More Medals Than Idi Amin

This is embarrassing. I won another Nobel Peace Prize.

Last time I won for not strangling my neighbor’s yappy dogs, who wake me at 5:30 every day. This time I won for not ramming a lady in a minivan at the McDonald’s drive-thru. She had about 19 kids in there with her, and none of them knew what they wanted, and she started asking the cashier if the lettuce was union-picked.

This time I won an Obama-head snow globe. You shake it, and little snowflakes shaped like dollar signs rain down on a grinning plastic Obama head. Most of them hang up on the ears.

Why do women always want to interrogate the drive-thru people? If you really care whether the hash browns are PETA-approved, just go in and ask. Don’t make me wait in the sun until they quit serving breakfast. Where is your humanity?

So anyway, I saved that lady’s life.

Don’t make a big thing out of it. I hate being lionized and celebrated, regardless of how much I obviously deserve it.

Have you been watching the Obama/Fox feud? I don’t know what to make of it. I had been praying this guy would do something so silly it would wake people out of their coma and make them realize he’s in over his head. Maybe this is it. Fighting with the press is like having a head-butting contest with a parked backhoe. It will end poorly. Ask Joe McCarthy.

What’s with this White House and its junior high antics? They put out that whiny blog about “Fox lies.” They have the King of All Credibility, Robert Gibbs, claiming Fox is not a news organization. What’s next? Are they going to toilet-paper Glenn Beck’s house and say mean things about him on Myspace?

I’m no Glenn Beck fan. Regardless of whether what he says is true, his delivery is just too whiny for me. I can’t listen to a grown man cry all day. But it seems to me that he’s about as credible as his liberal counterparts, one of whom was just Acorned into the US Senate. Where is the blog for Rachel Maddow lies? How about the blog for Chris Matthews lies? I don’t watch their shows, but I would imagine they occasionally say stuff that isn’t true. Of course, if they did, it would almost certainly benefit Obama. Perhaps that’s the okay kind of lie.

Some dogs, you can kick every day. They’ll keep coming back and licking your hand. Others eventually bite. Obama has been kicking the press for over a year. Scratch that. He’s been having his servants kick the press, which is even more degrading. Nobody wants to be bitten by Renfield or shot by Gabby Hayes. It’s okay to be defeated by Luthor, but nobody wants to be pimp-slapped by Otis. Even the liberal press has been hammered. Will the Fox feud wake them up? When your entire profession is being threatened, sooner or later, you have to notice. If the Obamites can mistreat the biggest name in cable news, they can definitely beat on little tykes like Olbermann and David Gregory.

I can tell the Fox people have mixed feelings. On the one hand, this is fantastic for ratings. Obama filled the gun industry with unprecedented vigor, and he’s doing the same thing to Fox. They don’t have to look for a big Obama story. The story came to them. They are the story. Even on other networks. On the other hand, they would like to do their jobs, and he is preventing them.

I always said this guy was a tyrant at heart. Imagine what he and his subordinates would do, if they were unrestrained. We’d be well on our way to a second Cambodia. Not falling dead into ditches with 7.62mm rounds in our heads, but headed in that direction.

The protections the founding fathers put in the Constitution seem almost silly when our leaders behave. When they get full of themselves, suddenly those protections seem relevant. No wonder people have emptied store shelves of ammunition and guns. “It can happen here.” Isn’t that what they used to say?

I have to wonder if what Obama is doing is Constitutional. He’s an agent of the government, and he’s attacking an organization for exercising freedom of speech. Singling it out, in what could be a violation of the Equal Protection clause. Government agents don’t have the same freedom the rest of us have. The Constitution puts limits on them, and sometimes those limits are surprising. Fox should sue and see what happens. Win or lose, a year from now, their ratings would be so high, the other guys would quit. They’d run infomercials 24/7, instead of just on the weekends.

I don’t really care whether Obama knocks it off. He’s helping Fox, and maybe he’s helping some Americans realize they elected someone too small for the job. Those are good things. If he quits, maybe it will mean he’s maturing. That would be good, too. The only thing certain is that he’ll look bad either way.

Oh, look! In the little plastic Igloo! Isn’t that Karl Marx? Thank you, Nobel panel. Words cannot express my gratitude.