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Sweltering

January 8th, 2010

Global Warming Apparently Comes in Spurts

WE’RE HAVING A HEAT WAVE! IT’S 58 DEGREES OUTSIDE! LET’S ALL GO SKINNY-DIPPING! FINALLY THE AGONY IS OVER! IT’S GOING TO BE 74 DEGREES TODAY! AND THEN TOMORROW NIGHT, IT’S GOING TO BE A WARM AND TOASTY 34!

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

Thirty-FOUR? FAHRENHEIT? Did I wake up in Minnesota?

I have to check Weather Underground again. This can’t be right.

It is right! And we’re going to have an eighty-percent chance of precipitation! I’M BUYING A SLED!

I guess Al Gore doesn’t have to worry about being tarred and feathered while it’s too cold to pour the tar.

I can’t recall a single winter when we had weather like this. It sounds like it’s going to be snowing in Orlando. I am so tired of wearing long pants and real shoes INDOORS because the central air can’t cope with anything lower than fifty-five degrees.

Maybe this would be a good day to get another space heater. Surely Home Depot has restocked after the initial terror.

Will this kill any of the bugs or animals that have been driving us nuts? It’s too late to help the citrus.

Thank God I’m getting over this disease. I am desperate to attend my weekly prayer group again. Tomorrow I’ll put on my liberal-mortifying George Bush Carhartt chore coat and drive up to Denny’s to see the other guys.

Oh, man. I have like thirty grapefruit ripening. I may have to freeze ten gallons of juice. My bananas! I have to pick the bananas!

At least we’re having a real winter. It’s kind of a bummer when you go a whole winter with no good sleep weather.

I’ll enjoy this warm and muggy day while it lasts.

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11 Responses to “Sweltering”

  1. Recklessprocess Says:

    It was 7 degrees when I woke. Now the sun has been up a couple of hours it has risen to 7 degrees. They predict we will get up to 14 degrees before the day is over. This is Tulsa, OK. It doesn’t really get this cold here. We get teens but below ten degrees is rare.

  2. Aaron's cc: Says:

    Snow is OK to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live with it again.
    .
    Some fond memories enhanced by snow include getting to the Thalia to see “The Man Who Would Be King”.
    .
    NYC is tolerable when its freshly snowing hard enough to keep New Yorkers indoors and the city looks almost clean.

  3. krm Says:

    In Minnesota, it’s likely to be more like -34 degrees.

  4. Bradford M Kleemann Says:

    Just got another 6 inches of snow yesterday. It’s supposed to go below zero again tonight.

  5. Steve G. Says:

    “In Minnesota, it’s likely to be more like -34 degrees”

    Nah, only -10 this morning. We’re at a balmy 6 right now (hey, at least it’s positive).

  6. Firehand Says:

    Low in OKC this morning was 7, supposed to be 2 tomorrow morning. Wind chill was something like -10 or -15. Actually, we’ve been under a ‘wind chill warning’ from the Nat. Weather Service the last two days.

  7. Milo Says:

    Hey Steve, If you decide to get another space heater and still have your parrots be very careful to check and make sure what you buy is bird safe.
    Many of the electric heaters contain teflon coated heating elements to help prevent dust from adhereing to the elements and these get much hotter than a fry pan, the teflon eventually burns off and can cause a toxic reaction in your birds.
    We killed a couple parakeets with a brand new space heater a few years back before we knew any better.
    I suggest if you go that route to buy one of the ‘radiator’ type electric heaters that are oil filled.
    The elements and oil bath are double sealed in the casing.
    No guarantees but a safer choice. HTH

  8. blindshooter Says:

    No bugs die at 34f, at least not here. We have had the longest streak of cold weather since about 1979 I think. 16/18f lows for about 8 days in a row, that’s cold for central and eastern NC. In my lifetime here I remember one night of +3 degree temps and it froze nearly all our plumbing solid, we are just not prepared for low temps like that.
    .
    I am not normally a violent person but I would like to make Al gore sit his naked rear end on the frozen ground here until his cheeks stick and he has to pull some butt skin off to stand up again.
    .
    Prayers for your family trouble to end well for all.

  9. Merrily Says:

    Here in OK, outsiders are telling us to tough up and how cold it is where they live. Okay, I can see your point. But we’re just not used to this ridiculous cold and are ill-prepared. In fact, I have no water as I type. But join us in July when it’s 105 and 70% humidity, and the A/C is going non-stop, as is the electric meter.
    Oh, and Al Gore can kiss my big white ice cubes.

  10. JeffW Says:

    We have 14″ of accumulated snow and it’s about 3-feet deep near the street where the plows have piled it up.
    .

    .
    I’ll trade you…

  11. Merrily Says:

    Watched the sun shining on falling snow earlier. Was that God’s multiple choice for the day? Sun, please.