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That was a WIN?

Thursday, October 2nd, 2008

More Confused Than Ever

I am going to have to quit watching debates.

Last time, John McCain chewed Obama up and spit him out. Obama lost his composure. He couldn’t land a glove on McCain, and McCain yanked his chain all night. Obama got so angry he blanched over and over again, actually turning grey on camera. He came off as petulant, ignorant, arrogant, spoiled, and immature. And by a slim margin, people thought he won the debate!

This time, Sarah Palin was clearly unprepared. She’s a busy governor. She had five weeks to learn things Biden and Obama and McCain have been studying for years. She also had to maintain a grueling campaign schedule. I’m sure she crammed hard, but let’s face it. Random governors, even smart ones, given five weeks to prepare to debate seasoned Presidential candidates are always going to have problems. We know from her past debates that she has formidable skills, but she didn’t really have a chance to show them tonight. She repeated herself a lot, she wandered off topic so she could find things she felt safe talking about, and she added a lot of filler. And she was light on facts.

And people are acting like she won. Even liberal journalists are complimenting her.

I’ll take it. No complaints here.

Maybe my problem is that I’m fairly smart, and I can actually tell who won a debate. That could be it. Maybe 85% of Americans only care about who seems more likeable.

I give Biden credit. I thought he was a complete fool before the debate, and by the time it was over with, I liked him so much I felt sorry for him for somehow winding up a Democrat and therefore wrong on every issue. He didn’t impress me as a brain, but he seems more sane than I thought, and maybe less of an ambitious and soulless creep than Obama. Maybe age has mellowed him. Or maybe I’m wrong. On IM, someone is telling me Biden has already been caught in a bunch of horrendous lies.

The journalists even liked it when Sarah winked. I thought that was a huge mistake on her part. It seemed contrived. But the public is not bright, and journalists are notoriously dim, and no one seemed to mind.

Ifill did fine. At least I was right about that. She still should have turned down the job. Her willingness to take it proves she has no understanding of basic ethical principles.

I can’t understand it, but if this is what makes the public happy, who am I to complain? Maybe this is exactly what it takes to please swing voters.

Maybe John McCain was smarter than I realized, picking someone who knew how to do well in beauty pageants.

Ifill’s Folly

Thursday, October 2nd, 2008

Debate Overshadowed by Mickey Mouse Ethics

Here is my prediction on the Ifill thing.

First of all, what she’s doing is one hundred percent unethical. Gwen Ifill has written a book about “post-Obama” politics, and it will not be released until the inauguration. Obviously, if he loses, no one will buy the book. It would be somewhat unethical to moderate the debate if she were known to be an Obama supporter, and it would be worse if she had written a favorable book about him. But the situation we have before us is worse. She has written a book which will fail if he loses. There would be a conflict of interest if she merely hoped he would win. The actual conflict is much, much worse, because her own success depends on his.

Second thing: I think she’ll be pretty fair. I thought she was reasonably fair the last time she moderated a debate. If she has tried to be fair in the past, she will probably try tonight.

You have to be a little bit of a lawyer to understand what I’m saying. The conflict of interest is huge, and it’s unquestionably highly unethical for her to moderate the debate. At the same time, my best guess is that she will try hard to overcome her bias.

A lawyer could never get away with what Ifill is doing. Well, okay. I’m pretending bar associations do their jobs. THEORETICALLY, a lawyer could never get away with it.

A McCain shill appeared on Fox just now and pointed out that Sarah Palin’s interviews were cut down very heavily. The interviews took hours, but we didn’t get hours of footage. Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric almost certainly used the least flattering material they had. Even Man O’ War lost when he was boxed in. Tonight, Sarah Palin will be able to run, unless Gwen Ifill has lost her mind. And Governor Palin has a wonderful debating style. And Joe Biden…I’ll say it politely…does not. So maybe we’re in for a good night.

Join me in praying that she does great, and that Ifill is fair, and that Biden does a terrible job. We can’t afford to have a hardcore socialist in the White House when our finances are shaky. Obama’s creaky, ancient, discredited ideas could drive us into a depression, and I think we can also count on him to sell the Jews to the Muslims. He has already expressed a willingness to divide Jerusalem up.

There is a Walrus in my Trailer

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

Somebody’s Ass is Gonna be in his Briefcase

Wilford Brimley wants you to check your blood sugar. ‘Cause it’s the right thing to do.

Biden = Moose in the Headlights

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

I Hope

Is this what we have to look forward to on Friday? I sure hope so.

Swing voters are too dumb to understand issues. They are about as bright as flatworms. I think they may actually have notochords. But they respect confidence and honesty. They’ll actually vote for strong people they like, even when it seems improbable because of the candidates’ positions. I cite Ronald Reagan. Sarah Palin has that same magic. I hope she can work it in spite of Gwen Ifill, who is moderating the debate even though her upcoming book will tank if Obama loses the election.

