didn’t consent, and again…not Kavanaugh. Tomorrow, my former pastor will be sentenced for child molestation. Should I have to serve part of his time because I knew him?

Maybe Hillary Clinton should be tried for the things Bill did.

I don’t think these women are telling the truth. I believe people would be backing them up if they were, and besides, sexual loose cannons usually have multiple accusers with strong testimonies. Sexual aggression is a lifelong habit. Two uncorroborated yarns don’t turn Brett Kavanaugh into Bill Cosby. They simply make his accusers look desperate and dishonest, and they make leftists look like tyrants.

Kavanaugh will make it, unless a better accusation emerges. We need to pray for God to help him. The more Supreme Court justices we have on our side, the easier our future will be.