TLC

While I wait to toss the rib roast in the oven, I have been fooling with the new old table saw. I wanted to get the blade and top aligned, and I thought I’d to a few other things.

When I took the top off this thing to move it, six shims fell out of the front side. They were between the cabinet and the top. I was not positive, but by the way they fell, it seemed likely that there had been three on each side. A commenter told me I was in danger of warping the top if I got the shims wrong.

I now think that has to be wrong. This top attaches at three points. It’s impossible for three points to define anything except a perfectly flat plane. So it should be impossible for the three mounting points to exert a flexing force on the top. It seems to me that the only important thing the shims can do is to prevent the top from sloping diagonally.

I got some advice on orienting the blade inside the throat plate slot, and I found out how to align the blade with the miter slots, and I took a crack at it. Now the table is tightened down, and everything looks kosher. I’m not one hundred percent certain about the squareness of the blade to the top, but it seems fine when measured with the tools I now have.

A woodworker told be about a couple of great tools for tuning table saws. One is a dial indicator which reads in tiny fractions of an inch when you depress its plunger. The other is a Chinese dial caliper. You’re supposed to mount the indicator on a cross made from scrap, put one part of the cross in the miter slot, and move it back and forth while checking the distance. You pick a tooth on the blade and use it as your reference. I haven’t been able to do that yet, but I was able to measure the distance between the near wall of the slot and one gap on the saw, and it looks fine.

I put stuff on the saw’s cord to polish it up, and I used orange-based gun cleaner on the top, to see if it did anything. It made the saw smell very nice, but no matter how much of the ancient varnish I remove, there is always more underneath. My only real concern is that it will stain wood that rests on it. And it might cause friction.

I wish my new plug were here so I could fire the saw up and make sure everything was right. Kelly Mehler has a blade-aligning trick that only requires a dowel and a miter gauge. I could do that if the saw were running.

The more I think about the extra-long rails, the more I think I might be able to make use of them. If I moved a cabinet in the garage, I would have room for the rails, and the cord would still reach my socket. I could put a big ol’ extension on the table and hang a router from it. I could put wheels on the whole operation. I could make a cabinet under the extension, with an enclosed dust-catching area for the router, plus a shelf or some drawers. If I did all that, I would have endless horizontal space to work with. I will never need it for stuff I’m cutting on the table saw, but it would be convenient to put tools and workpieces on it while I’m doing things.

The extension should be easy to make. A flat board with two legs and some bracing. A hole for a router. Casters. Done. Not sure how to compensate for the uneven garage floor, however.

It would be hilarious to use my old desk as the extension. It’s probably too narrow, though.

I’m wondering what other junk I need to do basic woodwork. Planer and jointer, I suppose. Surely that will be enough. Maybe it’s possible to survive without a jointer, if I get my wood squared up when I buy it. I think a planer would be harder to do without, because you wouldn’t want to have to drive five miles each way when you change your mind about the thickness you want.

This stuff is a tremendous amount of fun, regardless of whether I accomplish anything in the end.

Gorgeous

I am feeling pretty smug. The new old saw is out of the car. It’s assembled. The car has been vacuumed. The tools have been put away. I am DONE. Look:

I had to order a new plug for it. It has a dryer plug, but my other stuff has 6-50P plugs, so I’m converting this one. I Googled around. Guess what a Leviton 6-50P goes for? About sixty bucks! For two ounces of plastic and a tiny amount of brass! Fortunately Ebay had one for five bucks. Which one do you think I bought?

The miter gauges on this thing are not looking good. I may upgrade.

I’m going to have to figure out the shims and get the top trued up and so forth. It seems like the dead blow hammer was made for this work. You can move the table in tiny increments, and it won’t mar the iron.

I checked the top with a straightedge. You can sort of see daylight under it, but just barely. It would take a pretty tiny feeler gauge to get in there.

I thought the 5 HP motor was a mistake, but apparently there are advantages. You can use any blade you want, and it will cut thick stuff without slowing down and causing burns. I think a lot of people use smaller motors, though. I am pretty sure Kelly Mehler uses a 110-volt job in his table saw video. I believe the saw is a contractor model, because the motor hangs out the side, supported by the belt.

There is a lot for me to learn. In addition to aligning everything, I have to find out how to tension the belts (plural).

