Hope Your Night was as Boring as Mine
January 1st, 2009January 1 Without Pain
GOOD MORNING!!!
Sorry, did I hurt your hung-over eyeballs?
I know it’s not morning. Sadly, I was forced to stay up last night, so I got up very late, and this is why I’m putting my first post up in the afternoon. Fireworks used to be illegal in Florida, except for those silly “snakes” and sparklers, but they have been legal for a while now, and the result is that we get explosions on New Year’s Eve, continuing uninterrupted until about 1 a.m. So that’s when I went to bed, and I got up at TEN. I hate it. If I go to bed at my usual hour, this day will be shorter than a typical 1950s gladiator movie.
My routine is messed up, but I feel great. I didn’t drink last night, and I didn’t smoke. I’ve decided I’m going to have a policy of avoiding New Year’s parties from now on. I just don’t like them. I don’t get drunk any more, so if I go to a New Year’s party, here’s what the experience will amount to: hanging out with drunks while I am sober. Whee. Fun.
I have noticed a funny thing about Christianity. Very often, you find you need to give things up for one reason or another, and at first it seems like you’re missing out, and then later you’re extremely glad you made the change. The New Year’s thing is an example of that.
I used to get invited to New Year’s parties, and I was grateful that people thought of me, and the parties weren’t too bad, but there was always a sense of debauchery and guilt. You screw up your sleep pattern, you get drunk, you may wind up with a major sexual sin, and the next day, if you have kids, you probably neglect them and snap at them. You may find yourself driving home drunk; be honest. And it’s expensive, for some reason. If you go out, I mean. Here in Miami, they have parties that start at maybe $125.
The first time I failed to receive an invitation, I felt a little left out, but now I’m glad I don’t celebrate. I avoid a lot of things that leave me feeling empty and sort of grimy.
Yesterday the true nature of New Year’s Eve became clear to me. Do you know what it is? It’s a bachelor party that ruins the beginning of the year. Seriously. Bachelor parties ruin the beginnings of marriages, and New Year’s parties make sure new years get off to terrible starts.
I’m not condemning all bachelor parties. If your buddies take you out for a nice steak, that’s wonderful. I’m talking about drunken parties, and especially parties with strippers, many of whom–sorry to tell you, ladies–are really prostitutes. Strippers rub men’s genitals, they perform sex acts on themselves and each other, they strip completely nude, they allow photography so your future husband can have something to hide from you later, and in some cases, they do extra favors on an a la carte basis. This is not something you want, at the beginning of a relationship. Or ever.
And how many grooms will admit their strippers are prostitutes? Probably a small percentage. Why start a marriage with a cover-up?
Brides resent that type of bachelor party, and they have every right to feel that way. It’s infidelity, just like taking a prostitute to a hotel. Even if the groom doesn’t touch the strippers, it’s deliberate, premeditated infidelity of the heart. It’s a bad idea. I’ll go farther. It’s a filthy and contemptible thing to do. It shows how little respect you have for your bride, and how little empathy you feel for her. It’s cruel. It’s proof you don’t deserve a good wife yet. I didn’t realize this when I was younger, but it’s very clear to me now.
Getting plastered on December 31 is similar, because it assures that you start the new year in a bad humor, with a fresh burden of pointless sin on your shoulders. And you might wake up with a DWI.
I have another observation about New Year’s parties. They seem to be intended to fill a hole in people’s lives. People have outrageous hopes for December 31. They scramble to find parties to go to, as if they expect to experience ecstasy. It’s as if getting bombed and dancing and losing all your inhibitions is such a tremendous blessing, you would be crazy to miss out. It’s as if people have so few moments of happiness, they can’t risk missing these parties. I don’t feel that way. Maybe that’s because I now have joy in my life, without getting hammered. To me, a drunken party is not a pleasure to be anticipated with eagerness. It’s a major inconvenience. A drag. Like standing in line to get a driver’s license renewed.
Of course, I didn’t always have this attitude. When I was in college, I looked forward to a good drinking binge the way prisoners look forward to parole. I’ve probably gotten drunk as recently as 2007. And while I thought it was wrong to have strippers and filth at bachelor parties, I didn’t think it was a big deal.
Beginnings are important, and they are fragile, and we should protect them instead of treating them with contempt. That’s what I think. So keep the Champagne fountain and the rented limo; I prefer to get my rest so I can enjoy the next day.
Yesterday I said this holiday had no religious significance, and for the vast majority of people, this is true, but readers have chimed in with two corrections. First, some churches celebrate something called the Feast of Circumcision (a truly unfortunate name for a holiday), and some spend time honoring Mary. You learn something new every day. Well, every week, anyway. Most weeks.
I hope most of you are hangover-free today, so you can enjoy yourselves. The weather is gorgeous here in Miami.
January 1st, 2009 at 1:51 PM
Our extensive IM session was hardly boring.
Someday you may want to contrast the solemnity of Rosh Hashanah eve (and the days of awe leading to Yom Kippur) with New Year’s debauchery and another contrast of an Orthodox Jewish bride’s and groom’s week prior to getting married.
There simply is no reconciliation of faith with licentiousness or the notion of sinning-it-up (Mardi Gras beads, anyone?) before insincere repentance.
