PR is my Bag, Baby

Somehow or another I ended up on a bunch of PR mailing lists. I keep deleting the emails and unsubscribing, but today I am tired and I think I’ll just go with it.

Here’s unbelievable news! Tell everyone you know!

While you may not expect film crews on shoe string budgets to be sipping Italian Pomegranate Sodas and noshing on Organic Whole Wheat Penne Rigate, it’s a different story for filmmakers competing in this year’s ELEVATE Film Festival, the film world’s fastest growing festival and the first ever filmmaking competition to challenge the international community to create works of social importance.

To support these filmmakers as they race against the clock to complete their entries for the Sunday, October 5 event at the 7,100 seat Nokia Theatre L.A. LIVE (where they just held the Emmys), organic food brand O Organics has banished the usual, junky film-set, food staples and the stocked the craft services tables with a mix of its delicious, USDA certified organic products. It’s the perfect fuel as the filmmakers complete projects ranging from a new music video for Black Eyed Peas star Apl to a documentary about Iraqi orphan children learning the lyrics to John Lennon’s “Imagine.”

Wow! They’re feeding hippie filmmakers overpriced, pretentious food and teaching Iraqi children atheism! GET ON BOARD!

I don’t understand why anyone would eat organic food. If pesticide kills worms and bugs inside apples, won’t it do the same thing inside me?

Here’s another big announcement, from: DIRECTORATE OF PUBLIC AFFAIRS, HEADQUARTERS, U.S. NORTHERN COMMAND, 250 VANDENBERG, STE B016, PETERSON AFB, CO 80914-3808 PHONE: (719) xxx-6889 DSN: xxx-6889!

PETERSON AIR FORCE BASE, Colo. — For the first time in its existence, U.S. Northern Command is gaining a dedicated force to respond to potential chemical, biological, radiological, nuclear and high-yield explosive (CBRNE) incidents in the homeland.

“We are now building the first of three CBRNE Consequence Management Forces,” said USNORTHCOM Commander Gen. Gene Renuart. “On the first of October, we’ll have an organized force, a trained force, an equipped force, a force that has adequate command and control and is on quick response – 48 hours – to head off to a large-scale nuclear, chemical, biological event that might require Department of Defense support.”

I know you were dying to know what was going on at…let me look again…U.S. NORTHERN COMMAND, at PETERSON AIR FORCE BASE. Ordinarily, I only take orders from General Ripper, over at Burpelson. Even then, I deny him my essence.

When did the military start doing press releases? I thought they relied on bloggers to correct the demented lies of the left. Shouldn’t President Bush be telling us this stuff on TV? Anyway, it’s great news. I guess. I don’t really know. Hooray?

Here’s one, from some guy named Mike:

Join bloggers from around the country in Defending the American Dream!

We would like to extend you an invitation and offer you a Press Pass to the 2nd annual Defending the American Dream Summit sponsored by Americans for Prosperity on Friday October 10th and Saturday October 11th at the Marriott Crystal Gateway Hotel in Arlington, VA.

As a member of the press, you would receive access to the event—which includes free meals—as well as access to the Bloggers’ Row. To obtain your press credential, please e-mail NewMedia@xxx.org

Free meals! Apparently they read up on me before they sent this. But unless the meals are worth about $250 each, I am pretty sure I will take a loss on this trip. It says Ed Meese and George Will are going to be there; I have a feeling about those two; they look like they’d get to the buffet first and hog all the good stuff. And since I have no idea what Americans for Prosperity is, I am not all that inclined to go.

When did I become a member of the press? I don’t recall turning stupid, lazy, liberal, and dishonest. Is someone supposed to be paying me to do this? If so, the system is not working.

I got some kind of cheesy “unsubscribe” email, purportedly from ABC News, but it was sent from lucie-orrecnec@PAGINAS-AMARILLAS.ES. Should I be SUSPICIOUS at all? I know Pajamas Media works out of Barcelona (i.e. some guy at an Internet cafe), but I’m fairly sure ABC is based in New York.

Here’s part of a great release from ITAMedia, regarding the tanning bed they claim Sarah Palin has up in Juneau:

While partisan bloggers and the sun scare industry will use this as an opportunity to undermine Gov. Palin and demonize the indoor tanning industry, the fact is that Governor Palin’s decision to get UV light from a tanning bed positively impacts her health.

“Moderate amounts of indoor tanning allow Governor Palin to experience the many health benefits that come with exposure to UV light,” said Dan Humiston, President of the Indoor Tanning Association and candidate for United States Congress (R-NY27). “Especially in dreary northern locations like Alaska, indoor tanning can help guard against wintertime depression and ward off diseases associated with vitamin D deficiency.”

You know what this means? That nut who did the nude painting of Governor Palin got it right. NO TAN LINES. Can Joe Biden say the same? You can probably get a tan from the blue glow of his bleached teeth. Somebody needs to put a Geiger counter in his mouth. He should go to work for these people. I can already hear his 527 ad: “Hi, I’m Joe Biden, and I’m here to give a PLUG to the tanning industry.”

I can’t believe the tanning industry has its own Congressional candidate. And that it’s not George Hamilton. Shouldn’t John Kerry be in their pocket? Oh, wait. He doesn’t tan. He merely paints himself orange.

Send me more press releases, PR people. This is why I started blogging. Obviously.