We Are Caught in a FAIL Loop

I have to wonder why Republicans chose the elephant–the animal that never forgets–as their symbol. We are the party that ALWAYS forgets.

Last time around, we nominated the most “electable” candidate. We knew he was electable because the press told us so! If you can’t trust liberals to tell you which candidate the conservative party should choose, who CAN you trust? They had to be right.

So we chose McCain. For all his good points, he was an old man women find unattractive, and that matters a lot in an election. He was perceived as crabby and mean. He was so liberal, conservatives could not get excited about him and get out in sufficient numbers to push him over the top. Somehow, though, he was still conservative enough for liberals and the brain-dead centrists to hate.

It was amazing, how McCain was transformed. He got himself nominated, and suddenly, he was an evil arch-conservative who wanted to pollute our air and water, freeze old people to death, kill puppies and kittens, and send flying monkeys out to kidnap little girls from Kansas.

The press assassinated him, and the astounding EKG flatliners in the middle of the electorate refused to swallow him. We turned down a distinguished war hero with unassailable credentials as an effective legislator, and we hired a fungible Chicago bagman who had worked 143 days in the Senate, after defeating a conservative Senate candidate most people believed to be psychotic.

Here we are again, four years down the road, and what have we learned? We’ve learned we need to DO IT AGAIN. It worked so well last time. Don’t touch the Bible-thumpers! Avoid anyone who grew up between the coasts! We need someone liberals will cross the aisle to vote for! We need another RINO!

So now people are telling us it’s a done deal: Romney will be the candidate.

Did I say “Romney”? I meant to use his new name: MCCAIN II.

Reagan taught us you don’t have to believe what the people believe, in order to be elected. What they really want is a bold thinker who will TELL them what they believe. Convince them you’re competent and sure of yourself, and you’ll win their hearts, which matter much more than their minds. This is why even Jews voted for Reagan.

We have no guts and no brains, so we’re rejecting this proven wisdom. We’re going to give craven cowardice a try! We’re like socialists. Just because we’ve failed over and over doesn’t mean our ideas don’t work. It’s not that what we do is stupid; it’s that we do it wrong.

Romney will never be President. I can’t predict the future, but that’s what experience and common sense tell me. No Democrat will vote for him. Centrists will be too stupid to see how he differs from Obama, so they won’t come out for him, unless Obama rapes someone on the White House lawn in November. Many conservatives won’t care for him enough to go out and vote for him. And we’ll be saddled with four more years of the Accidental President; the Ted Williams of politics. Chauncey Gardiner meets Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Bachmann could have won. Palin could have won. Santorum could win, if conservatives would make some effort to support him. He’s no Reagan, but he’s no Romney, either.

If you don’t think any of these people could win, consider Ron Paul. The man has a screw loose. He has the common sense of a crackhead on Sunday, when the scrap metal dealers are closed. It’s amazing that he was ever elected to ANYTHING, and the fact that he polls on third place is absolutely frightening. This is what happens when you have supporters who won’t give up. Paul is, and always will be, a fringe nut, but he has hordes of supporters who queer every poll and keep his name in play. They’re like a spotlight that shines on an ant, casting a shadow the size of a whale. If the Paulbots were behind Sarah Palin, she’d be in first place.

Thanks to his supporters, whose common sense is right up there with that of their leader, Ron Paul is the President for Life of the Internet. Thank God, that’s the only thing he’ll ever be President of.

He’s anti-Israel. He’s pro-“Palestinian.” He wants to withdraw from international politics to the point where we have no influence anywhere, as though saving aid dollars were somehow the key to prosperity and security. That’s great, if your country is situated inside a bell jar. Here on earth, not so much.

Wait until the “race war” newsletter comes back. It’s festering under wraps right now, because the press doesn’t want to shoot its wad at the wrong time. If he somehow got nominated, it would be revived in mid-summer, and we would hear about it through November, because it’s a very sound story, and it has legs. Nobody who warns people of an impending “race war” is ever going to be President, even if he weasels and blames it on a subordinate.

I keep praying for God to wipe out the Obama, Paul, Romney, and Gingrich campaigns. It’s hard to think of anyone I would not accept over these characters. Even Biden looks good. At least he’d be ineffective. As it is, the RNC should be paying him. He has done things for us no Republican could have done.

Now I suppose Paulbots will show up and troll. Proves my point. Where are the Sarahbots? Where are the Rickbots and Michelebots?

The GOP has absolutely no guts, and we deserve to lose. I didn’t think it was possible, but my faith in our incompetence is surging.