Imagine going before a judge as a defendant with his knowing that the night before you were passionately engaging in the sins you were on trial for. I was about to write “enthusiastically” instead of “passionately”, but “enthusiasm” means “filled with God” and it’s contradictory to sin enthusiastically.
I just looked up the etymology for debauchery, and it comes from “loose mouth”, accurately depicting what goes one in eating and drinking to excess, kissing (and then some) and lewd speech. Remember the expression “Do you talk to your mother with that mouth?” It is beneficial to think of that and maybe “Do you pray to God with that mouth?”
I don’t know if your IM program keeps transcripts, but mine does. Yesterday’s IM session from 6pm your time, on, is a keeper. Let me know if you want it. With a few edits to ensure privacy, it may even be worthy of showing others.
January 1st, 2009 at 2:06 PM
My bachelor party was a weekend fishing trip to the mountains of TN with my future father-in-law and some friends.
Sure, we drank. And we at a lot of red meat and had a blast. But it was a “clean” fun.
Last night the wife and eye struggled to maintain consciousness in order to make it to midnight. We just sat on the couch and watched some crap on TV and toasted the New Year with a little champagne at midnight.
Anyway… Happy new year, Steve. May 2009 bring you greater joy and more enlightenment on your spiritual journey.
January 1st, 2009 at 2:47 PM
I haven’t drank for most of my life. I occasionally have some wine and maybe a beer on a hot summer day, but it’s been at least 20 years since I’ve had hard liquor and it would be a gross exageration to say I drink the equivalent of a bottle of wine twice a year.
I like an occasional cigar but I suppose that’s also being relagated to the two a year category. I did have a pipe after thanksgiving.
I work with a lot of people who drink, some heavily. I used to be amused by the way drunks behaved, but now I’m just apalled by it. I don’t think of it as trying to be a better person, it’s just less difficult on the body. If it helps me to be a better person, fine. I went to bed around nine. There were fireworks but I’ve slept perfectly well with gunfire literlly directly over my head. Glad you started 09 wiht a clear head, feeling well. Hope 09 is a great year for you.
January 1st, 2009 at 2:50 PM
Usually the worst people for going crazy on 12/31 are the ones that never party and try to make up for never going wild during the year. It ends up being amateur hour, with someone doing things it takes a year to live down. I am like Steve, it’s easier to wake pain-free.
January 1st, 2009 at 3:38 PM
Age is a linear function, but recovery time from a binge is exponential over greater age. Or it sure felt that way, the last time I tried it. I’m not wild about cleaning barf from my shoes while dealing with a hangover the next day much anymore, either.
Call me a stick in the mud – I don’t care. I paid my dues and found it wasn’t worth it.
January 1st, 2009 at 4:32 PM
Fireworks were a lot more fun when they didn’t entail having terrorists from Gaza shooting them at our nursery schools and hospitals.
As far as the Gaza War is concerned, All we did was try to clean up the mess we made in 2005 when we left Hamas in charge of Gaza.
And yet some people have the ignorance to do this!
How can we let this pass?
DoubleTapper
DoubleTapper@gmail.com
DoubleTapper, blogging on Guns Politics Defense from Israel
January 1st, 2009 at 5:08 PM
For these shindigs I always used to end up being the designated driver because I really didn’t like being drunk, so I’d drink maybe one glass of champagne and then coke or coffee the rest of the night. Then I would get to drive my drunken friends home, through the crowd of other drunks. Oh joy. And my friends were the sort who even at sober times you could not get to just shut up and say “good night,” they’d keep you yapping and yapping at the door. Add being drunk and chatty to that. I’m glad I went back to being a misanthrope. Last night I had a bottle of low-alcohol dessert wine and did not wake up with a throbbing head. I recommend avoiding parties to everyone. You’ll just end up talking a bunch of crap with a bunch of people you wouldn’t normally hang out with, and the cops wait on every corner for the safest (i.e., least drunk and therefore least trouble) driver to pull over and breathalyze. Who needs people, I have the internet!
January 1st, 2009 at 6:39 PM
Amen on bachelor parties. Never understood it.
Scherie and I went to a New Years Eve (party?) last night at some friends.
Their (our former) Pastor and his wife dropped in. Another couple from their church was there, and some close friends from out of town. As with most Christian fellowship, much food (pizza, wings, desserts) was consumed. Then we sat around and talked,and played Wii. Wonderful evening.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:05 AM
I don’t do NYE parties anymore. Kids’ll do that to you. But even when I haven’t had them with me, I’ve tended to avoid such gatherings because they’re generally too noisy and too smokey and too much.
However, I did have a wonderful time anyway because I got to spend the evening with a delightful young man and we had fun.
Happy New Year! May 2009 be an amazing year for you.
January 2nd, 2009 at 3:46 PM
The only NYE parties I ever enjoyed were the ones I hosted where we spent the evening playing board games. The parties were so tame that kids weren’t just allowed, but encouraged.
John
January 4th, 2009 at 8:29 AM
Kids, ranging in ages 3 to 60, a bonfire, hotdogs cooked on the open flame, roasted marshmellows and fireworks. Nice, semi-safe fun.
Happy New Year!