Escape From MIA

May 19th, 2017

4000 Square Feet of Deplorable Joy

I wrote up a blog entry about the appointment of the latest special prosecutor, but I decided to delete it. I hate getting caught up in politics, so I’m always glad when I fail to write about it.

You’re probably wondering whether I mean the special prosecutor who investigated Hillary Clinton’s dissemination of classified material, or the one who investigated her destruction of the hard drives that contained a lot of the evidence. Or maybe you think I’m talking about the one who investigated Susan Rice over her role in illegally “unmasking” individuals involved in the Trump campaign. Or possibly you think I mean the one who held Barack Obama accountable after his 2008 campaign was funded largely by overseas donations. No, I mean the one who is investigating the nonexistent collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russians. In other words, the only one of those special prosecutors who actually exists.

I’m over it. I think you can tell. It doesn’t bother me at all.

Today I’m looking at properties again. I made an offer on a place I liked, and the owners refused to counter, based on their conviction that if you pay twice what a property is worth, the person who buys it from you should do the same, as a matter of courtesy. Then I found another place I liked. Before I could get up there to see it, somebody else made an offer, so now the deal is pending. Now I’m on my third house.

I found one halfway between Gainesville and Ocala. It has pros and cons. The biggest cons are the distance to the nearest big hardware chain (20 minutes) and the distance to the nearest drugstore (15 minutes). The biggest pro is a 2400-square-foot garage.

That figure is not a typo. People in northern Florida love big outbuildings. Whoever built this place decided he had to have three garage doors on one side, one door on the other, and a 608-square-foot apartment upstairs. The place has plumbing and electricity, and there is even a central AC unit. It’s hard to believe, but from looking at the photos, the AC may be intended to cool the whole building, not just the garage. It must cost a hundred dollars a day to run.

The apartment isn’t finished. It’s just studs and one of those rubber bathtub matt things. But most of the work is done.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a photo of the first story. It must be something to see. I would rollerblade in there. I would buy rollerblades and learn how to use them just so I could say I did that in my shop. If we get this place, I will have about 3900 square feet of shop space. NASA would be jealous.

I love that area. The fence around the house has a sign that says, “I VOTE PRO-LIFE,” hanging on it. Like 40% of the restaurants in the nearest town are barbecues. I feel like I’d be moving home.

The house has been on the market forever. Now that I’m interested, I’m sure someone will buy it this weekend.

I will keep plugging away. I am leaving Miami even if I have to pull a Snake Plissken.

6 Responses to “Escape From MIA”

  1. Cliff Says:

    First, good luck on the new house!

    Second, that apartment might be the greatest thing evah! If your dad ever needs part/full time help then having a place for someone to stay that is NOT in your house will be great.

    It could also be great for, I dunno, finding a nice retired master mechanic who wants to live cheaply and tinker around.


  2. Steve H. Says:

    I have two friends who will be at each other’s throats over it.

    It turns out the garage is set up for two apartments, not one. That means I could have an air-conditioned metal shop on the ground floor and put my wood tools in the non-air-conditioned main area.

  3. Cliff Says:

    When something is that awesome *and* affordable, does it make you suspicious?


  4. Steve H. Says:

    I’m not too suspicious. In Miami, this house would cost thirty million dollars, if it could be had at all, which it can’t, but in Marion County, people are used to a much higher standard of living, at least when it comes to housing. The location makes a huge difference. Down here, you overpay for a badly built house, and then you REALLY overpay for the land under it. Up there, most of the cost is the house. It’s almost like you get the land for nothing.

    This house is in Marion County, and on top of that, it’s not in a super-expensive area of the county. The lot next door is the same size (10 acres), and I believe it went for $65,000 a few years back.

    A few blocks from me, someone is asking over a million for one third of an acre of vacant land. With that, you get no house, terrible traffic, rude people, and no culture. And most people around you will be speaking Spanish.

  5. Aaron's cc: Says:

    Pick up a prescription from a chain sto’? That’s insane, you’re stupid.

    My pharmacist has been delivering for years.

  6. Steve H. Says:

    My dad’s prescriptions come by mail, but they screw up a great deal. Also, you can’t rely on the mail for things like shampoo, Q-Tips, OTC medications, and so on. Not unless you always know what you’ll need days in advance. When you wake up with heartburn, you don’t want to wait for Amazon Prime.

    Aside from that, CVS is my favorite restaurant. I’m going to miss instant access to cheddar Chex Mix.