Deliver me From the Deep-Fryer

I saw a confusing scripture yesterday. It was John 16:33. I don’t recall the exact phrasing, but an accurate paraphrasing would be, “You will have tribulation in this life, but have courage, because I have seen to it that no harm will come to you.” I am quite sure it said no harm would come to those hearing the message. The speaker was Jesus.

You can imagine why that bothered me. Paul was stoned. He was flogged over and over, and flogging is not a minor thing. If they did it today, using a proper flagellum with weighted tips, the victims would have to be sewn up afterward to close the wounds. The flogging would send them into shock. Paul was also beaten with wooden batons. Eleven of the Apostles died martyr’s deaths. The one that died from natural causes was immersed in hot oil. Is that “no harm”? If so, what would constitute harm?

I looked it up. It actually says “I have overcome the world,” not “I have seen to it that no harm will come to you.” I cite the New King James Version. The Complete Jewish Bible says something similar.

Let me check the Greek in PC Study Bible.

The word translated as “tribulation” literally means “pressure,” and the word translated as “overcome” means “subdued.”

I don’t know why human beings make up scriptures or accept implausible quotations without researching them. These are very bad things to do.

Michael Reagan is adopted, and he is a Christian. But in the past, he rejected God, because he thought the Bible said people of illegitimate birth could not go to heaven. In fact, the passage he had in mind (Deuteronomy 23:2) says. “A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the Lord.” It’s part of the Mosaic law, and it has nothing to do with going to heaven. Because Reagan didn’t check the scripture out thoroughly, he was away from God for a long time.

How many people would bother going to a Bible to clear up a scripture they remembered incorrectly, or which had been quoted to them with errors? People tend to swallow what they read and hear, without chewing.

Imagine teaching people they would never be harmed in this world. Think of the disappointment and shock you would be setting before them. God should do miraculous things in our lives. We should expect that. But it’s crazy to tell people they are entitled to gentler treatment than Jesus, Paul, and the disciples.

Regarding the story of John and the oil, I have been told two different things. One is that he was not harmed at all, that the attempted atrocity was committed before a crowd in the Coliseum, and that many were converted following the spectacle. According to the all-knowing Wikipedia, that comes from Tertullian. The other story comes from a sermon I heard. It said John was messed up to the point where he was crippled. Kind of looks like the sermon was wrong. So maybe “no harm” did come to John, but the other Apostles could not make the same claim.

Now that I think about it, John was sent to a prison island to live out his days. I would call that harm.

My belief is that unpleasant things happen to us sometimes, but that God turns them into blessings. Even the murders of the Apostles contributed to their eternal rewards in heaven. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

The upshot here is that we lose skirmishes but win the war. In fact, it was won before the world was created.

All in all, however, I hope that if I’m ever thrown in boiling oil, I will have the same result John did, instead of coming to resemble a giant Buffalo chicken wing.