I’m so grateful for this thing. What an adventure it has been already. And if I eventually manage to do useful work with it, it will be even better. This whole experience has been a blast. I wish I had a band saw so I could make new throat plates for it.

Now, how do I make myself sell my precious portable?

Metamorphosis Nearly Complete

The Powermatic 66 is standing in the garage with the top on, the motor in, and the magnetic starter nearly hooked up. All I have to do is screw in two more wires.

The plug on this thing is not compatible with the socket I want to plug it into. So I have to order a new plug. I think. I have to go out there and stare at it some more.

I got the saw cabinet out of the Explorer by putting a piece of plywood covered with an old towel under it. I scooted the plywood out of the back of the vehicle, and the wood and saw slid out more or less simultaneously. No problems at all.

The most fun I’ve had so far was installing the motor. Don’t let anyone kid you with 50 or 75 pounds. This thing has to weigh over a hundred, with the mounting thing attached. You have to slide it onto the upper bolt and hold it on with your left hand while you screw the bolt in with your right.

I vacuumed the cabinet out but I am not sure dust will ever stop pouring out of it. It’s as if it manufactures dust from nothingness.

It may be a couple of weeks before I can do anything with the saw. But I’ll get it as close to ready as possible.

Quarter-Century Hiatus not Good

I have good news about a fellow blogger. Fausta is now writing regularly for Realclearpolitics! They have a site called Realclearworld, and she’s blogging Latin America. Here is her first post!

Always nice to see good people do well.

Today I am thinking about the way my life has changed.

I used to write about the way I felt when I took off for Israel to work on a kibbutz; I had a lot of obstacles to overcome in order to get there, and when I made it to Israel, there were still uncertainty and problems, but it seemed like God held me by the hand the entire time, and I got to where I didn’t worry much. Things always worked out. And I have to say, I wasn’t the greatest possible Christian at that time. I enjoyed getting drunk. I thought sex outside of marriage wasn’t that big a deal. I was very disrespectful to people to whom I should have shown deference. I had a filthy mouth. And I didn’t do much for other people. Nonetheless, it seemed that God guided me through the trip, as though there were a reason for it.

When I returned home, things didn’t work so well; maybe God had a purpose for the trip, and he put up with me because of that purpose and because of my faith, and once I was home, he felt it was time to let me reap some of the rewards of my bad attitude and behavior. I don’t know. The confusing thing is that he would lead me and watch over me in Israel. I completely understand why he would withdraw once I got home; the good that he did me is harder to explain. I think sometimes God does good things for you before you turn to him, in anticipation of things you’ll do later. In any case, I always missed the sensation of having my steps ordered from above.

That sensation has returned to my life. Things are falling into place. My family is being restored. The persistent sins and failings of which I could not rid myself are disappearing. Things I don’t understand are happening, and I have the sense that they are happening for reasons that will become clear later. I am less worried than I used to be. I am less discouraged. I feel as if the ground of my life has been weeded and cultivated and fertilized, and that now my life can be fruitful.

I feel like my life ended when I returned from Israel and started up again just recently.

I still can’t figure out this tool business. How did I end up with a giant table saw? I really didn’t want to buy it, but there is such a thing as having a hook put in your jaw. The saw was too perfect. The price was too low. It made too much sense, the way it would fit into my garage. Then I bought the thing, and immediately, I got an email inviting me and my father to Frostproof, to see my great aunt Gladys. The lady with the giant workshop and house full of beautiful homemade furniture. The only person I know who would have any appreciation whatsoever for this saw. There has to be some purpose in this. It’s just too weird.

I think about the story of Jonah. Actually, I have thought about it for years, because I knew I was not serving my purpose in life. Jonah was appointed to do a job, and he refused. He was thrown into the sea and swallowed by a fish. Some preachers believe he died. For three days, he prayed for relief. From hell, according to his own words. In the end, the fish spat him out on the beach, closer to Nineveh than he was when he was thrown in the ocean. All that time, the plan seemed to be derailed, but he was on his way to Nineveh and didn’t realize it.

Now that I think about it, the Bible is full of this kind of stuff. Rebecca was waiting at the well, to be chosen for Isaac. A donkey was waiting to be used in Jesus’s ride into Jerusalem. Moses happened to float by Pharaoh’s daughter. Joseph was sold to Egyptians, and he was imprisoned wrongly, and as a result he became a powerful official who was ready to help his brothers when famine came. Mary the sister of Martha happened to have costly perfume on hand to put on Jesus’s feet, and it turned out to be preparation for his burial.

