Who Needs Eyebrows?
September 16th, 2017Even Trash-Burning has a Learning Curve
I had another challenging day today. I don’t want to list everything I’ve had to cope with, but I can mention a few facts. For example, my dad’s boat is in a marina. The marina’s electrical stuff was submerged during the tropical storm surge. The marina has no power. Someone has to go start every boat’s engines to keep the batteries charged, so the boats have juice to run their bilge pumps…or they’ll sink. And I’m 300 miles away.
Stuff like that.
Also, I set fire to myself. I finally lit up the multi-ton pile of dead wood out in the pasture. I tried lighting the dry leaves on the branches, but they pooped out. I decided to try accelerating the fire with gasoline.
Don’t start with me. I have burned gasoline many times. I have never seen it explode. The way it did today. At me. I had no way of knowing that was going to happen.
I put about half a cup of gas on the pile, and I used one of those long barbecue lighters to light it. I held my hand way out there, to maximize the distance. The pile went WHOOOF, and a big fireball shot out at me.
I lost all the hair on one ankle. I had to drive to the house to see if I had eyebrows. It was pretty stimulating.
Gas doesn’t do that when you set fire to it on the ground. Something about the limbs and leaves got it excited. I suppose they helped the fumes evaporate and form a cloud.
Next time, diesel. That will be tomorrow.
My friend Amanda didn’t have power this morning, so I invited her and her sons to come over and use the washer and dryer, not to mention the pool and shower. That worked out well. Amanda is an old hand at the farming game, and she had good advice regarding the burn pile. Too bad she wasn’t there when I lit it.
She and her kids kept my dad amused while I worked, and her sons piled up a bunch of branches so I could pick them up with the tractor. I don’t think they’re in love with farm work. When I went to see how they were doing, the youngest said, “Can we be done now?”
Amanda and I toured the farm on the golf cart and looked at the trees that still need to be dealt with. Some of them won’t be accessible for days because there is standing water in a few places. It rained like crazy during the storm.
I figure I have 3 trees that need attention soon. They’re lying across fences, and my neighbors will eventually want that fixed. The rest can wait. Who cares if an oak falls over in a pasture? Big deal.
Life is getting straightened out.
I won’t lie. I’ve had a lot of stress and worry. God has given me great tools to deal with these things, but this has been a very special couple of months. It’s as if Satan is extremely angry that I escaped Miami, so he is throwing whatever he can at me. The movers screwed up royally; half of the furniture is still in my garage, and they left a bunch of tools in Miami. My dad took an overdose of blood pressure pills and forgot where he was, so he had to be hospitalized. The house’s main AC died and had to be replaced. Hurricane Irma.
I keep telling people I’m waiting for the earthquake.
Anyway, I generally cope with worry very well, but this has been a new level of aggravation, and things keep coming up to distract me and prevent me from praying.
It will get better. And when it’s over, I won’t be in Miami. I will still be free from the stench of Dade County. Man, that place stinks. I wish I had left in 1970. How different my life would be, had I been raised among better people. But then I was not ready for it. I didn’t deserve it. It would have been wrong to inflict me on Ocala.
Tomorrow the burning and sawing resumes. Pray I don’t roast myself again.
September 16th, 2017 at 11:26 PM
Gasoline fumes will creep uphill on the ground when it’s hot outside. Please be careful.
This is, actually, a good reason to get a flamethrower. I think that George Carlin said that the fact that they exist means that someone once said to himself “hey — I want to go over there and set that guy on fire but I don’t feel like getting up” — but they do have uses with burning. So do propane wands — and gigantic creme brules too.
But let’s keep you untoasted, please!
September 17th, 2017 at 1:36 AM
old cooking oil will work as well. Whatever you do, do not use Colman white gas to start a fire.
September 17th, 2017 at 9:13 AM
The fuse method works for me, pour a trail of fuel upwind and light it on the run. Like you said, diesel or kero is somewhat safer but still if enough is airborne its still a danger. A cheap weed torch is probably the safest but not sure if it will get a pile of half green stuff going.
Glad you’re not suffering in a burn ward!
September 17th, 2017 at 4:27 PM
Glad you’re alright. Could have been worse. At least you’re not this guy:
Blog for Boys, All Hail Uncle Rob
The video’s safe, as long as you don’t count the gasoline explosions.
September 17th, 2017 at 9:12 PM
I thought you had taken a lot of courses in physics.
September 17th, 2017 at 9:32 PM
Setting yourself on fire is chemistry.
September 17th, 2017 at 10:23 PM
When my parents had a cottage with a Franklin stove my dad would stoke it with wood and throw in whatever was handy, paint thinner, kerosene or whatever was handy. The last resort was gasoline. It had to be lit right away because unlike the other things the fumes would ignite, not just the liquid. We’d toss in a match and hear a loud WOOMPF as it ignited. Fortunately, we never lost our eyebrows. Note: Do not try this at home!
September 17th, 2017 at 10:33 PM
Bradford, your belated tip is nice but it won’t bring back the hair on my ankles.
September 17th, 2017 at 11:30 PM
I once saw a 15′ diameter 5′ tall pile of wood lift 2′ off the ground. We soaked it with 5 gallons of gas and poured a fuse up hill about 25′. Felt the concussion in my chest. The fumes go, not just the liquid, especially on a hot day.
Glad you just lost ankle hair.
September 18th, 2017 at 2:12 PM
Glad you are OK! You’ve had a rough time lately, praying for you and your dad. I’ve been dealing with in-ground yellow jacket nests all summer, I was using a little gasoline down the hole (never lit it) but was starting to feel guilty about the amount of gas I was pouring in my backyard. I recently found another nest and have tried different approaches – none of them work. Back to gasoline tonight!
September 18th, 2017 at 2:19 PM
I’ve set myself on fire doing the same thing fairly often. Hair on the ankles serves no useful purpose. But its all academic, because what you need, is a flamethrower. An X15 is a good one and will do just what you need it to do. https://throwflame.com/
September 18th, 2017 at 8:52 PM
Og: What could go wrong?
Jason: I poured gas on a carpenter ant ridden stump and lit it. It burned for days underground and caused a crater.
September 18th, 2017 at 9:03 PM
It takes a while to get used to country life. It’s best to start with small bonfires.
For most of our time in our wilderness house we hosted a New Year’s Eve bonfire. We didn’t know it would be our last one, but it was as they say a doozy. It was a mini Aggie bonfire, my husband is after all an Aggie, both his BS and MS are Aggie. His Phd is Teasip, but it didn’t take away the old bonfire spirit.
As it happened we had a lot to burn that year. It had old redwood lawn chairs, ladders and anything anyone in the family wanted to bring to burn. Plus lots of wood debris from the 7 acres and lawn.
Because it was always after Christmas everyone of my gazillion family saved Christmas wrappings for the bonfire at Uncle Dick’s. It was his bonfire, not mine. I was in charge of assigning food sources.
Did you know if you twist the ends of tissue paper you can make good parachutes to go up over the fire and into the woods? You can. Then you have a contest to see whose goes the highest and the farthest.
With God’s blessing we never had a forest fire from this. But for the next three months we never knew where in the woods we would find tissue paper caught in the trees.
We had good fun, you might save some of those trees for a New Year’s bonfire.
AND— no one ever lost any eyebrows or ankle hair.
Have fun with fire.