Not Every Person who Faints in Church is a Prophet

July 10th, 2014

Sometimes it’s all YOU

Something I scribbled earlier today.

Stuff the Holy Spirit didn’t actually tell you:

1. A person who finds you completely unattractive is destined to be your one true love.

2. You are supposed to vote for liberals who support abortion and homosexuality, because forced redistribution of wealth is exactly the same as freewill giving.

3. God made you gay, and he thinks it’s fabulous.

4. You need to scream a lot in church, because God loves noise.

5. If a church is really big, it proves the pastor is right about everything.

6. The person who lies on the church floor the most is the holiest.

7. The church volunteers who asked you to stop parking in the pastor’s space were sent by the devil and lack discernment.

8. Other people will pay your tithes and offerings. God is so impressed with you, he is giving you a pass.

9. God wants you to keep working as a stripper because he made the human body, and you meet so many people who need to hear the gospel.

10. It’s okay to move in with your boyfriend, because in the eyes of God, you’re already married.

11. Borrowing money you can’t repay is “stepping out in faith,” especially if you use it to buy a ridiculous, tacky church building the size of a shopping mall.

One Response to “Not Every Person who Faints in Church is a Prophet”

  1. Steve B Says:

    Heretic!!!!! Not.

    Sad how many of those I’ve heard, or seen lived out. I watched a misguided pastor essentially destroy a large and vibrant church (part of the Rick Warren, Purpose-Driven phase, sadly), while the smaller satellite church they planted continued to thrive and grow because it remained true to the gospel. Watched the same church cancel a vibrant and Sprit-filled ministry to the Young Marrieds, and start up a short-lived “sports outreach ministry” instead. Crazy stuff.

    My favorite phrase? “I feel led to…..”