New Storm Drives me to Buy Pop-Tarts

Once again, a friend and I are in what we jokingly call THE CONE OF CERTAIN DEATH. Unbelievably, the devil has managed to scrape together a tropical storm after the end of hurricane season, and he has tried really hard to get it to go right over my house. The National Hurricane Center’s prediction cone is looming ominously, like the strong possibility of Kamala Harris becoming president when Biden finally forgets who he is.

This threat, Tropical Storm Nicole, is not too bad. It’s below hurricane status now, and it has very little time to build speed before it hits the coast and starts falling apart. They are predicting 75 mph upon arrival, which sounds like perverse hurricane optimism to me, because that’s the exact number where storms become hurricanes. It sounds like the forecasters took a look at it, figured it would be somewhere in the mid-70’s, and said, “What the heck. Let’s say it’s going to be a hurricane.” The storm is also somewhat dry compared to others. Rain makes hurricanes worse because it soaks the ground and loosens up things like trees and power poles.

The unfortunate thing about Nicole is its size. It’s really wide. On the NHC’s current map, it looks like the tropical-storm-force wind field is 5 times as wide as Florida. That means you can be pretty far from the center of the track and still be in the storm. Is the map correct? Well, if it was, I would be experiencing sustained winds of at least 40 mph, and I’m not, so draw your own conclusions.

Looking out the window, I’ll call it 10 mph with gusts to 25. Best guess. Safe to drive in. Nothing flying around.

Of course, it happened right after I got my Starlink cable installed more or less correctly. I am no longer using a bath towel to cushion it as it runs through an open window. That bath towel is not looking good. It’s amazing how a week of sunlight can bleach a towel. No wonder people get skin cancer.

I would be amazed if my new roof dish mount had problems in this breeze. This will be a good test.

What have I done to prepare? I got gas, and I bought one case of bottled water. I no longer have the big cooler I bought before the last threat. I got it in case the power went out and I needed to use ice. Then I took it back to Walmart. Hope that was not a mistake.

In other news, Rhodah and I are finally going somewhere. Italy lied to us. Germany wasted our time. Ireland let a new employee deny our visa application. The Czechs came up with a ridiculous document demand probably intended to prevent us from applying. Now we’re headed to Singapore, where they never turn anyone down. They wouldn’t care if Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey arrived in the same flight kennel with Steven Seagal.

I really, really do not want to visit the Far East. Ever. I have never been very interested in visiting the Orient, and traveling is such a bad experience now, I dread visiting any place with a flight that takes more than 15 hours. My flight to Singapore will take around 30. The stuff of nightmares. Jonah went 72, however, so perspective is important.

These days flying is physically extremely unpleasant, and it’s also humiliating. They process everyone like Jews at the gate of Auschwitz. The service is terrible. The seats are like clamps. They nag constantly about masks, or at least they did in the past. I don’t know if they’ll do that this time. Anyway, it makes you wonder if the TSA hired the guards from Abu Ghraib.

Singapore is so far away, one of my flights will go east, and the other will return from the west. The airlines do it both ways. It’s nearly half the circumference of the world away. Vietnam is substantially closer.

On the up side, Singapore is supposed to be crime-free, clean, rich, and full of great restaurants. It’s certainly free of chewing gum, because they confiscate it at the airport. Good for them. I can’t imagine what it’s like to reach under a restaurant table and not feel globs of gum left behind by women and girls.

I may not want to visit Singapore, but if I had to live in the Far East, I would beg to be given citizenship.

Back in ’07, famed investor Jimmy Rogers said Singapore was the place to be, and he loaded up his truck and moved there, never, so far, to return. A long time ago, he decided the US of A was washed up, and he predicted a rosy future for Asians. I wonder if he made the right move. I don’t like the idea of living in a non-Christian country, though. I mean more non-Christian than the one I live in now.

I was surprised to learn that Singapore has a lot of American chains. We already have reservations at Lawry’s The Prime Rib and Ruth’s Chris. I also found a promising barbecue joint, and we’re booked.

So I’m a typical American, wanting to stay at the Hilton and eat steak? Yes. Go ahead and shame me, like I care. No apologies.

Actually, that’s not totally true. I have other reasons for choosing these restaurants.

Rhodah loves meat, and she has not yet been able to have steak or barbecue in a top American restaurant, so I picked a few places in Singapore in order to give her a special experience that will prepare her for life in her new home. We do want to eat the local stuff, but come on. It’s all Chinese food. We’ve seen that before. Call it Chinese. Call it Indonesian. Call it Thai. If it ain’t Chinese, it’s all close enough for jazz. Here’s your pile of white rice. Here’s your bowl of meat and vegetables in sauce. Here’s your funny sticks. Dig in. Chinese.

We need to find a good Indian place. Singapore might be the only city in the world that has clean Indian restaurants. Actually, there’s an extremely clean Indian place in Ocala, which is odd, because nearly all the American restaurants here are dirty.

We also plan to go to a Scottish restaurant. McDonald’s.

What about activities? Hey, it’s Singapore. No Eiffel Tower. No Rhine to cruise on. No Big Ben. No Renaissance art or architecture. No museums worth discussing. No alps. No Vatican. No Taj Mahal. No pyramids.

They have a couple of really neat buildings, and I think there’s an aquarium.

Truthfully, it sounds a lot like Vegas.

We will have great food, a nice hotel, safety, and each other. We are extremely blessed. A lot of people in our shoes can’t be with each other at all, and most of those who can get together don’t have trips as nice as ours.

It’s a whole lot better than the other places where Rhodah can go without a visa. Hong Kong arrests sick tourists and imprisons them until they test negative, so it’s almost as oppressive and backward as Australia. The Philippines are apparently extremely squalid, because Filipinos who live there advise tourists not to come. Malaysia is Singapore under oppressive Muslim rule. African countries are African. More or less like Haiti.

We should be going to places God chooses, to do things has planned for us. That would make the nature of the destinations less important. Remarkably, Rhodah has been counseling a new Christian in Singapore, so maybe we’ll meet him, and that will redeem the trip.

I guess I should go to the store and pick up a few items of face-ready food, just in case. You never know what a storm will do.

Hope I am still online tomorrow night.