I Know Where my Shoes Are

I joined a church. I met the musicians who play there. I started playing guitar again. They said I should build tube amps, because I had a physics degree and could understand the circuits.

I started building amps. Then I decided I needed to brush up on electronics and math so I would really know what I was doing.

A few weeks back I started studying electronics, and that got me moving toward math. I dug out some math books. Now I’m studying complex variables. I’m waiting for the arrival of outlines on advanced calculus and vector analysis.

Here’s the interesting thing. I think this work is improving my prayer life.

My ability to concentrate has diminished over the years. It’s irritating. It affects my short-term memory; you tend to forget things if you aren’t concentrating when you learn them. It also makes me less intelligent. You can’t think well if you can’t concentrate.

When you pray, you need to be conscious of the reality–the realness–of God. Jesus told us we would receive the answers to our prayers if, while praying, we believed we would receive. You can’t have a powerful belief that you will receive, if God’s realness is a wavering concept that flickers in an out of your consciousness.

Last night I found that the sensation of God’s realness was stronger and more consistent. I believe it’s because my concentration is getting better.

I was about thirty when I decided to get a physics degree. I had failed math in high school, so I was not all that well prepared. Somehow I had forgotten my bad math history; I remembered it after my first college calculus test!

I guess God propelled me, because I caught up on high school math and learned first-semester calculus during a single term. And that put me on the path to my degree, which meant I would have to work about five times as much as a normal college student. Physics is incredibly hard. It’s much harder than pure math. I used to knock my math homework off very quickly, and I’m talking about advanced subjects like multivariable calculus and complex analysis, but physics took something like four times as long.

When I first started my studies, I could only do physics for a short time before I needed a break. My mind ran out of whatever it is that allows you to think effectively about math, and I had to recharge. By the time I dropped out of grad school, I could do physics until three in the morning and still think reasonably well. During these years, my mind changed. I developed abilities I had not had at the beginning.

I think this is what’s happening to me now. I am thinking better, and I am thinking well for longer periods.

I tend to get caught up in the supernatural things God does. For example, I know prayer in tongues will build faith and the ability to do miraculous things. But I have to remember that the things we do in the physical realm are not a total waste of time. God can cure an infection directly, but he can also send you to a doctor who will know which antibiotic to use. Maybe God is using the math to help me stay in touch with him.

I think it’s useful to write about this, because the natural tendency of the aging human brain is to deteriorate. We poison ourselves with TV and idleness, and we do things that damage our brains, and we fall apart. I have always found that my mind can be changed by what I do with it. I know there are other people out there who are getting nervous because they are starting to get lost or forget what they’re supposed to be doing. Maybe this blog entry will help them. And if you’re a believer, maybe it will help you get in touch with God.

I’ve noticed that it’s not unusual for physicists to remain sharp long after they should have become addled by age. Hans Bethe was relevant even in his 80s. Something to think about, the next time you decide to watch Dancing With the Stars when you could be firing up Rosetta Stone or doing sudoku.

The nice thing about the stuff I’m doing is that it’s useful. It’s not exercise with no non-therapeutic value. It’s not sudoku, which is useless in and of itself and which teaches skills that serve no purpose other than sudoku. Advanced math helps you understand the world. If I can get a grip on math and electronics, I’ll be able to do some pretty neat things.

I suspect that math is unique in its ability to restore the brain. I’ve studied music, and it doesn’t do much. I read a lot, and I write a lot, and those things don’t help. In fact, I think my vocabulary is a lot smaller than it was in the past. Sometimes I misspell words now. That was almost unthinkable in the 90s.

Here’s what I suspect. I think mathematical study may serve as a brain improver that helps in other areas of thought, but I think other types of mental exercise don’t carry this benefit.

I’ve read the claims that Mozart makes people smart. I’m not sure, but I think that theory was debunked. I don’t know if it’s true, generally, but music didn’t do a thing for me. Math, I can guarantee.

The problem is that people would rather listen to music than solve simultaneous equations. Either your brain came equipped with puzzle drive or it didn’t. I suspect that God has increased my interest in math through supernatural means. These days I can’t wait to sit down with a pencil and a Schaum outline. I feel like drawn to it; I look forwad to it when I’m doing other things.

I’m not one of these people who think earthly life is what it’s all about. I am not going to get sheep placenta injections and hire plastic surgeons to turn me into a grotesque caricature of a young person, just so I can hold onto this flawed existence. I think that’s pathetic. But I am not in a hurry to shop for diapers. The Bible mentions people who saw well and thought well in their old age. There is some evidence that people who spend a lot of time in God’s presence may live unusually long, healthy lives. Maybe I can be like them.

Here’s some interesting trivia. In the first half of the last century, there was a group of people in Africa known as “the shining ones.” They believed they had a special closeness with the Holy Spirit. They lived in fear of driving him away (“grieving” him). It is said that a number of these people lived to be well over a hundred. Is it true? I don’t know. But I work to get into God’s presence, and I feel very youthful. I know this will sound crazy, but I could swear my hair is thicker than it was ten years ago. Sometimes I’m startled by my own appearance in the mirror. Sometimes my face seems strangely smooth and appears to have a weird radiance to it. I am definitely aging, but in some ways I seem to improve.

I have heard that my great-grandmother’s face used to shine after she spent time alone, praying in tongues. I never knew her. I can’t tell you whether it’s true.

Incidentally, this is an answer to prayer. I prayed for God to fix my memory and concentration, and I felt powerful rushes of faith, telling me it would happen.

Maybe someone who reads this will put it to use. I hope someday I find out it helped someone who was tired of walking from one room to another and then wondering what he was doing there.