Enemies are More Powerful Than Friends

I had the funniest revelation today. I realized I think more about the people I cut out of my life than the people I miss. The satisfaction I get from the absence of jerks greatly outweighs the suffering I feel when I think about people I care for, who are not around.

I guess that makes sense. Pain tends to be sharper and more intense than pleasure. The drive to eliminate pain is much stronger than the drive to obtain pleasure. When an idiot makes you suffer all the time, it’s hard to stop thinking about it. When someone is good to you and brings you happiness, it’s easy to think about other things.

Weird.

I cut the entire population of Dade County loose when I moved, and I feel great about it. I never think, “Wow, it would be great to visit South Beach/go fishing off Miami/have a Cuban sandwich/whatever.” It has been 15 years since I deliberately interacted with anyone I went to high school with. The longer I stay here, the more I hate Miami, and the more I wish I had left sooner! I wish I had never lived there at all. Miami was a curse to me. I’m going to have to go back more than once, and I hate the very thought of it.

There’s a Cuban restaurant near me, and I feel a pain in my stomach every time I see it.

I’m not saying there is no one there I would like to see, but I can count them on the fingers of one hand.

I do not miss my sister. She made me suffer all the time, even when she was not around, and I thank God often for her absence. I pray it continues. She made my dad miserable, and he made his unhappiness my problem, so good riddance.

I don’t miss the pastors of my former churches. They were cult leaders. They thought of me as a rebellious slave. They were not the brightest people on earth. They had no humility. They could not take advice. They wrecked marriages and friendships in order to keep their cults safe from dissent. I hope I never see any of them again.

Many of the people I went to church with were hopeless hypocrites. They were way out on the left. Jesus was the farthest thing from liberal. He hated jealousy, which is the foundation of leftism. He hated sexual sin. He hated homosexuality and abortion. I knew dozens of people who were under the spell of morons like Jesse Jackson and Maxine Waters. They will never grow, and trying to educate them was like trying to forge horseshoes with my face. I have warm feelings for them, but I can do without the frustration.

I had some very disappointing law school friends. To them, I say, “ta ta.” There are a couple of people I would not mind visiting, but I’m thrilled to know I will never see the users again. I cut off a couple of my closest college friends. Dead weight. Buh-bye.

People have limited potential to increase your happiness, but their potential to make you want to die knows no bounds. If you don’t believe that, marry a crazy vindictive woman who is great in bed. Having friends is much less important than getting rid of your enemies. That’s very sad, but it’s a fact.

Jesus spent a lot of time casting out demons and telling people to separate themselves from the world, but we don’t see him arranging marriages or putting friends together.

I’m always disappointed when I learn a person has lots of friends. It tells me they’re in denial. They’re gullible. No one has more than a few friends. If you think the 4000 people who call you “friend” on Facebook love you, you are hopelessly naive. If you have one friend, you’re luckier than most people. If you have five, you’re rich.

I’ll be disappointed if God doesn’t bring more nice people in my life, but what would really hurt would be if he stopped straining out the jerks. May they forget my name and lose my number.