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Mount Crumpet Farm is a Reality

July 6th, 2017

I Can’t Say Hasta la Vista, so Let’s Just Say Adios

I’m in shock. I am moving to northern Florida. More importantly, I am LEAVING MIAMI FOREVER. The deal has been concluded.

So that’s it. No fireworks. No earthquakes. Just an email and a phone call from a realtor, and my ordeal is over. Shouldn’t someone be throwing me a party right now? Shouldn’t the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse be visible in the sky?

I tried to make this happen for so long, and I kept running into walls. Then I changed my prayers and started focusing on inner change. I started casting things out and asking God to do whatever he wanted in me, without restraint. Now the chains are broken. It was fast.

Today my dad and I met a boat broker and took my dad’s boat out to make sure it ran. We couldn’t get the generator started. We decided to go without it. The starboard engine wouldn’t shut down when we ran the engines to check the transmission oil. The broker found the engine-room shutoff and got it under control. The steering was out of fluid, and our bottle of fluid was nearly dry. A guy across the dock had a fresh bottle in a cabinet on his boat. The broker’s drone malfunctioned and flipped into Biscayne Bay, so I took pictures from a dock.

Got it done.

While we were fooling with the boat, my realtor up north called with the good news.

Now I have to move money around and get ready for our closing. What’s it going to feel like, sitting in that beautiful house, far from Miami, taking the keys from the seller? Overwhelming. Like watching the gates of heaven close behind me.

I don’t want to have unrealistic expectations of my new home, but I promise it will be much better than Miami. The people are nice. They speak English. Most are conservative. Most are Christian. There isn’t much traffic. I will have lots of land to disappear on. I will even have seasons, and the air won’t smell like wet socks every day.

With any luck I’ll be dead before America goes completely to hell.

I can’t absorb it. I may sit and look at pictures of the new place all day.

Thanks for your prayers. If you’re stuck in a bad place, my advice is to consider God’s advice. Put his kingdom and his righteousness first, and he will fix your problems. You don’t have to start an orphanage. You don’t have to go to Africa and be burned alive by communist guerillas while trying to convert the lost. Just work on your heart and mind, and the rest will follow.

Peace out!

24 Responses to “Mount Crumpet Farm is a Reality”

  1. Cliff Says:

    I think the drone flip was your sign….


  2. Monty James Says:

    I think reading your posts over the past year and a half it’s possible to see some change. You’ve had more humor, it’s increased over time, that must indicate something positive. It wasn’t nasty, ugly humor.

    Moving sucks, but tell yourself Miami sucks more. Many congratulations on your blessing.

  3. Elizabeth Says:


  4. lauraw Says:

    Florida movers have the worst reputation in all 50 states, plus Guam, other US territories, and several third-world countries.

    Be careful and check customer feedbacks.

  5. Stephen McAteer Says:

    Glad to hear it.

  6. Ruth H Says:

    Congratulations! I’m happy for you.

  7. Steve H. Says:

    Thanks, all. I look forward to posting from the porch of the North Florida Armed Compound Machine Shop.

  8. Terrapod Says:


  9. Mike Says:

    I had no doubt you would get out as soon as you said your father was willing I knew it wouldn’t be long after.
    Hope it all works out great for you and your dad.

  10. Steve H. Says:

    Things are going good. I just scheduled a Salvation Army pickup for some of the junk we don’t need.

  11. Steve B Says:

    WooHooo! Awesome!

  12. Juan Paxety Says:

    Congratulations. I love this part of the world.

  13. Ed Bonderenka Says:

    When’s the housewarming party?

  14. Steve H. Says:

    Well, Ed, the first party will be limited to people who like carrying boxes and own pallet jacks.

    Thanks for the comments.

  15. Steve H. Says:

    I have this funny feeling that the first party won’t be a big draw!

  16. Steve Says:


    Congratulations on finding your promised land!! Continued prayers for a successful (if stressful) move and settling in.

    If that is what it takes to attend your housewarming party, I have a 600lb dolly, furniture dolly’s and will move boxes. I’ll even bring my own ammo and share!

    Last time my family moved (1998), we labeled boxes and put the labels in rooms so the movers would at least drop the furniture and boxes at the right wall.

    Morrow, OH

  17. Steve H. Says:

    Thanks, Steve. Don’t tempt me.

    Today I’m packing my dad’s books up. Not sure how the huge stains got on Sandburg’s 4-volume set on Abraham Lincoln, but they’re the garbage man’s problem now.

  18. Steve G. Says:

    Congratulations! I shall live vicariously through you while we remain too close to tall buildings (although a very different city) for a few more years…

  19. Ruth H Says:

    When we moved two years ago I put signs in every room showing where every piece of furniture was to go. Believe it or not, that is exactly what happened. The movers were very intent on doing it right. Maybe they felt sorry for the elderly couple who were moving, but they got a really nice tip for the kindness.

  20. Nick Says:

    Awesome! Congrats Steve!

  21. Heather P Says:

    So happy for you all! Praise God for the answered prayers!

  22. Aaron's cc: Says:

    Happy for you.

  23. Steve H. Says:

    Thanks. If you need a place to hide out, I will be there.

  24. Lee Says:

    Well all right. Congratulations and good luck.