I’m also grateful that I seem to sense my positive emotions better than I used to. Every so often, I have a moment when I understand the significance of something that has happened, and it brings me close to tears. Often the thing that moves me will be something that would have blown right by me, back when I was constantly working to suppress feelings which I believed would cause me problems.

As for the saw, I have to figure out a way to put a router table in it. You can buy premade inserts, but I’m sure they’re expensive, and the whole point of all this effort is to learn to use tools, so I’d rather make one. I’m thinking I should get a piece of 3/4″ MDF and cut it to a suitable width. Then I can rout a hole in it for my router lift, run hardwood braces across the bottom of the MDF, and screw it to the saw rails. It should work.

I’m having a hard time deciding how long the rails should be. People are trying to discourage me from cutting them down, but a 98″ long object is not something you want in a crowded garage. I am thinking I’ll set the saw up and decide how big a router insert I need and then cut the rails based on that measurement. I hate to do it, but let’s be serious. How often do you need rails that go 50″ beyond a table saw’s edge? I have a video where Kelly Mehler cuts a four-by-eight sheet of plywood without any of that junk. If I’m wrong, I’m sure I can remedy the mistake for $300 somewhere down the road.

Prayer Request

I just got an email from reader Alan. He says his mother has lung cancer and is not expected to live more than two weeks. He would appreciate some prayer to help her with her suffering. He says she is a good Christian, and that she is prepared to go. I hope you’ll take a minute to help out.

Also, I have a friend who is despondent over job problems. I mean, while you’re already praying, why not?

Already

I joined the forum at Sawmill Creek to get info on moving my saw. They said I was required to upload photos, so I have done that. Some guy already wants to buy my oversized rails!

The sad thing is, I don’t see how I can sell them. I can’t find used rails in the shorter length, and new ones cost a lot. I can take my dry cut saw and cut these down in fifteen minutes, and they’ll be perfect, and it will cost NOTHING. But people will spaz out if they find out I’ve done it.

I already got a recommendation for a guard. One of the disadvantages of this saw is that it has no riving knife, so I would like to get some kind of guard that will be convenient and highly resistant to kickback. But it’s a hard decision, so I want to take my time.

I suppose I need a zero-clearance insert. I should be able to make one. Maybe I can find a splitter for it.

After all this, STILL, I am not making anything with my tools.

The Doug Stowe box-making video is tremendous. It seems like it’s three times as long as most woodworking videos. I should clean the dust out of my hair and turn on the DVD player.

I, Too, Know how to Abuse an SUV

Here is good information to have. It is entirely possible to put a Powermatic 66 power saw into a Ford Explorer without help.

I shot up to Jupiter today and took a look at the saw. The seller was less helpful than expected. He turned out to have a back problem, so he could do nothing whatsoever to help with the lifting and pushing. He got a little snippy when I asked if I could take a wing off the saw to get an idea how hard the disassembly would be, although he apologized later.

He clearly didn’t know a whole lot about mechanical things. Although he did carpentry for a living, he didn’t know how to take the saw apart, and he didn’t think I could do it and get it into the truck. But when I gave him the money, he was only too happy to clear out and give me time to work, and he told me where I could find Mexicans if I needed one to help me lift.

He was amazed by my Panasonic impact driver. I don’t blame him. It amazes me, too.

I was terrified, but it seemed certain it had to be doable. I didn’t want to leave half the saw up there and go back to Miami for a bigger vehicle. I got out the tools and got to work.

Here is the saw at first (seller’s photo):

Here it is a few minutes after I got to work, with the extension, fence, and rails off.

Here it is with the top and motor removed.

Here it is going up the clever little ramp I made.

Getting it apart took some time, but there was nothing hard about it. I put the parts in the Explorer as they came off. Once I had it in pieces, I was ready to drive to the labor pool and choose a brawny immigrant to help me. But I kept looking at the saw and tilting it by hand and thinking how light it felt. And there was a huge stack of two-by-fours in the corner of the storage unit. And the storage unit was two inches higher than the surrounding pavement, so I knew I could brace the wood against the concrete…

I backed the Explorer up to the unit, got the wood in place, draped a quilt over it, and lowered the saw cabinet onto it. And I gave it a yank. It moved! I couldn’t believe it. I decided to go for broke. I yanked and pushed, going from one side of the cabinet to the other, until it was in the Explorer. All I had to do was tidy up, put the rails in the car, and hit the road! There wasn’t a scratch on the saw. Not a new one, anyway.

