New Lesson from Hard Knocks U.

July 17th, 2018

Steps are Treacherous

This morning has been quiet, for a bad reason. My dad is in the hospital.

Yesterday, I took him to the grocery. When we got back, he tried to carry some bags into the house. While I was looking away for a moment, he fell on the steps on front of the house. The back of his head hit the walk, and he started bleeding.

I had him lie still while I looked him over, and then I managed to help him to his feet. If there is one thing harder than caring for an older person who isn’t together any more, it’s caring for one who outweighs you by 40 pounds.

A cloudburst started while he was on the ground, making the process that much harder.

I was afraid he was very badly injured. I took him to the ER, and they admitted him and gave him CT scans. I got home after 2 a.m. I’m not sure of the merits of the nearest hospital. I know ER visits take time, but 7 hours seem like a lot.

I had to tell them to clean him and change his underclothes. That should have been obvious. I also had to ask them to feed him.

It appears that he is not seriously hurt. I’m amazed, because he hit the bricks pretty hard.

Now, of course, I am thinking of the newly revealed holes in my caregiver strategy.

If he goes down again and can’t help me lift him, I am going to have a problem. I may have to use the tractor. I can’t figure out how other people handle this issue. I’m going to look it up.

I just realized I could have shoved an inflatable mattress under him and turned it on.

A tech at the hospital guessed what type of steps we have. Red brick. He said people have accidents on them all the time. I didn’t know this. How on earth could I have guessed? They seem like fine steps to me. Now I’m wondering what I can do to make them safer. I think he needs some sturdy temporary steps laid over them, with a handrail at the side.

I’m Googling, and it appears I can buy a temporary ramp with one handrail. Maybe that’s the thing to do.

He goes for long walks up our street, which has virtually no traffic. It’s a private road. What if he falls down a quarter of a mile away? I have a phone app that tracks him, but it won’t tell me if he falls, and he has trouble making calls.

I’m not sure what to do. I want him to be safe, but let’s face it: he’s going to die soon. Nothing I do can prevent that. And death–even death by accident–is part of life. It’s not an abnormal event that only happens to careless people.

I want him to enjoy himself, so I don’t want to keep him indoors or prevent him from walking, even if there is some risk. It’s better to die taking a pleasant walk near your beautiful farm than in a smelly bedroom where all you do is watch TV.

When you’re a caregiver, you never stop getting surprises. You can’t guess all the bad things that happen to old people, and you won’t automatically take all the right precautions. Does that mean you should opt for assisted living as early as possible? No. You have to think about quality of life, and things have to get pretty bad before being shoved into a senior warehouse becomes the optimal choice.

Maybe 30 years ago, we made one of our only two nursing home visits to his mother. The place smelled like urine and feces. An old lady who had no idea where she was was pushing herself around in a wheelchair with one foot, making noises and looking confused. My dad leaned over and whispered, “If I ever have to go to a place like this, kill me.” He probably still feels that way.

I don’t know what to do to minimize the risk of injury from falling. Should he wear a bike helmet everywhere? He would never go for that.

I wish I were doing a perfect job, but unfortunately, the first time you do this, you learn as you go.

I can’t get the nursing station at the hospital to answer the phone, which is not a big shock after last night. I’m about to throw some clean clothes into the car and see if I can bring him home.

If you have someone who is going to need care in the future, get ready for the unexpected. You can’t protect them perfectly, and when bad things happen that you could have prevented, it won’t necessarily mean you’re irresponsible. You can’t predict the future, and there are no schools that teach people how to look after their parents. You can’t anticipate everything. You do your best and accept what comes.

8 Responses to “New Lesson from Hard Knocks U.”

  1. Mike Says:

    I’m no help. Getting my father in and out of a vehicle was a real chore. My lower back will never be the same. I resorted to calling my friends until I found someone with time that was willing to help me. He out weighed me by a good 30 lbs and could not get up or stand on his own for the last few months of his life. My sister helped as much as she could but she couldn’t begin to lift him on her own. It boiled down to just doing the best we could for him until there was no choice but a skilled nursing facility. That’s another long story but they at least worked in pairs and used all kinds of electronic monitoring in case of slips or falling out of the bed etc.
    Prayers for you both.

  2. Steve in CA Says:

    Get him an emergency alert for around his neck. If he falls, he presses the button and you are contacted or they send an emergency vehicle to him.

  3. Ruth H Says:

    So sorry to hear that. You probably know there are plateaus in people with dementia, so be prepared, he could be worse after this accident.
    If you know a physical therapist or an EMT you might ask for help in learning how to get a larger person up after a fall.
    You are kind and compassionate to your father, I admire that. Some with your background would not be. Christ helps.
    Good luck with the homecoming, and yes, get a ramp, a wide one with a handrail on both sides.

  4. Rick C Says:

    “I can’t figure out how other people handle this issue.”

    A lot of people hurt themselves, actually, and that’s what causes them to realize they aren’t physically capable of taking care of the person any longer because of stuff like this, or what Mike said above.

  5. Tom Says:

    I agree with Ruth.
    Also, even through he may be ok at this time, you should start checking the assisted living facilities available in your area. There may be waiting lists for the better ones. Most are pretty decent now days. It helped a lot when it came time for my father to go into one. My prayers go with you at this time.

  6. Elizabeth Says:

    I have seen a device advertised on the book of faces that provides lifting capability for a person who has fallen on the floor. You assemble the device under the person, and the motor will raise them to a sitting position.

    You will tear yourself apart. This may be the time to start to consider a placement, both for his and your good.

  7. Steve B Says:

    I believe I’ve seen a strap that goes over your shoulder, similar to what movers use to move heavy things like a dryer. You basically strap yourself to the other person and lift them into a wheel chair or to sit on a bed if they fall. Not sure where I saw it though.

  8. Rachel Says:

    You can get a fairly inexpensive Hoyer lift in case of another fall. Works sort of like an engine life and you can find used ones on craigslist, etc. The come manual or electric, depending on how much you want to spend.

    We considered one for my late husband, because once he was down, I had to call the life squad to get him back up. Never got around to it….