On Saturday, I had a rare pleasure. I went to a movie about politics and social issues, and I didn’t have to cringe once. I didn’t have to watch American soldiers rape foreign women or use Indians for target practice. I didn’t have to watch fictional CEOs poison people in exchange for nominal increases in their profits. No gays or transgenders or [insert tedious all-inclusive phrase here] were beaten up by jocks. There were no unrealistic nuclear accidents caused by greed and laziness. And I didn’t see Christians portrayed as narrow-minded, unempathetic, self-righteous fanatics who mistreat other people in misguided attempts to please God.
Oh, wait. Actually, that last sentence is wrong. I did see some pretty nasty Christians. The movie was An American Carol, and there was a scene in which Little Satan Bill O’Reilly tormented a fat girl named Rosie O’Connell for creating a documentary dramatizing the many crimes of terrorist nuns and priests. You know their tricks. Exploding bingo markers. Radioactive rosary beads. Votive candles full of black powder and nails.
I guess you’ll want a review. I’ll give you the basics right now. It was broad comedy, and the slapstick accusations are correct. It wasn’t the finest movie I’ve ever seen. Come on; what did you expect? This is the Hot Shots/Naked Gun crew. But it was funny, and I enjoyed it, and I pray it will be the beginning of a whole new anti-socialist-kook backlash in entertainment.
The Christian-terrorist scenes were wonderful. They showed a nun blowing herself up on a bus, and a couple of priests entering a jet cockpit and beating the flight crew senseless with a switchblade cross. Why is that wonderful? Because the scenes were written by THREE HOLLYWOOD JEWS. David Zucker is the ringleader, and the movie also credits Myrna Sokoloff and Lewis Friedman. Yes, I’m assuming they’re Jewish because of their names. That’s okay; Jimmy Carter did it when he kept Jews out of his “peace” organization.
Do you understand what a remarkable thing this is? Three Jews sat down and tried to come up with a way to defend Christianity in a major film. That probably hasn’t happened since Ben Hur. What a day this is! There is a major charity dedicated to bringing Jews and Christians together and channeling Christian money to Jews in need. Christian ministers are being excoriated in the press for supporting Israel too fervently. And now we have secular Hollywood Jews, working actively to defend us!
The movie only took in $3.8 million this weekend, but I don’t think that’s a big deal. It was clearly filmed on a low budget, so they probably don’t have to make a fortune in order to break even. And it wasn’t advertised heavily, and it wasn’t screened for critics (who are overwhelmingly liberal), and the critics who have managed to review it have been nearly as venomous, dishonest, and unfair as the critics who have reviewed Sarah Palin. Give it time; I doubt it will do so badly it will scare Tinseltown away from conservative movies forever.
Conservative filmmakers should probably make a point of keeping budgets low. First of all, money isn’t what makes movies good. It just makes them flashy. Second, low budgets mean lower break-even points plus the possibility of funding more films from the same limited pile of investment money, and third, conservatives are supposed to be more responsible than liberals. Wasting money isn’t the conservative way! Ask John McCain.
If Zucker and the Friends of Abe are serious about making a dent in the entertainment industry, they need to make some effort to organize and recruit. An American Carol had a cast worthy of a major Hollywood epic. Performers are available. I think they need to work harder on the other parts of filmmaking. They need to find good cinematographers, writers, and directors. The stars aren’t going to look good unless they have strong people behind them.
Conservatives need to form their own businesses. We need conservative talent agencies and literary agencies. A conservative network that isn’t a news channel. Working from within the liberal-dominated infrastructure will be difficult and slow. If we’re going to do this, we shouldn’t screw around. There is no point in trying to hide now. The cat is out of the bag. It’s time to sink or swim. If the American Carol folks are brave enough to provoke the jihadists (unlike the gutless Hollywood establishment), they should be brave enough to reach out, openly, to try to find and organize talent.
Go see the movie. If you don’t feel like sitting through it, buy a ticket and throw it out. Show the establishment punks they can’t keep us down. Maybe this will be the start of something wonderful.