Sadly, when I took the top off, six shims came with it, and I have no idea where they were. The information I gathered said there should be no alignment issues, so I was not expecting shims. I may have to call Powermatic.

I also got about a dozen blades. I thought I might leave them behind; they were for Corian, and I didn’t know if they were right for wood, and I thought the seller might want to put them on Craigslist by themselves. But he said they were great for wood. Something about “triple chipped” carbide points. He said they would last forever on wood. So they came with me.

I took a shot of the saw in the car, but I guess I forgot to save it.

I don’t think the Biesemeyer fence is 64″ long. It looks like 48″ to me, which is considerably more reasonable. The rails are very long, though. I think I’ll have to put them on the dry cut saw and reduce them to a length that makes sense. I don’t know what else to do.

This thing should be fantastic. I can put wheels on it and park it by a wall. With the router on it, it will be a great convenience. I thought I might spruce it up and paint it, but after lugging it around, I am not all that enthusiastic.

I don’t think this guy was a big fan of dust collection. It seemed like five pounds of wood and corian dust came out of this saw. It needs a good cleaning.

I have to get a guard for it. That will be a project in and of itself.

All in all, I can’t believe my luck. I paid roughly a third of what it’s worth, and the blades are a big asset.

I have the funniest feeling about all these tools. I feel as if there is some purpose in them. I really didn’t want this thing when I saw it, but things kept coming together, and I just went with the flow. I said a lot of prayers during this process, including one over the saw itself.

Coincidentally–ANOTHER coincidence, among those associated with this saw–my aunt Gladys wants me and my father to visit. If you don’t recall, she’s the 92-year-old great aunt in Frostproof, who has a complete woodworking shop and a house full of homemade furniture. She’ll love these photos.

Now I have to go lie down.

Giant Saw Soon to be Mine, & Vice-Versa

I think the table saw move is under control. I got expert advice from various sources. It looks like it works this way: you remove as much heavy stuff as you can, and then you are left with a basic box which is not too bad. The main box can be rolled back into an Explorer so it lands on its top.

The wings are three bolts each. Og says the motor is four. You adjust the saw height so the motor is inside the box, you lower the saw onto a blanket, you put another blanket under the motor, and you pop the motor out and let it drop.

I don’t really care how hard it is to take it out of the car, because I can do that at home.

I don’t know what to do with that giant rail. Maybe it’s possible to cut it to a reasonable length.

I realize I’m crazy.

Delivery Problems

Troubles have developed in table saw paradise.

The guy who owns the saw thought he could deliver it. But he can’t. So a fifty-dollar gas contribution now turns into a nightmare rental scenario. Looks like a $150 addition to the cost, even if I take a train to rent the truck, drive the saw to Miami, and turn the truck in here.

I’m wondering if I could just take the saw apart. Motor out, top off. The motor has to weigh 75 pounds. I’m sure the top is another hundred. That would leave me with a box weighing around 250 pounds, which I should be able to wrestle onto a pickup bed with help.

The extension is homemade. It would have to come off. I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t want it. It’s too big to go in the garage. Maybe I could just dump it. I have no place to put it, and I am never going to cut giant panels. If I do, I can build a piece of junk like that, myself. I’m sure it’s useful, but it’s not worth losing the saw over.

Do any of you know how to take apart a table saw, and whether this idea is realistic? If the saw will come apart into pieces that can be handled fairly easily, I can borrow my dad’s Explorer and cram it in the back. Total cost: $30.

Low Prices Sometimes Result from Pain

I appreciate all the helpful tips on the table saw. I hope it works out. I believe the main reasons for the good price are that nobody around here wants a big saw, and very few people have a circuit which will run a 5-horsepower motor. I guess the good Lord had something on his mind when I went crazy and put three 220 circuits in the garage.

I don’t want to miss the more important issue here. The seller no longer needs the saw, because his business went under. That is a very sad reason for a bargain. And he is not alone in these tough times. The other day I learned that a family I know has been under great financial strain.