Consider me Your Surrogate

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

PR is my Bag, Baby

Somehow or another I ended up on a bunch of PR mailing lists. I keep deleting the emails and unsubscribing, but today I am tired and I think I’ll just go with it.

Here’s unbelievable news! Tell everyone you know!

While you may not expect film crews on shoe string budgets to be sipping Italian Pomegranate Sodas and noshing on Organic Whole Wheat Penne Rigate, it’s a different story for filmmakers competing in this year’s ELEVATE Film Festival, the film world’s fastest growing festival and the first ever filmmaking competition to challenge the international community to create works of social importance.

To support these filmmakers as they race against the clock to complete their entries for the Sunday, October 5 event at the 7,100 seat Nokia Theatre L.A. LIVE (where they just held the Emmys), organic food brand O Organics has banished the usual, junky film-set, food staples and the stocked the craft services tables with a mix of its delicious, USDA certified organic products. It’s the perfect fuel as the filmmakers complete projects ranging from a new music video for Black Eyed Peas star Apl to a documentary about Iraqi orphan children learning the lyrics to John Lennon’s “Imagine.”

Wow! They’re feeding hippie filmmakers overpriced, pretentious food and teaching Iraqi children atheism! GET ON BOARD!

I don’t understand why anyone would eat organic food. If pesticide kills worms and bugs inside apples, won’t it do the same thing inside me?

Here’s another big announcement, from: DIRECTORATE OF PUBLIC AFFAIRS, HEADQUARTERS, U.S. NORTHERN COMMAND, 250 VANDENBERG, STE B016, PETERSON AFB, CO 80914-3808 PHONE: (719) xxx-6889 DSN: xxx-6889!

PETERSON AIR FORCE BASE, Colo. — For the first time in its existence, U.S. Northern Command is gaining a dedicated force to respond to potential chemical, biological, radiological, nuclear and high-yield explosive (CBRNE) incidents in the homeland.

“We are now building the first of three CBRNE Consequence Management Forces,” said USNORTHCOM Commander Gen. Gene Renuart. “On the first of October, we’ll have an organized force, a trained force, an equipped force, a force that has adequate command and control and is on quick response – 48 hours – to head off to a large-scale nuclear, chemical, biological event that might require Department of Defense support.”

I know you were dying to know what was going on at…let me look again…U.S. NORTHERN COMMAND, at PETERSON AIR FORCE BASE. Ordinarily, I only take orders from General Ripper, over at Burpelson. Even then, I deny him my essence.

When did the military start doing press releases? I thought they relied on bloggers to correct the demented lies of the left. Shouldn’t President Bush be telling us this stuff on TV? Anyway, it’s great news. I guess. I don’t really know. Hooray?

Here’s one, from some guy named Mike:

Join bloggers from around the country in Defending the American Dream!

We would like to extend you an invitation and offer you a Press Pass to the 2nd annual Defending the American Dream Summit sponsored by Americans for Prosperity on Friday October 10th and Saturday October 11th at the Marriott Crystal Gateway Hotel in Arlington, VA.

As a member of the press, you would receive access to the event—which includes free meals—as well as access to the Bloggers’ Row. To obtain your press credential, please e-mail NewMedia@xxx.org

Free meals! Apparently they read up on me before they sent this. But unless the meals are worth about $250 each, I am pretty sure I will take a loss on this trip. It says Ed Meese and George Will are going to be there; I have a feeling about those two; they look like they’d get to the buffet first and hog all the good stuff. And since I have no idea what Americans for Prosperity is, I am not all that inclined to go.

When did I become a member of the press? I don’t recall turning stupid, lazy, liberal, and dishonest. Is someone supposed to be paying me to do this? If so, the system is not working.

I got some kind of cheesy “unsubscribe” email, purportedly from ABC News, but it was sent from lucie-orrecnec@PAGINAS-AMARILLAS.ES. Should I be SUSPICIOUS at all? I know Pajamas Media works out of Barcelona (i.e. some guy at an Internet cafe), but I’m fairly sure ABC is based in New York.

Here’s part of a great release from ITAMedia, regarding the tanning bed they claim Sarah Palin has up in Juneau:

While partisan bloggers and the sun scare industry will use this as an opportunity to undermine Gov. Palin and demonize the indoor tanning industry, the fact is that Governor Palin’s decision to get UV light from a tanning bed positively impacts her health.

“Moderate amounts of indoor tanning allow Governor Palin to experience the many health benefits that come with exposure to UV light,” said Dan Humiston, President of the Indoor Tanning Association and candidate for United States Congress (R-NY27). “Especially in dreary northern locations like Alaska, indoor tanning can help guard against wintertime depression and ward off diseases associated with vitamin D deficiency.”

