If You’re Going to Collect, Collect Something Useful

I have been trying to put my ammunition in order.

For a long time, I’ve bought ammunition in bulk. It’s generally not easy to get good deals unless you buy over the Internet, and you have to buy a lot in order to avoid killing the bargains with shipping costs. It’s not unusual to pay the same price for shipping 50 or 3,000 rounds. Say you pay $10, which is not unusual. That adds 20 cents to the cost of each round in a 50-round box, but it only adds a third of a cent to the cost of each round in a three-thousand-round crate. You have to be pretty slow to miss the obvious.

My reasoning goes like this: if I know I will continue shooting a certain caliber until I croak, I might as well buy enough ammunition to get me as far into the future as possible. It won’t rot. It doesn’t have to be refrigerated. You can buy it today and use it 50 years from now, if you’re still here. If you wait, you’ll end up paying much more in the long run. Also, the Democrats are gradually destroying our rights, so who knows if you’ll be able to buy anything a couple of years from now?

If you buy now, you’ll be able to shoot until they come to your house to take your ammunition, and you will also have an investment which is guaranteed to increase in value.

I wish I had the guts to spend $50,000 on guns and ammunition. I know I would never regret it. I would have plenty to shoot, I’d be in a position to make money if I changed my mind, and I could also leave it to people I cared about if I died.

As it is, I’ve done pretty well. There are a few things I still want to buy, but I feel pretty comfortable about the next two years. If the rapture doesn’t come, I should be safe from deprivation for quite some time. I used to think I was rich if I had two boxes of ammo. A person who still thinks like that would be shocked to see what I have right now.

When I think about my policy, I think about all the stupid news stories I’ve read. “Police raid gunman’s house; find home arsenal.” I’ve written about this before.

Gun people get upset when they see the word “arsenal.” I believe this is because an arsenal is understood to be a facility maintained by a government or institution, not an individual. I kind of like “weapons cache.”

If I were ever suspected of committing a violent crime, and the police got a warrant to search my house, I know exactly what would happen. I’d become the latest “home arsenal” guy. I own more than a thousand rounds of ammunition, and that sounds like an insane amount to a person who knows nothing about guns and a lot about things like whaling moratoriums and plastic straw bans.

I don’t know why it’s so important for cops and journalists to count people’s guns and cartridges after a shooting. Even mass murderers generally don’t use more than 50 rounds to commit a crime. I don’t know if anyone has ever used 1,000. If I ran a pedestrian down intentionally, would they come to my house and count my vehicles? The number of guns you have isn’t at all relevant to the danger you pose to society. My grandfather probably owned 30 guns, and he was a circuit judge.

I took a two-day shooting course recently, and I was advised to bring 300 rounds of ammo. That’s almost a third of a home arsenal! I had it in my car for 300 miles! I shared the road with cars kids were riding in! Possibly disabled kids! Disabled transgender kids, even! When will the insanity stop?

“Trump-Loving Nutjob Roams Countryside With Military-Grade Rifle and Mini-Arsenal”! That’s how they would put it in a Huffto headline. It wasn’t a lot of ammunition for two days of classes, but you could never explain that to the guy with the flannel pajamas and hot cocoa in the famous Obamacare ad, any more than you could make him understand that testosterone serves a purpose.

It’s not hard at all to shoot 200 rounds in one day of serious shooting, and if you’re just banging away for fun, you can do it in two hours. A “home arsenal” will only get you through 5 to 10 shooting sessions. It’s not a lot of ammunition. It only seems like a lot to a person who thinks roach spray is murder.

As I have said before, my plan is to accumulate an ammo savings account. I’ll store up useful calibers and set the ammo aside. Then when I want to shoot, I’ll buy more and try to leave the stored stuff alone. I’m not preparing for the day when I can rent a hotel room overlooking the site of an Antifa rally so I can cleanse America of annoying vandals.

I wonder how many rounds of ammunition there are within a one-mile radius of me, outside of my property. I’ll bet the number is over 100,000. Buying in bulk is not an original idea that started with me. I’m a late adopter. I think my intentions may be nicer than many other people who stock up. Civil war is on many people’s minds. Whatever the truth is, I’m part of a huge demographic. We’ve been having ammo shortages off and on since Obama’s regressive reign, and many, many people have been buying in bulk. Bulk-buyers actually caused the shortages. They moved the supply from store and warehouse shelves to their homes. There must be an ungodly amount of ammo in private hands right now.

Attention, soy commandos who may be reading this blog. I didn’t buy it for you. I just enjoy shooting. Please do not bother me. And if you decide to bother my neighbors, have the courtesy to bring your own body bags. It’s a really bad idea. There is no shame in negotiation or in abiding by the results of lawful elections. It’s better than feeding the turkey buzzards.

Just in case I’m still on earth when the tofu brigade starts visiting rural properties, I’m thinking of getting some laser safety goggles. I keep researching the usefulness of lasers as weapons, and the news is very bad. For $200, you can get a laser which, in terms of its ability to cause suffering, makes an AR-15 look like a nerf gun. You can’t burn a hole through a Proud Boy with a handheld laser, but you can blind a whole bunch of Proud Boys in a few minutes. You don’t need training or ammunition, and you won’t have to wear earplugs. Just point and hit the switch. We may be heading into an era when every intelligent American takes laser safety goggles with him every time he goes outdoors.

I’m starting to think lasers are far superior to firearms as weapons. Lasers are very small and light. They run a long time on one battery. They render people helpless instantaneously, and their effects can be permanent if you use them correctly. Bullet wounds may seem impressive, but most are nonfatal and fail to incapacitate. When you’re blind, you’re all done, even if you’re still armed to the teeth. A 250-pound Navy SEAL who can’t see is a plaything for a scrawny vegetarian who can.

If lasers become really popular as weapons, things will get really ugly in America. I would hate to see it. I think it would be smart to buy some goggles. You never know when you might run across the wrong people in 2020 America. You could turn down the wrong street and find yourself in a bad situation.

Goggles may not be enough to keep you safe. I’ve read they reduce the effective power of a laser by something like 99%. Rioters commonly use 5mW lasers. It’s just as easy to get 500mW lasers, so it looks like goggles only protect you from people who use cheap weapons.

Pilots already wear laser safety goggles. Maybe they’re the canaries in the coal mine. Vicious people shine lasers at airplane windows all the time.

It’s strange that conservatives are lagging in their appreciation of lasers. I guess lasers don’t seem manly. Blinding a rioter with something that looks like a flashlight probably seems unsportsmanlike to many conservatives, like pulling hair and kicking other men in the groin. Lasers work, though. That’s why armies aren’t allowed to use them against human beings. If they didn’t work, they wouldn’t be banned.

Should I get a strong laser to protect myself? Great question. It’s the kind of question that makes me wish Jesus would come for us tonight.

I guess I should get some real shelves and get my ammo sorted and off the floor. I should probably quit thinking about disgusting new methods of guerrilla warfare. Maybe God will spare me involvement when things truly go haywire.