In the past, when I prayed for people, I just prayed that God would fix their problems. I now think that’s wrong. Aaron informed me that one of the Jewish words for prayer really means something more like “self-examination.” Problems are often the result of the way we live. Virtually everyone has something in his or her life that needs to be made right. These days, I pray that God will help people with their adversities, but I also pray that he will help them search themselves and change and come to serve and know him better.

Maybe you could join me in praying for those things today, for the guy with the saw, and for my friends.

Today my sister and I are going to Wayne Cochran’s church. She’s disappointed because they’re putting on a Christmas play. She wanted to hear him speak. Oh, well. It sure beats what we were doing on the Sunday before Christmas last year.

New Old Saw, Bought

Okay, let me take a minute to thank all the enablers who read this blog. Enjoy a good laugh at my expense.

I decided to make a deal on the table saw. I didn’t see how I could lose. The saw is clearly not stolen; the guy knows way too much about saws and Corian, and I found his business on the Internet. It’s a table saw, which means it has about four parts, all of which can be replaced when they go bad. It’s a Powermatic, which means it’s US-made and pretty unlikely to drop in value. It’s old, so it was made before the WMH buyout everyone whines about. And he is willing to DELIVER.

I can forget about building a router table now. I can put an insert in the table saw surface. I can get rid of my existing table saw and get all of my money back, except for what I paid for zero-clearance inserts. This thing will take up less room than the stuff it replaces.

I am insane; I know it. But I should end up with a tool that will last for eternity, perform like a dream, and remain worth more than the price I paid. The cost of owning and using the Ridgid will turn out to be sales tax plus a few bucks for some inserts.

That 220 witing is paying off. I think he was stuck with this thing because no one who called about it had 220. I don’t just have 220; I have a SELECTION of 220 circuits. I have 40-amp with one style of receptacle, and I have 60-amp with another style. Because I am crazy. Learning how to do wiring can change your life.

The 64″ fence is not ideal. Maybe I can find someone who will trade a smaller one for it. It will have to be taken off so I can park the car. I don’t know if it works with the usual accessories. Maybe the extra length is not an issue.

It would be fun to yank the guts out of this thing, sandblast it, prime it, and paint it. I don’ t think it would be hard. I believe cabinet saws pretty much fall apart with the removal of a few bolts and screws.

I guess this means I better go back to Home Depot with all the crap I bought to make the router table work.

I blame Og for this.

I Have a Sickness

I need psychiatric help.

The saw guy says the saw–a Powermatic 66–is in good running shape. He says he will guarantee it runs and so on. He is willing to BRING it to me. I am sweating with temptation.

This would be a nice addition to the garage. I could get rid of my Ridgid portable for what I paid for it (I got it for a third off), and I could set this thing up permanently, with a router insert and a caster set from Grizzly. It would wheel out when I needed it, and it would wheel in when I was tired of it. And I could resell it for more than I paid for it, unless it’s got real problems.

Arrghh. Jonesing. Bad.

Sometimes Craigslist Works

I’m stuck here waiting for someone, so I’m looking at power tools on Craigslist. Usually this stuff is awful. “DRILL PRESS – HARBOR FREIGHT – 5 YRS LIGHT USE – PAID $250, YOURS FOR $245.” And half the ads have no pictures, and they usually don’t have model numbers.

Here’s how selling used junk works. You do not get 75% of what you paid. You get 50% or less, barring weird circumstances. And unless you provide photos and model numbers, no one has a clue what you’re selling, so why would they call you?

Anyway, look what I found today: CLICK. That’s a huge Powermatic table saw with a big extension. It has a 5 HP motor. It’s 220. They want $495. How can that be a bad deal? If you have to replace the motor and clean up the entire machine, you still come out way ahead.

This ad is of no use to me. I can’t use a cabinet saw, even if it’s free. But it restores my faith in Craigslist.

I probably should have bought a Rigid 3650 saw and mounted my router on a wing, but I had no idea what I was getting into. That saw comes with rollers. You can keep it alongside a wall until you need it, and then you wheel it out and go to town. It would actually be more convenient than my portable, except that it could never leave the garage.

The saw I have is great, but there are limits to how you can accessorize it. You can’t put a wing on it. No router. Nothing magnetic. No tricked-out fences.

Someday, when I have my semi-rural compound with machine-gun nests.

No One but me Touches the Remote

I think I may have developed the Dad Trunk Talent.