You know what this means? That nut who did the nude painting of Governor Palin got it right. NO TAN LINES. Can Joe Biden say the same? You can probably get a tan from the blue glow of his bleached teeth. Somebody needs to put a Geiger counter in his mouth. He should go to work for these people. I can already hear his 527 ad: “Hi, I’m Joe Biden, and I’m here to give a PLUG to the tanning industry.”

I can’t believe the tanning industry has its own Congressional candidate. And that it’s not George Hamilton. Shouldn’t John Kerry be in their pocket? Oh, wait. He doesn’t tan. He merely paints himself orange.

Send me more press releases, PR people. This is why I started blogging. Obviously.


Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

They can Take my Freedom, but They’ll Never Get my Cheese Tots

I was not entirely pessimistic about the economic crisis until I got an email from John McCain’s campaign, in which he said this:

If we do nothing, many businesses may fail. Sonic Corporation, a drive-in restaurant chain based in Oklahoma, learned on Thursday that one of its lenders, GE Capital, had stopped extending new loans to the chain’s franchisees. That will block plans to rebuild restaurants, add equipment and open new locations.


Not Sonic! This can’t be happening! Have you BEEN to Sonic? It’s exactly the kind of drive-in I would design! Foot-long hot dogs! Huge, sugary slush drinks! Cheese tots! Grease, grease, GREASE!

If we can’t build more Sonics, I might as well give up and move to China.

Mmm…egg rolls.

Kinnock on the Half Shell

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

I Can Plagiarize, Too

I was upset because some boob created a nude painting of Sarah Palin, while neglecting poor old Joe Biden.



Again, I Prove no One in Miami Can do Anything Right

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

I See a Book in This

I had to drive out to various stores to try to save my lime tree, and of course, I got virtually no useful input and no helpful products. But while I was out there, I had Rush Limbaugh on the radio, and I heard some amusing things.

It looks like Rush has finally discovered blogs. My guess? Laziness has struck. The MSM steals from blogs all the time and fails to give credit. At least Rush tried. He mentioned Glenn Reynolds and referred to him as the owner of a blog called…Little Green Footballs! That gave me a laugh. It’s not that far from the truth, given PJM’s incestuous contortions. Then he mentioned Wizbang and managed to get the name of the proprietor right.

He’ll never mention me, no matter what I write. Not if he has any idea that I lampooned him at Huffington’s Toast and in one of my books. The man is not known for his ability to laugh at himself. Oh, well.

Interesting item: World Vision is having an international day of prayer tomorrow. I read that, and I figured it must be part of a bigger effort involving other organizations, but it’s not. It’s weird. There are a bunch of different International Days of Prayer. Anyway, thought you might want to know.

Leah Friedman is recovering from surgery, and apparently she’ll be in pain for about a month. Mish Weiss is starting her bone marrow transplant procedures. If you want to warm up for the day of prayer, that information may be helpful.

Obama Kisses the Canvas

Friday, September 26th, 2008

Are Voters Smart Enough to Notice?

Not only did McCain win tonight’s debate; he managed to convince me he could actually be a good President. I hate to say it, because he irritated me with his disloyalty in the past, and McCain-Feingold was just plain stupid. But he was magnificent.

He turned Obama’s strategy against him. Obama knew McCain was a hothead, so he planned to make him angry. He couldn’t do it, but McCain made him furious. In nearly every answer, McCain managed to toss Obama a grenade, and they all blew up. I loved the shots of Obama, fuming and sweating as McCain talked. He actually turned grey when McCain made him mad, so it was obvious when McCain got his goat.

The TV heads are saying there was no embarrassing soundbite for Obama; they apparently didn’t hear him squeal, “I, too, have a bracelet!” And as for McCain zingers, who will ever forget, “I don’t even have a seal, yet”?

Obama tried to make eye contact with McCain in order to annoy him, but McCain was all business, looking down at his podium and smiling as he wrote notes. That’s self-discipline. Something ex-military men have and community organizers don’t. After a while, Obama looked silly, continuing to work the tactic long after it was obviously that it wasn’t succeeding.

Here’s the thing no one seems to be saying: tonight a guy who graduated very close to the bottom of his class at the Naval Academy out-talked a Harvard lawyer. As an attorney, I can tell you, Obama was horrible. Debating is persuasive speech; it’s what lawyers do. Obama should be a champ. But McCain batted him around like a shuttlecock. McCain made Obama fight McCain’s fight.

I have to say, McCain is very sharp for his age. He was quicker and more focused than Obama.

I don’t know if the public will think McCain won. Swing voters are truly stupid. They might vote for Obama because they liked his tie. But I think he did great.

