Samson and the Amazing Technicolor Elevator Shoes

August 30th, 2011

Zechariah 4:6

Samson yanked the gates of Gaza out of the ground and carried them up a hill. He beat a thousand idiots to death with the jawbone of an ass. How did he do these cool things? Easy. The Spirit of God rested on him.

In the movies, Samson is always a big steroid addict with no neck. In real life, Samson was probably about five two, with a thirty-inch chest and bandy legs. Seriously, why would God pick Victor Mature? When it comes to pulling city gates out of the ground, Victor Mature is no better than Burgess Meredith. The gates aren’t going anywhere without something extra. I think God picked someone who would make the Holy Spirit look good, so I really doubt Samson looked like Lou Ferrigno.

Why bring this up? Today I returned to my church’s cafe and made pizza and garlic rolls, and I brought two cheesecakes. My friend Liz brought individual pineapple upside-down cakes plus salad and chocolate-dipped strawberries. We were cooking for the pastor from the biggest AG church in the US. He works in a city known for pizza. And my pastor said we “blew his mind.” So you could say we did a good job.

In the past we were limited to pepperoni pizza and cheese pizza. Today I decided to open up the throttle. We made cheese, pepperoni, sausage, pizza with multiple toppings, and Hawaiian. I arrived at church at 8:15. We didn’t serve until 11:45. I didn’t eat until after 2:00. When I finally got to try the pizza, my skull nearly exploded. A shock wave of ecstasy shot up to the ceiling and rippled across the acoustic tiles. It was stunningly good. I have never had pizza like that.

The cheesecake…I made it with homegrown mangoes, of a cultivar I chose for its deliciosity. These things taste like ice cream, right off the tree. After I got home, a buddy texted me and said, “That mango cheesecake is probably the best thing I’ve ever eaten!!”

The pineapple cakes were perfect. She made them with real butter and lots of whatever that sauce is that gives pineapple upside-down cake its heft. Right on target. Could not have been better.

I don’t think I can cook as well as I cooked today. In fact, I didn’t do all the cooking. I got two young people, Travis and Eboni, to show up and help, and once I showed them what to do, they cranked it out like General Motors. Okay, bad analogy. Like Ford. Or some other company that actually functions well without socialist handouts.

We had a shortage of pizza pans, so we didn’t really have the equipment to keep pizza crusts rising fast enough to meet demand. Somehow, though, we ended up with three extra pizzas and some extra dough portions that had to be thrown out. I don’t know what happened, because I was too busy to watch.

It seems like things went much better than they should have.

I think it’s because of the Holy Spirit counterrevolution that has been going on among my friends. We commit to pray in tongues a lot, and we try to listen to the Holy Spirit. Things just plain go well for us. Life goes together like a dovetail drawer. So I feel like Samson. I shouldn’t be able to do the things I do.

We got to do the things I wanted to do when I tried to start this ministry last year. I made everyone pray in the Spirit for ten minutes, with worship music, as soon as we were able to get a moment. In my opinion, that is what assured our success, and it made an impression on my crew, whom I have been trying to reach for quite a while.

I don’t know if we’ll ever do it again, but it was a blast. I am so grateful. I know I’m not the reason it worked.

If you want what I have, do what I do. That’s all it takes. It’s not genetics. It’s not random chance. It will work for you just like it works for me. In many instances, better.

Wonder what great things will happen during the rest of the week.

One Response to “Samson and the Amazing Technicolor Elevator Shoes”

  1. Aaron's cc: Says:

    Appearances can be deceiving. Lots of scripture is portrayed falsely by the majority culture.
    .
    Moses was 80 when picked by G-d to free the Jews from Egypt. Nobody much knows about his resumé from ages 30-79.
    .
    Most artistic depictions of Abraham’s near-sacrifice of Isaac show Isaac as a boy, not as in his late 30’s. Abraham, of course, was considerably older. Isaac asked his father to bind him tightly so as not to overpower his father if he instinctively jerked away. Did Isaac hear the prophecy? No, he believed his father and in his father’s credibility and record.
    .
    Other non-scriptural nonsense is the depiction of Jonah in a whale. Scripture says “fish”.
    .
    And who would have picked a despised and weak people to outlast the genocidal attempts of the Greeks, Babylonians, Persians, Romans, Muslims, Spanish, English, French, Russians, Germans…