You have seen this gift in action. Your family gets ready to go on vacation. Mom and the kids have too much luggage. They put it in the trunk haphazardly, so it sticks out in all directions. Dad comes out with his one bag, and steam shoots out of his ears. Everyone hides behind shrubbery while he takes everything out of the trunk and puts it back in. Suddenly, it fits, with room to spare.

Everyone gets in the car, and you drive in silence, and Dad won’t stop to let anyone pee for 500 miles.

I rearranged my tools today, and now the garage looks almost empty.

Shopping is Unavoidable

I read the most disturbing thing in my comments today. Someone said I was “setting up a shop.” Is that what I’m doing?

What a way to look at it. It’s distressing. Here is how I saw it: I was “buying a reasonable variety of tools in order to be able to handle fairly routine jobs.” Now it’s a shop? Only freaks have shops! Ack. I’m in trouble.

I wanted to do stuff with tools. I used to go in the garage, get ready to work, and realize I was doomed, because I didn’t have the right equipment. I figured I could buy a few things and reach a point where most tasks would be within reach. But it doesn’t work that way.

You know how it starts. You get a bunch of wrenches and a small welder and a miter saw and some drills and drivers, and you think you’re set. Then you try to build something, and you find out you can’t do it without a grinder/dry cut saw/router/table saw/vise/whatever. Or you can do it, but it’s so hard without the required tool, the tools you already have are about as helpful as your former tools, the butter knife screwdriver and the scissors with one broken tip. Which you kept in your former shop, the funny drawer in the kitchen, which also contains old rubber bands, twist ties, and the short pieces of phone cable which come with cordless phones, which are too lame to use and too good to throw out.

I was tired of dealing with people who did not return phone calls, ran off during jobs, did incredibly bad work, overcharged, and/or had a bad attitude. I also wanted to have a way of implementing my whims and creative ideas, in 3-D. I thought tools were the answer. I was right, but I didn’t realize how much junk you have to have in order to get these people out of your life. You probably need to spend five thousand dollars to get a reasonable degree of tool independence. You probably have to spend ten to approach having a realistic hope of limiting outside hires to one or less per year. Maybe I overestimate. But you can’t do it with one trip to Sears.

I probably made some stupid buys. A drill press might have been smarter than a giant sliding miter saw, for example. It’s tough to know what you need, when you’re as clueless about tools as I am. And a great buy will always warp your judgment. I got that saw for a third off. The price made my palms sweat. And I’m trying not to drive to Pompano Beach and buy a Steel City drill press while they have their hundred-dollar-rebate going. I may fail.

Temptation is everywhere. Every time I go to get bird seed and toys, I grouse about the bird toy selection and the hideous prices. A good bird toy costs a minimum of eleven dollars, and some sell for 25. Some last for months. Some last an hour. In five minutes, with a drill press and miter saw, you can create something as good or superior, from scrap. But I continue to resist the drill press bug.

Tools are going to win. I can see that. They already have. I have a beautiful stainless tool chest, three sets of sockets, a welder, a compressor, two miter saws, an impact driver, a very nice router, a table saw, and a bunch of other junk. I am not going to stop. I just felt like whining about it. You can understand that. Surely.

My sister and I didn’t get to shop yesterday, so it’s happening today. I am steeling myself in preparation for braving the mall. Wish me luck.

I Had a Cunning Plan to Solve the Problem

I tried my clever idea for using a router to plane a board to use as a router fence. The results were…interesting.

I know this works, but you have to have some stuff I don’t have. You have to have clamps that are way lighter and shorter than mine, to hold the whole mess together while you run it over the router bit. And you really need some means of making a true edge on a board. I hate to say the “J” word, but I think you know what I mean.

I can make a true edge on a board, using a table saw. IF I already have a straight board equipped with toggle clamps, to attach the first board to while I run it through the saw. I can make a true edge with a router, IF I can clamp a straightedge to the work and use a bearing. I can make a true edge on a board using a circular saw, IF I have something to guide it and I can get the saw set up at a perfect 90 degrees to the wood.

Then I still have to plane it.

The only jig I know of that allows you to plane (“thickness,” really) a board with a router requires you to have some pretty precisely cut wood to begin with. The upshot of all this is, if I already had a lot of this stuff, I could probably make some of this stuff.

Perhaps the time has come to buy a piece of straight hardwood.