“I, Too, Have a Bracelet”

Friday, September 26th, 2008

“Teleprompter! HELLLLP!”

I did not realize what a truly foolish and arrogant person Obama was until tonight. McCain is pushing his buttons effortlessly, and Obama is clearly infuriated, because it has probably been five years since anyone had the sand to contradict The One to his face.

MAN, this is good. I hate debates, but I’m glad I watched this one.


This is weird. Obama turns grey when he gets mad. Which is like every two minutes.

Another money quote: “I don’t even have a seal yet.”

Go home, Barack. You are not helping yourself. I can’t believe you insisted on having this debate tonight.

BREAKING NEWS: McCain Finds Debate Pinch-Hitter

Friday, September 26th, 2008

Go Look

Come on, pretend I fooled you. It’s worth it.

Alcee Who?

Thursday, September 25th, 2008

Palin Alleged to Shoot Joose as Well as Moose

People are asking about Alcee Hastings, the Florida Congressman who says Sarah Palin will treat Jews and blacks like the moose she shoots and butchers. Never mind the increasing anti-Semitism of the left. Never mind the fervent support conservative Christians give the Jews and Israel. Never mind the praise Jewish leaders have heaped on Palin.

Hastings is an impeached federal judge. It’s very tough for a federal judge to get in trouble of any kind, but Hastings managed to offend Congress so badly they pulled his ticket. He was impeached for bribery, but he was acquitted in his criminal trial. He turned around and ran for office and won. He’s like the Al Sharpton of judges.

Clinton Aide/Obama Advisor at Root of Financial Crisis

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

Wake up, Mainstream Media

How come we hear so little about the fact that Democrats are primarily responsible for the financial crisis which is weakening our country? Ignorant voters tend to respond to economic problems by swinging left. They need to know that swinging left is the main cause of this debacle.

Funny, because over the past 8 years, those who tried to fix Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac — the trigger for today’s widespread global financial meltdown — were stymied repeatedly by congressional Democrats.

More here.

Socialism is a dangerous remedy. It exacerbates the problems it purports to cure. So you get more socialism. Then more problems. Eventually, your economy tanks. By then, you may have lost so much freedom, it’s impossible to fix things by restoring capitalism.

Franklin Raines…Franklin Raines…Franklin Raines. That should be our mantra until election day.

Is it Just Me, Or…

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

…Are These Guys Sharing a Bottle of L’Oreal?


Loser & Associates

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

Saga of a Failed Jedi Mind Trick

I’ll tell you something crazy. There are blogs I don’t read, just because their names turn me off. I can’t explain it. It’s no reflection on the blogs. It’s just one of my quirks.

One example: The Jawa Report. When I see that name, a little voice from down in my brainstem says, “STAR WARS NERDS: AVOID.” Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, I picture an adult male who owns an Ewok suit.

But today I went to The Jawa Report anyway, because Sondra linked to it. There’s a pretty wild piece of Citizen Journalism there. If the piece is correct, some goof from a famous PR firm–Winner & Associates–has been posting illegal videos to harm Sarah Palin, and he wasn’t even smart enough to use a fake email address. And Kos and DU helped.

This ranks right up there with the Dan Rather phony memo thing, but it’s more complex. Get a fresh mug of coffee and turn off your phone’s ringer before you read it.

What is it with Sarah Palin? Why do people hate her so much? I shudder to say this, but PDS makes BDS seem insignificant. It’s like I keep saying: Obama is running against Palin, not McCain. She scares the hell out of the opposition.

It’s just an ELECTION, people. She’s not Darth Palin, to refer to Star Wars yet again. She’s not orbiting the earth in a Death Snow Machine, preparing to shoot abortion providers from space with her moose rifle. Get a grip, liberals. If Joe Biden disturbed me as much as Sarah Palin disturbs you, I’d be shopping for a suicide belt. I admit, I’ve entertained the thought of suicide while listening to him speak, but that’s different.

She’s not even running for President. Let’s be real, here. If McCain wins, she’ll spend the next eight years flying to funerals and hiding from terrorists in various undisclosed locations. You act like she was going to drive around the country, holding liberals down and forcing them to eat meat and carry their children to term. Why are you so edgy? Is there a marijuana shortage I haven’t heard about?

I’m feeling dehumanized, here. As a conservative, I mean. How about the rest of you? Anyone feel demonized? Look how they hate us. This is how the left treats people about ten years before they take over and the firing squads assemble. What’s next? Kristallnacht II, sponsored by Apple and Birkenstock? Thank God I live in Florida and I still have time to buy a rural compound. I better get started, sewing yellow crosses on all my T-shirts.

I congratulate…the Jawa person (?)…on this wonderful blog post. This is the kind of thing that nearly justifies the existence of the Blogosphere.