It’s Okay; You’re not Special

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life filled with annoyance at fat, spoiled, lying preachers who cheat and enslave their flocks. I would much rather focus on the great things God does for me. Things like love, joy, peace, and success are available to everyone, and we don’t have to do all that much in order to receive them. Those are the things I’d like to spend time talking about (as a witness, not a plagiarist or theoretician), but how can you help people find the truth when they’ve been brainwashed by greedy liars who claim they’ve already shown them the way? You have to say something.

Today’s dose of aggravation: the “Abishai anointing.”

Abishai was one of David’s followers. He joined David in the cave at Adullam, along with other men whose lives were not going well. He was not a remarkable person, but he was brave and extremely loyal. He would have done anything for David. Naturally, the preacher-worship cultists have latched onto him as a role model. This is what the Abishai anointing is all about. You can read all about it in a little booklet written by prosperity preacher Denny Duron. I just finished it this morning. It was given to me a long time ago at a gathering at my former church. I believe it was a men’s conference.

The Abishai anointing is very big at my old church. They’ve even named an award after it. They have (or used to have) monthly meetings at which they gave out prizes to volunteers, and the Abishai Award was one of them. They had a Servant Leader of the Month award, which was the top honor. With that, you got temporary custody of a huge trophy, and you got a parking space for one month. They also had the Lionheart Award. Smaller trophy. I forget what you had to do to qualify for this award. There was a fourth award which I no longer remember.

I actually received an Abishai once. I think it’s safe to say I destroyed my chances of further awards when I quit working in the church kitchen. After I made that scriptural and intelligent choice–actually, God made it for me–I felt that I was pretty much outside the circle of wagons. That’s good, because the award thing was a little creepy.

Basically, the Abishai theory goes like this. Anyone who complains or even looks at practical considerations is a whiner who is–I suppose–full of demons or something. You are supposed to serve “the king,” not “the palace,” so no matter how badly a ministry fares (after God curses it for stupidity, for example), you stick with it.

Here’s the beauty part. You don’t get to be a “David.” He was handsome and talented and smart. You’re more of a drone. The pastor is Hall, and you’re not even Oates. You’re like the guy who makes sure Oates has his favorite hair gel in the dressing room at the arena. You are God’s gofer. God’s chai walla. But God loves you for that, and you should be really happy that your function in life is to promote “David,” who is–no, not Jesus–the pastor! David is special and wonderful in ways you can’t really understand, so don’t analyze his motives, and be really proud you get to take his jackets to the cleaners and trim his hedges and lie about his girlfriends and so on.

I can’t even tell you how many things are wrong about this. First of all, David was “a man after God’s own heart,” and he was a great prophet. He made mistakes, but he was not a fool whose main goal in life was to build a megachurch with its own cruise ship dock. David was generally worthy to be followed. And he truly was anointed; he had God’s approval, and that’s all that really matters.

Many of our modern megachurch and wannamegachurch pastors are cut from cruder cloth. They are of a lower class. They tend to be insincere, unconcerned with the poor, oblivious to the problems of the people they are supposed to serve, vain, greedy, rude, and so on. They pay themselves, their unanointed relations, and their buddies big money, and they tell poor congregants God wants them to give huge, unscriptural offerings in order to keep the show going. It’s okay to be an Abishai when you’re following a David (or Jesus, whom David actually symbolized). It’s not okay when you’re following a Robert Tilton or a Kenneth Copeland.

Second thing: the idea about serving the king and not the palace is a little ridiculous. In fact, the office is more important than the man. That’s obvious even in the secular world, where incompetent CEOs get the boot all the time. Venal preachers need to be cast down so they can’t continue doing harm, and those who follow them need to find better leaders. You don’t dump a pastor the first time he does something dumb, but if he’s an utter fool, you don’t waste an inordinate amount of time getting him replaced or moving on. It’s probably okay to put up with a bad pastor for a year, if he is teachable and humble, but if he thinks he knows everything, eventually he has to go.

