The Game Changes
August 25th, 2009Forgot Something
The other day I wrote about the way grief works when you have a relative with a serious health problem. It comes and goes. Sometimes you can’t feel it, and I think that can be very helpful, because it gives you needed rest. Grief takes energy, and it’s unpleasant to endure. I’ve had a pretty good week, and I think my sister has, too. We have gotten sidetracked by trivial things, and while they were annoying at the time, I can see now that there was a blessing in them. The bigger issues didn’t weigh on us as heavily as they otherwise might have.
I was just reminded that she has not had a bone scan or a cranial MRI. I believe her doctor told us this last week, but I was just tagging along, and I wasn’t taking notes, and I stupidly assumed there was someone in the mix who was orchestrating all aspects of her diagnosis and treatment. That turned out to be untrue. Learn from my mistake if you have to deal with cancer. Apparently you have to be the mastermind who coordinates everything, because doctors break things down into compartments, and they don’t necessarily keep track of other people’s responsibilities. I guess this is how they end up amputating healthy legs and giving sex changes to people who show up for tummy tucks.
From what this family went through with my mother and my aunt, I know how important these baseline diagnostics are. I don’t want to go into details, but these are things that can completely change the lay of the playing field.
I told my father not to worry about it, and I didn’t go into my reasons for being disturbed by the news, and I’m going to try not to worry, either. I feel as though the rug has been pulled out from under us, but knowing a test hasn’t been done is not the same thing as knowing the result will be unfavorable.
I would appreciate it if people would pray. Not just that my sister will be healed or that the test results will be good, but that the three of us will draw closer and work together peacefully, and that we will draw closer to God, determine which aspects of our lives need to be changed, and turn away from things that interfere with our relationship with him. I never, ever pray for anyone to be healed without praying they’ll reflect and repent as well, and I wouldn’t expect anyone who prays for me to behave differently.
Something tells me this is no different from the demonic attack I put up with when I decided to return to church in 1987. I might as well be a man and call it a demonic attack, because I saw the thing that came after me. I developed a mysterious cold-like illness that lasted weeks and weeks, and one day my faith overcame it, and I saw it leave me and fly away. And I was instantly cured. If that’s not a demon, nothing is.
I think my sister and I are supposed to achieve things for God–I don’t know what–and now that we’re trying to form a relationship and get our lives working, someone powerful is very angry or very afraid, and it wants to put a stop to it and put us in conflict with each other. I don’t care if that sounds crazy. A hundred years from now, I’ll be in a different place, with people who know I was right. Someone sent that thing after me in 1987. I know such things happen. Whatever being is behind this is after my father, too. It makes me angry, thinking about it.
I feel like a nut in a movie, trying to warn people about aliens or ghosts they can’t see. But this is real. This is the nature of the universe we live in.
Thanks for anything you’re willing to do.
August 25th, 2009 at 8:25 PM
“…knowing a test hasn’t been done is not the same thing as knowing the result will be unfavorable.”
Steve, it’s like a person who has had a heart attack. For a while, every chest discomfort brings back the fear. But that’s what it is, an understandable internal reaction to the unknown.
People are praying and your sister has begun chemotherapy, so the war is being effectively fought. It is NOT too late for a brain and/or bone scan. All a scan will do is give you a field report; it does not predict destiny.
“I would appreciate it if people would pray. Not just that my sister will be healed or that the test results will be good, but that the three of us will draw closer and work together peacefully, and that we will draw closer to God, determine which aspects of our lives need to be changed, and turn away from things that interfere with our relationship with him.”
Your words are beautiful and right. There’s nothing I could add, but I will remember this paragraph and will try to apply it to my own life.
Thank you for sharing your journey, Steve. You are helping a lot of people.
August 25th, 2009 at 9:28 PM
Steve, If you are not already keeping a notebook of questions, meds, etc you need to take charge and be the one who does it.
Also, always be in the room with the doctor who is talking to the patient, I know from experience I would never remember everything I needed to.
My friend who just started chemo is keeping a journal. She is writing her feelings, tests shes had, all sorts of things. It is turning out to be a way of communication with her husband, too. They have a good relationship and he writes encouraging comments when she isn’t looking so it is a nice surprise when she reads it.
About the demons, I have seen one in my lifetime, and I told “him” to get the hell out of my room. I was a meek 16 year old at the time and did not talk like that at all. Nor do I now. He vanished immediately. I felt the presence of pure evil. So I know what you are talking about, I have a fairly poor memory but I can see that as plain as I saw it then. He has never come back.
August 25th, 2009 at 11:03 PM
I will gladly pray for you, your sister and your father, and in particular pray that God protects you from demonic attack and draws you all closer to each other and to Him.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:07 AM
You and your sister are still in my thoughts. Tough times. All the best to you both.
August 26th, 2009 at 1:16 AM
“but that the three of us will draw closer and work together peacefully, and that we will draw closer to God, determine which aspects of our lives need to be changed”
This is how I have been praying for your family for months now. I really hope that’s what you are able to achieve.
God Bless!
August 26th, 2009 at 1:23 AM
I believe that you are correct about that.
August 26th, 2009 at 8:01 AM
I’ve been praying for the relationships that make up your immediate family for years now. In that time, I’ve also added prayers for all of you to grow in your faith. Recently I’ve added healing and support to that.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:25 AM
“Learn from my mistake if you have to deal with cancer. Apparently you have to be the mastermind who coordinates everything, because doctors break things down into compartments, and they don’t necessarily keep track of other people’s responsibilities.”
This is good advice if you’re seeing multiple doctors, period. Even a good doctor won’t necessarily appoint himself pointman and coordinate treatment, meds, etc., with several others.
August 28th, 2009 at 11:56 PM
You and yours remain in my thoughts and prayers. If there is anything more I can I do, you need only ask.