Learning to Trust Happiness

I can’t get used to being in a church that works. The farther I get from the degrading experience I had at my old church, the more I understand the depth of the hole I was in.

It’s a little like a failed romance. While it’s going on, you know things aren’t right, but you try not to argue and complain, because you know relationships take work. One day you realize it’s over, and you move on. Weeks later, you start to feel angry at the other person. The resentment you buried comes to the surface, because you’re not trying to like that person any more. You see things more clearly without the rose-colored glasses.

My old church didn’t pass out glasses, but they ran a brainwashing campaign. They harped on positive thinking and submission to authority so that the people they abused would think it was wrong to mention or even think about the corruption in the church. It takes a while for the effects to fade. When my friends and I got out, and we talked about the old church, we soft-pedaled our criticism. Now the gloves are off. We’re not absorbed in bitterness and resentment, but we’re clearing the air and dispelling the illusions.

One reason this is happening is that the new church–New Dawn Ministries–is so healthy. It’s very hard to get used to. I guess if you’re pulled into a lifeboat after a long time in the ocean, if you doze off from fatigue, you will probably start trying to tread water any time you’re awakened. The mindset is taking a while to fade. It’s like being raised in a crawl space and then coming out into the open air. The natural thing is to crouch for a couple of months.

My old church has been teaching “the Abishai anointing,” which, summed up, says ordinary church members will never be acknowledged or rewarded, and that they should do everything they’re told to do, without complaining, in order to support the “Davids” in the leadership who get all the money and attention. Meanwhile, New Dawn is teaching the opposite. They’re teaching about the kingdom mindset. Each of us is royalty, appointed by God to rule the earth, and God’s help increases as we identify ourselves with his purposes, as his uncomplaining, faithful servants. We’re supposed to grow and then move on to our own ministries.

You can see the difference. My old church teaches unquestioning loyalty to human beings. New Dawn teaches unquestioning loyalty to God.

The Abishai anointing is a spiritual castration. It turns us into palace eunuchs. We serve the king and queen so they and their seed can increase, but there is no possibility that we will bear fruit of our own or have our own kingdoms. It’s exactly what Satan would teach if he managed to succeed God on the throne. God has absolute authority, yet he is humble and exists to serve and give. He receives worship for an unselfish purpose. If Satan were on the throne, he would accept the honor and worship and give nothing back, just like the leaders in an Abishai church. All the blessings would flow UPWARD.

Yesterday our pastor told us the gospel wasn’t about getting our needs met. He openly disagreed with the idiots on TBN, who live to tell us the more money we give God, the more money God will give us. I loved it. He said we are to put the kingdom first, as Jesus taught. God blesses his servants so they can do his work, just as the military provides care, training, and weapons to recruits.

He also pointed out that Jesus told us we were to go out into the world and make DISCIPLES, not “converts.” This was a major issue at my old church. They didn’t care much about teaching. They were seeker-friendly. They talked a lot about all the things they were willing to do in order to get people saved. The head pastor refused to criticize Barack Obama, who is an enemy of the church, Israel, and the unborn. His son went on the stage and said, “I love Obama. I think he’s great.” They didn’t teach much about prayer. They didn’t tell people much about repentance and holy living. So the church is full of people who think they can do absolutely anything, because they’re forgiven. They quote Matthew 7:1 all the time. Just don’t ask them if they know any other verses.

Here’s something funny. I know people at my old church have said some horrendous things about me and other people who left. Lies and accusations. Today the pastor’s son put this on Facebook: “There is nothing you can do about people who talk behind your back, so focus on the people who talk to your face.” I could not resist “liking” it. Maybe that was wrong. I think God will forgive me.

The brother of a friend of mine came to New Dawn yesterday. His name is Carlos. He had a couple of huge knife wounds that were healing. Some guy mugged him for four dollars and a bicycle. An usher put him next to me so I could talk to him. The pastor’s father came and sat down and got a conversation going. Carlos said he had been offended at another church, because they threw money on the stage and told people God would not bless them unless they gave a certain amount.

My old church has done this kind of thing. They squeeze unsciptural Passover, Pentecost, and Yom Kippur offerings out of people, and I’ve seen the pastor stand on the stage and say, “If you don’t want to give, that’s fine. But you’ll miss out on the blessing.”

It’s funny; Carlos, who doesn’t go to church regularly, knows more about Christianity than my old pastor. At least in some aspects.

The pastor at New Dawn started speaking after we talked to Carlos. He did not know what we had talked about. He spent a good long time telling us how wrong it was for a pastor to teach that God won’t bless people unless they give money. I loved it. This is what happens when a pastor listens to the Holy Spirit instead of trying to build a monument to himself. The Holy Spirit will tell him what to say. I’m sure Carlos will be back.

I had an interesting experience last week. A few months back, my dad hired a guy to fix his deck. He found him in a local publication called The Flyer. It has ads for services in it. I never use it. I prefer Angie’s List. My dad needed some drywall repairs, so he tried to find the same guy. He could not find the check he used to pay him, and he had no record of the man’s name. He searched and searched. Finally, he gave up and got out the latest edition of The Flyer. It had 18 ads for general handymen and dozens of ads for various specialties. He picked an ad and made an appointment.

On Monday, the person who posted the ad showed up. It was the man who had fixed the deck.

I oversaw his work during the week. On the last day, there was some conversation, and he asked me some things. I mentioned my religon, and that I was hoping to write Christian books. He started telling me his testimony. He knew God was there. He didn’t like Catholicism because the church protected sexual predators. He felt God’s presence outside of church. It had brought him to tears. One day when he was very discouraged, he was walking in the ocean, and he saw something shiny near his feet. He picked it up, an it was a medal with the word “manna” on it.

He said he didn’t want to live by rules. He thought we should become good on the inside, so good behavior was a consequence. I told him about the baptism with the Holy Spirit. I told him he was right. God wants to work inside us and change us. The rules aren’t enough.

My dad, the unbeliever, witnessed all this.

I told him about New Dawn and gave him the address and service times. He said he would come by himself. He didn’t want his family to go until he had checked it out. I thought that was smart.

I said something about hoping my dad would eventually go. My dad said what he always says. He said he agreed with Albert Einstein, who said something about a sense of the mystical making him religious in the truest sense. The handyman pointed out that Einstein spent most of his life on a wild goose chase. His work gave rise to quantum mechanics, and he tried in vain to discredit it. That amazed me. How does a handyman know a thing like that? It’s exactly what I tell my dad, but I have a degree in physics.

I’m hoping this guy will show up on Tuesday night for Bible study. I think God has a heavy-duty purpose for his life.

In other news, I’m going to be an armorbearer again. At my old church, the pastor had a habit of trying to make influential people armorbearers, and I believe this is how I got on the team. They were hoping to attract more affluent white people, and I think I looked like a prospect. I think it shocked the other ABs when I worked out. At the new church, I was accepted on the team because I had proven myself at the old church. I spoke briefly to the team leader yesterday–the guy in the trenches, not a pastor looking to network–and he said he was “one hundred percent” sure they wanted me. That was an honor. Not an Abishai moment.

I probably won’t serve as much as I did at the old church, because I’ll be doing other things, and it won’t be quite as much like police work, because the congregation is different. But I look forward to it. I don’t think they’ll take advantage of me.

I hope I get used to this soon. Sometimes I feel like I’m carrying an invisible prison cell around with me.