Porch: There is no Substitute

August 4th, 2017

Hola, Amigos

I am back in the land of joy, better known as Miami. I returned from Ocala today, and I am already basking in the rudeness and stupidity. As soon as I hit Palm Beach County, other drivers got nastier and less able.

We closed on the new house today. It’s a done deal. The sellers will stay on for two weeks, and then we take possession. It’s still not entirely real to me.

The property is far nicer than anything I thought possible. It’s secluded, it’s large, it has woods, it has pasture, it has a big ol’ shop building, and it even has a huge sand berm which will be a fine rifle backstop. Sonny’s BBQ is five minutes away, as is Cracker Barrel. Tractor Supply is close. The nearest neighbor is a guy who built a gun ROOM in his garage. Not a safe. A room with a thick steel door. Think he’ll complain about me shooting? I don’t.

The sellers kept giving me stuff. Today they gave us the rockers on the front porch. The house has a huge collection of porches. There’s a front porch with a gazebo on one end. There’s a back porch. The shop has a porch. The pool has a patio, which is sort of a porch. Rockers are a necessity. I’m not sure what rockers cost, but today at Cracker Barrel, I saw they were charging between one and two hundred bucks for one.

My only serious whine right now is that my dad doesn’t share my enthusiasm. He truly hates Miami and can’t wait to move, and he likes Ocala and the house, but he’s not excited about it. He doesn’t have that Charlie-getting-the-keys-to-the-chocolate-factory feeling I have. So I pester my friends via text.

Two years ago he thought Miami was just fine. What happened? God happened. That’s all I can tell you. My dad has changed. He complains about the people. He complains about the traffic. He sounds just like me, only without the joy over the impending move.

It seems like he has slipped a notch over the last week or two. That’s the way these things work. I’m glad we finally got the house bought, because it might have been a very strange process further down the line. I don’t know what his capabilities will be in six months. I’m certainly glad he has been able to participate in the house hunt and get involved with decisions. I wanted a place where he would be happy.

I’m fairly sure I can get us out of here in three weeks. I don’t know how often I’ll have to come back. “Never” would be my choice.

I can’t figure out why the sellers are so nice. I could sell the machinery they sold me for twice what I paid, and they didn’t expect me to pay as much as I did. They came down a lot on the price of the house. The appraiser felt it was underpriced already. Maybe they’re just tired and ready to move.

I hope I got a good deal, but I was not trying to gouge anyone. I just wanted a fair price. Maybe I did better than that. There is no way to be sure.

Next time I go up I’ll try to take pictures and post them.

I’m beat. Time for pizza. I’m so tired I’m willing to eat Papa John’s.

I look forward to blogging from one of the many porches.

8 Responses to “Porch: There is no Substitute”

  1. Monty James Says:


  2. Cliff Says:

    When we sold our last house-but-one my wife was very strong on not pricing it at the top of the market because she liked the couple who were going to live there.

    She was less pleased when she found out that they’d ripped out her baking counter and replaced it with whatever.

    But every time we drive by she is still pleased about who is living there.


  3. Juan Paxety Says:

    Florida is not the world’s barbecue capital, but I’m sure you’ll soon find places better than Sonny’s. It’s the DiGiorno of barbecue.

    Congratulations on your success, however, I’m concerned that a contented you won’t be providing us free entertainment through this site.

  4. Steve H. Says:

    Have you been to Sonny’s lately? I think it’s underrated. The ribs are great, the sauces are excellent, and the banana pudding is surprisingly good.

    I’ll be checking other places, though.

  5. Cliff Says:

    BBQ? I would give Sonny’s a B- for commercial grade. No grading on a curve here!

    I’ve not had good BBQ in FL yet except for the Georgia refugees at the local farmers market.


    PS – Allen and Sons in Hillsboro, NC. That is the bomb.

  6. Steve H. Says:

    Miami has no good barbecue whatsoever. There’s a famous place called Shorty’s, and the meat tastes like kerosene. Frozen fries, too. Myron Mixon opened a place here and talked a lot of smack about it. He was going to be the Miami barbecue king. It’s terrible.

    I used to think Sonny’s was mediocre, but all my experiences over the last few years have been very good. They need to increase the smoke flavor, but it’s real barbecue, and the ribs are tender.

  7. Ruth H Says:

    The only meat I ever had that tasted like kerosene was at the Marathon Hotel in Marathon, Texas. They were very proud of their mesquite grilled steaks. They literally tasted like kerosene, it put me off mesquite smoking for a long time. When I finally tried it again I realized those people must have used kerosene to start a fire, its the only explanation.
    It was fun staying in the old hotel, though.

  8. Chris Says:

    Good news all around–I’m glad you’ll finally be able to get out of Miami.