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BUG OUT!

July 9th, 2017

Moving Strategy Gradually Takes Shape

Plans for my move are progressing. Today’s big step: joining a dementia caregiver forum.

The new house has a crazy-big upstairs, and that’s where I plan to establish my headquarters. The downstairs will be arranged to suit my dad and his needs and pleasures. That means new living room furniture and the largest TV currently known to man.

Because the furniture will be new, I will want it to have the best possible shot at staying clean and undamaged. I don’t want to name the types of contaminants that can get on furniture in situations like this; you can probably figure that out. I realized there were millions of other people dealing with this problem, so instead of reinventing the wheel, I should reach out, via forum, and see what has worked for others.

I am fine with the fact that the downstairs will be maybe…not a prime example of the Martha Stewart ethos. That’s okay. I’m a man, and I am fine in a house with no indoor plants and no wall decorations. I think the best wallpaper is tile. But I want the furniture to be something better than Ikea, and I don’t want people to smell anything when they walk in the front door.

I’m amazed at how God has provided for me. I looked at a ton of properties, so they tend to blend together in my head. I no longer have distinct memories of every room in every house. I have the plans for the new house, and I see that it’s almost as if it were designed for me.

The house has a huge master suite on the ground floor, and it’s beside the kitchen. Problem, right? No. The bedroom is between the kitchen and bathroom, so if anything unfortunate happens in the bathroom, there will be three doors between it and the air of the kitchen. Yes, three. The bathroom has a toilet room with its own door. You walk in the bathroom, close the door, walk into the toilet closet, close the door, and get down to business. That’s civilized compartmentalization.

No matter what happens in that little room, I should be able to kill it by mopping it with bleach two or three times a week. If it damages the walls, so be it. That can be fixed in the future.

The upstairs has a “bonus room” which is…get this…thirty-four feet long. I thought it was more like fifteen by twenty. Big TV which also serves as a monitor, couch, two chairs, exercise bikes, stereo…paradise. And the top of the stairs serves as a choke point for killing zombies as they approach.

Oh, yeah. Are you kidding? Bring that on.

Even with my disgusting packrat habits, clutter should be a thing of the past. I should have ample room for my 93 tons of books. In addition to the bonus room, the downstairs has a study.

I am getting clarity on the workshop dilemma. I have two garages to choose from (attached and detached). I have learned that the attached garage isn’t all that big, so instead of dividing my power tools between buildings, I think the best course is to jam everything in the detached garage. It sort of makes sense. You don’t want to have to walk back and forth between two shops all day, and I don’t want to have to buy a second big compressor.

This would leave the house’s garage empty. What do you put in a garage, if not giant machine tools? Surely not vehicles. That would be asinine.

I can put a second set of house-only tools together and put them in the attached garage, so I don’t have to walk outside every time I need a screwdriver. Then, of course, I’ll need a third set for the upstairs, so I don’t have to walk down the staircase, and then I’ll need a fourth set for my bedroom.

Too much?

I was thinking the bonus room, soon to be known as the Oberbunker, needed a convertible couch, but there will be a couple of vacant bedrooms, so maybe it’s a stupid idea. Convertible couches are heavy and uncomfortable anyway.

Maybe a better name is “Masada West.” How about “The Fortress of Rectitude”?

“Rapture Staging Area.” “Base Camp.”

I know what can go in the garage. The nasty, awful lawnmower. Which probably won’t even have A/C. It really looks like I will have to learn lawn-mowing. Maybe Udacity has a course.

With any luck, I’ll have the hygiene problems solved today or tomorrow. I hope other caregivers can help me with my questions. It will be wonderful to have something resembling a plan.

Guess I’ll pack more books today. More than ever, I regret learning to read.

10 Responses to “BUG OUT!”

  1. Sharkman Says:

    Steve’s Armory, Apocalypse Redoubt, Fine Dining and Liquor Emporium.

  2. Juan Paxety Says:

    Upper room?

  3. Steve H. Says:

    Too funny.

  4. Monty James Says:

    Here’s a couple of verses to add to this classic from 1950:

    The Bug Out Ballad (Moving On)

    Gonna leave Miami just as soon as I pack
    Don’t look for me, I won’t be back
    I’m moving on; I’ll soon be gone
    I’m taking the tools, and leaving the fools,
    I’m moving on.

    Got northern Florida on my mind
    I’m leaving that voodoo town behind
    I’m moving on; I’ll soon be gone
    Stepping on the gas, lookout when I pass,
    I’m moving on.

  5. Monty James Says:

    Sorry, forgot the end tag on the link.

  6. Ruth H Says:

    Leather? I don’t know how it reacts to urine, but after cleaning out an uncle’s house I know you do not want any kind of cloth. Maybe vinyl would be even better.

    I’ve had a leather couch for almost 20 years and it still looks new. But it has had no unfortunate accidents happen to it. I don’t think it absorbs water, I really don’t know, I don’t think vinyl does either, but esthetics might outlaw that. (If the old man is as picky as his son, that is.) Just saying.

    The most common problem will probably be spilling, leaking and falling. After Dick fell and hit his head on a side table causing a concussion I would also say try to find tables with soft edges, or at least very rounded edges, No, I haven’t changed out anything but we hope he doesn’t have dementia. Or that I do, for that matter.

    I’m sure everyone has said, no rugs, etc. I have rugs, I have wood floors throughout but rugs are just pretty and comforting and I don’t stumble on them.

    I looked up leather cleaning and found this, which reminded me I haven’t really done much to ours lately.
    http://www.naturalhandyman.com/iip/inffurniture/infleatherfurniturecare.html

    Good luck on the move and finding a forum that will help you care for your father in the future. Caregivers are angels. Get help when you need it. Most of them are fine people.

  7. Steve H. Says:

    Thanks, Monty. Interesting lyrics at that link.

    Ruth, I’m sure you’re not demented. I’m so sure, I’d give you odds of seven to five.

  8. Og Says:

    There is a whole industry devoted to machine washable stain resistant covers for furniture, to protect it from cat and dog pee, and more unsavory stuff. It’s not as attractive as it might be, but it’s more comfortable than filling a house full of emeco chairs.

    http://www.touchofclass.com/ultimate-pet-furniture-sofa-cover-sofa/p/A937-001/?code=ZMF01&color=Chocolate&size=Sofa&gclid=Cj0KEQjwy4zLBRCOg6-4h6vs3cUBEiQAN-yzfqquXzxqRA4WFxLQNmC7tF-DciM0CbXuThGlZgTTK2waAgi68P8HAQ

  9. Monty James Says:

    Didn’t read too careful when I posted that link
    A language warning would have been a good thing
    A faux pas I dread; my face is red
    An apology to you from me
    My face is red.

    I quickly scanned the search results trying to find the original “Bug Out Boogie” from the Korean War, with music, and didn’t pay close attention to the last couple of verses. My fault, please forgive me.

  10. Steve H. Says:

    I have removed the link, so now you have plausible deniability.