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The Headless Hog of Coral Gables

December 22nd, 2011

Gypped!

I just picked my my lechon. It’s 46 pounds, cleaned and ready to go.

The good: it doesn’t have boar taint, so I won’t have to soak it with bicarb. The bad: it has no head! You can’t have a lechon with no head! Is that some new thing invented by metrosexual Cubans? I won’t stand for it!

Anyway, I stuck it in the cooler in brine. It’s supposed to be frozen, but it’s not, so I’m going to have to run out and get some bags of ice.

Yesterday I was looking at the rotisserie, and I realized the pole could be a problem. It’s about five feet long, so the charcoal will be within a foot of each end. I don’t know if I want the heat that close to the bearings. I thought, “Man, I’m going to have to go to Home Depot.” Then I went out and checked my scrap collection. Naturally, I had a seven-foot pole, just waiting to be drilled and used. And right beside it. . .an eight-foot pole.

My church friends are starting to bail on me. I should have seen that coming. Nobody up there follows through. One my friends was going to come down and help with the cooking, but he says his sister just flew into town unannounced, so he can’t make it. I’m looking at 12 people and a 46-pound pig.

I was going to stuff the pig, but that’s a lot of work, and I am going to have little if any help. Right now I’m planning on lechon, moros, yuca, and dessert. Anything beyond that, people will have to bring.

I was hoping Val Prieto would come by, but he’s doing a rotisserie of his own at his dad’s house.

A while back, I realized God was serious when he commanded us to love each other. It’s essential, because only love will unite us and drive us to fight for each other. Without it, we’ll be weak. So I tried to get the folks at church interested in gatherings outside of services. That’s what this event is all about. It’s fun to stuff yourself with pork, but that’s not really the point.

Things are looking good. Hope all of you are planning a big bash.

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4 Responses to “The Headless Hog of Coral Gables”

  1. Bill Parks Says:

    Next time you buy a pig you may want to go to Mary’s Farm in Hialeah. It’s a USDA inspected slaughter house. You pick out a live pig and they slaughter and clean it for you. It’s an interesting experience. I’m glad I did it once.

  2. Steve H. Says:

    I’ve been to a matadero with Val, but it’s a huge pain. At this time of year, the lines are a hundred yards long. Next time I’ll just tell them to leave the head on the pig.

  3. blindshooter Says:

    Merry Christmas Steve! Have fun with the pig and your new pig rig. I’m helping my brother in law today, turkey (2) and a bunch of chickens on the wood cooker. We think about 30 will show up but if it’s only the family we don’t care just have to eat turkey leftovers for a while and I like leftover turkey anyway.

    In spite of some bad things happening this week I intend to be in good cheer and try to help others do the same.

    I get to see my grand baby for the first time in a year! She lives on the wrong side of the country and I’ve been to broke to travel so that alone will be my Christmas present.

    God bless us all

  4. Ed Bonderenka Says:

    Merry Christmas Steve.