Look at the Bible. When Saul screwed up, did God get rid of the king’s office? Of course not. He got rid of Saul. When Eli’s sons screwed up, did God get rid of the priesthood? No, he destroyed Eli’s line. Over and over in the Bible, we see unworthy people kicked out of office. It’s as Biblical as salvation.

Third thing: the book has an accusatory tone worthy of Satan, who accuses us before the Father day and night. This is a classic and cheap debating tactic of which Satan has always made good use. When a righteous person stands up for God and opposes men who are in error, the smart thing is to accuse him of wicked intentions. Then he’s on the defensive. And if you’re a preacher, the congregation will presume he’s right.

Good preachers don’t spend their days making up doctrines they can use to silence their just critics. This tactic is something we’ve seen in Nazi Germany, Islamist regimes, and the former USSR, not to mention Scientology and other cults. If you disagree, you are wicked, and if you choose to defend yourself, the burden of proof is on you. And defending yourself is just more proof that you’re wicked, because a real ABISHAI would admit he was wrong!

The Abishai anointing is a brainwashing tool. It’s a typical cult doctrine. In a real church, leaders put people in contact with the Holy Spirit, and he grows in them and unites them. They don’t need mind-control tactics. In a church where the Holy Spirit takes a backseat to greed and pride, you have to have a cheat in order to keep people in line.

Last night I realized my old church was teaching this nonsense again. I can show you some tweets and Facebook statuses I saw.

Submission will take you to places that ambition will never take you

Sure, but you have to submit to people who are, themselves, submitted to God.

It’s either shut your mouth or leave, support the vision or leave! -Sermon Title: The Abishai Anointing

All I can say is, “Find THAT for me in the Bible.”

You do not owe your friends an explanation! -Sermon Title: The Abishai Anointing

Right. We all remember that verse in Proverbs. Do whatever you want! Accountability is for the little people!

But the Lord forbid that I should lay a hand on the Lord ‘s anointed. Now get the spear and water jug that a… http://bible.us/1Sam26.11.NIV

So now if I compare sermons to the Bible and point out the glaring disagreement, I’m laying a hand on the Lord’s anointed. That’s great news.

“The seeds you sow as a follower, you will reap as a leader.”

So if the leader abuses people, and you put up with it instead of calling him out, I guess you get to abuse people when you become a leader.

Actually, that seems to be true. When Mr. Burns dies, Smithers will probably be the boss from hell.

You can probably see why I was unhappy. This stuff is not about God. It’s prophylactic preaching. Its purpose is to shield the pastor from accountability.

People need to be taught about fasting, prayer, Bible reading, and the promises of God. Instead, the pastor is putting out landmines in case anyone tries to challenge him when he does wrong. Is this why people come to church? Do addicts in base houses sit up and say, “Man, I feel a burning need to be told not to criticize bad preachers! I have to get to church NOW so I can become a mindless butt-kisser! I know this will fill the gaping void in my soul!” Of course not. They want to know God and see his restoration and redemption.

I hate to spend so much time criticizing, but how do you fill a vessel with something good if you don’t empty out the pus and corruption that already fills it?

In my own life, things continue to improve. The more I pray in the Spirit, the more faith I have. The more God speaks to me and guides me. The more success I have. He fixes my faults. He helps me become like him. He defeats my enemies. Anyone can have these things, but they won’t get them from sitting in a blind church maxing out their credit cards.

Last night I asked God if he could limit the anger to what is necessary to get his work done. Righteous anger is a very good and necessary thing; anyone who says otherwise is a liar. But I don’t want it in me one second longer than it has to be, and I don’t want it to give rise to bitterness or self-righteousness. I don’t want it to make me forget my own sins and iniquities. I don’t want it to overcome love. I hate to see my friends taken advantage of by sleazy, unworthy people. I hate it. But I can’t let anger linger in me all the time.

I suggest we all pray for a change in leadership, not just at my old church, but at churches across America. Good leaders are everywhere, but unfortunately, many are not running churches. We need God to beat the dogs until they get out of the mangers.