Support Comes When You Need It

Here is my report on the latest supernatural events in my life.

Last night I woke up between 4 and 5 a.m. I assumed the construction crew across the street had started early again, but when I saw the clock, I realized they weren’t there.

When I wake up in the middle of the night, I always start to pray. Very often, I’m aware that I didn’t pray enough the previous day, and besides, what else is there to do?

I felt rested, as though I had already slept all night.

As I was praying, I got a very strange sensation. I felt very strongly that I had been accepted by God. I don’t know if I can explain that. I felt like my application to join the team had been approved, and I was now part of the army or strike force or whatever.

I felt like I was part of something.

This is a feeling I haven’t had in a while. Maybe ever. I have always been an outsider, wherever I went. Maybe I reject people because of the way I was mistreated when I was a kid. I don’t know the answer. I’ve never been a real part of an inner circle anywhere. These days, my relatives in Kentucky don’t invite me or my dad to holiday meals. His relatives (we aren’t close enough for me to think of them as my family) have never included me in anything.

When I was a political blogger, I had some blogging friends, and I was on the right-wing side, sort of. But even then I was rejected. I told the truth about Pajamas Media, and I said Ann Coulter was a liability. I said Ted Nugent was an embarrassment. I was completely right, as time has proven, but no one ever came back and said they were wrong to shut me out. No one likes to admit fault, and besides, who knows what I might say in the future to alienate people?

At my last two churches, I had titles. I was an armorbearer at both churches, and I was a deacon at the second church. The first church came to see me as a threat to their disgraceful lies, and the pastors at the second church saw me as a loose cannon. I woke up one morning and found out the pastor’s wife had put on his pants and blocked me on Facebook.

One of the things I look forward to when I get to heaven is being part of an organization I can sink into. I want to have complete faith in my leader. I don’t want to be ruled by idiots and predators. I want to be able to trust my friends. I want to belong. You can’t get that here on earth. Even the church is screwed up. At best, you can have the sort of status prophets had. You can show up once in a while, say things that make everyone mad, and then go back home to be at God’s side.

Since last night, I’ve felt enrolled or enlisted. Whatever you want to call it.

It’s crucial to be part of God’s organization. For a long time, I’ve known that benefits are connected to membership. I remember the analogy I used to repeat. If a random person goes into a Fedex office and demands a jet to take him to another city, they’ll throw him out. If a Fedex executive does the same thing, they’ll click their heels, promise to get him a jet, make him coffee, and apologize for taking so long. Why? Because he’s united with the organization. He speaks with its authority.

Charismatic preachers teach people to beg God for nice things, but they don’t teach us to give ourselves to him completely. We want the jet, but we don’t want the job. Of course, God doesn’t listen. Why would he?

We don’t get much because we’re beggars. God gives us a lot of charity, but that’s because he’s kind. It’s not because he approves of us. We get table scraps. Sons sit at the table with the father and eat full meals.

It’s very unusual for me to give something to a bum. I know what they are. Almost all of them are rebellious addicts and criminals. The press doesn’t like to talk about that. They call them “homeless,” as if homelessness were something like earthquakes. As if people’s homes just disappeared for no reason. They don’t talk about the felonies, the drugs, and the alcohol. They don’t talk about the pride and stubbornness that put people on the street. To God, most of us are just like these people. If he blesses us too much, it’s enablement.

To enable someone is to push them into hell. It feels nice and makes you think you’re holy; it makes you think you’re better than everyone else, and it gives you grounds for insufferable self-righteousness. But it’s evil.

I used to try to get the help without offering myself in return. That’s insane. I was like a dirty bum who walked onto a military base, stood in a chow line, and demanded the same food the soldiers got. I was like an illegal alien, showing up to vote in an American election or demanding welfare. I had no standing. I couldn’t produce the correct ID, issued by the right authority.

If I want real help, I need to be enlisted. Soldiers get a salary, plus food, clothing, health care, and retirement benefits. Surely God is a better father and employer than Uncle Sam. Surely I can count on him when everyone else lets me down.

What we are eligible to receive is better than a salary. Salaries, like death (the wages of sin) are earned. We receive an inheritance. That’s something someone else worked for and built up. We don’t have to earn. In fact, trying to earn will cut off your blessings in God’s kingdom. It’s pride.

I feel like I moved up a level this morning. No, like I was moved up by another power.

It seems to me that while God works through miraculous ways, his help doesn’t necessarily arrive all at once. You can limit it through rebellion or unfaithfulness. Also, the crap you’ve piled on yourself before coming to him may take a long time to grind off. I stuck with God for years, and that was necessary because of the mess I had made of myself. He didn’t exactly reward me for long service. It just took a long time to prepare me for promotion.

It appears that a job in God’s kingdom is like a job anywhere else. Seniority matters. You will probably have to stick with him for quite some time to get things working right.

The unfortunate thing about this is that the people who need him most are the kind of people who hate waiting. They’re spoiled. They are screeching, entitlement-minded brats. Black Lives Matter. Occupy Wall Street. Bernie Sanders and his Bernout Army. The news that they will have to be patient and wait for God’s favor is exactly the kind of thing that will drive them away. They would rather live in their dirty diapers and take things by force.

You’re not entitled to anything except punishment and damnation. Who wants to admit that? People hate it when you say, “You’re not a victim.” They get very angry. Victimhood is like a pacifier they suck on all day. Pull it out and hear them scream.

I used to have the entitlement mindset. Meanwhile, the God who owed it to the universe to destroy me was working to save me. He had already allowed himself to be tortured to death for me, and I was blaming him for not doing better by me. I was blaming him for problems I had caused, and I was busy causing new ones!

I feel wonderful today. I am full of optimism for myself. I can’t say I feel it with regard to most people I know. That’s very sad, but I can’t go back to what I was. I won’t let their backward hearts draw me away from the only good path there is. I’m not going to give up “holy privilege” so I can avoid Christian guilt. The up side to getting on the ark is that you are lifted above the flood. The down side is that you watch your friends drown.

Keep moving forward. There is nothing behind you but death and torment, and what’s in front of you is better than you can imagine. That’s my advice for this Sunday.